Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 September 1892 — Page 6

Sfye Jemotralit Sfßlintt RENSSELAER, JIfDIAH A. AW. McBWEN, - - - PPJMsni

MYSTERIOUS OLD MARS.

THB r LANET MAY BE THE HOME OF MEN. Alt 8I(m « its tetm «T Wtrk Uut Cnll Hatt Ban Dtu OrnOj fcy Bomb HaHa-PitM— tiliw.im Atftspt tt Mn. Fafltt and Thaortea. Up to frithin a short t±ma ago very forr focjl* bad anything bat an indistinct Idea of this planet. Everybody that knew anything about astronomy knew, es coarse, all about Mara, bat a hen a man Is harvesting bis grata crop, watching the course of the stock market, or try - lag to pick the winners at a horse race, he Isn't paying modi attention to astronomy. All the view that the average man has of the planet Is gained by looking at the heavens through the bottom o i a soda-water glasa.

Not recently this planet has been In What the astronomers call apposition. That la very like saying to the average mind, that peas and beans multiplied by sabbage make roast beef. Bo to find oat exactly what the meaning of apposition is one mast first learn something about the history of the planet Mara. After that you can pot on an easy air of knowledge. Mara is the fourth planet fn order of distance from the son. It la nearest to

SABTH AND MARS IN CONJUNCRION.

the world on which we five es all the great superior planets that make the solar system. Mars travels around the son In a mean sidereal period of 686.8767 days, on an orbit inclined one degree and fifty-one minutes to the piano oi the soliptic, at a mean distance of 139,311,80® miles from the son. This orbit Is considered eccentric, Insomuch that its greatest distance.

miles, exceeds Its leest, 126,318,000, by more then 26,000,000 ■dies. When it Is nearest to the earth Ik Is in apposition. " Now the foregoing statement Is technical, and to the layman’s mind tells little. What the average man can see when looklhg through a telescope at Man is s great big star. What Mar* Is. < It doesn’t seem to be anything else, hot it is. People who have made a study of the planet believs that It is a good deal like the world, and while they do not go so fax as to actually say so, they* think It possible that Hia Inhabited. ft anas some fifteen yean ago that Mars first became a planet that had any. earthly interest to the people who live on this globe. A very Wise matt that need to sit up nights and look at the sky through a telescope, first nude known the fact that Mara was a good ceal like the earth in Ms shape, and also ottered the startling that was inhabited. People laughed at him just then, and people who are in the habit of discovering facts ahead of time. ■■ • But after him came a man who told the same -tblng again in a- new way, and Who no* has got. to a point where the world 1b beginning to believe that he is light Schiaparelli Oie Ulan The man is Professor Schiaparelli, of Milan. Italy, fie says that in his opinion the planet Mars is not simply a nebulous guantity of vapor, but it is a solid anbstHßce on Which animals and men Ho found that the planet has a diameter *f about 4,00(1 miles. By earefal ealeuiation he is oonfldsnt thaUts year d^ B te*timi jJd setts each pkaneT

laud, jset like our world. It has, he says, seas and continents and rivers. As to its density, it differs very little from that of the earth. Gravitation at Its surface must be much less than it is to this world. A man who weighs 150 pounds upon this mundane sphere would weigh about 60 pounds on Mars. The most obese of American stout people would, if he lived on Mars, become so light that he could dance as easily as

one of the young ladies at Eldorado. In fact, all substances would be reduced in weight by transfer from our world to Mara. Upon that planet our 6ak would become as light as cork. Our gold would le as light as tin. A glass of wine that wouldn’t affect the smallest child in this world, would make a man in Mars feel that ho owned that and several other planets. This statement may cause a sudden exodus of people to the planet. In Mars Inliabltod? The question just now is: Is Mars inhabited? No one knows, of course, whether it is

MAP OF THE SURYACE OF MAKS.

