Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 August 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

<**■*-»- - t —. HUMOROUS SAYINOS AND DOINGS HERB AND THERE. M Joke’et* that Ara lnyyowd ta Hava Been Recently Barn- Saying* and Doing, that Ara Odd, Curious and l^aghabla. Scissored Smiles. A cyclone is all that is necessary to raise a barn in the West—Loweil Courier. An argument results from the collision of two trains of thought Washington Star. The first doctor of divinity is understood to have been O. Fiddle, D.D.—Boston Transcript Don’t speak lightly of the graduate; he knows a great deal that you have forgotten —Elmira Gazette. Women jump at conclusions and generally hit. Men reason things out logically and generally miss it. The coat-tail flirtation is the latest A wrinkled, coat-tail bearing the mark means, “I have spoken to her father. ” Why is a young man courting a girl like a suicide? Because he’s her fellow, d’er see? The point of this joke has been brought a long distance, and is tired; Country Child (who sees no novelty in a park)—“What is all the grass for?” City Child—“ That’s to keep off of.” —Good News. Cabby, what’s the shortest way to get to Oxford street?” The cabman, pointing to his vehicle, “There it is, sir. ” —Tid-Bits. A hundred times more trouble is caused by men who can get work than by the man who wants work but can’t get it. Jagson says it is strange nobody ever finds out what the wild waves are saying, although ever so many go to sea. —Elmira Gazette. You are not in the swim at Topeka unless you are asked to catry greasy doughnuts to at least two surprise parties a week.—Atchison Globe. The Hon. Eolat Jones (orator of the day) —Feller citizens, it has been said dat I writes my orations. I denounce de ’cusation as false and slanderous. Feller citizens, I kain’t write. —Harper’s Bazar. First Seaside a great man-eating shark down on the beach, dead. What do you suppose killed him? Second Seaside Girl— Starvation, probably, if he was a man-eating shark—Life. ' Little Sadie— Ob, Uncle Harry, Miss Brown,and Mr. Swift are in the parlor, and she has her head on his shoulder. Uncle Hairy—That’s all right. She has a lien, on Field’s Washington. ’ • ‘ , , Uncle TreetOPvl’ ve ]■ got an achin’ old snag; I’ve been waitin six weeks ter git jerked outi. Dr. Browneyes—Will you take gas? Uncle Treetop—l hain’t much used ter gas. Can’t ye use kerosene?*-Judge,, When you see a counterfeit, coin on the sidewalk, always pick it up. You are liable to arrest if you try to pass it. One can’t judge of the average boy’s intellect by the little evidence of “mind” he gives when his mother speaks to him.—Philadelphia Times. Boy —ls this instrument called a Addle or a violin? Professor-—When I blay it it’s a violin; when you blay it it’s a fiddle. Street & Smith’s Good News. , • “Would you like some garden hose?” said the clerk ip the general supply store. “No,-thanks,” was the answer; “I ginrally goes in barefooted to do my weedin’. ”—Washington Star. “Maud, run over to Mrs. De Swelle’s and tell her her chiiahey is on lira” “I can’t papa. This is Wednesday, and Mrs. De Swelle’s day is Thursday. I’ll go to-morrow. ” —Harper’s Bazar. . Theater-goer— The love scene in your play Isn’t half so natural as It used to be last season. The same people do it, too. Manager—Yes; but the lovers were married a few months ago.—Tid-Bits. Hiram Daly —Mrs. Grant imports all her servants. Biddles Kip— Doesn’t that infringe the law? Hiram Daly—l don’t know. She probably thinks they should come in free, as raw materials.—Puck “Mercy!” exclaimed Mrs. Homespun, when she read in the . paper that Jay Gould made M) cents every time the clock ticked. “I should think he’d be worried to death for fear the clock would run down.—Boston Transcript. Teacher (in mineralogy class)— “Johnny, give me the name of the largest known diamond.” Johnny—- “ The ace.” —Jewelers’ Weekly.. : Grace —“Miss Passe will catch cold if she sits on the piazza much longer.” Rosalie—“No, she won’t. She’s been trying for years to catch something.”—Judge. “How do you do?” said mamma’s caller to little Fay. “I don’t do anything now,” answered Fay. “It's vacation, and mamma said I could have a i est. ” —Harper’s Young People. A man need not be constantly improving in health. If he is holding his own in a mosquito country he is doing above the average.—Picayune. When you see the soprano and the alto of the church choir holding an animated conversation you cannot be dead certain that the bass is not the tenor of it. —Binghamton Leader. A Vexing Problem. —“How do you like it in the West?” “Not very well. It took too much attention to find out just when to throw up your hands and when to lay down your hands. ” Puck. It was thought a triumph when some benefactor of mankind adapted the game of base-ball to indoor use, and now another enterprising individual has started a Qrase ,f£r playing the indoor ghme outdoors, Tennis was first played indoors, then made an outdoor game, and then courts were devised for playing the outdoor nine under cover Thus ttts aS-eo» rwfnn* turre ei* evolution -get# f* tie worn eve* upo* the pastimes at the people 11 , ~-' ■; s-Slioirr-or-hand—refusing % m** rug* offe*