Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 August 1892 — Page 6

8t)« BentocraticSentinel RENSSELAER, INDIANA. J. W. McEWEN, - - - Publisher

ELECTIONS IN ENGLAND

MISERIES OF THE PARLIAMENTARY CANDIDATE. Humors of a British Political Meeting —Visiting the Candidate Kvadlng Troublesome Inquiries—Who May Vote for a Candidate lor the Commons. -A Par]lam«-n tury Pieotion. The iroperviousneSs of the average British skull to a joke-prevents a general and thorough appreciation of'the humors of a British election. The English have a faculty of taking everything ■with the utmost seriousness, and as an election is, to them, the most important affair in .which the British can engage, every step in its progress, from the dissolution of the old Parliament to the assembling of the new, is taken with overpowering solemnity that is often very,funny. According to the GlobeDemocrat, every one who has anything to do with the affair, no matter how small and intlgnificSnt his shard may be, is profoundly impressed with a

sense of his own importance and of the fact that he is making history, and so goes about the job with an earnestness that does him much credit, but often fails to impress the bystanders in the manner intended. From the candidate himself to the Chairman of a popular meeting, and from the latter pompous functionary to tho humble sharer in political work who walks up and down the sti eets bearing two boards on which is inscribed advice to voters as to the proper person to receive their encouragement and votes, every one feel 3, or seems to feels, that he is a part of one stupendous whole, and conducts himself accordingly. The infrequency of parliamentary elections in Great Britain, as compared with those for Congress in this country, has a tendency to increase their importance in the eyes of the people, and the local interest is not in the least diminished by the fact that, as a general thing, up to a short time before the election few of the electors in many or the boroughs know for whom they will be called on to cast their votes, ior the leaders of the two parties Choose the candidates and assign them to districts, so that a Scotchman may be called on to contest a borough in the south of England, while an Englishman goes to Scotland to solicit tho favor of the people there. The fact that they frequently have never seen their candidate until he appears before them on the hustings does not disturb the determination of the men of his parly to vote for him, and when he “comes down" from London—for in England London is “up," and everywhere else is “down"—to address them, they turn out with an enthusiasm torn of a zeal for the party to give him a welcome. Suppose, then, that the Liberals propose to contest a scat in Kent and the

Liberal management sends down John Smith to make the canvass. John goes doJira.visits Oranbrook.Biddenden.Harsmonden, Goudhurst and other Villages in.. his district, shakes hands with the men, Win? about the 'health of their “missuses” and the children, and goes through other processes of an electoral

WINNING THE [?]CHER'S NOTE.

eanv&ss as familiar to voters in this as in England. But John’s e&nn&s is not to be completed without makfatg • public appearance of some klndfcbfor much as the English, people fidicxl 6 the American of li&lltfngktfcedW'c flo <-* is itokjaftt as strong in of am in any part of America.

Long before the'ooming of the would-be M. P. a meeting has been arranged, and ct this gathering Mr. Smith is expected to outline the policy of his party, to show hotrlt alone is the salvation of the country, to explain what it has done in

the past and what it proposes to do in the future, and to prove, to the satisfaction of all the Liberals in hearing, that the Tories are dragging the nation to swift and certain destruction.

TRYING TO MAKE UP HIS MIND

For a day or two before small hoys halve distributed hapdbi Us through the town and vicinity inviting the voters to turn out in force to the meeting in, for instance, the vestry hall of Cranbrook. The hall, which is a place of public assembly. will spat 300 or 400 people, and on the evening of the meeting is packed

to suflocation with voters anxious to hear what Mr. Bmithhaa to say,. Liberals ape tjhero, of course, in great numbers, but among them is a liberal sprinkling of Tory adhprepts, who have cbme to have & little fun and to make things

THE CANDIDATE'S FAMILY.