or not. The only thing to judge by is in the character of the planet gathered by careful inspection through telescopes. Astronomers are confident that they have seen the eternal snows of the two polar regions of our neighbor world. They are confident that its continents are red, and that its seas are green, and they are equally sure that its seas do not cover more than one-fourth of its surface. The seas on our planet cover three-fourths of the world, which points the comparison. ! The scarcity of water in Mars is its most remarkable feature. The theory that people really do inhabit the planet is borne out by the faot that Professor Schlarparelll is ooufident that he has discovered that Mars has been traversed by gigantic canals. It is easy to see that if there are canals on the planet it is a surety that people must havo built them. The idea, too, is strengthened by the discovered fact that there scarcity of water in'the planet. Necessarily the planet must be irrigated in that manner, apd as there are canals, the conclusion is> that there must be people there. How the CttualH Look. Tho canals of the planet Mils are believed to havo been cut for thousands of miles across the land to connect with the seae. They are green In color, like the water, and, in order to be visible through our telescopes, they must be from 100 to 400 milos in length. They must also be about 200 miles wide.

THE GREAT LICK TELESCOPE.

They mostly run from north to south, for the seas divide the land from east to west It le difficult to conceive of such enormous public works, but nothing else will

BCHIAPARaLLI'S CHART, SHOWING DOUBLE CANALS.

answer. Our little canals would dry up in crossing a thousand miles of desert. Conceding that the people who may live in Mars are such wonderful engineers and scientists, it is easy to allow them any amonnt of skill, and it is easy to suppose that on the vast canals they

PATHS OF THE MOONS OF MAKS.

build floating cities, where they may enjoy the climate near the water, while the interior is uninhabitableWonderful Cities. A city built on steel or iron hulls—for irox is the metal of Mars—chained closely together and built upon wood and metal, would be practicable anywhere, but would be necessary in a world where the land is dry and arid. If there are people in Mars, they must possess much/skill and intelligence. So they would probably have wit enough to tow their floating cities to northern latitudes in summer. As the winter season approaches they would obviously float them southward, following up the climate, as the American Indians do with their skin lodges and women and children. If a people can construct such enormous works as canals of the dimensions told in the foregoing, it would be impossible to tell where the limit of their skill would reach. They must be far ahead of Americans as engineers and mechanics. What other astonishing triumphs as mechanical originators they have achieved must be left to the future to discover.

What Astronomers Think. “.One circumstance,” says Professor Proctor, that may at first excite surprise is the fact that in a planet so much farther from the sun than the world there should exist so olose a resemblance to the earth in respect to climatic relations. “But if we consider the results of Tyudale’s researches on the radiation of heat, and remember that a very moderate increase In the quantity of certain vapors present in our atmosphere would suffice to render the climate of thp earth intolerable through excess of heat —just as glass walls cause a hothouse to be warm long after the sun has set—wo shall not fail to see that Mars may readily be compensated by a corresponding arrangement for his increased distance from the vivifying center of his solar system.” Professor Swift says that there is certainly something that is mysterious in the topography of the planet, as viewed from the earth. “Some of its markings," he adds, “are changeable, and appear as clouds, while others seem stable aDd are indicative of solidity. As, however, Mars rotates on its axis so slowly, no belts like those environing Jupiter and Saturn are visible. “That Mars is inhabited is an understood fact. That it was created to that end is a verity, but whether it is or not is only a question that we can judge by understanding its availability for the giving of life to human beings. No telescope has yet been discovered that truly tells that faot.” Prof. Schiaparelli is the only astronomer that has managed to draw a chart of Mars that as a planet exists only in the minds of other not quite so famous astronomers. Aside from the discoveries of the Italian professor, tho credit of finding that Prof. Schiaparelli is correct must be awarded to tho famous Lick Observatory at San Francisco. The money to build this magnificent observatory was furnished by Mr. Lick, and it has well demonstrated his faith that it was neoded by the fact that it has told the world that Mars is probably another planet like ours.

The Dun Done For.

A gentleman has just died in Paris who owed most of his celebrity to the quaint manner in which he managed to disembarrass himself of his creditors. No sooner did a dun present himself than he was ushered into a room hung round with a variety ol mirrors, some convex, others concave, etc. In one the unfortunate creditor beheld himself with a head as flat as a flounder; in another his features were nearly as sharp as a knife: in a third he had several heads; in a fourth he was upside down. Here he had the broad grin of a clown, there the long,-ctrawn visage of an undertaker. On one side of the room he saw himself all head and no body, on the other side it seemed as if a dwarf had put on the boots of a giant. No applicant, however pressing, was known to resist this chamber of horrors for more than a quarter of an hour.

