Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 August 1892 — Page 6

SJjeJrmorrfltitSentiitd RENSSELAER, INDIANA. J. W. McEWBN, - - PtnutsHEß.

THE CHINESE QUARTER.

fN THE ORIENTAL SECTION OF NEW YORK. Peeullaritlex to Be Found There—DewM Street* In Hie IJnyttme—Lively Soenee at h'lglit—A Harmless Lot of People—The Children of the Slums* John Chinaman in Gotham. New York has the unfortunate distinction of containing more unusual people to the square mile than any other portion of thie civilized world, says a Gotham correspondent of the GlobeDemoorat. For instance, there is a very large area right on the line of common travel between the business portion of the city and the general residence seotlon in which human beings are paoked as closely as sardines in a box. The section alluded to is what is oalled the “Chinese quarter," not that it consists entirely of Chinameu, but because pigtails and almond eyes are the distinguishing feature of the locality. It oomprises three streets —Mulberry, Doyers and Pell. They differ as to length and points of compass, but as to

Oriental complexion and Asiatic squalor they are distinct by themselves. When one comes to look the country over these squares don’t share much room between them, for the entire area which they describe is not much larger than an ordinary pasture lot behind a farmer's house; but all measurements are relative, and in the city of New York the ground upon which a tenement house may be placed, although it never is larger than 25 by 100 feet, can be made to oontain twenty or more families, with ail the joys and the sorrows which are peculiar to common humanity. Pell street is namel after a prominent man who gained American position

SOMEWHAT AMERICAN.

and universal rank by starting a large settlement in the County YVestchester, and also “taking up” some property in the city of New York. As he made a great deal of money by each operation no one whose opinion is worth anything In the real estate market is likely to find fault with him, but the fact remains that the street which is named after him hasn’t the slightest resemblance to the dignity and respectability which had been thought appropriate to the lord of Pelham Manor. It is a short street, only two blocks in length. It starts from one very ancient and now unpopular roadway—to wit: the Bowery—and

ends in another which is a great deal worse—by the name of Mott street. These several streets, all of which ara in the Chinese quarter, present different aspects at different times of the day, but they make a very different appearance at 7 o’clock in the morning. In several of then! there 11* of almond eyes, pigtails and everything •lee which pertains td Chinese custom. A man who had been in China might imagine himself back again were It not for the children, with faces distinctively American and manners peculiar only to unrestrained juvenility, who sprinkle themselves libejraliy upon all the sideA little before 9 o’clock all of those children will have disappeared, not to return again until the middle of the afternoon. When they start in the morning their faces and hands are irtttw, 'TT a in spite of an occasional patch they look as neat as any possible American sovereigns, but six or seven hours later they are sitting together on the curbstone over the gutter, having a

real good time with all their acquaintances, and feeling very glad that school and its various responsibilities and restrictions cannot begin before 9 o’clock the next day. Some of these x youngsters are entirely of Caucausion blood, and as good as any Whom they may meet in the school yard at dinner-time, for poverty does not destroy family Bpirit or prevent any man from making his children look as well as possible and giving them a fair start in the world. On the other hand, there are a great many youngsters whose eyes suggest the traditional almond which has marked the Asiatic raoe. They show, 1 also, that to many Chinamen in What is called the “laundry district” the goddess of love has appeared in the guise of an attractive woman of German or Irish extraction. There have been a number of warnings against mixed marriages down in that portion of the city. Clergymen, policemen and other men whose business it is to know what Ingoing on have said very earnestly that a woman with any respect for herself should avoid marriage with a Chinaman 'about as carefully as she would avoid taking an engagement as nurse In a smallpox hospital. But Cupid always gets ahead of the people who give advloe, so a number of pig-tailed gentlemen in the tiny bit of Manhattan Island whioh I am writing about have found satisfactory wives, and the wives seem entirely satisfied with their husbands. An entire newspaper could be filled with reasons why both parties to suoh a contraot would be probably disappointed, but that wouldn’t prove any-

