Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 October 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jokelets that Are Supposed te Have Been Recently Born—Saying* Doing* that Are Odd, Curloo* and Laughable. Sprinkle* of Splee. Hb thought he’d go to Congress, but ha didn’t get a vote: Although he took his check-boob and wrota and wrote and wrote. —Detroit Tribune The announcement of purses for 3-year-olds seems like a bitter partiality when so many grown folks have none. The school teachers are getting tan on their cheeks. Next month they put rattan on their pupils— Boston Transcript. She—l thought you told me Mr. Nixon was a man of regular habits. He—Well, he has been drinking steadily ever since I knew him.— Life. Tommy —The lion is a carnivorous animal, ain’t he, paw? Mr. Figg— Yes. That is what makes him so dangerous to meat. Tournal. He (anxiously)—“Did I understand you to say Miss or MrS\?” She (demurely)—“Miss. ” He (gallantly)— “Pray, allow me to make it Mrs.”— Troy Press. Edison has patented 600 inventions, hut he has to slap at the summer fly just as vainly as anybody else. Genius cannot do everything.—Baltimore American.

“Now,” said the new reporter, as his eye followed the track of the blue pencil, “I understand what is meant by an editor’s line of thought-” Washington Star. Dashaway —How do you. like my friend Hunker? Travers—He hasn’t any backbone. Why, the fellow let me have $5 as soon as I asked him!— New York Herald. Surface —lsn’t Bighed rather young to be a cynic? Rowley—Oh, no! He has been graduated a year and the world hasn’t recognized him yet.—New York Herald. Road Agent (stopping funeral) — Hold up y’r hands! I want all th’ money ye’ve got! Chief Mourner— Bless me! Here’s the undertaker’s bill-collector already.—Life. Travers —“ How long a course does your son take at college?” Dobson—“That’s just the question I asked. H,e wrote back that it would be ‘two miles with a turn.’ ” —New York Sum Mr. Wickwire— Here is something you ought to read—an article on ways a woman can save money. Mrs. Wickwire Does it say anything about her remaining single?—lndianapolis Journal. Smith— You needn’t tell me that dogs don’t know as much as human beings. I took Ponto to church with me last Sunday. Jones—Yes? Smith —Well, sir, he slept through the whole sermon.—Life.

Mrs. Keedick (praising young Mr. Adlet to her daughter)—He doesn’t smoke, drink, or swear. He’s a good boy and would be true to you. Miss Keedick (shaking her head) —He’s too good to be true, mamma.—Truth. “I suppose,” observed Harry Hojack after the doctor had amputated both arms as the result of Independence Day casualties, “I suppose that I shall have to learn to shoot cannon with my toes by the next Fourth.”— Jury. A skipper claims to have seen the sea serpent in the sky. If the phenomenal monster has really been translated, many an ancient mariner will experience a discouraging loss of material for new yarns.—New Yprk World.

Mrs. Keene —There are times when I wish I were a man. Mr. Keene—For instance? Mr. Keene— When I pass a milliner’s window, and think how happy I could make my wife by giving her a new bonnet.— Texas Siftings. “I hear that young Slimly is dying of consumption. How docs that happen when he is such a constant smoker, and tobacco kills the germs of the disease?” “Oh, Slimly doesn’t smoke tobacco. He smokes cigarettes.”—Buffalo Express. “Your husband,” said the caller, sympathizingly, “was a man of excellent qualities.” “Yes,” sighed the widow, “he was a good man. Everybody says so. I wasn’t much acquainted with him myself. He belonged to six lodges.”—Texas Siftings. “I wonder why it is, ” said old Tobe to his wife, “that women prefer drowning and men shooting in case of suicide?” “I suppose,” she replied, as she thoughtfully contemplated his nose, “that it is because men hate water so.”—Detroit Free Press. She— “That couple in front of us—do you think they are married?” He —“Yes, I am sure they are. They have been married a long time, too. ” She—“ Why, how do you know?” He —“Haven’t you noticed that when a pretty girl comes on the stage she always hands the opera glasses over right away?”—Somerville Journal. Mr. Jagsbt —My dear, allow me to introduce Mr. Bagsby. Mrs. Jagsby—l am delighted to meet you, Mr. Bagsby. But do you know, Mr. Bagsby, that I have so often heard you helping Mr. Jagsby to get the front door open when he comes home late at night, that it is almost the same as meeting an old friend.—lndianapolis Journal.