Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 23, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 June 1892 — Page 4

tlje ScmocraticScntittcl RENSSELAER, INDIANA. 3. W. McEWEN, Publishes,

In prosperity it is the easiest of all things to find a friend; in adversity it is of all things the most difficult. The Rev. Dr. Parkhurst proposes to visit Washington. It is a matter for genuine surprise that Congress has escaped his attention so long. The chief cook at a fashionable New York hotel is paid $8,500 a year. Chicago is hiring a few college professors at that figure, but as yet she is bearish on the cook market. The forts around Taris contain sufficient food to support their garrisons for three years. Probably one-fifth of the working people of Paris are without food enough to last three days. American newspapers are proverbially fast, but' “Our Little Kid,” gotten up by a party of New York newspaper men while traveling on a flfty-mile-an-hour train, is at the head of the procession. Almost everyone in the world is foolish enough at times to dream of receiving a vast amount of money from some unkown friend. When a man sits and smiles to himself, he is thinking of how he will spend it when he gets it. It is a mistake to suppose that because a man is rich he will expend money more freely than a poorer man. As a general rule, it is precisely because a man has been careful in expending money that he is rich. It is not so much in earning as in saving. No one in the world can tell what will happen to-morrow. Instead of spending your money on some one who thinks he can prophesy, save it, and you will know that no matter what happens you will not be penniless. A fortune-teller cannot know anything about the future except that the people are. credulous, and that her bank account gets fat through their credulity.

Your French soldiers sat on a keg of powder and smoked cigarettes. After awhile they separated because the powder blew up. Many a thinchested cigarette smoker is sitting on powder. When he goes to pieces, physically speaking, he will know the joke is on him, though at present he is too stupid to see that the average man who monkeys with high explosives is swept into an early grave.

New York has had another electrical execution. The press reports of the affair quote the warden of the prison as saying “It was the most successful execution yet held,” and declare that all the physicians present expressed themselves well pleased with the result. There does seem, however, to be a link missing in the chain of evidence of the painlessness of the death which only the man who buffered it can supply. It is possible, and for aught we can allege to the contrary even probable, that the motives which induced the Rev. Dr. Parkhurst to go into his present disgusting and disgraceful business were of the purest; but it is perfectly safe to assert that his life will not be long enough for him, with the most strenuous and determined efforts, to undo the incalculable injury which he has done both to the cause of the church and to the cause of virtue. ♦

A Chicago paper says that a governorship stands waiting for the man who will courageously take hold of a movement and intelligently direct it looking to the establishment of good country roads. If that is true of Illinois it is true of every State in this Union, and is a good enough suggestion for any of the gubernatorial aspirants. There is no want of modern civilization so deeply felt as that, not only of country roads but of city pavements. It is the one standing perplexing problem of an age of miracle working. The comic, acrobatic comet with eight tails now performing in the eastern sky under the management of Prof. Swift, of Rochester, is in one respect at least an example to other artists. It is making a farewell tour, and absolute assurance can be given that it will never return to this planetary system. Not next year; not,in five years: not in a century; not in ten million years. The astronomers have figured on it, and report that it is different from all the other visiting stars. Patti may, and doubtless will, return; Nilsson may come back, and so may Sarah Bernhardt and Jane Hading, and Ellen Terry, and even Mary Anderson. But when Swift’s acrobatic, comic comet goes, it goes • for good and its tails do follow it. The ease with which the “western sales agents” marked up the price of anthracite coal in New York is a startling example of rampant monopolistic greed. Nobody pretends that the former figure was not high enough. It was no question of supply and demand. It was a mere mat- j ter of determining whether the peo- ■ pie would stand it. The matter is gone ovdr carefully, much in the style of a band of train-robbers plot- ; ting to hold up a train. “Will we 1 meet with resistance?” is the para- ! mount question. If they conclude I resistance will not be offered ; they proceed to rob the train. The i coal monopoly commends Itself to

those gentlemen soon to meet In MinJ neapolis and Chicago and offer enticing promises to captivate the uncertain voter. The party that can promise to wipe out the coal monopoly without fail will stand in position to win popular favor.

