Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 October 1892 — Page 2

GIVEN TO THE WORLD.

Columbian Exposition Buildings Dedicated. GLORY AND HONOR. ORATORY AND MUSIC, AMID SCENES OF GRANDEUR. EVENT OF A CENTURY. THE EXALTED OF EARTH WITNESS THE CEREMONIES. Dignitaries of the Ruling Nations of the World Become the Guests of the Republic’s Chief Citizens and Are Escorted to the Scene of the Day’s Ceremonies with All the Pomp and Pride of Military Forms —Over One Hundred Thousand People Cheer the Eloquence of Depow and Watterson and Hear the Vast Chorus of Five Thousand Voices Attune the Melodies of the Dedicatory Ode—An Elaborate Display of Pyrotechnios.

: H I 0 A G O special: The World's Columbian Exposition has

been formally opened. The series of celebrations consequent upon the dedicatory exercises was inaugurated in Chicago’s streets Thursday morning, when the gorgeous civic pageant marched before delignted thousands. The command which put

In motion the mighty column of nearly a hundred thousand opened an event that will go ringing down the ages as the most brilliant page in the history of a great and prosperous nation. No such multitude as surged through the streets has Chicago ever before seen. Political conventions with their crowds and clamor were left far behind, and the scene on the down-town thoroughfares as the great parade moved off will be long remembered alike by Chicagoans and by the visitors who thronged the city. i It was close to the noon hour when the vgjigujird of stalwart policemen spurred their restless horses and wheeled into line. General Miles and his brilliantly uniformed military aids, and the more brilliantly attired civilians of his staff, came into view, and presently the advance guard of that vast army of 100,000 men was in motion. Everywhere along the line of march the distinguished men as well as the organizations making the most striking displays were greeted with enthusiastic cheering. Though the sun had hid himself behind a bank of clouds, and the sky looked dqwn with a lowering face upon the moving display of animation and colors, nothing oould damp the ardor of the crowd,! and nothing that was worthy escaped their notice. From the grand stand ■ on! the Adams street front of the Government Building, Vice President Levi P. Morton, the members of the Cabinet, the Supreme Court, and diplomates from all the nations of the earth witnessed the grand civic parade as it passed in review. In the streets there was a mob; It cannot be called by any other mune. This was essentially people’s (jay In the series of ceremonies. Wednesday night’s grand ball at the Auditorial was a notable event, but the patpcipants were confined to the upper ten in official and social life, for Governors, legislators and diplomats; night’s military ball was for olasses. Friday’s military parade confined principally to the limits dt the fair grounds, to which admission eduid

THOMAS W. PALMES

be had only by card of invitation. But Thursday's show was wide open to whoever could get a point from which to see. The bootblaok and roustabout, or the laborer, was as free as the millionaire or .pet of society. DKDIC ATOK YKXKKCIBES. Impreuclve Ceremonies in the Great Manufacture* Building. . « Friday was the great Columbian dedication day proper, and on this day the big programme for which the whole ■country has been preparing for months was given. The day’s exercises began with a salute of twenty-one guns on the Lake At &:15 o’clock the dedicatory parade i staff head States ellow l, the tness ;, was >d to