A CHARACTERISTIC GROUP.

thing more than occurs after most marriages upon which church and society smile. Every Chinaman is supposed to be here for the sole purpose of making enough money to go back to China and end his days there. W ere he to take an American wife with him, all of his ancestors who may be living would regard her first as a curiosity and then as a slave, to bfe sold at Whatever price could be obtained and for whatever purpose the purchaser might have in view. Quite possibly Nome of the Chinamen who nave married here do not intend to go back to Chink; they haye memories, and know that they are better off in a New York slum than they ever could be in their native land. Besides, evil commnnloations corrupt good manners. No Chinaman oan fail to be affected by American disrespect for age, although in the land of the Celestials one’s ancestors are reckoned almost among the deities. Why the CUm» Settled There. The Chinese sre Bald to have made a part of New York worse than it ever was before, but the real truth is that the Chinaman never settles anywhere exoept among the lowest and most debased people of the city into which he happens to have strayed. John Chinaman wasn’t looking for bad company when he selected his present colony site, but on genera] principles he assumed that he had reached his proper position. Nothing around him was quite as nasty and dirty as what he left behind him in his own native land, where pavements, street-sweepers and scavengers are unknown. He didn’t know how anything oould be worse than China, so he was ready to look for what might be better with the calm confidence of the poker player to whom any change of cards will be gratifying. He oould not settle in the Five Points, for that locality, besides being full of Italians, had been improving for many years. Visitors, strangers, philanthroSists, and missionaries dropped in there i such numbers that , the ordinary course of business was ,completely disarranged. Even a Chinese tramp knows when he is being looked at; he shrinks aside and endeavors to find a place where he will not be prominent. For some reason which no one has ever been able to discover the Chinese fixed upon Mott street as their permanent habitat, although Mott street, right In their vicinity, was the site of the original Boman Catholic

A PELL STREET HOME

Cathedral of the city of New York—an edifice to which thousands of devout worshipers resort to this day. Of oourse, John, Chinaman couldn’t be expected to pay any respect to a place of this sort; he had no animosities, but neitherbad he any sympathies, so he slowly Qjrerran Mott street until to-day, except for the Cathedral hßd the bouse of the clergyman difectly .opposite, there are very few buildings of* any kind in front of which there sign. In this part of the city John Chinaman can be studied at leisure, and it Is only fair to him to say that he*stands this’sort of ordeal quite as wellks if he were' an American. He never _pretended r \o~ pe anybody in particular, ■and he makes no pretensions now, but he does know that he works a fall day lor a day's pay and doif t charge more than anyone else, and why it is that little Irish boys should thro* cobblestones at him and die German children should jeer him he can’t understand. Neither can I. He has

