Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 August 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jokeleta that Are Supposed te Her# Been Recently Born- Sayiafa aad Doings that Are Odd. Curious and Laughable. Sei .gored Smiles. “Are you busy?” asked the mug of the growler. “Busy is no name for it, ” replied the growler; “I’m rushed. ” —Judge Lady—“l wish to get a birthday present for my husband.” Clerk—- " How long married?" Lady—“ Ten years.” Clerk—“ Bargain counter, to the right.”—New York Weekly. “I’m going to get a hair cut this afternoon.” “You’d better get several.” Several hair cuts?” “No; several hairs cut. -Puck. “Dear Father: We are well and happy. The baby has grown ever so much, and has a great deal more sense than he used to have. Hoping the same of you, I remain your daughter, Molly.”—-Texas Shiftings. Jack—What are you feeling so blue about? Tom—l got into the habit of kissing Imogen whenever she got angry at me. Jack—Yes? Tom—And now her temper is completely ruined. —New York Herald. “The style of writing that you do must be very hard work.” Herbert—- “ Well, it is; but what made you think of it?” Gladys —“Why, it makes me tired to read it.”—Chicago Inter Ocean. Mrs. Van Leever—“Didn’t you once say that it was cheaper to move than to pay rent?" Van Leever (dubiously)—“Yes; but I was younger then. Now I’m convinced that it’s cheapest of all to burn out and get your insurance.”—Broooklyn Life. Mr. Smith (to Mrs. Parveuu, who has been telling him about her new house) —I suppose you will have dutab-waiters in the bouse? Mrs. P. —No, I shan’t. I had a deaf cook once, and I Vowed then never to have another crippled servant.—Brooklyn Life.

Farmer’s boy—There's going to be a minstrel show in Pinktown next week. Can I Old Hayseed—Gee Whittaker! It ain’t besn a month sence you went to the top o’ th’ hill to see the ’clipse of th’ moon. D'yuh wanter always be on th’ go?—Good News. W atts —“I usually manage to swallow most of these newspaper stories, but when they tell of an Indian in New Mexico digging his way out of jail with two toothpicks, I weaken." Potts—“l guess you never saw a New Mexico toothpick.” Journal. Three different waiters at a Southern hotel asked a little, prim, precise Harvard professional at dinner, in quick succession, if he would have soup. A little annoyed, he said to the last waiter who asked: “Is it compulsory?” “No, sah,” answered our friend and brother, “no, sah, 1 think it am mock-turtle.” Hard and Easy Lives.—Little girl—My papa has to get up awful early, so as to get to the office and see if his clerks is there attendin’ to business. Little boy—My papa don’t have to. He’s one of the clerks.— Good News. Country Bookseller (to miner who has previously invested in a dictionary)—“Oh, you must look among the S’s for scissors, not the Z’s.” “Well, how’s Oi to know? Wot’s t’ good of a dictionary without a hindex?”—Tid Bits. The story is told of an eminent divine and his bright boy that is not devoid of instructiveness. The father had a way of saying to his son when leaving home: “Remember whose boy you are.” The lad one day turned the tables by calling out to his father: “Good-by, papa; remember whose father you are.” New York Examiner. Lady (to servant) —Matilda, have you watered the flowers? Matilda Snowball—Yes, mum. I done watered ’em more’n two weeks ago.—Texas Siftings. .

Miss Mcßean (tourist from Boston) —“lt’s strange that the Sphinx keeps silent in the face of the remarks of these vulgar people.” Mr. Bacon (ditto, from Chicago)—“lt wouldn’t, I reckon, if it didn’t have lots o’ sand. ” —Smith, Gray & Co. 's Monthly. “I tell you,” he said disconsolately, “women are altogether too busi-ness-like nowadays.” “What’s/the matter?” “I proposed to the heiress yesterday.” “Did she accept you?” “No; she took out her notebook, wrote my name and address in it and said she would consider my application.”— Washington Star. Mr. Van Astor (settling his hotel bill at Barboransett Pier) —“I say, landlord, I don’t object generally to bills, but some of these items are outrageous. What’s that $8 for on the 10th?” The Landlord (with dignity) —“You forget, sir, that on that day we had your valise moved at your request from one side of your room to the other.”—Chicago News Record. “What’s all this dust on those wheels that were left in the carriage house last night?” the Bridgeport man asked of his hired girl, who held the lamp for him while he unharnessed the horse. “Sure, sir, it’s the insect powder.” “Insect thunder! What’s that for?” “And didn’t the man who brought them say as they were the ould buggy wheels that were to be kept here awhile? And I was that afeard the bugs would be gittin’ into the house that I thought I’d fumigate ’em, I don’t know.”