with tanned and bearded faces; a troop of Indian cavalry, copper-colored and expressionless, and a traop of colored cavalry, black and smiling—that ia the way they came. After the cavalry was another mounted band, and then appeared artillerymen, who rattled over the uneven cedar blocks about 12th street at a smart trot. The regular artillery were followed by a batte:y of the National Guard. The volunteer boys were uot so smart as the regulars, but they looked very businesslike and full of powder. The escort was not yet finished, for smoothly and silently came a troop mounted on wheels—the Toledo cadets. The people gave the sixty men a cheer as they passed, which seemed well deserved, for their soldierly appearance and the even ■ manner in which they handled their iron steeds were very noticable. The brilliant escort which had passed was none too brilliant for the array of power, wealth, and intellect which was now to follow, when tho Governors of the country and tho men who have directed the affairs of the Exposition rode and drove in public parade to the dedication of tho World’s Fair. First in the line of carriages which followed the troops was tho highest representative of the Government of the United States, Vice President Morton, and escort. In company with the Vice President were President Palmer of the National World’s Fair Commission and ex-President Baker of the World's Fair. Then followed tho Governors of the different States and other notables, with their aids and attendants, the whole making a glittering and imposing spectacle that will be remembered as long as the dedication ceremonies shall hold a place in history. Tho parade marched down the gayly decorated boulevard to Washington Park, where the military review occurred. Starting: for tho Buildings. After this event was over the cavalry procession as an e?eort started from the Washington Park reviewing stand, marching up Palmer avenue and through Midway Plaisance to the entrance of the grounds. The route along the whole line was rich with decorations of every description, the colors of all nations being thrown to the breeze in great profusion, with the flags of America and Spain the most prominent. At the junction of Cottage Grove avenue and the Plaisance a squad of police under Lieut. Powers was stationed; at the Woodlawn intersection was Lieut. Kehm with another squad of polico, while between the forces of Powers and Behm there was a space of about half a mile in which there were no police. Into this gap the crowd rushed without hlnderance and soon became unmanageable. All was confusion and the crowd! threatened to interfere considerably with the progress of the procession. But everything was later put to rights by the appearance of tho troops, which

had been held in reserve at the grounds to welcome the- parade. The coming of the troops soon restored order among the crowd. The people obeyed wit® great good humor when the soldiers, who had been formed in line down each side of the road, ordered them back. In a few minutes the whole stroteh of road unprotected by the police was picketed by the troops. After tho procession had passed the soldiers fell in behind and formed a rear-guard to the parade. When the military parade entered the grounds over the viaduct it made an almost entire circuit before dispersing at the end of the park. Then the dignitaries and invited guests began to enter the big Manufactures Building and tho great procession was over. Within the Manufactures Building. The scene In the great hall, as viewed from the platform fit 10 o’clock, was thrilling. It was a spectacle that in coming years will mark an epoch in the march of the nations of the earth. And when away on in the time that is to come American history shall be written, no man in the chill of calm thought will be able to paint with words the dedicatory scene. Does one who was not present gain any notion of the meaning of fifty acres of packg#' humanity? Does he get an impression of vastness when he knows that St. Peters at Borne might be put within the great structure and with room left? What does it mean to say that 100,000 persons may be comfortably seated and room left for 75,000 more? The chief decorations in the groat building were at tho rear of the grand stand and arched over the broad, carpeted aisle through which the dignitaries sought their places on the platform. From the roof streamers of bunting of yellow and red and white drooped down from the iron girders to the sides of the great iron arches. There was a background of great flags with the stars and stripes drawn smoothly at points and tastefully draped in others, while in the center an eagle carved in stone formed the nucleus of a glorious standard of colors. On one side of this setting, hanging from away up on one of the iron arches, depended the banner of Spain. There was also displayed for the first time on a near-by arch the official banner of the VS’orid’s Columbian Exposition.

Out upon the great, vast floor, under the arches and the depending flags, a forest of chairs had been placed, and when the crowd had come in and tho people had gathered, a great,: nervous, moving sea of humanity raoahed with ebbing hum and buzz of talk and comment. The gallery up among the arches of iron and surrounding the entire building was filled and blackened with humanity. Imagine 90,000 human faces in a bunch in the center of a great field ahout whom are standing nearly as n’any more persons. See the stand filled with the singers and distinguished guests and hear the preliminary blare of the brass instruments, which are being put through preliminary operation for the music which is to oome. Diffuse over this entire scene the growing murmur, which at times mounts to a roar, and a faint Idea of the scene may be pictured on the mental vision. To on© who has never seen the behemoth buildings in Jackson Park, it may be impossible to give an adequate idea of the colossal magnitude of the great spectacle. National conventions have been accepted as great assemblages, yet several national conventions could have been held in the lobbies without interference with the people in the main room. This wonder of the engineering world does not seem a building. The dimensions are mountainous and not architectural. Standing against the rail of the inner balcony, sweeping the broad expanse of busy floor, the scene is a landscape and not an interior. The glint and sparkle of rich costumes and jeweled decorations are the sprinkled flowers nestling against the darker color

of the uplift. When 100,000 people waved their handkerchiefs, the prospect was that of a thick cotton-flela tossed by a high wind. In the exciting moments when enthusiasm took a violent turn, the demonstration was not that of Individuals, but of the undulating whole. A man in tho thick of this scene