! taken an American wife, and he has the reputation of beinga very considerate t husband and father, a virtue which isverv scarce in the part of the city of which he is the fondest His children don’t braid their hair into queues, but they do have almond eyes, and they are very fond of their father, whioh seems to show that, after all the bad things I that are said about him, John still has a ! heart in the right place, which is out- \ side Of his outlandish clothing. If any ! Californian who is rabid on the subject of possible Asiatic dominion in this country were to come over here and go through the Chinese quarter of this city, | he would be obliged to see a great many I things which wouldn’t be in keeping | with Pacific coast ideas. One is that ! the environment doesn’t always make the man. Bight down in shabby, dirty Pell street he would find two or three Cnrnesa shops, each of which is managed by a man who is quite as shrewd, sympathetic, and quick-witted as any ; man in a similar position anywhere else ] ia the United States. Another Ride. There is another side, however, to the slum life of this quarter of old New York, and it is visible after 6 p. m. when the workmen in the few factories on the street go away and the inhabitants of the various tenement houses in the vicinity return to their homes. Then the aspect of the street is entirely different Everybody likes a resting time once In twenty-four hours, and if Pell street and Mott street and Doyers street live up to their privileges there is nothing in the laws of the Police Department or In the city ordinances in general to prevent them. , It is after 6 in the afternoon hnd be^gre 1 7 in the morning that the very unameilcan spectacles which are presented in this locality may be seen by any one who chooses to look. It is due the inhabitants to say that they make no secret of their customary methods of life, and the social code of manners in the poorer districts finds no fault with the American shimmer's stare, although it is quite as offensive as anything British. Let the visitor beware, though; because the people live out of doors when the weather allows it does not follow that they expect uninvited visitors to enter their houses. Nobody in the Chinese quarter is likely to be ugly, but a great many are as full of self-respect as if they lived on Fifth avenue or on one of the swell streets which cross that fashionable thoroughfare. They sit on their doorsteps and lire escapes In full view of every one, for to the Chinaman privacy is desirable only for vicious purposes. Visits are exchanged as informally as among the Dutch founders of the city, and the sidewalks are crowded with men chatting with one another. YVindow shades are not drawn, so any one may pry into the domestic affairs of John Chinaman to his heart’s content. Indeed, one must look aside from the Chinese if he would see the dark side of Chinatown. The Celestials have their vices, chief among which are gambling and opium smoking, but a more quiet, harmless lot of people can not be found in the best streets of the city. The miseries and mysteries of the vicinity are to be found not among the Asiatic heathen but in the houses in which Caucasians huddle together. Why lodging houses and family tenements should be popular in a part of the city which is full of beings’ whom the lower classes profess to abhor is hard to explain; that they are ’ there, and fully occupied, can

UNITED WE STAND.

be seen at a glance. Perhaps the occupants have learned by experience that the Chinese are inoffensive neighbors; certainly no other class of men drink so little or make less trouble for those who do not annoy them. It never is hard to find drunken men of other nationalities in Chinatown, but a reeling Chinaman would be a curiosity. The American corner loafer is there with his irrepressible inclination to make Borne howl; tramps of any and all nationalities are there, too, lor part of Chinatown’s streets are storage places for w-agons at night,and a wagon is as good'a bed as any tramp asks for in warm weather.

Notes from the Billvlille Banner.

An esteemed contemporary says that its editor is way above us in the world. Well, we don’t dispute the fact; for hanging does elevate a man woritteffully. We return thanks for six squashes. This meaus six,years of hard work at the rate of one squash a year. Our representative, accompanied by his appetite, dined with us on Tuesday last. Brethren, we need groceries. We hear that the Berner bill is dead. It died young, with no hope of a hereafter. Another supper will be given tomorrow night for the benefit of the church steeple. The good fortune of that steeple is enough to make an ordinary mortal, with no supper, commit suicide in self-defense.

We will club* Parson Jones’ sermons with the Banner. Now is your chance. The sermons are red-hot, and our subscribers should be glad of this opportunity to get acclimated before they strike the hereafter. For the second time this week we were halted by a highwayman and commanded to deliver our cash, But this time we only got $6 and a pair of brass knucks out of the fellow. All highwaymen welcomed. If you don’t strike us on the street, call at our office. Our latchstring hangs on the outside. The Widow Brown has lost her suit against us for SIO,OOO. We were in hopes that she would gain it, so's we could marry her and get hold of the money.—Atlanta Constitution. People admire a woman who tries to look as pretty and attractive after marriage as she did before. Her husband always looks happier and more contented than the husband of the woman who lets her appearance go, and thinks that curl papers and old clothes are a part of the marriage contract. Teacher (to class) —Put this expression in a different way: “Storm follows calm.”. Small boy (whose father is not a teetotaler)—Racket comes after a “Still.”

A DETROIT MIRACLE.

