Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 July 1892 — Page 6

Site JemocralirSentinel RENSSELAER, INDIANA. 1 jf, JIcEWEN, - Putusher.

REVOLTS IN THE SOUTH.

NOW THESE OUTBREAKS ARE WORKED UP. . •’ ■ HM9 Arm Made the Occasion of a General Plundering of the Public Treasury# and Beal Patriotism Has Little to I>o with Them— Troubles in Venezuela. Southern Kevolutions. “Three in the morning! Weather dear, and we Still live under the same government. “ Tine the night watchman, in shrill treble or roaring bass, can be heard in tte towns of the various SpanlshAmeriean republics. It is the country •f earthquakes, volcanoes, and revolutions, and in answer to the question, what are the chief products of the land? a reply, full of grim humor and truth, would be: “Coffee, india rubber, and revolutions.” The latter artiole is as carefully nursed and cultivated as Ihe two former, and, when the old trunks die or decay, there is an abun-

dance of young shoots ready to take their place. The leading actors are. In most cases, two doctors, two or three lawyers, a few generals, and behind the scenes a foreign consul or two, and Heading merchants all united in the same laudable task of ax grinding. The intending outbreak has been carefully prepared, and when it occurs Its suddenness rouses the inhabitants from their usual apathy and stolid indifference for a short time. True

CAPPING FOR INFLUENCE.

petriatifim baa very little to do with It. The real object is to replenish the empty pockets of a clique of politioal adventurers. The sinews of war are very often supplied by some of the most important merchants, with a view es obtaining considerable reductions In import duties should the movement succeed. It is easily understood that the consuls of rival nations, contending for commercial and political supremacy, although keeping well in the baok-

ground, exert their influence to score a yotat or l^o. ‘ ' * lh* Drains Itself. Sow as to the actual drama: The OBaapirators have gained their adherents •sang the troops; money and drink have pioved too much for the stanch loyalty of the body-guard of Senor rreaWinte de la Eepublica. An easy —ijrinee is gained to the usually dilapidated palace of the Government- Our President wakes up suddenly with his •ye looking down the barrel of a revoirer; he.is quietly invited by the con--Ipteators —perhaps his former friends, perhaps implacable enemies of long standing—to dress, and ia locked up ■ruler a strong guard. Next morning km Is taken out, strapped in a highhacked chair against a brick wall, and •hat; and so with a:l other members of the vanquished Government. The chair *» carried ba .-k to> kind of official lumhsr room, to be taken out again at any tt«! time, should the occasion arise. *he minor fry are disposed of in a less eerenwiious way. They are taken in a tnocp 1« the fountain that adorns the ■nolo Square; business is got through, e*d aa hour or so later the moon looks 4m os a tumbled heap of corpses. We have sow aoiciator, new cabinet MWaCeis, new generals, and a host of ■Char officials, all with empty pockets, tew sagw to replenish them for ffitesthr ewn and their Country’s good. The MW la a IK', e minister issues an edict • w u, %.. u ccffi cr

dal community hesitate too ong with theii voluntary contributions we will find them armed with brooms cleaning the streets, a business which is usually

left to itself or given over to the buzzards and the homeless dogs, the only scavengers of the land.

THE PRESIDENT’S SURPRISE PARTY.

Long ago the priesthood was allpowerful In the land, and even now we shall find that oertain delicate missions are Intrusted to them, such as seeking Interviews with commanders in ohief, where persuasive eloquence or more substantial Inducements are required. But the new government doos not lie on a bed of roscsi Summary executions, imprisonments, exiles, cruel and relentless rigor have not broken the spirit of the opposing faction. In town and hamlet, In vale and mountain, the recruits are driven In by sheer force, with all the horrors of an old-time press gang. Then the army takes the field, headed by the gorgeously dressed generals, oolonels, captains, and lieutenants, who outnumber the privates, a straggling, motley crowd, flanked by mothers, wives, and sweethearts, carrying muskets, huge paoks of army baggage, provisions, etc. It often happens that the reports of these sanguinary battles with which the telegraph acquaints us are works of pure imagination; the fighting itself is of a most desultory character, partaking of the Chinese fashion of warfare. Still there will always be a small band, headed by some dare devil, American, Irishman or Frenchman, who will make a desperate stand to die game.-' In the cayital reports of defeat or overwhelming victory are current; deputations of wives ana sisters besiege the official mansion, but the struggle is ended and soon the triumphant army makes its entry. Then fireworks,, parades and congratulatory addresses are the order of the day. Those who lie in hiding venture to eome forward and render their allegiance to the powers that be. Those more compromised will ask for protection from some consul, or seek refuge on a man-of-war handy, should there be time before the final catastro-