THE SPEAKER’S STAND IN THE GREAT BUILDING.

was as nothing, a black spot mixed and ground into the color of the picture. When the multitude assembled the people came drifting in granular currents along the narrow avenues. Further along they closed upon each other in the steady push forward until it was difficult to tell one speck from another. Then the natural compression of a jostling crowd did the rest and they were molded into that mighty solid block, filling to the outer limits the floor of the largest building on ear.h. Arrival of the l’ageaut. It was just 1:45 p. m. when tho impatient crowd caught sight of a glittering uniform at the back of the broad stairway leading to the speakers’ stand. Milward Adams, manager of the seating arrangements, followed the guard in uniform, who had cleared the way, and proceeded down the stairway before Director General Davis, master of ceremonies. Then came Vice President Morton, Chauncey M. Depew, President Higinbotham, Mayor Washburne, Cardinal Gibbons, Archbishop Ireland, Bishop Fowler, and Dr. McCook. By the time the cheering and waving of handkerchiefs had ended the speakers’ stand and seats behind were embanked with the most notable gathering of dignitaries and high officials ever seen in this country outside the national capital. Chief of these, of course, was Vice President Morton, who in his capacity as representative of the President and of the Government had the seat of honor, direotly in the front of the center. Next to him on his right were Bishop Fowler and Dr. McCook, while Director General Davis, master of ceremonies, was on his lolt. In a

soraicircular row behind the Vico President were Mrs. Sarah Cowell LeMoyne, who was selected to read a portion of Miss Monroe’s dedication ode; Gen. Goshorn, who was Director General of the Centennial Exposition; P. A. B. Widener, chairman of the Committee on Ceremonies of the National Commission; Mrs. Gillespie, who was President of the Woman’s Board of the Centennial Exposition, and is the granddaughter of Benjamin. Franklin; Mrs. Potter Palmer, President of the Board of Lady Managers, and Henry Watterson, the dedication orator. Across the aisle in a corresponding semi-circle were Mayor YVashburne, Miss Monroe, who wrote the ode of the day; Chauncey Depew and Cardinal Gibbons. Director of Works Burnham had a place next to Mrs. LeMoyne, but was too busy to maintain it for any length of time. It was a pleasant* sight watching tho great men banked in terraces while they waited for the tumult to subside and the programme to begin.

THE CIVIC PARADE PASSING THE REVIEWING STAND.

Opened the Dedicatory Exercises. The dedication exercises were commenced by the great chorus singing the Columbian hymn. The words of the hymn are as follows : All hall and welcome, nations of the earth! Columbia’s greeting comes from every State: Proclaim to all mankind the world’s new birth Of freedom; age on age shall oonsecrate. Let war and enmity for ever cease; Let glorious art and commerce banish wrong, The universal brotherhood of peace Shall be Colombia's inspiring song. “ Then came the invocation of Bishop Charles H. Fowler of California. It was the first test of a speaker’s voice before the multitude, and demonstrated instantly the futility of any attempt to reach more than a small section of the great multitude. Ignorant of the religious nature of the address, the throng murmured and rustled until the swelling wave overwhelmed the speaker’s voice and sent his words adrift on a sea of sounds. The inyocatSw rver, Director General Davis adjusted his eye-glasses, tossed back the gray locks on his forehead and advanced to the stand, manuscript in

hauA His trumpeWJke voice, his wellknown feafcyres arid the commanding office he represented commanded the tumult about him and sent a ripple of silence far into the crowd. His address was a brief recital of nc'ional triumphs, closing with a concise Aatement of th«r purpose for which the exposition had

been inaugurated. The simplicity of the words and the exalted thought they conveyed found a quick response in .his hearers, bringing interruptions of applause and a volley of vocal approval at the close. Mayor Washburne was then introduced to deliver an address of welcome and tender the freedom of the city. His tones, while lacking in resonance, were enunciated so clearly and with, such

