Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 August 1892 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OP THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Long ha bis Phase* of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists <W Our Ova Day. Scissored Smiles. The male voice a girl likes tost to hear—the one with a “ring” to it. He—“No one can understand ‘what the wild waves are saying.’” She—“Of course not. The ocean is so very deep.”—New York Herald. First Mamma—“l see you have got your boys soHae pretty suits.” Second Mamma—“Yes, that’s the only way I can keep them in check.” Texas Siftings. A West Philadelphia maiden is mourning the loss of her fine poll parrot. She attempted to force it to sing “Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay.”—Philadelphia Record. The pen is mightier than the sword; and does a good deal more cutting, too. There is a family of the name of Pancake in Dade County, Mo. What’s the batter with that name, anyhow? —Kansas City Journal. A Kansas newspaper man wrote a communication to a rival editor calling him an ass, and then signed it, “Yours fraternally,"—Texas Siftings. “They say McGinnis made a very effective speech at the political meeting last night. ” “Effective? You tot! ‘Barkeep,’ he said, ‘charge the whole bill to me, ’ ” —Chicago Tribhne. Mrs. Gadder—Have you seen Mrs. Hemphill since her husband eloped with the cook? Mrs. De Gush—Yes. She doesn’t care; she was going to give the cook not ice, any way.—Brooklyn Life. Delicate to a Fault.—Mrs. Slimson—My Clara is an awfully delicate girl; she can’t stand anything. Mrs. Yon Blumer—Neither can my‘Maude. She put on a sailor hat the other day, and it made her seasick.—Cloak Review. “How do you like your new flannel shirts, Wiggins?” “Oh t! they’re great! Had ’em washed a coupler of tjmesy and now I'm keeping them-to wear for wristbands in the winter. cago News. “ ’Rastus kissed me on bofe Ups larst night,” said Dinah. “Gwuffum hyah! Not bofe at once, chile?”*— Judge. “Papa, I guess there isn’t any plumbers in heaven, " said a 6-year-old youngster one rainy day. “Why pot, my son?” “Because the sky seems to leak so easy.”—Texas Siftings. Stranger—“ What do you have the wires on that barbed-wire fence so close together for?” Missouri Farmer —“So that when the river- rises we can use it for a flsb-net.”—Judge. Long—“l know an artist who painted a runaway horse. It was so natural that the beholders jumped out of the way.” Downing—.“ Humph! My friend McGilp painted a portrait of a lady that , was so natural that he had to sue her for his bij.l.”—Life’s Calendar. , *• '5 Mrs. B.—Have you relatives, Norah?, 'Norah—Only avaunt, mum; ap’she isn!t what Wight call nqar, for It’s in Ne\V Orleans she lives, mum.—^Brooklyn4Jlip. \ >'* The Western Bad Man.—Arizona Abe—Didn’t yeh shoot him when he insulted yeh? Howling Hank-s-Naw. Thar wus nuthin’ 'around that I could shoot from behind.—New York Herald. “Don’t yez be toird av that policeman yet?” said the up-stairs girl|to the cook. “Yis. But Oi can’t have any other company.” “Why?” “Because Michael says that if Oi do he’ll arrest'im for conti mpt of coort.”— Washington Star. Boggs—Funny how the ‘papers are all the time, talking about the plant of an iron mill; next thing they’ll to telling us that this strange plant produces flowers. Joggs—They do already; you may read every day about the output of steel blooms. It is altogether useless to try to talk politics to the man who was married only a week ago.—Somerville Journal. Jack Tar—We ain’t so very fur from land, Jim. There has been a yacht along here lately. Jifn—How do you know? Jack Tar—See all them champagne corks.—Grip Waiter (seeing dissatisfaction on guest’s face) —Wasn’t that fowl cooked to, suit you, sir? GuestYes, all but the bill; just take that back and tell them to boil it down a little.—Harper’s Weekly. How it does recall old times to see your boy come home with another boy’s shirt on'and his back sunburned from his hair to his heels! It makes a fellow want to be a boy and go swimming again himself.—Bradford Era. A young man, his eye blackened, his editor and necktie disordered, bis coat torn, his hair tossing wildly and wearing no hat, was rushing along one of the, streets of the Back Bay when he encountered his best girl. “Oh, Henry!” she exclaimed, in an ajony of distress, “I know it ail! You have seen father.”—Boston Post. must have beep a mer<£boy wjien he was inaugurated'President,” said Mrs. Wilkins “I saw an engraving of the scene the oi her day, and Washington was- in short trousers. * —Harper’s Bazar.* Mrs. .Van. Cruger—“lt strikes me, my flirting has become almost a scienbe. It reminds me of chess.” Edith 'ibeodora— “Yes, mamma, that's so. You can’t get along without the-men, you know.” —Boston Budget The new Kansas State-house, on which over $2,000,000 has'been expended, anctoVvhith is not' yetcomjfieted, is; s£fs to be in danger of falling dowp;' owing to poor material used. The! suge\sto>pes at the base of the do3hW"SM* spotting and crumbling, and the entire structure is endangered. The Legislature, through State pride, required Kansas stone to.be used, and the result*is a defective building. Srate pride should to tempered with commoitsOdse.