A GREAT TRIUMPH FOR CANADIAN MEDICAL SCIENCE. Particulars of One of the Most Remarkable Cures on Record Described the Detroit News—A Story Worth a Careful Personal. fDetrolt News.] The following paragraph, which appeared in the News a short time ago, furnished the basis of this Information —a case that was so wonderfully remarkable that it demanded furth r explanation. It ia of sufficient importance to the News’ reuders to report it to them'fully. It was so important then that it attracted considerable attention at the time. The following Is the paragraph in question: “C. B. Northrop, for twenty-eight years one of the best known merchants on Woodward avenue, who was supposed to be dying last spring of locomotor ataxia, or creeping paralysis, has secured a new lease of life and returned to work at his store. The disease has always been supposed to be incurable, but Mr. Northrop’s condition is greatly improved, and It looks now as if the grave would be cheated of itsprey.” Since that time Mr. Northrop has steadily improved not only in looks but in condition, till he has regained his oldtime strenglh. It has been hinted to the writer of this article, who was acquainted with Mr. Northrop, that this miraculous change had been wrought by a very simple remedy called Dr. YVilliams’ Pink Pills for Pale People. YVhen asked about it, Mr. Northrop fully verified the statement, and not only so but he had taken pains to inform anyone who was suffering in a similar manner when he heard of any suoh case. Mr. Northrop was enthusiastic at the result in his own case of Dr. YVilliams’ Pink Pills. It was a remedy that he had heard of after he had tried everything he could hope to give him relief.' He had been in the care of the best physicians, who did all they could to alleviate this terrible malady, but without any avail. He had given up hope, when a friend in Lockport, N. Y,, wrote him of the case of a person there who had been cured in similar circumstances by Dr. YVilliams’ Pink Pills for Pale People. The person cured at Lockport had obtained his information respecting Dr. YVilliams’ Pink Pills from an article published in the Hamilton, Ont., Times. The case was called “The Hamilton Miracle,” and told the story of a man in that city who, after almost incredible suffering, was pronounced by the most eminent physicians to be incurable and permanently disabled. He had spent hundred of dollars in all sorts of treatment and appliances only to be told in the end that there was no hope for him, and that, cure was impossible. The person alluded to (Mr. John Marshall, of 25 Little YVilliam street, Hamilton, Ont.,) was a member of the Koyal Templars of Temperance, and after having been probounced permanently disabled'and incurable by the physicians, was paid the SI,OOO disability insurance provided by the order for its members in such cases. For years Mr. Marshall had been utterly helpless, and was barely able to drag himself around his house with the aid of crutches. His agonies were almost unbearable and life was a burden to him, when at last relief came. Some months after he had been paid the disability claim he heard of Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills and was induced to try them. The result was miraculous; almost from the outset an improvement was noticed, and In a few months the man that medical experts had said was incurable, was going about the city healthier and stronger than before. Mr. Marshall was so well known in Hamilton that all the oity newspapers wrote up his wonderful recovery in detail, and it was thus, as before stated, that Mr. Northrop came into possession of the information that led to his equally marvelous recovery. One could scarcely conceive a case more hopeless than that of Mr. Northrop. His injury came about in this way: One day, nearly four years ago, he stumbled and fell the complete length of a steep flight of stairs which were at the rear of his store. His head and spine were severely injured. He was picked up and taken to his home. Creeping paralysis

very soon developed itself, and in spite of the most strenuous efforts of friends and physicians the terrible affliction fastened itself upon him. For nearly two years he was perfectly helpless. He could do nothing to support his strength in the least effort. He had tj be wheeled about in an invalid’s chair. He was weak, pale, and fast sinking when this timely information came that veritably snatched his life from the jaws of death. Those, who at that time saw a feeble old man wheeled into his store on an invalid’s chair, would not recognize the man now, so great is the change that Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills have wrought. When Mr. Northrop learned of the remedy that had cured Mr. Marshall in Hamilton, and the person in Lockport, he prOt'ut-ed a supply of Dr. Williams’ Pink Pips through Messrs. Bassett & B’Homhiedieu, 95 Woodward avenue, and -Worn the outset found improvement. He faithfully adhered to the use of the rorriedy until now he is completely restored. Mr. Northrop declares that there can ho doubt as to Pink Pills being the cahse of his restoration to health, as all btbCr remedies and medical’ treatment ' left him in a condition rapidly going from bad to worse, until at last it was declared there was no hope for him and he was pronounced incurable. He was in this terrible condition when he began to use Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills, and they have restored him to health.