DISPOSING OF THE DICTATOR.

phe takes place. The members of the Cabinet will always endeavor to pay a last visit to the treasury before going into exile, the new Cabinet soon a'ter 1 will meet to hear the report of the ; Finance Minister upon the absolute vacuum in the strong-box, and it will be i unanimously dreided to eonlract a new j loan and to give ample opportunity to

the foreign capitalists tp invest their money in a secure and enduring enterprise. ** / W . An Illustration. An evidei oe of this mushroom sort of govern men’ can be found nourishing down in Ve lezuela, and it seems only a question of time, very brief at that, when the rest of the small-fry States .

CELEBRATING A VICTORY.

Bnilnesa for the Priest*.

MINISTERS PREPARING FOR EXILE.

will join In similar frays. In the city of Caracas the revolutionists have adopted the anarchist warfare and use dynamite. This cowardly weapon Is the most dreaded of all. since there does not seem to be any means to prevent its use. It is a fact that the dread of a dynamite explosion forms the most powerful factor in the utter demoralization of otherwise cool-headed and brave men; facing a deadly fire of musketry or artillery, the fiercest hand-to-hand engagements are comparatively nothing to the dread suspense and horrible feeling of Insecurity that a man must have when conscious that he at any moment may be blown to atoms or mangled fiom the effects of an exploded dynamite bomb placed in position or thrown by some of these human rattlesnakes. Caracas in Venezuela has had more

OBNOXIOUS PARTISANS QUIETED.

than its share of dynamite of late. Three times since the revolt against Palacio was actively begun ha® it been shaken by terrific explosions. The last one was about a week ago. It was the most deafening and destructive yet experienced. Tho perpetrators of this outrage had chosen a time when the streets were crowded with people and tho explosion created the wildest panio, not equalled during any recorded earthquake. The people rushed like mad men from one plaee to another, seeking shelter. Though the police did their best to discover the bomb-throwers, they, as usual, had not left a trace after them except the evidenoe of their crime. Investigation showed that the bomb had been exploded along the side of the residence of Minister of Finance Matto, who is suspected of having advanced Palacio a large sum of money, said to have been supplied by Guzeman Blanoo, a relative of Matto, on condition that the last named was to take the oustoms receipts until the loan should have been paid. Advices announced the total defeat of Palacio’s followers, but this may only be one of the pleasantries to which the rest of the world has grown accustomed. The chances are that the strife will be prolonged till there is no bone of contention—money. When the treasury and other • resources are exhausted the wild, turbulent bursts of patriotism will ooze out and leave but the natural result of a foolish but sup-posed-to-be patriotic debauch —disgust

Bees Capture a Candy Store.

About nine o’clock one morning a few bees, apparently attracted by the odor of sweets, entered the confectionery store of Frank T. Theburg, at New Brunswick, N. J. Mr. Theburg and his clerk were behind the counter, and in a rear room, which could be seen through the doorway, four men were at work making fresh candy. The bees were driven out without difficulty, but it would appear that they were only a prospecting party. About 10:15 o’clock a very large swarm entered the rear room through a window. The men then fled into the store. Mr. Theburg hurried around the counter to close the window in the rear room, but when he reached the doorway he could hardly see the window. The room was black with bees. His employes in the store were lashing towels furiously to right and left, but the bees only buzzed the louder and stung the harder, and s*on all the men rushed into the street. The bees remained in possession. The other day some one told Mr. Theburg that if he caught the queen bee and took her out or killed her the rest would leave the place. “George,” he said to his clerk, “go in and catch the queen bee.” George did not do so. On Saturday, ordinarily the busiest day in the week, no business was done. The bees still held the fort. The following Tuesday Mh Theburg began to burn sulphur. He bought a quantity of it, built a Are in a big can, and put the sulphur on it, made a wild rush into the rear room, with his face and hands protected, set the can on the floor and flew out again. In the morning he filled a barrel and a small box with the dead bees he found on the floor. There were still several hundred crawling about in the show windows, but they died within a few hours.