The Discovery of Tea.

By whom or when the virtues ol tea as a beverage were discovered Is “lost in the wide revolving shades of centuries passed.” The famous herb is spoken of in Chinese annals as far back as 2,500 years B. C., at which time its cultivation and classification was as much of an art as it is to day. Tradition says that its virtues were discovered by accident. King Shen Nung She, “The Divine Husbandman,” who flourished forty centuries ago, was boiling water over a fire one evening when some tea leaves hang, ing over the vessel were loosened by the heat and fell Into the steaming fluid. Nung She partook of the de. coctlon while it was hot “and felt himself renewed in limb and sight for seven days thereafter." Then and there he consecrated tea as the sacred beverage of China.

Noble Spelling.

Many a man has been sorry that he ever put himself into the power of a dealer in patent medicine. A recent example is furnished by a member of the British nobility. The Duke of , out of feelings of gratitude, we may assume, gave a testimonial to the proprietors of a patent cure for snoring, and they, naturally enough, circulated a lithographed copy of the letter by way of advertisement The result is that everybody is asking where the duke went to school. And the duke, we are told, recognizing the fact that the word “effcaccious” has a strange look in print, has vowed never to pen another testimonial without a dictionary at his elbow. .

How to Care for Boots.

Much damage is done by brushing off dried mud from thin calf and kid boots with hard bristle brushes, and still more by the use of common blacking. In the case of ladies’ boots, made of fine and soft leather, both treatments are ruinous. When boots are very muddy remove the dirt with a damp sponge or a painter’s sash tool and a little water. Glace kid boots, etc., should be sponged, allowed to dry and then thoroughly polished with a soft rag or handkerchief which is slightly oiled occasionally.—New York World. Gould never offered his palatial yacht for sale until Vanderbilt came near being drowned and Kaiser Wilhelm's Meteor was left trailing by the English cracks. Gould knows when to get from under. Mosquitoes don’t know very much about law, but they always try to bleed a man as soon as they are admitted to the bar.

HOMEMADE COMFORT.

Serviceable Awnings Made at an Expense of a Few Cents. Spending the summer recently in a farm-house in the country, we found

difficulty by constructing homemade awnings. A frame was made of laths and short screws, on the plan shown in the illustration, and covered with striped awning cloth. This cloth happened to be of just the right width to cover the top and front of the frame. The triangular side pieces were cut from one length of cloth, thus economizing material. The coverings were tacked on with tinned tacks, as these are less likely to rust than others; and the awning, completed, was fastened with small wire nails to the inside of the win-dow-casings, in the manner shown in the cut. It took about two yards of cloth for each window, and the entire cost, Including the frame and screws, was about 28 cents for each window. The results were so satisfactory that we should have preferred awnings in hot weather, even though the house had been provided with blinds, since thebllnds, when closed, shut out the

THE AWNING COMPLETE.

light and make the interior gloomy, while awnings admit an abundance of cheerful light and yet deflect the heat very satisfactorily.

Terrible Hurricane.