Mr. Northrop was asked what was claimed for this wonderful remedy, and replied that he understood the proprietors claim it to be a blood builder and nerve restorer; supplying in a condensed form all the elements necessary to enrich the blood, restore shattered nerves and drive out disease. It is claimed by the proprietors that Pink Pills will cure paralysis, rheumatism, sciatica, palpitation of the heart, headache, and all diseases peculiar to females, loss of appetite, dizziness, sleeplessness, loss of memory, and all diseases arising from overwork, mental worry, loss of vital force, etc. “I want to say,” said Mr. Northrop, “that I d:;n’t have much faith in patent medicines, but I cannot say too much in praise of Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills. The proprietors, however, claim that they are not a patent medicine in the sense in whioh that term 1s used, but a highly scientific preparation, the result of years of careful study and experiment on the part of the proprietors, and the pills were successfully used ha private practice for years before being plaoed for general sale.” Mr. North-

rop declares that he Is a living exam* pie that there is nothing to equal these - pills as a cura tor nerve diseases. On Inquiry the writer found that these' pills were manufactured by Dr. Williams Medicine Co., Schenectady, N. Y., and Brookvllle, Ont., and the pills are sold in boxes (never in bulk by the hundred), at 50 cents a box, and may be had of all druggists of direct by mail from Dr. Williams Medicine Co., from either above addresses. The price at which these pills are sold makes a course of treatment with them comparatively inexpensive as compared with other remedies or medical treatment. This case is one of the most remarkable on record, and as it is one right here in Detroit and ndi’t a thousand miles away, it can be easily verified. Mr. Northrop is very well known to the people of Detroit, and he says he Is only 100 glad to testify of the marvelous good wrought in his case. He says he considers it his duty to help all who are similarly afflicted by any word he can say in behalf of the wonderful efficacy of Dr. Williams' Pink Pills.

Exit Stanley.

Henry M. Stanley has had as lively a time In his race for Parliament as he ever had in forcing his unwelcome way across African territory against the vigorous protests of natives who naturally objected to his lawless invasion of their homes. Many of the electors of North Lambeth clearly did not like him or his pretensions, and when speaking he was often interrupted with such questions as: “How many niggers did you kill in Africa?” “Wljo hired you to conduct your marauding expeditions against innocent people, and for what purpose?” “Who killed King Coffee?” “Where are you from, anyway?” etc. In his political venture Stanley has all along seemed aware of the fate in store for him. Boys daily roared after his carriage and yelled after him. The workingmen of Lambeth have shown him little consideration, and have exhibited an embarrassing familiarity with his exploits in Africa, where, according to his books, he indulged in a very large amount of promiscuous shooting of inoffensive “niggers,” appropriate enough, no doubt, to his character of traveler and explorer, but hardly in keeping with his attitude before the radical electors of Lambeth as a humantarian who has conferred the blessings of civilization upon the dark continent. With a Bible in one hand and a Winchester rifle in the other, his self-recorded piety and heroism in wiping out “niggers” and their homes have clearly not made a favorable impression upon the wbrkingmen of Lambeth. Stanley posing as an aristocrat and attempting to break into Parliament is one of the absurdities of the political world. That he should be defeated is perfectly natural.

Proving His Identity.

