Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 44, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 November 1892 — A Salesman's Regret. [ARTICLE]

A Salesman's Regret.

“I see that some distinguished anthropologist has figured out that Adam was 128 feet tall,” said Dick Godwin, a cloth salesman, to a GlobeDemocrat reporter. “I am sorry the old man is dead. I would like to sell him a car load of cloth for a pair of trousers. Eve, accoruing to this believer in Edenic Brobdignaggians, was 118 feet from her dainty pink toes to the top fluff of her blonoe bangs. And this pair of gigantic epicures divided an apple between them! It were equal to Mrs. Parvenue making two bites of a cherry. Eve’s neck must have been at least six feet long, and her mouth an opening of a linear yaru! She could carry a Saratoga trunk in each cheek with as much ease as her degenerate daughters transport a wad of spruce gum. Think of poor Adam trying to fill that mouth with caramels at $1 a | pound. The precious pair must have stripped every fig tree in Paradise to make them aprons. But I am inclined to believe that the industrious theory builder is mistaken. Our first parents were far more likely to have oeen pigmies than giants. Instead of man degenerating physically he is steadily improving. Reverse the process of reasoning by which the conclusion is reached that Adam was 128 feet tall —apply the true theory of progression instead of the false one of retrogression—and we have for our primal progenitor a gentleman who might, without removing his tall hat, walk beneath the huge legs of the late Tom Thumtx”