In May a hurricane of almost unexampled violence laid waste the beautiful island of Mauritius, in the Indian Ocean, east of Madagascar. Although Mauritius is one of the most charming bits of land on the globe, as all readers of “Paul and Virginia” must be aware, yet it lies, unfortunately, within the boundaries of a “hurricane district,” and so occasionally suffers from the fury of the winds. On the occasion to which we refer there was almost no warning of coming disaster. The hurricane swooped down upon the island and upon the little city of Port Louis, levelling houses and trees, and driving the sea-water upon the laud and into the streets of the town. After great destruction had thus been wrought, and many persons had lost their lives, the wind suddenly ceased and blue sky appeared. But while the dismayed inhabitants of Port Louis were yet marvelling at the unexpected blow which had befallen them, the roaring x*f the tempest was heard again, and amid darkness and a deafening confusion of noises the hurricane once more swept over them, with even greater destructive power than before. But this time the wind came from a direction opposite to that in which it had blown at first. The effects were terrible. No structure seemed able to withstand the fury of the blast, and under the crashing walls of houses hundreds of victims were buried. The strange sequence of events just related, based upon reports that have come somewhat tardily from the stricken island, possesses a special interest because it illustrates a very interesting peculiarity of hurricanes at sea. The hurricanes of the Indian Ocean, the West Indies and the China seas are rotating storms, and the velocity of the winds whirling around the center of the storm is sometimes so great that, by a kind of centrifugal action, they are kept off from the center, pirrsuing a circular track around it, as water pouring with a whirling motion through a sink-hole in the bottom of a basin leaves an empty air space in the center. In the central part of such a hurricane there is, accordingly, a region of calm around which the winds are blowing in a broad circle. On one side of this central calm it is plain that thg direction of the wind must he diametrically opposite to its direction on the other side. But while the winls in a hurricane thus circle around the center, the storm as a whole moves slowly forward. Thus it happens that ships have been involved In the calm center of a hurricane, which is known as the “eye of the storm.” As the center passes over them they experience first a furious blow of \tfind, the precise direction of which depends upon their position, followed by a dead calm, which in turn is succeeded, if they have passed centrally through the eye of the storm, by an equally fierce wind blowing in the opposite direction. No more perilous experience can befall a vessel than to pass through the eye of a hurricane. If the reports from Mauritius correctly delineate the peculiarities of the storm which devastated that island, it seems probable that the inhabitants of Port Louis were involved in such a cyclonic .“eye” as has just been described.

Human Sympathy Is Not Vet Dead.

Old Farmer Heagle in Chemung needed water for bis stock and began to sink a well. It was a laborious task. Gradually the work neared its completion and its success seemed as sured. Alas, one clay, just as he was putting on the finishing touches, the well caved in and the labor of weeks came to naught. For a few moments

Farmer Heagle beat his breast ana tore his hair in mute despair. Then he had an inspiration. He took ofl his hat and coat and carefully laid them on the brink of the ruined well. Then he secreted himself under a neighboring haystack and awaited developments. Soon a neighbor passed the place and went to the well to inspect it. He discovered its precarious condition, and seeing Heagle’s coat and hat near by, naturally concluded that the unfortunate man had been engulfed in the ruin and was now lying at the bottom of his well. Impelled by a feeling of humanity he ran to the neighboring farm houses and gave the alarm. The news spread like a flash, and before long a vast concourse of farmers had congregated around the spot. With picks and spades they dug away at the well until they had it completely excavated. It was a long and laborious piece of work, but sympathy for the unfortunate man and an earnest desire to rescue him lent strength to the laborers. At length the task was completed and the well dug out. There was no vestige of Heagle. After searching for him in vain, the tired workers went home. Then Heagle emerged from his hidingplace, thankful that human sympathy had not entirely died out from the face of the earth.—New York Sun.

the absence of wooden blinds or shutters a very serious inconvenience when the sun reached Its highest point in the heavens, writes a correspondent. It was decided to seek a way out of the

“Ha! ha! ha!” laughed Reggy Merriman, “ha! ha! ha!” and he stuffed another suit into his overcrowded valise. “Well, old man,” said his college chum, who was helping him pack, “what do you find so funny in your thoughts just now a penny for them!” “Oh, they’re worth more—they’re rich—such a joke, ha, ha!” “Explain, or I’ll dump the contents of this valise on the floor again.” “Do you see that box?” “Yes, old man; what of it?” “It’s full of Christmas presents.” “Oh, come off, you’re crowding the season.” “Wait a bit. They’re my Christmas presents. That is the joke. Say?” “Yes, old man.” “You know I have a cousin Jenny in Jackson?” “Yesl ” “She’s in.the joke; and there’s my married sister Em at Lansing, and Bob’s wife at Pontiac, and Lil and Kate; they are other fellow’s sisters. Oh, how I do love those girls, and they, every one, will get a Christmas present out of that box.” “Why, what’s in it?” “The presents they sent me every Christmas for the past six years, ha! ha!” “But what are they?” “Have patience. They’ll save me a lot of money.” “Tell me, so I can adopt the same scheme.” “I’ll send them back all their own presents. Ha, ha!” “But, for heaven’s sake, what are they?” “Suspenders, man! Embroidered suspendersi Ha, ha! Revenge is sweet! Ha, ha, ha!”—Free Press.

