Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 October 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS ANQ DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable. Tea-Table Salad. The house fly is among the autumn leaves.—Philadelphia Times. The sculptor fishes for fame when he makes a cast.—Yonkers Gazette. A campaign lie may be nailed, but caucuses are bolted.—Somerville Journal. Of course a young woman expects to be killing when she puts on a kilt. —Fun. It doesn’t take much of a hunter to bag his trousers. —Glens Falls Republican. A “whisky straight” is decided to be an unmixed evil.—Binghamton Republican. “Ayesha” is the title of a good poem, though it sounds like a sneeze.! —Picayune. A man who stutters conveys his thoughts by limited express.—Washington Star. Fanny is a beautiful name for a a wife who delights to ralso a breeze. —Galveston News. Mystery always has a delicious charm unless a man is jealous.— Somerville Journal. The humorists of this country seem to have made a butt of the goat.—Philadelphia Record. Such a thing as a strike by whiter giris was unknown until they put on suspenders.—Chicago Tribune. No wonder the music of tho hand-'* organ is sharp—think how thoroughly it is ground.—Elmira Gazette.

There couldn’t be a more appropriate insignia for a prize-flghterj than a belt.—Philadelphia Times. Many a man thinks he can read a woman like a book until he tries to shut her up.—Philadelphia Times, j, Of course it is only natural that the engaging girl should be the first to be engaged.—Somerville Journal. A poet compares love to a river. Because people are all the time fall, ing it, we suppose.—Yonkers Statesman. j Slugger Sullivan retired from! the ring slightly disfigured; but hi* dramatic inability remains unimpaired. “Did you know his business .had! run down?” “I suppose so. I heard! he was going to wind it up.”—Nast’9 Weekly. The alligator gets very little credit in this cold, unfeeling world. Every-i body calls him a hard case.—Lowellj Courier. If every love affair ended In marriage there is not a man in the world who would not be a Mormon.—Atchison Globe. Matcher are made in heaven, but love is made right out on the summer hotel piazza every night.—Yonkers Statesman. The man who can’t cut a long story short generally has the same trouble with his store account.—Binghamton Republican. In the spring a woman shoos the hens out of the garden, and in the fall a man shoes the boys.—Binghamton Republican. A man who gets choleric over his collar-button has not necessarily got any comma-shaped bacilli about him., —Boston Transcript. Ferguson sa*ys he wishes the law that compels the saloons to shut up at 12 o’clock applied to his wife.—• Binghamton Republican. We can’t save much by employing electricity to do our work because of the consequent increase in current expense.—Elmira Gazette. , A sufferer from a severe cough says that his complaint has one of the modern improvements—a pneumatic tire.—Lowell Courier. There are lots of men who will) consider that you are treating them) warmly enough if you buy them hot Scotches.—Binghamton Leader. Though a man fancies that his wit is like cutlery, he makes a mistake ifj he undertakes to sharpen It by constant grinding.—Washington Star. ‘lt was really the sailor on who discovered- America. Then ha called “Land ho!” and gave Columbus a chance to- discover it.—Picayune. We wish we were as popular as* the woman is with the children when) she gets down the cake and takes a 1 knife in her hand. —Atchison Globe. l Hugger —What would you do il| you were me? Mugger—l don’t know,j I’m sure. I don’t believe I’d bear it as well as you.—Binghamton Leader.] Louisville has a “girl preacher,” aged 14, whose professional card, 1 bears the legend, “Sunday meetings for men only.”—lndianapolis Journal. I “It’s perfectly clear that* there’s a woman in the case,” said the policeman when he found a female tramp hiding in a dry goods box.—Buffalo Express. j Rivers— The cholera bacillus, it seems, is shaped like a comma. Banks —Then why don’t the authorities knock its tail off and bring it to a full stop?—Chicago Tribune! >. A souvenir postage stamp for tho World’s Fair is among the' probabilities. Whether a premium Is to be 6tuck on it, fike the souvenir half) dollars, is not yet determined.—Philadelphia Ledger.

The Prison Trusty, a little paper published by the inmates of the Lansing (Kan.) penitentiary, bears as its motto the legend, “The ‘pen* is mightier than the sword. ” In its local columns it urges the ladies of Lansing to furnish it with society notes, and that-they dp is evident from the information contained jn that department of the paper... It ls the Custom of man in a free state to speak lightly of “society columns,” but even then he reads them on tho sly. When he is shut up, as tho “Trusty” proves, he hungers and thirsts for them. A Connecticut owl has deliberately committed suicide. There is no authentic report as t» the owl’s politic*.