Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 November 1892 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MED OF THE PRESS. Kujf Odd, Carlow, and LaagbaM, Phase* of Human Nature Graphical]] Portrayed by Eminent Worn Artist* o Our Own Day. Some Sharp Saying*. “Wokkin’ now, Pete?” “Naw, I got a job in de city halL”-—Buffalo Express. The bunco man is not fastidious. He lives on the simplest things he can find.—Elmira Gazette. “What a little 1 it of a thing youi baby sister is!” “Yes’m; it’s a con- . densed milk baby.”—Good News. Miss Oldun—Johnnie, name the four seasons. Johnnie—Pepper,vinegar, salt and mustard.—Brooklyn Life. ,o*9The fair sex is capable of almost anything when driven to It. Example: Nancy Hanks.—Jamestown Nows! ‘3* “I have lots to tell you about," said the real estate man, meeting an an old friend on the street.—Yonkers Statesman. Bimling —Why did you leave the lecture platform, Larkin? LarkinWell, I was egged oh to take that step.—Life. A meke question of sex: “Well, Willie, did you master your lesson today?” “No’m; I missed it.”—Philadelphia Record. Buyer—ls this suit all wool? Mo* zinsky—l von’t iie to you, my friend, for it is not; de buttons vas made of silgk.—Brooklyn Eagle. If folks will fool with other people's money and get behind the wicket of a cell door in consequence, that’s their lookout.—Philadelphia Times. Hicks —There! For once I’ll know where that collar button is when I want it. Mrs. Hicks—Where is it? Hicks—The baby has swallowed it,— Truth. Grammar class —Teacher— Now, Johnny, see if you can’t give me, an example of a sentence. Johnny— Ten dollars or ten days. —Black and White.

Retrogressive progress is the backward search through life which many a man makes in quest of things he has thrown over his shoulder.— Oil City Blizzard. Caraway —“ The elopement of Cheney’s wife was in the nature of a boomerang, wasn’t it?” Hooks—- “ How so?” Caraway—**She returned the next day. ” —Truth. Grace —How did Mrs, Buton manage to have so many men at her tea? Rosalie—Ohs she had the wine list printed on the back of the cards she sent out.—New York EFerald. “Been South, I understand?’* “Yes; I was down there nearly all summer.” “Great country. Very hospitable yeople.” “Yes, indeed. Butter flows like water there in the summer.” Teacher —ln what part of the Bible is it taught that a man should have only one wife? Little Boy—l guess it’s the part that says no man can serve two masters-. —Good News. “I suppose when you marry theduke you will go to his home im England with him?” “Dear me, r/o! I wouldn’t trust myself away overtberewith a man I knowro little about.”—■ Life. An Atchison boy complained* of having a pain in his hip, and an investigation revealed the fact that he had so many things in hjs pockets thart) it hurt him to walk.—Atchison Globe. JoHtfttY —“Mamma, .can’t you tell me a new fairy sto.ry.?”Mrs.,Braggs —f‘l don’t kiiow any,- Johnny, Maybe your father will tell me some when he comes in to-night.”—Boston Gazette. Little Boy (visiting ib'tbe country)—“Oh, mamma, I saw a great big mamma pig down to the’ barn.” Mamma—“You did?” Little Boy—- “ Yes, an’ she had a whole lot of pigmies.” —Good News. . Mother —“ Why aren’t you and Georgie as good boys as your little brother?” Young Hopeful—“l guess it’s cause you’d had more experience bringin’ up boys w’en you commenced on him.” —Good News. Sue Deering — I’m afraid papa was angry when you asked him for me, wasn’t he, Jack, love? Jack Hiilow—Not at all. He asked if I knew any more respectable young men who would be likely to marry your five sisters if properly coaxed.— Harper’s Bazar. High-Pressure Civilization. Stranger—“l don’t see how an old man can get around New York .without being run over,’v fJNevif-Yorker—-“By the time a man gets old in New York he’s rich enough to ftaw-a carriage,' *or else he’s in a lunatic asylum.”—New York Weekly. She— Did you have a pleasant evening! at the Tollivers’?: -He—Yes. As soon as I, put. my., right arm arbuncj, Daisy’s waist She "put''- both hers around mine. Then she screamed. I let go, but she hung on. Her father came in and read the statutes referring to breach of promise—and —yes, I had a very nice time.—New York Herald.