Interesting Tor Mr. Smith and his supporters. Long before n eeting is called I lo order a war of words has been begun ; betweon the men of the two parties, 1 and,they quarrel in pairs over the issues ’ of the canvass, each making the matter j entirely personal to himself and opponent, The entiy of the Chairman apd local committee ushering in John Smith is the signal for prolonged" uproar, .The Chairman and !ee#l tee are jeered at by their acquaintances of, the opposite political laith I# the crowd, the candidate is cheered and hooted, while comments t n his personal appearance are often too ponied to bo agreeable. The Chairman finally succeeds in bringing tho meeting to, some show of order and introduces John Smith, who, with desperation in bis heart,.begins the task of running the gauntlet of a, fine 1 of quostionse<hiVd interruptions from the mob. Unless Ihe meeting has beeh packed there are always sturdy opponents present to ask inopportune questions, and thee* self-appointed cross-examiners do their work well, frequently driving a candidate almost wild with their tshaWesome queries. Sbrfcre they; to be put down or overawed' They have generally prepared themselves beforehand With -e fist 0! j questions, and refer to their memoranda from time to time eo as to omit none of the Bat. . • . . After 1 the tow bdtwecti th'e two sacprogressed so s point Where , alternation is evidently about to be sus;- . seeded by Sstieoffa. a compromise Is

THE CHAIRMAN.

generally effected, the most pertinacious and troublesome of the opponents is invited to a seat on the platform, to become a partof the meeting, and is thin expected to hold his peace until given a chance to speak his mind. The compromise is generally respocted so far as he is concerned, but his followers do not in any wise consider themselves restrained by the courtesy shown their leader, but lesort to every possible means to interrupt and embarrass tho speakers. They shout, they groan, they yell, they whistle, they call out, “ ’Earl ’ear!” in the most ironically annoying way. They bring (o their assistance various instruments of music; tuneful and otherwise, on which they execute fantasias of the most earsplitting description; they crow like cooks, they bellow like cows, they bray like donkeys. Poor John Smiih, who is all the while endeavoring to sot forth his deolafption of principles and t,o give his' personal pledges as to tho policy he will adopt if elected, might as well sing comic songs as speak, for should ha do so, few would be the wiser. But he perseveres, recites as much of his prepared speech as he has not forgotten in the uproar, and fills up the time with such remarks as occur to him on the spur of the moment or are suggested by the more or less impertinent questions of tho mob. Tired out by his efforts he finally takes his seat, and is vigorously applauded by his female relatives on the platform, who have listened to his address with looks of admiration at the profundity of his wisdom, and with reproachful and contemptuous glances at the crowd which did not appreciate such talent.

The close of John’s speech is the signal for an outbreak compared to which the uproar that prevailed all along was a trifle.. Some of the audience desire to hear o ( her speakers of the samo party as tho candidate, others ?wish to have a taste of something different, and | the leader of the opposition, who wasinvited on the platform in order to keep him quiet, usually seizes the opportunity of the lull to spring to his feet and begin an answer to the statements and arguments that have been ad- j vanced by the candidate. Ho is often successful, for the spirit of fair play is i strong among the English people, but | not infrequently, when the local com- j mittee deems the situation inopportune, he is, on one excuse or other, suppressed j whereupon he retires in high dudgeon ' from the platform and. gives utterance to his dissatisfaction from a chair in. the back part of the room. A few days later the Tories have their meeting in the same loom, and are addressed by their candidate, the same scenes being enacted, this time, however, the Liberals appb'ating' as the disturbing element, and; in alt probability a member of the Liberal Ideal e*>nuuitt^£ Appearing in tho ro.e of chief Srumblef, and, being invited to a seat oi} the platform to secure a temporary respite while the Tory candidate airs Ws views. . Disorderly as they often are, however, the political meetings of the present day are a marked improvement dyer those desorlbed by Dickens half a ffentury ago, when the nominating, meetings were oiten riotous. No one who lias read the great novelist’s picture of the election in which Mr. Pickwick and his friends bore an humble part can ever forget the description; and yet, from the evidence given by less imaginative writers, there is reason to believe the sketch is little, If at all, overdrawn.