GEN. MILES.

suprising strength that his thought won tho ear of the guests of the day to whom he addressed himself. Citizens of Chicago, too, responded enthusiastically when he declared the city’s greatness and wealth of promise. Following the Mayor came readings by Mrs. Sarah Cowell Le Moyne, of New York, from Miss Monroe’s dedication ode. The reading comprised only a fragment of the poem, alternating with verses sung by the chorus from music composed by G. YV. Chadwick, of Boston. As Mrs. LeMoyne finished, reading Director General Davis presented her with a wreath on behalf of the women of Chicago. This was a simple affair of laurel leaves bound with yellow and terracotta ribbon. The cheers that followed this act brought Miss Harriet Monroe, the author, to her feet, and she also was presented with a like memento, which she acknowledged by ’a graceful bow and smile. Director of Works Burnham formally presented the designers, painters, and sculptors of the Exposition with commemorative medals. Mr. Burnham’s voice is not calculated to reach the galleries, and he made no attempt in that direction. As ho took his seat he was met by the usual cheer, taken up in the galleries and echoed by the individuals hanging from tho girders well up to the dome. Mrs. Potter Palmer’s address, “Work of the Board of Lady Managers” was enthusiastically received. She was introduced by Director General Davis and received with a standing salute, in which the dignitaries joined. The President of the Board of Lady Managers acknowledged this reception by a modest bow and proceeded at once with her report, looking down upon the waving of handkerohlefs and smiling, expectant faces. H. N. Higinbotham, President of the Chicago Directory, made the presentation of the buildings of the Columbian Exposition to President T. W. Palmer of the Columbian Commission. Mr. Palmer, leaning his hand upon the decorated stand, listened to the short, terse

talk of Mr. Higlnbotham, and then, when he had hypothetically been tendered the documents, turned and faced the audience, took a sip of water and delivered his address. Frequent applause met this speaker, perhaps because his trained voice penetrated farther across the floor space. A short history of the work in bringing the sands and quagmires of Jackson Park to the solid and massive buildings and beautiful gardens was reviewed, . and in it the story of how the commission had reached to the uttermost parts of the earth was told. The General was greatly applauded for his eloquence. Dedicated the Grounds to Humanity. When President Palmer turned to formally make the presentation, which he did to the President of the United States, Vice President Morton arose. Ata signal from Col. Davis the audience stood as one, amid prolonged cheers. Vice President Morton, representing President Harrison, stood half facing the audience and speaker, and was asked to dedicate the ground to humanity. Accepting the trust on behalf of the President of the United States, Vice