An Unlucky King.

Round the neck of the Holy Virgin of Almudena, the patron saint of Madrid, for whom a fine new church is being built close to the Royal Palace, a very beautiful diamond ring hangs on a thin gold chain. The ring belonged to the late King Alphonso XII., and a strange history is connected with it, which may well appeal t% the minds of the superstitious Spaniards. On the day of his wedding to Mercedes, the daughter of the Duke of Montpensier, the King gave the ring to his bride, who wore it till her early death. Aftei the funeral the King gave the ring to his grandmother, Queen Christine, who died soon after. Infanta Maria del Pilar, the sister of the King, then became its possessor. She had worn it only a few days when she died. Then the ring became the property ol the King once more, and he gave it to the sister of his late consort, Princess Christina, the youngest daughter of the Duke of Montpensier Three months later the young girl was dead. The King had now become aware of the unfortunate coincidences, and instead of giving it away he himself wore the ring, till he also went to his early grave.

The Escurial.

There are fourteen great gates to the Escurial, the palace of Spanish kings, and the building is lighted by 1,110 outer and 1,578 inner windows. Jagso>' notes tbe tendency of the soaker to become a sponge.— Elmira Gazette.

HE IS STILL BOSS.

Cher* Have Been Many Giant*, bat Chang Is the Tallest Sow Living. Turner the naturalist, declared that he once saw, upon the coast of Brazil, a race of gigantic savages, one of whom was 12 feet in height. M. Thevet, of France, in his description of America, published at Paris In 157&•, asserted that he saw and measured the skeleton of a South American which was 11 feet 2 inches in length. The Chinese are said to claim that in. the last century there were men in their country who measured 15 feet in height. Josephine mentioned the case of a Jew who was 10 feet 2 inches in height. Pliny tells of an Arabian giant, Gabara, 9 feet 9 inches, the tallest man in the days of Claudius. John Middletown, horn at Hale, in Lancashire, in the time of James L, was 9 feet 3 inches in height; his hand was 17 inches long and 8$ inches broad, says Dr. Platt, in his “History of Staffordshire. ” The Irish giant, Murphy,, contemporary with O’Brien, was 8 feet 10 inches. A skeleton in the Museum of Trinity College, Dublin, is 8 feet 6 inches in height, and that of Charles Byrne, in the museum of the College of Surgeons, London, is 8 feet 4 inches. The tallest living man is Chang-tu-Sing, the Chinese giant. His height is 7 feet 3 inches.—Tid-Bits.

Chinese Never Save Life.

Much has been written of the peculiarities and eccentricities of the Chinese, but it is not generally known that the people of the Celestial Empire will not rescue one another from accidental death. At a Are in San Francisco several years ago six Chinese were imprisoned in a room by three-half inch iron bars, which could easi'y have been broken away. There were two or three ladders in the neighborhood, which could have been placed at the windows and the unfortunates easily rescued from a horrible death. There were hundreds of their countrymen looking on at their frantic efforts to escape. Yet they offered no assistance and gave no evidence of sorrow. A man who has saved many lives, in speaking with a Chinese, once said they were very heartless, and cited this San Francisco lire as an example, whereupon the Celestial exclaimed: “I tell you. You sabbee Joss? Gol-Almighty, allee samge. Chinaman call him Josh; Melican call him God. Call him anything. Allee samee. Now you say Gol-Almighty make ebletihg?” “Yes, everything.” “Make allee men?” “Yes.” “Know ebleting?” “Yes.” “Now you think you know more than Gol-Almighty?” “No, I do not.” “He makee allee men. He see one man. He think him no good. He say, ‘You no use; godie.’ You think you know bette than does Gol-Al-mighty. You go swim; you no let man die. Now Gol-mighty he say, ‘He velly smart. He catehee man I die. Yelly well, that man he begin new. He cally that man’s life, all him sins, all him troubles, all him bad luck. You have heap good tings?” “No.” '‘No hab much houses, much money, much land?” “No, not much.” “All light, you nebbe hab much luck. How many you sabee?” “About fifty." “Oh, you nebbe get out. You cally all fifty life. Ebleting you do, no flnis.h, wolk allee time, heap tlouble. You nebbe get old; you livelong time. Sabee fifty life! You live hundled years—hab bad luck allee time. Gol-Almighty, he sabee best.”