The methods of canvassing after the nominations have been made have, however, undergone little change. The number of voters, though largely increased during the last fifty years, is still restricted as compared with tho system of universal suffrage of the Lnited States, and the efforts to obtain votes are proportionately more energetic. The hand-shaking goes on with vigor from tho nomination until polling is ended, and many a tin ) lady, eager fog the success'Of her favorite candidate, condescends to solicit in person the favor of men on whom at other times she would not deign to bestow a glance. In a close election the canvassing is carried on with a vigor of which the people of this country know nothing, for in a district where the antecedents of every man for generat ous are perfectly well known to ail, tho only hope of success lies in inducing voters of the opposite political faith to change their minds; and the difficulty of doing this can be imagined only when the rugged se'f-reliance, not to say obstinacy, of the British.voter is laken into consideration. The time was when votes were sold and bought almost openly, but that time has gone by; if there is bribery now it la so carefully hidden as to be invisible even to tho shrewd guardians of public order. But the voters are not the only persons subjected t > moral pressure while the canvass is in progress. In every British community.'as in every part of the United States, there are men and women who imagine that the world is on iheir shoulders, and that, should they remove their support, the moral universe would tot'erand tall. These are the men and women who form societies for the purpese of bringing about what the rest of the world calls impossibilities. Sometimes they succeed, sometimes they fail; in the former case they are placed on the pedestal of fame as i benefactors, leaders of the world’s | thought, and persons to whom after ages will po’ nt with pride; in the latter, they are denominated cranks, and are pronouneed lit for the lunatic asylum. Whether cranky or philanthropic, how- : ever, taey are equal v troublesome to an anxious candidate when they copie to demand what policy he intends to pursue in regard to the idea they have made it their business to fo9ter, and j the unfortunate maa is often put to not i a little une&s.ness when a woman’s- ! rights delegation or a temperance j committee calls upon him to express himself explicitly in regard to these questions. To oppose them is to lose the support of all on their side; to favor them is to suffer a certain loss, probably much greater, among those who regard their pet theories as lolly; to, be noncommittal' is to run the possibility of loss in lot directions. To steer j clear of ih«e difficulties is no easy mat- : ter, particularly as the people who con-

stitute themselves a committee to elicll the candidate’s’views are not usually disposed to tolerate evasion, but demand an unequivocal statement; and the example of the candidate in the last

A BAD SELECTION FOR SANDWICH MAN.

Parliamentary election, who, whenevei informed that a delegation was on its way to his house, hid in the garret, leaving word that ho gone to London, would be followed by more than one unhappy contestant, did he not fear the consequences of such evasion even more than the results of an interview. But from one kind of pressure, that for appointment to office, the candidate for Parliament is almost entirely free. There are, to be sure, in Great Britain as in the United States, numerous patriots who are’ willing to serve their country at a fixed and liberal salary, but the incoming of a new administration with a new policy, does not mean there, as here, a general exodus of Government officials. Civil service has, in Great Britain, passed beyond the experimental stage, and is as firmly grounded as any other principle of administrative government. With the defeat of the administration, the ministry and a few heads of departments go out, but the great body of English publio servants, after being appointed, are secure in their places no matter how great the political unht avals that from time to time take place in the nation. Prime ministers may come and go, but the clerlpn a government department, the country-postmiaStorf stays on, unaffectedby the Wi»tigi ; ’’iii ! ttomesttc or foreign policy that may be involved In the election. Mention has already been made of the comparatively restricted number of English voters by whom the candidate for Parliament is confirmed in his election. Small as are these numbers compared with our unlimited suffrage, they are large when compared with the classes of voters who exorcised the franchise before the reform bill of 1868, which was passed by the Conservative Government of Disraeli. Under this document voters in counties' comprised 40 shilling freeholders, or those owning property in fee of that annual value, Ihose possessing a life estate of the annual value of 40 shillings, which, if not occupied, must have been possessed before 1833, those possessing a life estate of the annual value of £3, lessees for not less than sixty years of the annual value of £■>, or for twenty years of the annual value of i. 50, and occupiers of lands rated at £l2 a year. In boroughs the voters ■ comprise the rated .ocupiers of dwellings who have paid their poor ra’tes, occupiers of premises, not dwelling houses, of the annual value of £lO, and lodgers occupying premises of the annual value of £lO. The bars of suffrage were thus let down to a very low notch, but in spite of this fact great numbers of the Queen’s subjects are still disfranchised, and have neither part nor lot in the election of their representatives in Parliament.

Bent on Paying His Fare.