President Morton read his speech with an evident appreciation of the greatness of the occasion, pausing in effective periods and emphasizing the national sanction of the Exposition. As he turned to take his chair at the conclusion, the Diplomatic Corps rose and stood until he was seated. That was the signal for more enthusiastic cheering, which coutinued until the majestio “Halleluiah Chorus” silenced it. Watteraon Delivers the Oration. Then came the two greatest features of a great programme—the orations by Henry Watterson and Chauncev M. Depew. Mr. Watterson abandoned his manuscript when Director General Davis announced his name, and walking to the front of the stand took his place before a bewildering tumult of applause and waving hats and handkerchiefs from the throng that had risen to greet him. Without hesitation, except when interrupted by applunse, the speaker plunged into his subject. His earnestness, the rich tones of his voice, the commanding personality of the man Impressed even those who could not catch his words. Bapidly he reviewed the “Columbian epic,” pursuing on to scan the progress of American civilization, closing with an invocation of the greatest solemnity. As he uttered the sentences “God bless the children and the mothers! God bless our country’s flag!” a rift in the clouded sky sent a flash of sunlight through the curved roof that centered on the rugged figure of the orator, as though a benediction had been vouchsafed in answer to his plea. The ciowd caught the suggestion and became as still as waiting petitioners before the heavenly throne—mute witnesses to the orator’s power. Chauncey M. Dcpew'a Address. When Mr. W T atterson reached the climax of his peroration and stepped toward his seat, there was an instant's hush, followed by deafening cheers that broke out again when Chaucey Depew was announced. Mr. Depew's style was in striking contrast to tho Kentucky editor’s, but his achievement was parallel. Reading his speech, he was seemingly oblivious to the printed words. In moments of excitement ha waved the manuscript in emphasis, never losing a word or abating for an instant his perfect command of the striking phrases. His voice, forced to the volume of a great organ, rolled out over the crowd and held it as with a chord of steel. Occasionally some absorbed listener, wrought by the stirring sentiment, spoke his approval and started ejaculations of assent, but the orator never wavered. In places the theme changed from Homeric solemnity to a lighter vein, and moved the hearers to laughter, but it was only to relieve the tension for an instant—light touch in a picture of titanic, lines. When Mr. Depew had co’n eluded, there was no question as to his triumph. He had reached the hearts of his listeners and they responded with reverberating acclaim, a.tribute such as even so great an orator could but feel deeply. By this time approaching night had turned the great hall into a cavern of eerie shadows. Arc lights suspended in clusters warned the tired people of the close of day. Some departed, filtering out in Jong pedestrian lines, while those who remained crowded closer tc

“RESERVED SEATS" IN WASHINGTON PARK.

the front to hear the beautiful closing prayer by Cardinal Gibbons. Then came the chorus, “In Praise of God,” the benediction by Bev. H. C. McCook of Philadelphia, and, at 6 o’clock the farewell words of Director General Davis, announcing tho formal close of the exercises. As the director general finished his speech a battery on the shore announced the final completion of Chicago’s trust —the erection and dedication of the great buildings that are to hold the World’s Columbian Exposition of 1890. The great Fair had been formally opened. FIREWoun . DISPLAY. Elaborate Programme In Washington, Lincoln, and Garfield Parks. As became the dignity of the occasion, the fireworks display Friday night was a record breaker. It was probably the finest pyrotechnic display the world has ever witnessed. Properly speaking there were three displays, the exhibition having been arranged In that manner to avoid the concentration of great masses of people at one point. At each place the fireworke were exactly alike. Twenty-five thousand dollars’ worth of rockets anti pictures glowed and sizzled at WashjT,gton, Lincoln and Garfield parks, Tljj programme in each park was the same and included about everything that could go up or go off, from the wellknown sky-rockets—which pn this oocarsion soared in flocks of 5,000—t0 hr go bombs, weighing HO pounds, whf:h were thrown 800 feet into the air and then exploded gorgeously. There were sot-pieces 40 feet high and 00 feet in

MRS. SARH COWELL LE MOYNE.

length, which, when touched off showed such devices as tne sailing of Columbus in fire. A huge fiery balloon was another design.

DIED A-LAUGHiNQ.

Hie Fatal Effects of a Good Chinese Joke. Sun Ching-Hsia, a marshal of under graduates told of a certain man in his village who had been killed by rebels when they had passed through the place. The man’s head was left hanging down on his chest; and as soon as the rebels had gone his servants secured the body and were about to bury it Hearing, however, the sound of breathing, they looked more closely and found that the windpipe had not been wholly severed; so, setting his head in the proper place, they carried him back home. In twenty four hours he began to moan, and by dint of carefully feeding him with a spoon, within six months he had quite recovered. Some ten years afterward he was chatting with a few friends, when one of them made a joke which called forth loud applause from the others. Our hero, too, clapped his hands, but, as he was bending backward and forward with laughter, the seam on his neck split open and down fell his head with a gush of blood. His friends now found that he was quite dead, and his father immediately commenced an action against the joker; but a sum of money was subscribed by those present and given to the father, who buried his son and stopped further proceedings. .The Chinese distinguish five degrees of homicide, of which accidental homicide is one. Thus, if a gun goes off of itself in a man’s hand and kills a bystander the holder of the gun is guilty of homicide; but were the same gun lying on a table, it would be regarded as the will of heaven. Similarly a man is held responsible for any death caused by an animal belonging to him; though in such cases the affair can usually be hushed up by a money payment, no notice being taken of crimes in general, unless at the instigation of a prosecutor, at whose will the case may be subsequently withdrawn. Where the circumstances are purely accidental, the law admits of compensation.—From “Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio.”