Nathaniel Hawthorne was a kindhearted man as well as a great novelist. While he was consul at Liverpool a young Yankee walked into his office. The boy had left home to seek his forttune, but evidently hadn’t found it yet, although he had crossed the sea in his search. Homesick, friendless, nearly penniless, he wanted a passage home. The clerk said Mr. Hawthorne could not be seen, and intimated that the boy was no American, but was trying to steal a passage. The boy stuck to his point, and the clerk at last went to the little room and said to Mr. Hawthorne: "Here’s a boy insists upon seeing you. He says he’s an American, but I know he isn’t." Hawthorne Came out of the room and looked keenly at the eager, ruddy face of the boy, “You want a passage to America?” “Yes, sir." “And you say you’re an American?" “Yes, sir.” “From what part of America?" “United States, sir.” “What State?” “New Hampshire, sir." “Town?” “Exeter, sir.” Hawthorne looked at him a minute before asking the next question. “Who sold the best apples in your town?” “Skim-milk Folsom, sir,” said the boy with glistening eyes, as the old familiar byWord brought up the dear old scenes of home. “It’s all right,” said Hawthorne to the clerk, “give him a passage."

Law Against Hypnotism.

Belgium is the first country to make hypnotizing an offense against the law of the land. The law recently approved by the Parliament in Brussels is as follows: 1. Whoever exhibits an individual hypnotized by him or by another shall be punished by imprisonment for from two weeks to six months, and by a fine of $5 to S2OO. 2. Any person, not a physician, having hypnotized an individual under 21 years, or one not in full possession of his mental powers, shall be punished by a fine of $5 to S2OO, even when the hypnotized individual has not been exhibited publicly. 3. With imprisonment shall be punished, moreover, every person who, with the intention of cheating, or otherwise injuring, causes a hypnotized individual to sign a paper containing a contract, disposition, obligation, release, or declaration or intention. The same punishment shall be inflicted, also> upon the person deriving benefit from such a paper.

The Sea-Horse.

Only three or four inches in length, the sea-horse is more dignified than many large ilshes, aud, in addition to the distinction conferred upon it by its graceful stateliness, possesses the unique power of looking two ways at once. It is a dainty, pretty creature, with head shaped much like a horse. In color it is pale gray, dotted with tiny, scarcely visible, spots of blue, and small silver spangles. The dorsal fins are bordered and iringed with gold, and the strong little prehensile tail, wound around some fixed object selected by the owner, supports him in an erect position in the most wonderful manner.

Some Signs of Rain.

When flies sting sharply, and anta may be seen making haste with their tiny burdens; when the donkeys bray unusually, and the cows cluster in corners of the fields before milking time; when,the pigs pick up straws and carry them about with lively interest, as if they had some business with them, or wished to learn if straws really do show the way the wind blows; when the dog is heavy with sleep, and the cat seems possessed to wash her face; when all or any of these signs are seen they are not in vain, for it is sure not to be a dry time and rain is on the way. A new carpet fastener consists of a pin woven in the under side of the carpet near the edge, and a hook or catch secured to the floor. A twist of the wrist is all that is necessary to seoure theoarpet to the hook, thereby render* In a the use of tacks unnecessary.

A UNIVERSAL TRUNK,

Can B. Used for Carrying Lu**a*e *7 land or Wat*r. This trunk, which has just been Invented, does riot differ in appearance from any other ordinary trunk. It is covered with good strong canvas,

PUTTING THE TRUNK ON.

has an inside tray and is built within dimensions prescribed by steamer regulation. The edges are made waterproof by an excellent layer of rubber filling. The top and bottom of the trunk hqve a round opening, which is closed by means or slides easily removed in time of danger. Otherwise the trunk is arranged in the usual way for holding the wardrobe and valuables of the tourist. In time of shipwreck it can in less than a minute be converted into a excellent lifeboat which braves even a heavy sea. In that catee the trunk is opened, the inside tray removed and the contents which it is necessary to save squeezed into the side compartments of the trunk. A caoutchouc covering folded around the bottom ring is drawn up and passed into the slide around the top circle. Thus the trupk becomes perfectly waterproof. The person then steps with

THE TRUNK AS A LIFE-FLOAT.

both feet into the center hole and draws the trunk up to the hips by means of the outside handles. He is now ready to jump into the water; to brave its dangers without difficulty. The tests which have been made with this ingenious life-saving apparatus have yielded the most satisfactory results. When leaping even from high surfaces the body does not become entirely submerged by water, head and shoulders remaining steadily above. The trunk, when in use as such, carries easily 300 pounds, and when in the act of serving as a life-pre-server the two compartments, which are made perfectly waterproof by the caoutchouc mantle, caii still hold several changes and all the valuables the shipwrecked tourist carries with him.

