Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 June 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINQS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jok.l.t* that Are Supposed to i, * T * Been Recently Bora' Sayings and Doings that Are Odd. Curious and Laughable. What Made His Tongue Slip. Gazzam—That was a bad slip of the tongue on Hunker’s part. Maddox—Yes, he had just eaten a banana.—Judge. The Difficulties of Cerbertuk First head—l say. The other two—What? H.—l see a friend of- mine coming. If you two don’t object I’d like to wag our tail.—Life. Some Assistance. The visitor had found Mr. Ardup at last and sat down to recover his breath. “I should think It would make you awfully tired,” he said mopping his forehead with his hankerchief, “to climb all these flights of stairs. Why don’t you get a room nearer the ground floor?” “It wouldn’t make you feel so tired to climb them,” answered Mr. Ardup gloomily, “if you had as many creditors pushing you as I’ve got.” Poor FeUow, The man has “more than a dish to wash,* Who Is tryinsj to look his best, "With a this year’s pair of trousers on. And a last year’s coat and vest. —Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly.

Curious to Know. Shawber—What do you think of my new picture, old man? Singerly—Pretty fair. How many (puff) of these cigars did you get with it?—Detroit Fiee Press. A Useless Tip. Waiter (to guest who has just finished a cheap meal) —Haven’t you forgotten something, sir? Guest—Oh, yes; here’s a tip; it’s the one I lost on at the races this afternoon.—Brooklyn Eagle. Could’nt Endure Him. “Is Mary happy with her new husband?” “Yo.” “I thought he was perfect. ” “He is. That’s the trouble.”— Judge. Matrimonial Amenities. “Even the grip has its good points,” said pretty Mrs. Jones. “It’s apt to make a charming widow of one. ” “Well, -it’ll never make a charming widow of you,” said her grumpy husband; “I’d cut my throat before I’d let it do that. ” —Exchange. Then He Understood. “Browning, dear,” said Mrs. Emerson, of Boston, to her husband, “what is a cutaneous pastime?” “A cutaneous pastime, love? I never heard of such a thing.” “Well, I heard two men on the street car talking, and one of them spoke of a skin game.”—Judge. ’ An Unquestioned Insult.

Parson—Are you of ago? Giddy bride—*YCs. • I—— Parson—Excuse me. I was questioning the young man. Giddy bride (indignantly)—Come, Hen. I hain’t goin’ to stand here an’ be insulted, if I never get married! —Puck. A Good Doctor t«o Employ. “There goes Dr. Penman. Verj few of his patients die suddenly." “Indeed! Skillful man?” “Skillful with the pen. Writes his prescriptions so legibly that the druggists’ clerks can always make them Out.”—New York Press. Ho Didn’t Use It. Kansas Granger (to bookseller) — “Say, mister, I want a vollum of po’try; some good, old-fashioned po’try. None of yer new-fangled trash. ” Polite Bookseller “Ah, perhaps you would like a Chaucer!” Granger—“No, thankee; I don’t use the weed.” —Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly. Preposterous. Tailor—l’ve come in to collect the bill for your last year’s spring suit, sir. Howell Gibbon—Yes. But I can’t wear that suit another year. Tailor—W'hat’s that got to do with it? Howell Gibbon—How am I going to pay for it when I’ve got to get another suit? —Puck. Boon There. Binks—l got a sure tip on the race yesterday. Minks—That so? How much did you lose?—Exchange. The Closer the Hotter. “Do 1 crowd you too close?" asked a handsome young man in jin overloaded car. “Oh, dear, no, sir,” replied the grateful girl, who was 28 and had had never had a beau. —Judge. How Nature Apportions. “He hardly seems bright enough to run a paper.” ; “Oh, pshaw! he doesn’t run it—he owns it.”—Puck.