SaD Partings.

In an amusing account of her farming difficulties, Kate Sanborn recounts her struggles in raising poultry, and gives an appalling list of the nlaladies to which hen-flesh is heir. Eten with the conquest of these preliminary trials, however, difficulties do not cease, for, having raised the chickens from helpless babyhood to such a stage that they have become family pets, parting with thorn proves wellnigh unendurable. It is a hard and slow struggle to get my chickens killed. I say, in an off-hand manner, with assumed nonchalance: “Ellen, I want Tom to kill a rooster at once for to-morrow’s dinner, and I have an order from a friend for four more; so he must select five tonight.” Then begins the trouble. “Oh,” pleads Ellen, “don’t kill dear Dick! poor, dear Dick! That is Tom’s pet of all; so big and handsome, and knows so much! He will jump up on Tom’s shoulder and eat out of his hand, and come when he calls. And those big Brahmas, don’t you- know how they were brought up by hand, as you might say, and they know me, and hang around the door for crumbs; and that beauty of a Wyandotte, you couldn’t eat him!” When the matter is decided, and guillotining is going on. Eden and I sit listening to the ax-thuds and the death-squawks, while she wrings her hands saying: “Oh, dearie me! what a world this is! What a thing to look into, that we must kill the poor innocents to eat them. And they were so tame and cunning, and would follow me all round!”

Carpentering in Japan.

Japanese carpenters are ingerious workmen, and their work is done with marvelous neatness. A curious feature of their horned is that they do not contain a nail, all the joints and timbers being dovetailed together by many ingenious devices; and the whole of the work, even to the rafters. is as smooth as if it had been polished down with sandpaper. And the Japanese are a neat people, for they use no paint to hide any blemish of construction or ornamentation; no filagree work or plaster of paris gewgaws; but every stick in the, building is exposed. Every morning, as regularly as she cooks the breakfast, or sweeps the floor, the Japanese housewife takes a wet cloth and scours the whole interior of the dwelling, leaving no part untouched, and no stains or dirt spots to mar its cleanly appeal ance. Then the Japanese do not come

Into the bouse with muddy boots, but, having covered the floor with neat matting, always remove their dirty sandals before stepping upon it It is Interesting to watch the Japanese carpenters at their work, and the peculiarity of their movements. The Japanese carpenter works toward him—that is, instead of shoving a plane upon the board at arm’s length, he pulls it towards him; and he cuts, saws, and chops in the same way. His saws are fixed in handles like a butchers cleaver, and the teeth slant toward the handle. The planes are constructed like ours, but the wooden portion is very thin and wide. The adze is- fastened to the end of a hooped stick; yet although their tools are different from ours, they are neither awkward in appearance nor awkwardly handled.

Famous Hunters.

In Signor Gessi’s “Seven Years in the Soudan” the author describes “the brothers Duma,” two hunters “renowned from Kaka Jo the Victoria Nyanza.” They were in the habit of killing the buffalo, the rhinoceros and the leopard—with no more emotion than a European would experience in shooting rabbits. They were often sent for from distant parts to kill some lion which was doing great mischief. Of their ele-phant-hunting the author says: In all the villages the brothers found an enthusiastic welcome, the people knowing that wherever they were meat was never wanting. Both men were strong-limbed and of uncommon agility. When an elephant rushed upon them they calmly awaited him, and at the right moment leaped to one side. The elephant, not being able to stop, turned toward one of the two brothers and the other plunged a lance into his side. The animal then quitted the first man and fell upon the one who had wounded him, and at that instant the other cut the tendons of the hind legs, bringing the elephant to the ground. ‘ One day, however, one of the brothers was near falling a victim to his boldness. He attacked an elephant alone in the usual way, but stumbled and fell. He rose directly, but the elephant had already seized him in his trunk, and hurled him to a distance of fifteen feet. Fortunately he fell in the middle of a thick bush, and escaped with some scratches and bruises. His friends laughed at the accident, and the next day he said: “I would rather eat my wife Seven times than not take my revenge.” He set out again, refusing the company of his brother. Late in the evening he rpturned, and called tho village together. “Come,” he said, “help me bring in the tusks, and take as much meat for yourselves as you like.” All the population followed him. He had killed nine huge elephants.