Hockey on Horseback.

A writer in the Alpine Journal, narrating his adventures in the Valley of Cashmere, describes the national game of changhan, or hockey on horseback. He had stopped to admire a level piece of ground, such a sight being’ .rare in that country, when he was surprised by the sudden appearance of several horsemen and a great crowd of country people on foot. The. throng increased every moment, and presently the stranger was informed that a game of changhan was to be played. He was conducted to a good position, and found the game not merely interesting but exciting. He says: To all appearance the rules of the game are exactly like those of our schoolboy game of hockey. The contending sides consisted of about twenty-five horsemen each. Play began by one rider starting forward at full gallop, chucking the wooden ball into the air, and sending it forward with a swinging blow from his crocked hockey-stick. Immediately there was a grand rush after it, and then followed a scene of hurry and scurry, dust, dashing of sticks, clattering of hoofs, shouting and confusion that would be hard to describe. The excitement was increased by the clangor of a band composed chiefly of clarionets, gongs and cymbals. The small horses, all with long, flowing ndams arid tails, were wonderfully active, and seemed to understand the game as well as their riders. For instance, the hall having gone into goal, a rider who was near dismounted and ran to pick it up, leaving his horse standing perfectly still. All the other horses were rushing around it with tremendous clatter, but it did not move till its mister returned and remounted. One fellow, while galloping along at a sharp pace, stooped down, picked up with his hand another man’s cap that had fallen to the ground, and tossed it across into the hands of its owner with a grace that was delightful. Several other tricks of a simi- | lar kind were quietly done, while the ! whole fifty ho.scs were rushing after i the ball, all jumbled together in a c.oud of dust. The game lasted more than an hour. At the close all the men rode up to the band-stand, and hoisting their sticks high in the air, shouted the same word several times over, and then dispersed, laughing boisterously, evidently much amused at the joke, whatever it might be.

Thirty-five years ago there were no colleges for women in the United States, and seminaries even were scarce. To-day there are 40,000 girls taking college courses, with studies as advanced as those of the most favored of the male sex. More than that, the girls, as a rule, are carrying' oft the class honors in tne college* W which they nave bee*, admitted. While Uncle Sam nas no reason vei to-be ashamed of his boy* n* can well be proud ofi the records his gins are making.