Fresh Pork Every -Day.

At a Southern convict camp, as described in “The American Siberia,” the prisoners seldom had any meat except salt pork. A good many pigs were about the premises, however, and the natural desire of the men for fresh meat frequently asserted itself. A certain cell-house was so loosely built that the smaller pigs could slip in through the cracks; a happy circumstance, of which the keen-witted and hungry negroes took full advantate, till the drove dwindled so rabidly as to attract the attention of the authorities. Captain Powell supposes that more than a hundred pigs were disposed of in this way. At another camp there was a huge negro named George Smith, who had an inordinate appetite for pork, which he gratified in a peculiar manner. He was employed in the coopershop, and was always more or less under the eye of a guard. The question was, how to catch and kill a pig without attracting attention. He would take an empty barrel, place it on its side, and throw some corn-meal near the bottom. When a pig went in after t,he meal Smith quickly set the%arrel on end, making a prisoner of the animal. Then he ignited rags and thrust them under the edge. In a short time the pig would he asphyxiated. While this was in progress Smith would be bustling about, as if hard at work, and in order to drown the squeals of his victim he would vigorously hammer down hoops, making an outrageous noise When the pig gave up the ghost he reversed the barrel, plunged half his body inside, as if putting in a “head,” and proceeded to skin and clean it.

In these close quarters, and without exciting the suspicion of the guards, who were constantly moving all about the place, he turned out as neat a piece es work as any butcher. When the pig had been converted into pork he rolled the barrel containing it to one corner of the yard, and cooking was the next thing in order. It was managed in an improvised oven over an open fire, and the result would not have discredited a professional cook. When the thing finally leaked out, Smith owned up that he had eaten fresh pork every day for three months.

Josephine Introduced Handkerchiefs.

It was pot until the reign of the Empress Josephine in France that the pocket handkerchief was tolerated at all as an article of public use. No lady would have dared to use one in the presence of others. Even the name was carefully avoided in polite conversation. An actor who would have ventured to use one on the stage would have been hissed off the boards. It was only in the beginning of the present century that Mile. Duchesnois, a famous actress, dared to appear with a handkerchief in her hand. Having to speak of it in the course of the play she could only summon courage to refer to it as “a light tissue.” A translation of one of Shakspeare’s plays by Alfred de Vigny was acted, and the word was used for the first time upon the stage and provoked a storm of indignant hisses from all parts of the house. The Empress Josephine, although really a beautiful woman, had very bad teeth, and to conceal them she was in the habit of carrying small handerehiefs trimmed with costly laces, which she raised gracefully to her lips to conceal her teeth. The ladies of the court followed her example, and handkerchiefs rapidly became an important part of the feminine toilet.

Thk report that a lineman had received an electric charge of 3,450 volts and kept it several minutes, escaping without more serious injury than a burn and a bruise, was of much scientific interest so long as its integrity was unquestioned. For one thing it started a theory that Kemmler and the other murderers who thought they were being electrocuted were really being scared to death. But the lineman’s experience proves to have been with less than 500 volts, so his escape loses the character of a miracle, and Kemmler’s death cannot be ascribed to any intensity of mental distress.