Stealthy.

An Eastern traveler who has had many and varied encounters with wild animals in the heart of Africa, and has walked through many jungles, says that he concurs in the opinion commonly held by the natives of the countries he has visited, that the leopard is more dangerous than either the lion or the tiger. Its noiseless approach may be imagined, he says, from an incident which occurred to him in Abyssinia. I was watching a pool by moonlight, in a deep bend of the River Royal during the dry season. Hours passed, but nothing larger than an antelope appeared. We were sifting beneath a large tree, completely denuded of leaves, and the modn was shining brightly, throwing into sharp outline every bough. Suddenly my wife pulled my sleeves, and directed my attention to a large animal crouched upon the branches exactly above us. I might have taken a splendid shot, but I at first imagined it to be a dogfaced baboon that had been asleep in the tree. I stood erect to obtain a clearer view, and at once the creature sprang to the ground within a few feet of us, and bounded into the jungle. It was a leopard, which had probably reached the tree by means of some neighboring branches, and so noiselessly that we had not discovered its presence. The animal had evidently winded us, and was determined to reconnoiter our position.

Will Beat the Thomas Cat.

An old trapper has been bringing from the mountains for two weeks a number of peculiar little animals that have puzzled a good many people to tell what they were. They are about the size of a common cat and have large bushy tails like that of a raccoon, "their bodies are long and slender and well protected by a thick growth of .brownish-colored hair. Their eyes are black and snapping, and when teased they growl and spit like a cat, showing a row of teeth as sharp as cambric needles. The name of these little animals is the Bessaris, ancl they are a species of the civet cat, ranking between the fox and the weasel. They are better than all the pussies in creation as rat exterminators, and about twenty of them have, been turned loose-Tn different warehouses ancl livery stablesin this city.—Marysville Appeal. ,

Flayed for the Last Time.

Frau Naumann-Gungl, the prima donna of the Court Opera House in Weimar, has played for the last time. Her last role was Isolde. Frau is’au-mann-Gungl is retiring from the stage because her son is destined for a military career, and the doors of a Prussian cadet school are closed to the son of an actress who is still in active exercise of her profession.

A Deadly Rifle.

The new small-bore rifle has shown its powers in a terrible way at Aidershot. A soldier happened to lire his rifle. The bullet passed through two doors, wounded one man slightly, passed through the thigh of another man, and finally through both'thighs of another man,, who died two hours afterward 1 1 \ The wise man does not hesitate to spend in advertising what a lawyer weuld charge for superintending bis assignment.

OUR FEET MADE FOR CLIMBING.

The Sole of a New-Born Baby’s Foot Sltowfl Thlo Clearly. In the current Humber of the Nineteenth Century Dr. Louis Robinson, in an article on “The Meaning of a Baby’s Footprint,” says: “If we were to endeavor to prove design from the study of the various parts of the elaborate machinery' of bones, muscles, and tendons revealed by dissection, our investigations might well end in a conclusion that some sort of design was indicated, but it would be a design which plainly had in view the purpose of climbing trees rather than of oifterra flrma." It is probable, it appears, that scientific investigators of the dim future will conclude from the structure of the humad fooVthit the man of the present epoeh* lived among the branches of trees, though well able to progress on the ground. While the bones of the foot and their arrangement indicate a fitness to bear weight from above, the muscles and tendons entirely bear out the view that men were designed for tree life. These could not, it is said, have been made for anything but arboreal climbing, as many of them are unnecessary for terrestial motion and nature does nothing that is unnecessary. This, of course, is only another proof that we are related to the great apes. Horses, camels, and other nonarboreal animals, most of which are hoofed, have feet of a robust mechan-

FOOT OF A NEW-BORN INFANT.