He sat in a Sixth avenue elevated railrohd car, : and twirled a 5-cent piece expectantly. At length he turned to a New York Tribune reporter, who happened to be sitting near him, and said; “What’s the fare on this road?” “Five cents.” “Don’t they collect it?” “Certainly not. You buy a ticket at the station where you get'on and put it In the box on the platform.” “That’s strange,” raid the man with the unused nickel. “Somehow I’ve slipped in without paying. You see,” he added confidentially, “I’m from California, and we don't ride around In this sort of thing out there. Guess I can put in a ticket when I get off, can't 1?” “Well,” said the reporter, “the elevated road crowds and hustles us so that some New-Yorkers wouldn’t hesitate to ‘beat’ the road if it were in such an unintentional manner as you have done it.” “I think I had better pay,” said the Californian decidedly. And at Fourieenth street he lei t the train and said to the ticket chopper; “.Somehow or other I have ridden up here from Chambers street without paying anything. “Saved a nickel, did yer?” “I want to pay now.” “Hey?” “I say I want to pay for my ride.” “Don’t live in New York, do you?” “No.” “Didn’t come from Jersey or Brooklyn, did yer?” “No.” “Where did you come from?” “California.” “Convention?” “Yes.” “Well, you go round to that window,” gasped the chopper, “plank down five cents for a ticket, and come back and put it in this box. Then let me look at yer. I’ve chopped tickets goin’ on three years, but I never seed a man like you before.”

The Oldest Language.

Probably the oldest known specimens of recorded larfguage in the world to-day are the inscriptions on the door-sockets and brick stamps found at pilfer by the Babylonian exploration expedition of the University of Pennsylvania, which has recently returned. The brick stamps, which are of yellow clay, about four by five inches and an inch in thickness, bear the name and titles of King Sargon and his son Narim-Sin, who lived about 3800 B. C., and they were taken from the mound which covers the site of ancient Nipptiru, with its famous temple of Baal. The expedition also found many other objects of interest, such as clay tablets containing contracts, lists of goods, temp o incomes, art fragments, and images sold by the temple fakirs. These throw much light on the history of the people as opposed to that of the kings, and the work of the expedition carries Babylonian records back one thousand years, to a time of which practically nothing has hitherto been known. The antiauitjes found are now in tile 'university museum. Tbe American gcoseberries requira prunnig every year.

Almost a Miracle.

On the day of the Wyoming massacre in 1778, when more than threo hundred persons—men, women and children, were butchered by the Indians, Amos Stafford, a youth of nineteen years, had what might almost be called a miraculous escape. According to the account given by Mr. Stone in his “Reminiscences of Saratoga,” young Stafford was one of a reserve of riflemen. Shortly before the engairement ended the third man from him in the line fell, then the second, then the man next to him. His own turn would come next. By this time, however, he had perceived that these fatal shots were preceded by a puff of smoke from behind a certain log, An. sJ.iicfian was picking off the reserve. Amos kept his eye upon the spot. Presently a head appeared above the log. Instantly a bullet sped thither, and danger from that quarter was at an end. Soon the order was given to retreat. Stafford waited to reload, and then ran to an adjacent wheat field, where he hoped to lie concealed till dark; but the Indians stumbled upon him, and he was forced to jump up and run. As he ran he glanced over his shoulder. An Indian was upon his heels, with tomahawk lifted. Amos ran—he could do nothing else—and pretty soon came to a brush fence. He cleared it at a bound, faced about, and as his pursuer mounted it he shot him dead. Then he threw his musket into the rushes and plunged into the river. A shower of bullets followed him, but he dived, and on coming up struck out for the opposite shore. Thence he ran behind a ridge and jumped into a marshy spring. An Indian, passed near him, but he suspected nothing. Young Stafford remained thereover night, hearing meanwhile the cries and shrieks of the garrison of Forty Fort, whom the Indians were massacring. The next two nights he passed in a hollow tree. The woods were alive with savages. Once two or three sat upon the log in which Amos was lying. He heard the bullets rattle in their pouches. They even looked into the hollow, but a spider—so Stafford says—had spun a web over the entrance, and of course the Inflfans took that as proof that nobody vvas hidden inside. Three days and nights he lay concealed, without food, and worse yet, without clothing—for he had stripped while swimming the river—till nature could stand it no longer. He crawled out of his den, and determined to give himself up to the first persons he should meet. These happened to be a party of Tories. “God bless you, Amos!” said one of them. “How came you here in this condition?” They gave him food and clothing, and on the second night he escaped. The next morning he reached the American camp, to which he brought the first news of the defeat and massacre at Wyoming.