An English writer tells an amusing story of a country-house where a regular daily routine is observed, and where no chance is given one of breaking the monotony. It is of a man who wanted to stay in a countryhouse, thinking it would give him the opportunity of proposing to a girl with whom he had been in love for a long time. His visit was to last a fortnight, but the last evening Came without his having had one chance of being alone with her during the whole time. As he sat at dinner (of course he was at the opposite end of the table to where she was), he felt that the time was fast passing away, and in a few hours he would no longer be in the same house with her. When the ladies went to the drawing-room, he would have to sit on in the dining-room. His host might allow him to look in .at the drawing-room for a few minutes that evening, but after that his presence would be required in the billiardroom. In utter desperation he took up the menu card, and on it wrote: “Will you marry me?” He doubled it up, telling the butler to give it to the lady in question. He did so. She read it, and with the perfect sang froid born only of the nineteenth century, said: “Tell the gentleman, “ ‘Yes.’”—Argonaut.

In the windows of a Broadway book store was recently exhibited a set of Pickering’s Shakspeare, in eight 16mo volumes. The books are mas terpieces of the printer’s and binder’s art. They are bound in half morocco, with the covers beautifully tooled. The volumes caught the eye of a good old woman, who had no doubt been seeking bargains in dry goods stores. She popped into the place and, pointing at the works, said to the salesman: “How much air them Shakspeares a dozen?” “Ninety dollars for the set of eight,” blandly answered the man. “Ninety—” and she turned and fled, forgetting her usual, “Well, I think I’ll call again.”—New York Tribune.

A well-known Boston horseman is experimenting with an innovation on the present style of sulky, which promises to revolutionize racing methods. This consists in using bicycle wheels, 28 inches in diameter, fitted with pneumatic tires, instead of the large wheels now employed. All experts say that this invention will increase the ease of trotting and the horse’s rapidity, since no time is lost nor effort required in turning on the course. The constant jar, which increases as the horse’s gait becomes more rapid, is also done away with.

The latest method adopted by Parisian undertakers for increasing their business is a circular notifying house-owners that they will be paid a handsome commission if they will promptly send word to an undertaker as soon as one of their tenants dies. On a flrst-class funeral the commission will amount to S4O, to which may be added a commission of 5 per cent, on all wreaths purchased by relatives and friends of the deceased.

Has His Revenge.

Took a Desperate Measure.

Not Sold by the Dozen.

Bicycle Wheels for Sulkies.

Commission on Funerals.

THE MACIC BEAN POD.

A Little Game Which Will Require Some Study. Take your knife and' make two parallel incisions in the lower part of the pod, shown in Fig. l in our illustration. Do this so that the fiber which unites the two ends will be separated, except at the extremities, as shown in Fig. 2. Scrape with your knife the inner surface of this fiber, so as to make it flexible, and then empty the pod of its beans. Make a hole in the middle of a bean (Fig. 3) large enough to allow the fiber, bent double, to pass through it. Then cut the ends of another pod, leaving intact the fiber which unites them. With these three elements, repre-

THE MAGIC BEAN POD.

sented in Figs. 1,2, and 3, you are ready to construct the game represented in Fig. 7. Press on the ends of the first pod (Fig. 4) so as to bend it and move the fiber away from it. Then pass this fiber, bent double, through the hole in the bean (Fig. 6) so as to pass the fiber of Fig. 2 into the buckle which is formed by the fiber on the other side of the bean. Now bend back the first pod; its fiber will come out of the hole in the bean, and that of the other pod will enter by bending double. The problem is to get the bean without breaking anything.

A Cat that Enjoyed Shooting.