A ridiculous craze is reported to be spreading in sections of Michigan, growing out of a desire to raise money to pay off church debts and for other charitable purposes, which consists in women performing all kinds of work to which they are not adapted, to obtain money. The wife of a bank president in one town peddled a fragrant brand of soft soap and scrubbed the floor of the hotel elevator; another sold pop-corn on the streets; a third went about blackening stoves. The wife of the station agent disguised herself and got the job of giving the depot a spring cleaning. In another town a band of girls went about the streets blacking boots and washing windows of the shopkeepers. These are samples of the absurd things which are reported to have been done to raise money for churches. There is reason to suspect that* an unnatural desire for notoriety has had quite as much influence in leading women to perform such service as devotion to the church. It seems not to occur to such people that they are depriving a class of people who do such work of the means of self-sup-port. At last reports the craze was spreading. May it be kept within the borders of Michigan.

States learn by experience alono the limitations which they should apply to the will-making power. The disposition of the Astor millions, and the growing tendency to perpetuate large fortunes in one name by handing them down directly in the male line, almost entirely to the exclusion of the female relatives, is giving New York State a large stock of experience which may dictate new legislation. It is significant that France, the country which has already solved so many social problems over which other nations are still puzzled, should no sooner have freed itself a little from the shackles of the old aristocratic and feudal regime than it at once limited the will-making power. There is nothing in the whole French code which more completely illustrates the passion for fraternity and equality than the article which says: “Children or their descendants inherit from their father or mother, grandfathers, grandmothers, or other elders, without distinction of sex or primogeniture, and even though they are issue of different marriages.” And the inheritance is by equal portions without respect to sex. It might be well for New York State, the home of so many archi-milllonaires, to copy a leaf out of the Code Napoleon, and thus to provide against the dangerous growth of fortunes in one name. By equal division among the children of any financial magnate, his fortune will slowly find its way back to tho masses, where it belongs.

One of the great industries of Chicago is the live-stock interest in all its ramifications. The city has maintained prominence in this line notwithstanding menace from various Western points. The receipts and shipments of live stock have steadily increased year by year, and the provision business has gone steadily forward. That this should have been the case while many of the persons engaged in this industry have been at difference indicates clearly the vast advantage which Chicago possesses by reason of converging lines of transportation as a place of receipt and shipment. For several years there has been what may be described popularly as a stock-yards war. Packers have been arrayed against packers, and projects for new yards have not only been broached but have actually taken the form of land purchases, both at points in Cook County and beyond the State line. It was not for persons engaged in other lines of business to interfere in this internecine strife, yet Chicago, whose prosperity is so largely interwoven with this vast meat industry, saw with regret that the differences were such as might eventually lose the city its prominence in this line. The war has been bitter. It is gratifying now to learf! that it approaches amicable settlement. The terms of peace are not material to others than those engaged immediately in the business of receiving and disposing of live stock, but the announcement of the fact that peace has been reached will be received with no little satisfaction the country over. It is not probable that for another generation at least there will be material disturbance of the great packing industries.

Washington's False Teeth.

The patent office at Washington has one curiosity which is of no little interest to dentists and the manufacturers of artificial teeth. It is a set of ivory teeth made for Gen. George Washington in 1790 by a dentist in New York named John Greenwood. Greenwood was one of the first dentists in New York City, settling there about 1785, and two years later carving the double set of teeth for the “Father of His Country.” He made two sets, the last being manufactured in 1795, after the first gave out, and it is said that the last set was buried with Washington. The first set was returned to Greenwood, and after his death was placed in the Government museum.

Giant Tortoises.

There used to be a giant species oi tortoise in Mauritius. Van Neck, the discoverer of the dodo, found some there which were so large that six men could be seated in a single shell. Another authority states that 2,000 or 3,000 of them were sometime* seen in one drove

FLOOD AND FLAME.