Rouging Sleepers.

In the olden time church services were so long—prayers, hymns, and sermons—that it is no wonder that many of the hard-worked people in the congregations could not keep awake. Both in the old world and in the new various devices were resorted to for the purpose of banishing sleep from the church. Among these was not the mcdern one of making the services short and interesting. Our English fathers tried several methods of breaking up the offensive practice. One method was that known as “bobbing,” a term thus explained by a writer in Notes and Queries: “My mother can remember Betty Finch, a very masculine sbrt of woman, being the ‘bobber’ at Holy Trinity Church in the year 1810. She walked very majestically along the aisles during divine service, armed with a great long stick like a flshingrod, which had a bob fastened to the end of it; and when she caught any sleeping or talking, they got a ‘nudge-. ’" Doctor Thirlwall, Bishop of St. David’s, gives in one of his “Letters” an amusing account of a Kerry custom for awakening sleepers in church. “It is by ancient custom a part of the sexton’s duty to perambulate the church during service time with a bell in his hand, to look carefully into every pew, and whenever he finds any one dozing to ring the bell. “He discharges this duty, it is said, with great vigilance, intrepidity and impartiality, and consequently with the happiest effect on the congregation; for as everybody is certain that if he or she gives way to drowsiness the fact will be forthwith made known through the church by a peal which will direct all eyes to the sleeper, the fear of such a visitation is almost always sufficient to keep everyone on the alert.”

Aphorisms.

The greatest remedy for anger is delay.—Seneca. Apologies only account for that which they do not alter.—Disraeli. Blessings may appear under the shape of pains, losses and dissappointments. but let him have patience and he will see them to their proper figure.—Addison. Calamities that seem insupportable when looked at from a distance lose half their power if met and resisted with fortitude. James -Fenimore Cooper. Cheerfulness, the character of common hope, is, in strong hope, like glimpses of sunshine on a cloudy day. —Joanna Baillie. Conditions are pi asant or grievous to us according to our sensibilities.— Lew Wallace. Fine sense and exalted sense are not half so useful as common sense. —Pope. To bear complaints is wearisome alike to the wretched and the happy. —.Johnson. Equality is the life of conversation, and he is as much out who assumes to himself any part above another as he who considers himself below the rest of society.—Steele. It is pretty certain that Corot, the French artist, did not paint more than 700 sketches, and yet there have been 12,000 examples of his work palmed upon a picture-buying public, which has only just begun to learn that auction-catalogued pictures are not always what they pretend to be.

SHE’S EDITOR AND MANAGER.

A Kansas Woman Has Taken Charge of a Dally Political Organ. But few women have aspired to the management and editorial control of daily political papers, although those who have assumed such control have been successful. Last month, Mrs. Frank T. Lynch placed her name at the head of the Leavenworth (Kan.) Standard, and has taken active business and editorial management of that paper. Mrs. .Sara Blair Lynch, or Mrs. Frank T. Lynch, as she will hereafter be known, comes from a newspaper family. Her grandfather, Samuel Mcdary, was- the editor of the Ohio Statesman; afterward th.e Critic, published at Columbus, Ohio. In its day it' was' the organ of the Democratic party in the West, and 3Jt. Medary’s name was a talisman worn in the heart of every old-time Democrat. He was also Territorial Governor of Minnesota and afterward of Kansas. Mrs. Lynch’s father, General C. W. Lynch, has also been in editorial harness, having been editor and proprietor of the Democratic Standard of Georgetown, Ohio. Thus when the unexpected death of Frank T. Lynch, who was the friend of every man in Kansas, left the Leavenworth Standard without a head, that place was naturally assumed by Mrs. Lynch. Having been left a widow with two children, and the newspaper property, what so natural as that her inherited instincts should lead her to follow the path in which had walked grandfather, father, and husband. Mrs. Lynch was born in Leavenworth in October, 1862. She was educated at the Sacred Heart Convent in Cincinnati, and Completed her studies at Mrs. Piatt’s finishing