I suppose I shall tax your powers of belief if I tell you many more of Middy’s doings. But truly he was a strange cat, and you may as well be patient for you will not soon hear of his equal. The captain was much given to rifle practice, and used to love to go ashore and shoot at a mark. On one of his trips he allowed Middy to accompany him, for the simple reason, I suppose, that Middy decided to go, and got on board the dingy when the captain did. Once ashore, the marksman selected a fine large rock as a rest for his rifle, and opened fire upon his target. At the first shot or two Middy seemed a little surprised, but showed no disposition to run away. After the first few rounds, however, he seemed to have made up his mind thatsince the captain was making all that racket it must be entirely right and proper, and nothing about which a cat need bother his head in the least. So, as if to show how entirely he confided in the captain’s judgment and good intentions, that imperturbable cat calmly lay down, curled up, and went to sleep in the shade of the rock over which the captain’s rifle was blazing and cracking about once in two minutes. If anybody was ever acquainted with a cooler or more self-possessed cat I should be pleased to hear the particulars.—St. Nicholas.

Liked It Seasoned.

He went into a Twenty-eighth street restaurant and sat down at the first table near the door, says the New York Commercial Advertiser—a square-built man with glasses, and a mustache that turned up at the corners. He glanced over the bill of fare, picked up a fan, and told the waiter, with the air of a Supreme court judge handing down a decision of national import, that he had decided to eat watermelon. They brought him a luscious, blushing slab of the toothsome ground fruit. Then he put it through a course of sprouts which would seem to have eliminated every vestige of the natural flavor of the fruit. First he dosed it liberally with salt. Pepper followed in proportion. Then he astonished the waiter, cashier, and diners generally by shaking the Worcestershire sauce bottle over the cold viand. He ate down to the rind with apparent gusto, and arose to go with an expression on his face as of one who hears for the first time the music of the spheres. It was sublime.

Pulse of Animals.

The pulse of the horse can be most easily detected upon the lower jaw, just forward of the curved portion, where the artery crosses the cord and bone at the same time; it may also be felt, and often its pulsations seen, upon the long ridge above the eye, or may be found inside the elbow. In health it beats forty times a minute, and when more rapid it denotes fever or excitement. If slower, weakness. In cattle it may be found over the middle of the first rib, or in the artery upon the ankle joint and should have from fifty to fifty-five beats a minute. Ia sheep it is easiest found near the middle of the inside of the thigh, and should beat seventy-five to eighty times per minute. Although not included in the query, we add that the rapidity of breathing is often as indicative of disease as the pulse, and while the horse naturally breathes nine to twelve times per minute, cattle vary from eleven to fifteen times, and faster or slower indicates nearly the same thing as it does in the pulse unless it results from overexertion.—American Cultivator. The baleful effects of war upon business enterprises and upon the development and application of inventive genius are evidenced in the history of the first Atlantic telegraph cables. The laying of the first cable was barely aocomplished when an accident caused its disuse. The civil war in the United States, immediately following, exhausted every energy of the American people, and all attempts to relay the cable were postponed till 1866, the year after the war ended. Patti the “diva” intimates that she has never been a party to the “farewell” swindle perpetrated so many times in her name. It is all the fault of her rascally managers. A scapegoat is a convenience, even in operatic business.

OCR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and JokeleU that Are Snppoeed to Have Been Recently Born—Sayings and Dolnga that Are Odd, Carious and Laughable. Short and Sharp. My father’s an Odd Fellow,” boasted a little boy. “My father’s a Free Mason,” replied the other, “an’ that’* higher, for the hod fellows wait on the masons. ” —lnsurance Echo. “Why did you leave your country boardihg-house?” asked' Smithkins. “I couldn’t stand the air,” returned Biddleman. “Couldn’t stand the air?” “Yes; the air from the landlady’s daughter’s piano.”—Baltimore News. Merrit—That’s a pretty hard doctor’s bill I had to pay. De Garry— How was that? Merrit—You see, it was for injuries received by being thrown from a horse I was riding by the doctor’s advice. —New York Evening Sun. Bunker—l thought your son, after graduating from college, was going right into business, but I hear now he is to take a post-graduate course. Hill—Yes, we thought it necessary. Bunker What is he going to study? “He’s going to learn how to spell.” “I beg your pardon,” said Miss Conventional, as the fireman came to the fifth story to rescue her, “I cannot accept your assistance without an introduction.” “Come off your perch," responded the gallant member of the B. F. D., as he lifted her down from the window sill, “I’m no dude.”— Brooklyn Eagle. Boston girl (to Uncle James): “Do you like living on a farm?” Uncle James: “Yes, I like it very much.” Boston girl: “I suppose you like it well enough in the grand summer time, but to go out in the cold and snow to gather winter apples and harvest winder wheat I imagine might bo anything but pleasant.”—New Moon.

