Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 November 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. JolMa and Jokelets that Ara Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable. Some Sharp Sayings. The manicure motto is, cash on the nail.—Binghamton Leader. Cadmus was the first postman. He brought letters to Greece.—Boston Transcript. The man with plenty of fat mortgages lives on the lien of the land.— Dallas News. isn’t the flighty poet who is responsible for all the fugitive verses. —Boston Courier. “She’s a very upright young lady.” “Yes, but she’s bent on matrimony.” Philadelphia Record. If any young man wantfl to find out what the wild waves are saying let him go to sea.—Picayune. A big man groans most when he gets sick because there is more of him to suffer.—Atchison Globe. “Time is money, ” remarked Blobbs as he deposited his watch in a jack-pot.-‘-Philadelphia Record. Many a wise man has picked up a good suggestion where some fool dropped it.—Galveston News. This country might bestow on one of its cowboy versifiers the title of poet-lariat—Washington Star. After all, the best amateur actor is the one who pretends to enjoy a piano recital.—Elmira Gazette. “Well, I’ll be kicked,” as the foot ball said when it heart} that the college had opened.—Buffalo Express. When one buys an electrical publication he wants to be sure that it is the current issue.—Rochester Post. “Anything new on foot?” “Yes.” “What is it?” “Our baby. He’s just learned to walk.”—Lawrence American.

When a man is doing well he imagines that be could better if he could move and pay more rent, —Atchison Globe. “Is he quick-tempered?” "Quicktempered? Why, his temper breaks three records every day.”—Buffalo Express. Some restaurant table-cloths are like a country fair; they display a litfle of everything,—Binghamton Republican. How soon the millennium would come if the good things people intend to do to-morrow were only done to-day.—Ram’s Horn. When a man finally does give up and cries, he looks so much Jike a drunken man that he gets no sympathy.—Atchison Globe. When a man can’t find his shirt button of a Sunday morning his wife is apt to have trouble with his choler. —Binghamton Republican. Bride No. 2—“ No other woman ever wore this ring, did sjie, darling?” Widower—“No woman op\ eaftti ever had it on. ” —Jeweler’s Weekly. “I see villain in your face, ” saida judge to a prisoner. “May it please your Honor,” said the latter, “that is a personal reflection.”—Tid-Bits. “I only got a nominal fee in that case,” said Brief. “So the plaintiff said. He said your charges were phenomenal.”—Black and White. Good minister —Do you like to go to church, my* boy? Good boy—Yes, sir, but I’d like it better if they didn’t sing such tired tunes—Good News.

“Named your boy John after yourself, Mr. Barrows?” “No, Mrs. Tomson. We have named him James after a prolonged family row.” —Harper's Bazar. “It Is dreadful, Maria, that you always will have the last word." “Please, ma’am, how am I to know that you have nothing more to say?” —German paper. Visitor—“ls this an old homestead or a modern imitation of antiquity?” Tenant—“Oh, it's new—brand new. The roof leaks in forty places.”—New York Weekly. Mrs. Hogan—“Fwat seem to be the matter wit’ Danny?” Mrs. Grogan—“He’s a-sufferin’ from swat the story books call unrequested love, poor boy. ” —lndianapolis Journal. It doesn’t make out a case against Uncle Sam of wanting politeness that in the war of the revolution he didn’t say to England, “Excuse the liberty I take.”—Philadelphia Times. Went the Whole Bill. —“What’s this card in your pocket, John?” asked his wife. “What? Oh, before I went to lunch that was a bill of fare. Now it’s my table Of contents.” —Life’s-Calendar.

“There goes Prof. Pogglethorpe. He’s One of the most consistent men of the day.” “Indeed?” “Yes; for instance, when he wants to brood he goes and sits in the chicken house.”— Philadelphia Record. Neighbor—“ And so you have a’ little baby at your house?” Is it a boy or a girl?” Little Boy—“Mamma thinks it’s a boy, but I guess it’ll turn out a girl. It’s always crying ’bout nothin’."—Pittsburg Press. They had been discussing the pronunciation of “oleomargarine,” and finally agreed to leave it to the waiter, but he hedged. “Sure, ” said he, “I have to pronounce it butter or lose my job.”—lndianapolis Journal. “So our old school friend is practicing law,” _saiji_,tbe man Who was visiting his native town. “Yep.” “Is he a criminal lawyer?” “Well, I don’t know as you could call him that. He’s managed to keep from gettin’ arrested so far.”—Washington Star.