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

<**■*-»- - t —. HUMOROUS SAYINOS AND DOINGS HERB AND THERE. M Joke’et* that Ara lnyyowd ta Hava Been Recently Barn- Saying* and Doing, that Ara Odd, Curious and l^aghabla. Scissored Smiles. A cyclone is all that is necessary to raise a barn in the West—Loweil Courier. An argument results from the collision of two trains of thought Washington Star. The first doctor of divinity is understood to have been O. Fiddle, D.D.—Boston Transcript Don’t speak lightly of the graduate; he knows a great deal that you have forgotten —Elmira Gazette. Women jump at conclusions and generally hit. Men reason things out logically and generally miss it. The coat-tail flirtation is the latest A wrinkled, coat-tail bearing the mark means, “I have spoken to her father. ” Why is a young man courting a girl like a suicide? Because he’s her fellow, d’er see? The point of this joke has been brought a long distance, and is tired; Country Child (who sees no novelty in a park)—“What is all the grass for?” City Child—“ That’s to keep off of.” —Good News. Cabby, what’s the shortest way to get to Oxford street?” The cabman, pointing to his vehicle, “There it is, sir. ” —Tid-Bits. A hundred times more trouble is caused by men who can get work than by the man who wants work but can’t get it. Jagson says it is strange nobody ever finds out what the wild waves are saying, although ever so many go to sea. —Elmira Gazette. You are not in the swim at Topeka unless you are asked to catry greasy doughnuts to at least two surprise parties a week.—Atchison Globe. The Hon. Eolat Jones (orator of the day) —Feller citizens, it has been said dat I writes my orations. I denounce de ’cusation as false and slanderous. Feller citizens, I kain’t write. —Harper’s Bazar. First Seaside a great man-eating shark down on the beach, dead. What do you suppose killed him? Second Seaside Girl— Starvation, probably, if he was a man-eating shark—Life. ' Little Sadie— Ob, Uncle Harry, Miss Brown,and Mr. Swift are in the parlor, and she has her head on his shoulder. Uncle Hairy—That’s all right. She has a lien, on Field’s Washington. ’ • ‘ , , Uncle TreetOPvl’ ve ]■ got an achin’ old snag; I’ve been waitin six weeks ter git jerked outi. Dr. Browneyes—Will you take gas? Uncle Treetop—l hain’t much used ter gas. Can’t ye use kerosene?*-Judge,, When you see a counterfeit, coin on the sidewalk, always pick it up. You are liable to arrest if you try to pass it. One can’t judge of the average boy’s intellect by the little evidence of “mind” he gives when his mother speaks to him.—Philadelphia Times. Boy —ls this instrument called a Addle or a violin? Professor-—When I blay it it’s a violin; when you blay it it’s a fiddle. Street & Smith’s Good News. , • “Would you like some garden hose?” said the clerk ip the general supply store. “No,-thanks,” was the answer; “I ginrally goes in barefooted to do my weedin’. ”—Washington Star. “Maud, run over to Mrs. De Swelle’s and tell her her chiiahey is on lira” “I can’t papa. This is Wednesday, and Mrs. De Swelle’s day is Thursday. I’ll go to-morrow. ” —Harper’s Bazar. . Theater-goer— The love scene in your play Isn’t half so natural as It used to be last season. The same people do it, too. Manager—Yes; but the lovers were married a few months ago.—Tid-Bits. Hiram Daly —Mrs. Grant imports all her servants. Biddles Kip— Doesn’t that infringe the law? Hiram Daly—l don’t know. She probably thinks they should come in free, as raw materials.—Puck “Mercy!” exclaimed Mrs. Homespun, when she read in the . paper that Jay Gould made M) cents every time the clock ticked. “I should think he’d be worried to death for fear the clock would run down.—Boston Transcript. Teacher (in mineralogy class)— “Johnny, give me the name of the largest known diamond.” Johnny—- “ The ace.” —Jewelers’ Weekly.. : Grace —“Miss Passe will catch cold if she sits on the piazza much longer.” Rosalie—“No, she won’t. She’s been trying for years to catch something.”—Judge. “How do you do?” said mamma’s caller to little Fay. “I don’t do anything now,” answered Fay. “It's vacation, and mamma said I could have a i est. ” —Harper’s Young People. A man need not be constantly improving in health. If he is holding his own in a mosquito country he is doing above the average.—Picayune. When you see the soprano and the alto of the church choir holding an animated conversation you cannot be dead certain that the bass is not the tenor of it. —Binghamton Leader. A Vexing Problem. —“How do you like it in the West?” “Not very well. It took too much attention to find out just when to throw up your hands and when to lay down your hands. ” Puck. It was thought a triumph when some benefactor of mankind adapted the game of base-ball to indoor use, and now another enterprising individual has started a Qrase ,f£r playing the indoor ghme outdoors, Tennis was first played indoors, then made an outdoor game, and then courts were devised for playing the outdoor nine under cover Thus ttts aS-eo» rwfnn* turre ei* evolution -get# f* tie worn eve* upo* the pastimes at the people 11 , ~-' ■; s-Slioirr-or-hand—refusing % m** rug* offe*