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS ANQ DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokelets that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable. Tea-Table Salad. The house fly is among the autumn leaves.—Philadelphia Times. The sculptor fishes for fame when he makes a cast.—Yonkers Gazette. A campaign lie may be nailed, but caucuses are bolted.—Somerville Journal. Of course a young woman expects to be killing when she puts on a kilt. —Fun. It doesn’t take much of a hunter to bag his trousers. —Glens Falls Republican. A “whisky straight” is decided to be an unmixed evil.—Binghamton Republican. “Ayesha” is the title of a good poem, though it sounds like a sneeze.! —Picayune. A man who stutters conveys his thoughts by limited express.—Washington Star. Fanny is a beautiful name for a a wife who delights to ralso a breeze. —Galveston News. Mystery always has a delicious charm unless a man is jealous.— Somerville Journal. The humorists of this country seem to have made a butt of the goat.—Philadelphia Record. Such a thing as a strike by whiter giris was unknown until they put on suspenders.—Chicago Tribune. No wonder the music of tho hand-'* organ is sharp—think how thoroughly it is ground.—Elmira Gazette.

There couldn’t be a more appropriate insignia for a prize-flghterj than a belt.—Philadelphia Times. Many a man thinks he can read a woman like a book until he tries to shut her up.—Philadelphia Times, j, Of course it is only natural that the engaging girl should be the first to be engaged.—Somerville Journal. A poet compares love to a river. Because people are all the time fall, ing it, we suppose.—Yonkers Statesman. j Slugger Sullivan retired from! the ring slightly disfigured; but hi* dramatic inability remains unimpaired. “Did you know his business .had! run down?” “I suppose so. I heard! he was going to wind it up.”—Nast’9 Weekly. The alligator gets very little credit in this cold, unfeeling world. Every-i body calls him a hard case.—Lowellj Courier. If every love affair ended In marriage there is not a man in the world who would not be a Mormon.—Atchison Globe. Matcher are made in heaven, but love is made right out on the summer hotel piazza every night.—Yonkers Statesman. The man who can’t cut a long story short generally has the same trouble with his store account.—Binghamton Republican. In the spring a woman shoos the hens out of the garden, and in the fall a man shoes the boys.—Binghamton Republican. A man who gets choleric over his collar-button has not necessarily got any comma-shaped bacilli about him., —Boston Transcript. Ferguson sa*ys he wishes the law that compels the saloons to shut up at 12 o’clock applied to his wife.—• Binghamton Republican. We can’t save much by employing electricity to do our work because of the consequent increase in current expense.—Elmira Gazette. , A sufferer from a severe cough says that his complaint has one of the modern improvements—a pneumatic tire.—Lowell Courier. There are lots of men who will) consider that you are treating them) warmly enough if you buy them hot Scotches.—Binghamton Leader. Though a man fancies that his wit is like cutlery, he makes a mistake ifj he undertakes to sharpen It by constant grinding.—Washington Star. ‘lt was really the sailor on who discovered- America. Then ha called “Land ho!” and gave Columbus a chance to- discover it.—Picayune. We wish we were as popular as* the woman is with the children when) she gets down the cake and takes a 1 knife in her hand. —Atchison Globe. l Hugger —What would you do il| you were me? Mugger—l don’t know,j I’m sure. I don’t believe I’d bear it as well as you.—Binghamton Leader.] Louisville has a “girl preacher,” aged 14, whose professional card, 1 bears the legend, “Sunday meetings for men only.”—lndianapolis Journal. I “It’s perfectly clear that* there’s a woman in the case,” said the policeman when he found a female tramp hiding in a dry goods box.—Buffalo Express. j Rivers— The cholera bacillus, it seems, is shaped like a comma. Banks —Then why don’t the authorities knock its tail off and bring it to a full stop?—Chicago Tribune! >. A souvenir postage stamp for tho World’s Fair is among the' probabilities. Whether a premium Is to be 6tuck on it, fike the souvenir half) dollars, is not yet determined.—Philadelphia Ledger.

The Prison Trusty, a little paper published by the inmates of the Lansing (Kan.) penitentiary, bears as its motto the legend, “The ‘pen* is mightier than the sword. ” In its local columns it urges the ladies of Lansing to furnish it with society notes, and that-they dp is evident from the information contained jn that department of the paper... It ls the Custom of man in a free state to speak lightly of “society columns,” but even then he reads them on tho sly. When he is shut up, as tho “Trusty” proves, he hungers and thirsts for them. A Connecticut owl has deliberately committed suicide. There is no authentic report as t» the owl’s politic*.