HUNDREDS DEAD *MfD AWFUL DESOLATION. The Dreadful Dliaeter Which VhlteMhe OU Creek Vall«h Deitroxlßc 800 lives and Millions of DoUarn* Worth of Prop-erty-Ton Thousand Persons Homeless. Work of tho Elements. Oil City, Pa., correspond eno« Tho people of the Oil Greek valley can as yet hardly realize the horrible exporienoe which they have been through. The real extent of tho flood and conflagrations, however, is now becoming apparent. Sinoo that aw<ul day the death list has constantly grown until its size is appalling. The true death loss will probably never be known, as many of the victims were foreigners without friends to report them missing. The frightful calamity which has befallen our beautiful oity, as well as Titusville up the creek and the country lying between. is seoond Ho but one in thehistory of the country—that «f Johnstown just three years ago. For the last six weeks rafn has faHen so steadily and so such an extent that the ground beoame thoroughly saturated and as tho rainfkU continued in a steady downpour, augmented at times by violent cloudbursts and waterspouts, the mountain streams were swollen to torrents, whioh in turn made rivers out of small and harmless streams. When at last tho Spariansbark dam burst, letting Into Oil Creek Valley a lake of water one and a half miles long and three-fourths of a ratio In widen, tho tw*> cities ot Titusville and Oil City, with the country between, above and below, wore flooded as they nrfver had been beforo. Many families sought safety in the hills, while many others

KINDLED BY A SPAIRK.

were penned Into houses by the rising waters, seeking a refuge in the upper stories. tJoliusiown on a Reduoed Scale. Many of the soenos along the valley were repetitions of those o» Johnstown throe years ago on a reduced scale. Houses, baniß, roofs, fenoee, driftwood, horses, cattle, dogs, chickens, and even human beings were swept by on the crost of the torrent which swept through the valley. The current was so strong that few dared konturo to the rescue of the unfortunate creatures swept by, who, with agonized faces, begged for aid. Up and down the valley but three bridges remain out of scores standing before the flood. Tho debris of these

bridges added to the dangers of the flood, which had risen so high as to expose the buildings of the low lands to the resistless battering of whatever might bo drifted against them. Strong buildings, which would otherwise have withstood the flood, were thus reduced to ruins, filling the torrent with their debris. But the most awful part of the calamity had ye'. To come to the flood-stricken people. An oil tank up the creek had been carried from Its foundation by the flood and Its contents spilled over tho surface of the water. P.efineries and distilleries were made to leak to such an’ extent that the air became charged with gases. Many old residents, noticing tho oil on the water and the gas in the air, became fearful lest a lire should be started which would add horrors unto horrors. One of these,- John S. Klein, Superintendent of the National Transit Company’s shops, ran from his house at tho top of his speed warning people to put out their fires and run to tlfc hills. But few obeyed. A Flood of Khtme. Thousands of spectators, as night settled down over the flooded valley, stood watching the torrent, with its burden of animate and inanimate objects. Suddenly, far up the stream, was heard a low, dull report, Immediately followed by others, more distinct and apparently nearer. The whole scene had been shrouded in darkness, when suddenly the whole heavens seemed ablaze. An immense tongue of flame was seen to shoot up into the sky, and then the raging torrent and the gas-laden air above it became a sea of tire. The scene that followtd Is indescribable. With screams of terror people rushed from the water’s edge, in their madness trampling under foot men, women and children. The 6hock of tk explosions had thrown many to the ground, to rise only in a lake of fire. Scores were injured in the awful panic, being carried beyond the reach of the flames by the cooler ones of the crowds. The flames on top of the waters went up as well as down the creek. At Titusville, miles up the valley, were scenes similar to those at Oil City. There a panic was also caused by the burning oil.

The flames on the water were carried by it to the buildings which it surrounded. Three gasoline tanks exploded almost instantaneously, adding their inflammable contents to feed the fire. The manufacturing and much of the resident portions of both Titus«le and Oil City were burning at the stfme time. These portions inelmded those houses in which whole families had retreated when the flood came upon them. Many of these unfortunate people were seen to leap into the water, preferring a death by that element to one by fire. It became utterly impossible to fight the flames, and the efforts of the Are