Ism, without fine tendinous cords and muscles, snch as those of men and the arboreal quadrumana possesses. The bulk of the apes, as would that of men, renders necessary a different apparatus from that which enables a cat to run up a tree. In respect to feet the new-born child exhibits many more points of resemblance to the quadrumana than the adult human being. An accompanying illustration shows the sole of such a foot covered with lines nearly identical to those of the hand. When tlie toes are bent downward these become deep creases, whicb goes to prove that they are the places where the skin folds to facilitate the act of grasping. The toes are much more mobile than those of adults. The four outer toes can be bent downward so as to show a distinct knuckle. The great toe can be turned Inward across the sole, and the foot then looks very much like a clinched fist. Many children can almost make thegreat toe (or thumb) touch the little toe. An Irritation of the skin of the sole causes an instant response of the grasping mechanism, exactly as a tickling of the palm causes the fingers to close upon it. The cut printed here was originally obtained by an ingenious device. Dr. Robinson covered a tender infant’s foot with a mixture of lampblack, soap, syrup, and blue-black Ink. Then he wiped it gently and applied a sheet of moderately flexible paper supported by a soft pad to the sole. The act of wiping caused the foot to assume the grasping action and the creases were made plainer. This is surely a pretty idea which mothers may avail theihselves of. They can preserve on impression of their babies’, feet when they were quadrumanous animals. The creases begin to disappear at the age of 14 months and in adults they are barely visible. The deep crease, which corresponds to that on the hand which palmists call the line of the heart, is the only one that remains distinct. The lumbricals are the strongest evidence of handlike origin of the toot. These are short strips of flesU about three inches in length, whicll arise from the four divisions of the long flexor muscle of the toes and pass forward to the inner sides of the four outer toes, where they are inserted in the part of the toe nearest foot. These are useless for anything but tree-climbing, and they are very highly developed in gorillas. Thosm animals, too, have the soles of their hind arms creased after the manner of new-born children. It is interesting to note that this complicated-design of the foot for arboreal purposes has remained perfect through so many hundred generations of disuse. It is probable that a proper training would enable a child to live among the branches of a forest as comfortably as a gorilla. We encase our feet in thick shoes, therebv supplying artificially what nature has given to the hoofed or truly terrestrial animals.

The Earth vs. Cannon Ball.

The highest velocity ever attained by a cannon ball has been estimated at 1,626 feet per second, which is equal to a mile in 3.2 seconds. The velocity of the earth at the equator, due to its rotation on its axis, is 1,000 miles per hour, or a mile every 3.6 seconds. Therefore, it has been calculated that if a cannon ball were fired due west and could maintain its initial velocity for twenty-four hours it would beat the sun in its apparent journey aronnd the earth.—St. Louis Republic.

Drinking Healths.

The custom of “drinking healths” had a most curious origin. In the days when the Danes lorded it in England they had a very common habit of stabbing Englishmen in the throat when drinking. To avoid this villainy a man when drinking would request'some of the sitters-by to be his pledge or surety while taking hi* draught. Hence the custom.