They were a party of Chicagoans at Parker’s. One asked the waiter: “What is q-u-a-h-o-g chowder? (spelling the word). And when all had learned that the baby quahogs are Little Neck clams, one of the Chicagoans smiling, said, “Well, it sounds home-like,” and another jocosely remarked: “I thought quahog must be some form of pork. ” —Boston Transcript. Mrs. Isaacs—“ How you got your clothes so full of cotton?” Mr. Isaacs (brushing himself) —“I vos showing a gustomer dose all vool goots. ” —Life. A Rapid Growth.—She—Do you notice how rapidly the city is growing? He—Yes, indeed; I owe twice as many people as I did a year ago.— Brooklyn Life. The law allowing three days’ grace on a note doesn’t apply to musicians, They must take up the notes at sight as they come due, or the whole will go to protest—Siftings. Mr. Snoozle —lt appears that in railroad accidents the first and last cars are always the ones injured. Mrs. S.—Why not leave them off the train?—Harper’s, Weekly.

New Boarder (just arriving)— What is that curious rattling noise? I hope there are no snakes about here! Landlord’s Son—That’s the boarders’ teeth you hear —their mornin’s chill’s cornin’ on.—Puck. Hojack —Some people have their wishes fulfilled very promptly. Tomdik—Are you prepared to specify? Hojack—Well, I know a man in Kansas who put up a sign reading, “This House for Sail,” and the very next day a cyclone carried it into the next county.—Harper’s Bazar. “Do you suppose,” asked the Sun-day-school teacher, “that the prodigal son greeted his father loudly and joyfully?” “I reckon not,” said the bright boy. “His voice must ’a’ be’n kinder husky.”—Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly. Conundrum submitted for the Post’s gold eagle prize: What make* a coach dog spotted? The spots.— Boston Post. Young Wife (at midnight)—“Wake up! Wake up!” Husband—“ What is it, dear? robbers?” Young Wife—- “ Mercy no! You asked me at supper what ailed the cake. It just happened to come to me this minute. I forgot to put any sugar in it.”— Truth. “My hired man has a fine laborsaving device.” “What is it?” “Chills. They save him from laboring three days out of five.”—Harper’s Bazar. “I hate to give these clothes away,” remarked Jagson, as he opened the mildewed chest, “but it is a case of must.”—Elmira Gazette.

Sunday-school Teacher —What lesson are we to learn from the story of Jonah and the whale? Pupil—To stay on dry land.—Judge. The latest story is really that of the man who is telling his wife how it happens he hasn’t come home till 2 o’clock in the morning. A tourist on a very hot day was watching a man who, with head uncovered, was laboriously turning a windlass which most clumsily hoisted from a shaft a bucket filled with rock. Said the tourist: “My friend, why don’t you cover up your head? This hot sun will affect your brain.” “Brain, is it?” replied the man. “If I had any brains d’ye think I’d be here pulling up this blooming buck-et?”—Tid-Bits.

Sad Signs at Blackwell’s Island.

At the insane asylum on Blackwell’s Island it is said that when the insane are first committed they are visited by family and friends. The friends drop off, but father, mother, sisters and brothers return week by week, month by month. TSfen the brothers appear no more. At length the father leaves to the mother and sisters the duty of looking after the afflicted son or daughter. The girls marry, and husband and babies claim their time. Then the day comes when the mother alone is seen. Year in and year out, unmindful of the weather, unheeding the season, comes the mother. When she comes no more they know at the asylum that she is dead.—Argonaut