the black smoke which obscured the heavens. The sounds of explosions wore frequent throughout the night. The fire literally burned itself out. For a distance of throe-fourths of a mile along tho banks of Oil Creek, in this oity, and covering a opnsiderable area on each side, but ono building has been loft by the flood and flames. This is a wnall frame dwelling without protection of any kind, closely surrounded by buildings, all of which have been burned. There it stands, with hardly a scratch, a lonely monument to the former prosperity of the desolated region. All around it are the ruins of the many buildings whioh once so proudly raised their head above their small and insignificant neighbor. The entire scene here as well as In Titusville is one of doath and destruction. The work of removing the bodies of tho victims from tho ruins has gone on rapidly since the ruins and smoldering debris cooled off sufficiently to allow the rescuers to work among them. Many todies will probably be uncovered by the receding waters. So far only a rough estimate can bo made of the loss of life, which is placed by conservative people as being not under 300 in both cities and the country between. The money loss is placed at no less than $3,000,000, this amount being about equally divided between the two cities. This, however, does not cover the immense loss suffered by the railroads, which will be bfcliged to rebuild much of their roads in the Valley. How tlio Fir- Started. There are many theories as to the origin of the fire. Some ascribe it to lightning, whioh might have struck one of the tanks up the creek. Others and by far the majority assign to the conflagration a much more likely cause—that the oil on the water was ignited by a spark from a locomotive on the Western New York and Pennsylvania Railroad. This seems verified by two young men, who wore on the track about half a mile west of the postoffice at Oil City. They noticed that a gasolino tank winch stood on the siding was leaking. Knowing the explosive nature of the material and

DRIFTING TO DEATH OK THE BEA OF FLAME.

departments were concentrated upon preventing the flames spreading to buildings on higher ground. The burning oil and gas had filled the air with dense volumes of smoke, proving a great hindrance to the firemen and rescuers. The fire burned all night and far into the following day, whioh was little better than the night had been, owing to

noticing a shifting engine approaching, they ran up the side hill, fearing an explosion. W r hen they reached the top they turned, and, looking below as the engine passed, witnessed a fearful sight. Flames shot a hundred feet into the air, and the earth was shaken by an awful explosion. They saw the engineer and fireman jump from the cab, and it is supposed they were instantly killed by the force of the explosion. In an instant the flames spread all over the upper part of the city, which was flooded with the oily water. Incident* of the Disaster* Many of the inoidents of the awful disaster were most pathetic, perhaps none more so than that of a woman with a little babe clasped to her breast, seen floating down the torrent at Titusville. Tho depot of the Dunkirk, Alle-

THE PANIC AT THE RIVER.

gheny Valley and Pittsburg Bailroad had been flooded and the drift being carried against it had made a large hole, through which the waters rushed with a loud noi6e. The mother, with the energy of despair, supported herself with one hand on a piece of timber while with the other she clung to the babe. The timber approached the hole under the depot. Every effort was made to rescue the woman before it should be too late, tut the current was too strong, and with an awful shriek the mother and babe were drawn into the hole by the rushing waters, to be seen no jnore alive. The thousands of spectators who 6tood watching the flood saw five men clinging to one stick of wood and endeavoring to reach a safe landing. Just as It seemed that they had accomplished their object a neighboring refinery exploded with fearful force, throwing burning oil upon the water surrounding them. Instantly they were enveloped In a sheet

of flame, and all went down together beneath the surging waters. The streets are filled w4th hungry, homeless, weeping, and distracted people, mourning the loss o t loved ones who have perished in the fiery flood or counted amqpg the missing. A. piece of shelter has now been found for allot the homeless people, but many are so crazed

SECTION OF OIL CITY AFTER THE FLOOD.

with grief as to be almost unmanageable. One son porrows for the loas of his aged parents and two sistera, feimseM and brother being all that remain of a once happy household. A sad incident was the rescue of a little boy hardly 4 years old. Brave men. with ropes tied to their waists to enabk them to breast the terrifio current, had been working hard in attempting to rescue the hundreds who had patiently waited so? their turn to oome. They brought the little fellow ashore; and he

was placed in kind hands ready to receive him. When asked where his parents were he replied, with a sob, “Papa and mamma Is bof drowned.*

The few rivers of the American desert are as strange and treacherous' as its winds. The Colorado Is the only large one of them all, and the only one which behaves like an ordinary river. It is always turbid, and gets its Spanish name, which means the “red” from the color of its tide. The smaller streams are almost inva riably clear in dry weather, but fn a time of rain they become torrents — not so much of sandy water as of liquid sand! I have often seen them rolling down in freshets with waves four feet high, which seemed simply sand in flow, and it is a fact that the bodies of those who are drowned at such times are almost never recovered. The strange river buries them forever in its own sands. All these rivers have heads, but hardly one of them has a mouth. They rise in the mountains on the edge of some happier land, flow away out into the desert, milking a green gladness where their waters touch, and finally are swallowed up forever by the thirsty sands. The Mojave, for instance, is a beautiful little stream, clear as crystal through the summer, only a foot or so in depth but some two hundred feet wide. It is fifty or sixty miles long, and its upper valley is a narrow paradise, green’ with tall grasses and noble cottonwoods that recall the stately elms of the Connecticut valley. But presently the grass gives place to barren sand hanks, the hardier trees, whose roots bore deep to drink, grow small and straggling, and at last the river dies altogether upon the arid plain and leaves beyond as bare a desert as that which borders its bright oasis* ribbon on both sides.

