Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 November 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokeleta that Are Supposed tv Have Been Recently Born-Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable. r Sprinkles of Spice. If does not follow that a man with a husky voice is a corn doctor.—Utica Observer. < It is easy to understand why another man should not mind abuse. — Atchison Globe. Parent—What branch will make a boy the smartest? Pedagogue— Hickory.—Truth. Keep a close eye on the man whose wife is afraid to ask him for money.—Ram’s Horn. It is an odd fact that the duty of most missionaries is to go to the bad. —Philadelphia Record. When the judge pronounces sentence the criminal is apt not to think much of his pronunciation—Binghamton Leader. All sorts of vexations attend the parlor matrimonial match. Even the lamp is frequently put out over it.—Binghamton Leader. The “big guns” at the banquet are those who are tired with eloquence so as to produce reports in the newspapers.—Washington Star. “The trouble with Stunner is he runs his jokes too far.” Jasper—l suppose that is why they always seem so worn out.—Chicago Inter Ocean. The next thing a long-suffering public learns will be the fact that gas companies are putting pneumatic tires on their gas meters. Ohio State Journal. “Did you ever see Charley Timmin’s four-in-hand?” she asked. “Yes,” he answered, sadly, “I saw them last night. They were all aces. ” —Washington Star. “This is the most dangerous counterfeit I ever came across,” remarked the actor, as he felt the lath-and-canvas bridge giving way under his feet.—lndianapolis Journal. Visitor—“ Your son is in a drug store, I believe?” Old Lady—“ Yes, studying fizzleology.” Visitor—“l beg pardon?” Old Lady—“He runs the soda fountain.’’—Detroit Free Press. She—“ Must you gc soon, darling? It is only 10 o’clock, and father won’t object if you staid until 12.” He—- “ Time, my own. But that only gives me two hours in which to say goodnight.”—Life. “I suppose you visited some of the most famous galleries when you were abroad?” Mrs. Quickrich —“Yes, an’ here is some tin-types me an’*Ezra had took at one of’em.”—Chicago Inter Ocean. Shallow—“ Why, just read that sign—‘Dental Parlors.’ Isn’t it absurd to call a dental room a parlor?” DeCpe—“lt is probably the painter’s mistake. He meant drawing-room.” —Boston Courier.

“Doctor,” asked the seeker after knowledge of the clergyman, “why do people get on their knees to pray, instead of standing?” “They want to save their soles,” responded the clever minister.—Brooklyn Life. “I fell into the pond to-day, and it was up to my neck,” said Walter. “Nonsense," said Jack, “the water in the pond isn’t more than a foot deep.” “Oh, but I went in bead first,” said Walter.—Harper’s Young People. “What’s the charge in this case?” asked the judge. “That’s what I’m waitin’ to find out, yer ’onn’r,” replied the prisoner. “I had the satisfaction of bittin’, ’im,’ and I’m willin’ to pay any price that’s in reason. ” Washington Star. < Trying to please: Wife (in railway train) —It’s mortifying to have you act so. Why don’t you get up and help that young lady raise that window? Dutiful Husband—She’sso pretty I was afraid you’d be mad.— New York Weekly. Mr. Twinks (bolding wishbone) — What jer wishin’ fo’, Car’lin’? Miss Clumpah—"Taint right fer ter tell, but I wants a sealskin sack pow’ful bad. Whad’s yo’ wishin’ fer? Mr. Twinks —I’se jes’ wisbin’ d’ bone’ll brek on yo’ side ob d’ handles!— Judge. Teacher (who has been explaining the word epidemic)—Now, who can give me the name of an epidemic here in America? Remember, it is something that spreads Tommy (wildly waving his hand) —I know; it’s strawberry jam.—Chicago Inter Ocean. Employer—See here, Mr. Penn, this is the fourth time in three months I have given you a day off to attend your sister’s wedding. Don’t you think you ought to find a new excuse? Bookkeeper—But I have been telling the truth. Sister lives in Chjcago.—lndianapolis Journal.