MRS. FRANK T. LYNCH.

school at Utica, N. Y. She was married to Frank T. Lynch in Leavenworth in 1885. Mrs. Lynch is lady alternate from ltansas to the World’s Fair, though not yet called upon to act. ■ Apparent Failure. In an office adjoining a large can> ning factory may be found every morning a tall, bright-faced young woman busy with her pile of mail. She is interrupted from time to time by the approach of the overseer, to whom she gives orders, or of whom she asks advice. “Do you remember, ” she inquired of an old school friend who called one day to congratulate her ou her success in business, “how I wished to to a professor of bioiogv, and how 1 mourned over the failure of my plans? I have come to believe in failure, or rather to think that what we call failure is often only a step to success. ” Her story is an interesting one. Her father died suddenly, overcome by financial difficulties; aud the' girl of seventeen was compelled to leave college, and do something to support her family. She attempted writing for the magazines, but her articles were invariawy returned. The yard behind her mother’s house was filled with fruit-trees bearing abundantly. Her last hope seemed to hang there. She began canning and preserving, and found ready sale for her careful work. The next year she invented and began to manufacture an improved can, and by the time she was twenty-five years of age she competed successfully with the great canning companies of the country. At the breaking out of the war Louisa Alcott offered her services as a nurse, and started off for the Georgetown hospital “as if she were the son of the family going to war.” Before two months had passed she was taken terribly ill, and for weeks lay at the point of death. She never fully recovered her former health. Her brief hospital experience seemed one grand mistake. Convalescing, however, she began to write her “Hospital Sketches,” the result of personal feeling and observation, which to her surprise made a great hit, and showed her the vein in which she afterward became famous.

The late Professor Freeman, of England, whose work upon the Norman Conquest is one of the greatest monuments of English historical scholarship, competed when a young man with his classmates at Oxford for a prize essay. The subject given out was the, Effect 6i th'e 'Norman Conquest, ffftd it was a shbject about which he had been interested ever since he could think! at ail, “I had,” he said afterward, “the good luck hot to g'et th'd prize. Had I received' ft, I, might have been tempted 'Jo think I knew all about the matter. As it was I went on and learned about it.” Failure d6&5 hot' mean final defeat. There is something more to be feared than failure, aud that is the early success which deludes the recipient into trusting in anything but patient, persevering toil.—Youth’s Companion. When Bernhardt reached home she showed a mysterious box to a reporter and remarked: “That box is very dear to me. It is filled with American sand.” Thus is the English language murdered in its transmission ny cable. Every American, however, will be able to translate that word “sand” into the vernacular “dust.” John L Sullivan’s treasurer has been arrested, charged with embezzlement. John’s example being contagious, the treasurer took to knocking down the only thing he was good for—namely, the receipts. A complete buggy to sections was not long ago shipped from this country to Mexico by the parcel post.