The clerk with the waxed mustache, and bangs listened rather impatiently while the little woman explained what she wanted, says the Baltimore Herald. “Yes, yes,” he said at last, “I understand,” He took down a roll of doth and added, “Here’s just the thing.” “But I said ” she began. “I know,” he interrupted. “You want the cloth for a wrapper, hnd this is something extra fine.” “Oh! Is it?" said the little woman. “Yes, it’s all the rage,” he returned, as he unrolled the cloth. It’s just what you want, and it’s cheap, too.” “Really?” “Oh, yes. It matches your complexioft, and nothing could be better for a wrapper.” “And you’re sure I want it for a wrapper?” “Why, I suppose, of course ” “And you’re quite certain that this is the piece of goods I she interrupted. “Really, I’m usually so accurate in my judgment that I can hardly believe ” “Can you think of anything eke that I want?” she asked. “No, madam,” he replied, with some nervousness, “I confess that I can’t. “Let me tell you, then,” she said, eying him sharply over the counter, “I want a clerk who will let me know a IJHIe something about what I want myself. Will yon kindly ask the young woman at the next counter to come anfi wait on me?” He did so, and she purchased material for a teagown.

In England there is a law regulating the amount of water in butter. The limit of water is 19 par cent, but good butter contains not more than 15 per cent. A;man was recently arrested in that country and fined $5, because his butter on exam, ination, was found to contain 20 pei cent, of water.

THEY DIED TOGETHER.

Treacherous.

What She Wanted,

Water in Butter.

THE JOKER'S BUDGET.

JESTS AND TARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. The Dime Museum on its Travels— For Services Rendered—la the Morning—Gave Herself Away, etc., etc. THE DIME MUSEUM ON ITS TRAVELS. The Sword Swallower—Great Scott! This won’t do! There are thirteen of us sitting down to dinner! Two Living Skeletons—Thirteen nothing! There are only twelve. You’ve miscounted the two-headed girl. [Chicago Tribune. FOR SERVICES RENDERED. American Tourist—How much is mv bill? Parisian Host—One hundred francs. “How much?” “One hundred and twenty francs.” “But you said one hundred at first.” “Certainly. Twenty franca more for answering monsieur's question. One hundred and forty irancs, please.”—[lndianapolis Journal. IN THE MORNING. “I wish I was an oyster,” said Johnny, “for then I could stay in bed in the mornin’.” “Mebby,” said Fred doubtfully; “but's likely’s not they’d git ye up with a pair o’ tongs.” GAVE HERSELF AWAY. Bloobumper—l read to-day an account of how a femule forger donned man's attire, and for a long time eluded arrest, but ut last she gave herself away. Spatts—She stopped to Ibok into a millinor’s window, i suppose? Bloobumper—No; in a moment of ab-sent-mindedness she asked a woman if her hat was on straight.—[Harper’s Bazar. AN UNAPPRECIATED SINGER. *‘So you went to erne in the choir?” “Yes.” ' “What part?” “Well, I went in as first bass, but they changed it to short stop when they heard my voice. —[Washington Star. AN UNKNOWN PERSON. “There was a gentleman in here to see you, Mr. We. 1 asked i i:n for his name,” said the boy, “and he said never mind ” “Well, when he returns,” said the editor, “get rid of him. I know no one of that name.”

