Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 July 1892 — OUR . BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR . BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* end Jokeleta thet Are Snppeaed te Have Been Recently Bom—Saying* aa4 Being* that Are Odd, Curl on* and Laughable. Sclaaored Smile*. If poor relatives had their m? they would not have any rich uncles very long.—Dallas News. The man who “crooks the elbow" habitually is the same fellow who takes it “straight.”—Boston Courier. “Where did Bright spend his hoo-ey-moon?” “Money-moon, you mean; he married $3,000,000. ” —Boston Commercial Bulletin. The recent activity in the come* market makes it appear that the asstronomers’ business is looking up. —- Buffalo Express. The college commencement season is a time when the happy senior is in excellent spirits and often vice yersa. —Elminf Gazette. Fair Amateur— -“ Yes, I painted this. What school of painting would you call it?” Artist (gently)— “Boarding school.” New York Weekly. Corbett has been examined by a doctor and pronounced perfect. It now seems assured that he and John L. will whip each other.—Columbus Post. When the druggist’s clerk is treating his best girl to soda he is apt to forget to put 5 cents in the till, for he is engaged ip syruptitious business.— Boston Transcript. Wouldn’t the impecunious young man be happy during ice-cream season if the girls’ mouths were no bigger than a fashion-plate makes them appear?—Bradford Era. The man who devotes too much time to. trying to see both sides of a subject is in danger of contracting a mental strabismus that will prevent his seeing anything clearly.—Washington Star. “Is Smithins a smart lawyer?" “Very. Man went to him with a case involving $l5O. Said he was willing to spend $1,500 to get it Smithins made him out a bill right off for $1,350.” —Brooklyn Life. There is a good brother in'Topeka who is such a Sabbatarian that he won’t ride in the street cars on Sunday, and he is so close-fisted that he won’t ride in them other days, so he walks all the time —Topeka Journal. Hunker’s Injudicious Remark. —Gazzam—“That was a bad slip of the tongue on Hunker’s part.” Maddox—“ Yes, he had just eaten a banana. ” —Puck. • “Is Bronson as forgetful as ever?" “More so. Why. that fellow has to look himself up in the directory every night before he goes home from business. Forgets his address. ” —Harper’s Bazar. Tom —“ Jessie has something of the military air about her.” Jack—- “ Never noticed it. What?” Tom—- “ The agility with which she flies to arms.”—New York Herald. Every man who takes part in your procession expects in return that you will some day blow a born in the hand in his procession.—Atchison Globe. . Sometimes a man Is justified iu feeling that “the most unkindest cut of all” applies to the picture of him that appeared in the newspaper.— Washington Star. Father —That cat made an awful noise in the back garden last flight. Arnold—Yes, father; I think that since he ate the canary he thinks he can sing.—Tid-Bits. Pearl—Does he love you? Madge —l’m sure he does; I spilled some strawberry ice-cream over his new lavender trousers the other night, and he never said even “Great Caesar! — Brooklyn Eagle. “Run for de doctor, quick! Helpl help! Dot baby has swallowed a nickel,” exclaimed Mrs. Schaumburg. “Mein Gott! you make so much fuss as if it vas a S2O gold piece,Repecca,” replied Moses.—Texas Siftings. “That was a great downfall,” said the barber when he finished shaving the young man’s upper lip.—Washington Star. “This is an application for relief," as the man said when he stuck the porous plaster ou his pain.—Philadelphia Record. The sphere of woman may indeed he boundless, but she has to stop when she comes to a barbed wire fence.—Ram’s Horn. Satan —“ Did you torture him well?” Asmodeus—“Yes.” Satan—- “ What did you do?” Asmodeus—“l asked him if it was hot enough for him.”—New York Herald. “Hello, Jones, what are you doing with your coat buttoned up to your chin? Are you sick?” Jones—“ Hush, don’t mention it; I have on a tie that my wife selected.” —Chicago Inter Ocean. Mrs. Young wife — “Can you give me a veal cutlet?” The Butcher—- “( Certainly, madame.” Mrs. Yhung wife—“ And if it isn’t too much trouble, can’t you send year bey to the baker’s so I can have it breaded?" Harper’s Bazar. One of the most remarkable cases on record of dependence on faith cure is that of a Denver woman who is reported as having become so infatuated with the Christian Scientist theory that she laid away on the shelf her set of false teeth that she had worn several years, declaring that she had faith that hatural teeth would grow again. She had waited patiently lor the result six months. The new teeth yet delay their coming.— Louisville Journal.