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OP THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Long ha bis Phase* of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists <W Our Ova Day. Scissored Smiles. The male voice a girl likes tost to hear—the one with a “ring” to it. He—“No one can understand ‘what the wild waves are saying.’” She—“Of course not. The ocean is so very deep.”—New York Herald. First Mamma—“l see you have got your boys soHae pretty suits.” Second Mamma—“Yes, that’s the only way I can keep them in check.” Texas Siftings. A West Philadelphia maiden is mourning the loss of her fine poll parrot. She attempted to force it to sing “Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay.”—Philadelphia Record. The pen is mightier than the sword; and does a good deal more cutting, too. There is a family of the name of Pancake in Dade County, Mo. What’s the batter with that name, anyhow? —Kansas City Journal. A Kansas newspaper man wrote a communication to a rival editor calling him an ass, and then signed it, “Yours fraternally,"—Texas Siftings. “They say McGinnis made a very effective speech at the political meeting last night. ” “Effective? You tot! ‘Barkeep,’ he said, ‘charge the whole bill to me, ’ ” —Chicago Tribhne. Mrs. Gadder—Have you seen Mrs. Hemphill since her husband eloped with the cook? Mrs. De Gush—Yes. She doesn’t care; she was going to give the cook not ice, any way.—Brooklyn Life. Delicate to a Fault.—Mrs. Slimson—My Clara is an awfully delicate girl; she can’t stand anything. Mrs. Yon Blumer—Neither can my‘Maude. She put on a sailor hat the other day, and it made her seasick.—Cloak Review. “How do you like your new flannel shirts, Wiggins?” “Oh t! they’re great! Had ’em washed a coupler of tjmesy and now I'm keeping them-to wear for wristbands in the winter. cago News. “ ’Rastus kissed me on bofe Ups larst night,” said Dinah. “Gwuffum hyah! Not bofe at once, chile?”*— Judge. “Papa, I guess there isn’t any plumbers in heaven, " said a 6-year-old youngster one rainy day. “Why pot, my son?” “Because the sky seems to leak so easy.”—Texas Siftings. Stranger—“ What do you have the wires on that barbed-wire fence so close together for?” Missouri Farmer —“So that when the river- rises we can use it for a flsb-net.”—Judge. Long—“l know an artist who painted a runaway horse. It was so natural that the beholders jumped out of the way.” Downing—.“ Humph! My friend McGilp painted a portrait of a lady that , was so natural that he had to sue her for his bij.l.”—Life’s Calendar. , *• '5 Mrs. B.—Have you relatives, Norah?, 'Norah—Only avaunt, mum; ap’she isn!t what Wight call nqar, for It’s in Ne\V Orleans she lives, mum.—^Brooklyn4Jlip. \ >'* The Western Bad Man.—Arizona Abe—Didn’t yeh shoot him when he insulted yeh? Howling Hank-s-Naw. Thar wus nuthin’ 'around that I could shoot from behind.—New York Herald. “Don’t yez be toird av that policeman yet?” said the up-stairs girl|to the cook. “Yis. But Oi can’t have any other company.” “Why?” “Because Michael says that if Oi do he’ll arrest'im for conti mpt of coort.”— Washington Star. Boggs—Funny how the ‘papers are all the time, talking about the plant of an iron mill; next thing they’ll to telling us that this strange plant produces flowers. Joggs—They do already; you may read every day about the output of steel blooms. It is altogether useless to try to talk politics to the man who was married only a week ago.—Somerville Journal. Jack Tar—We ain’t so very fur from land, Jim. There has been a yacht along here lately. Jifn—How do you know? Jack Tar—See all them champagne corks.—Grip Waiter (seeing dissatisfaction on guest’s face) —Wasn’t that fowl cooked to, suit you, sir? GuestYes, all but the bill; just take that back and tell them to boil it down a little.—Harper’s Weekly. How it does recall old times to see your boy come home with another boy’s shirt on'and his back sunburned from his hair to his heels! It makes a fellow want to be a boy and go swimming again himself.—Bradford Era. A young man, his eye blackened, his editor and necktie disordered, bis coat torn, his hair tossing wildly and wearing no hat, was rushing along one of the, streets of the Back Bay when he encountered his best girl. “Oh, Henry!” she exclaimed, in an ajony of distress, “I know it ail! You have seen father.”—Boston Post. must have beep a mer<£boy wjien he was inaugurated'President,” said Mrs. Wilkins “I saw an engraving of the scene the oi her day, and Washington was- in short trousers. * —Harper’s Bazar.* Mrs. .Van. Cruger—“lt strikes me, my flirting has become almost a scienbe. It reminds me of chess.” Edith 'ibeodora— “Yes, mamma, that's so. You can’t get along without the-men, you know.” —Boston Budget The new Kansas State-house, on which over $2,000,000 has'been expended, anctoVvhith is not' yetcomjfieted, is; s£fs to be in danger of falling dowp;' owing to poor material used. The! suge\sto>pes at the base of the do3hW"SM* spotting and crumbling, and the entire structure is endangered. The Legislature, through State pride, required Kansas stone to.be used, and the result*is a defective building. Srate pride should to tempered with commoitsOdse.