OUR . BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* end Jokeleta thet Are Snppeaed te Have Been Recently Bom—Saying* aa4 Being* that Are Odd, Curl on* and Laughable. Sclaaored Smile*. If poor relatives had their m? they would not have any rich uncles very long.—Dallas News. The man who “crooks the elbow" habitually is the same fellow who takes it “straight.”—Boston Courier. “Where did Bright spend his hoo-ey-moon?” “Money-moon, you mean; he married $3,000,000. ” —Boston Commercial Bulletin. The recent activity in the come* market makes it appear that the asstronomers’ business is looking up. —- Buffalo Express. The college commencement season is a time when the happy senior is in excellent spirits and often vice yersa. —Elminf Gazette. Fair Amateur— -“ Yes, I painted this. What school of painting would you call it?” Artist (gently)— “Boarding school.” New York Weekly. Corbett has been examined by a doctor and pronounced perfect. It now seems assured that he and John L. will whip each other.—Columbus Post. When the druggist’s clerk is treating his best girl to soda he is apt to forget to put 5 cents in the till, for he is engaged ip syruptitious business.— Boston Transcript. Wouldn’t the impecunious young man be happy during ice-cream season if the girls’ mouths were no bigger than a fashion-plate makes them appear?—Bradford Era. The man who devotes too much time to. trying to see both sides of a subject is in danger of contracting a mental strabismus that will prevent his seeing anything clearly.—Washington Star. “Is Smithins a smart lawyer?" “Very. Man went to him with a case involving $l5O. Said he was willing to spend $1,500 to get it Smithins made him out a bill right off for $1,350.” —Brooklyn Life. There is a good brother in'Topeka who is such a Sabbatarian that he won’t ride in the street cars on Sunday, and he is so close-fisted that he won’t ride in them other days, so he walks all the time —Topeka Journal. Hunker’s Injudicious Remark. —Gazzam—“That was a bad slip of the tongue on Hunker’s part.” Maddox—“ Yes, he had just eaten a banana. ” —Puck. • “Is Bronson as forgetful as ever?" “More so. Why. that fellow has to look himself up in the directory every night before he goes home from business. Forgets his address. ” —Harper’s Bazar. Tom —“ Jessie has something of the military air about her.” Jack—- “ Never noticed it. What?” Tom—- “ The agility with which she flies to arms.”—New York Herald. Every man who takes part in your procession expects in return that you will some day blow a born in the hand in his procession.—Atchison Globe. . Sometimes a man Is justified iu feeling that “the most unkindest cut of all” applies to the picture of him that appeared in the newspaper.— Washington Star. Father —That cat made an awful noise in the back garden last flight. Arnold—Yes, father; I think that since he ate the canary he thinks he can sing.—Tid-Bits. Pearl—Does he love you? Madge —l’m sure he does; I spilled some strawberry ice-cream over his new lavender trousers the other night, and he never said even “Great Caesar! — Brooklyn Eagle. “Run for de doctor, quick! Helpl help! Dot baby has swallowed a nickel,” exclaimed Mrs. Schaumburg. “Mein Gott! you make so much fuss as if it vas a S2O gold piece,Repecca,” replied Moses.—Texas Siftings. “That was a great downfall,” said the barber when he finished shaving the young man’s upper lip.—Washington Star. “This is an application for relief," as the man said when he stuck the porous plaster ou his pain.—Philadelphia Record. The sphere of woman may indeed he boundless, but she has to stop when she comes to a barbed wire fence.—Ram’s Horn. Satan —“ Did you torture him well?” Asmodeus—“Yes.” Satan—- “ What did you do?” Asmodeus—“l asked him if it was hot enough for him.”—New York Herald. “Hello, Jones, what are you doing with your coat buttoned up to your chin? Are you sick?” Jones—“ Hush, don’t mention it; I have on a tie that my wife selected.” —Chicago Inter Ocean. Mrs. Young wife — “Can you give me a veal cutlet?” The Butcher—- “( Certainly, madame.” Mrs. Yhung wife—“ And if it isn’t too much trouble, can’t you send year bey to the baker’s so I can have it breaded?" Harper’s Bazar. One of the most remarkable cases on record of dependence on faith cure is that of a Denver woman who is reported as having become so infatuated with the Christian Scientist theory that she laid away on the shelf her set of false teeth that she had worn several years, declaring that she had faith that hatural teeth would grow again. She had waited patiently lor the result six months. The new teeth yet delay their coming.— Louisville Journal.

Large Family,

Patsy Dooley was a very, poor arithmetician, and was by a great many questions of numbers which did not -enter -otlier_peQjjle’s heads. , .. ~ ; > ' One day a new acquain’tdiico remarked in his presence: “I have eight brothers.” “Ye have eight brothers?” said Patsy. “Then I suppose every wan o’ them has eight brothers, too’” “Certainly.*’“Arrab, thin,” said Tatsy, “how many mothers had the sixty-.'our o* ye?”