johnny’s REFORMATION. Mother—l ain glad little Johnny Is at last beginning to realize the necessity of cleanliness. He has beou upstairs washing h’mself for neurly an hour.” Little Uick (breathlessly)—Mamma Johnny wants you to give me a penny to buy a pipe. “A pipe?” “Tes'm. Wo jus’ broke th’ other one, an’ can’t blow any more bubbles.” —[Good News. AND HE KEPT ON WALKING THE FLOOR. “What did you name your baby?” “Well, at first she was as good as gold —never whimpered—hair all worn off the back of her head with lying on it—and we called her Serena.” “Well?” “Well, since she began crying all night with teothing we have changed her name to Tuscnrora.”—[Chicago Tribune. A SIMILAR PROCEEDING. “This business of tracing one of my lost manuscripts m ikes mo think of a dog I once owned,” said Scribbler. “In what respect?” queried Mawson. “Ho had a habit of chasing his own tail,” replied Scribbler.—[New York Herald. A SPECIAL OCCASION. Johnny—Do you say your prayers every night? Jimmy—l do whenever I’ve gotter sleep in the folding bed.—[lndianapolis Journal. HOW TO EAT ASPARAGUS. “I wish I knew,” said the boarder, looking at the bunch of asparagus on his plate and handling his knife and fork with some degree of hesitation and uncertainty, “just how asparagus ought to be eaten.” “It ought to be eaten sparingly,” grumbled the landlady, under her breath. “It cost me fifteen cents a bunch.” A WISE WOMAN. Husband—Where is the hatchet? Wife—ln the attic. “If you saw it in the attic, why didn’t you bring it down?” “I didn’t seo it.” “Then who did?” “No one that I know of.” “Then how in creation do you know it’s in the attic?” “I heard you up theie yesterdaay driving a nail.”—[New York Weekly. knitting. Museum Visitor (to aimless man) —So you cun knit with your toes, eh? But suppose you broke a leg? Armless Man—Well, I reckon it would begin to knit right away. the only way out. ' Mr. Newsome (showing visitor through his reputed ancestral halls) —And this is the s*it my great-grandfather woro when be gave up his heart’s blood during the Revolution. Miss Gotham (looking in vain for bullet holes or sabre rents)—Ah! was your great-grandfather killed while in bathing, Mr. Newsome? —[Fuck. HE WEATHERED THE STORM. Chappie —Once I was in a terrible storm at sea. The waves wolled mountain high. Miss Pinkerly—Dear me! Weren't you afraid? Chappie—No, indeed. I was weal bwave. My sister was with me.—[New York Herald. AT THE BASEBALL GAME. Now doth the downtown merchant gay Off from his office sneak, On plea of dire at home, One afternoon each week; And as he cheers the baseball game With loud ecstatic joy, He sees upon the bleaching boards His clerks and office boy! —[New York Herald. fireproof. Witberby — I hear that your house burned down last night. Was anything saved? Winks—Yes. The mortgage.

COMING TO A BUSINESS BASIS. Banker Steadds—No, sir! Emphatically no! I consider your request for permission to pay your addresses to my daughter an act of unpardonable presumption, sir. For a young physician on a starvation practice to aspire ■to the hand of an heiress of millions is, I repeat, presumptuous. Young Physician—Yes, sir. Any of the family want vaocinating? No? Then good morning.—[Chicago Tribune. AMPLE JUSTIFICATION. Guest (Oklahoma Hotel) —Wasn’t there some shooting at the other end of the table a minute ago? Waiter (replacing his smoking revolver) —Yes. Dude from the East. Wanted a napkin. Say. if yiour’re done with that knife and fork why in thunder don t you pass the next man!” —[Chicago Tribune. A QUEER EXODUS. Wife—Dear me, it's a rainy Saturday, and 111 have the children racing about the house all day and breuking things. Husband—What have you usually done on rainy Saturdays? Wife—l generally sent them in to play with the neighbors’ children, but all I knew have moved away.—[Good News. NOT SURPRISED. Neighbor (breathlessly) Oh, Mrs. Harddluck, your little son Johnny found a dynamite bomb, and took it into a stable down town and broke it with an axe, and blew up the stable and all the buildings around it. Mrs. tiarddiuck—Landsukesl I wonder what that boy will be up to next.— [Good News. lIE LOST HER INTEREST. “I have been in nineteen engagements,” boasted Colonel Battle, the old war horse. “And how many times have you been married?” asked Miss Elder, with deep interest.—[Detroit Free Press. THE BEST FOOL KILLER. Cholly—Do you object' to cigawettes. Miss Budd?” Miss Budd—Oh, not in the least. They are doing a wonderful service for mankind.—[Judge. CAREFULLY INSTRUCTED. Little Boy—Please gimme .some smashed potatoes. Mother —You should not say smashed; say mashed. ■ What made you so late to dinner? Little Boy—There was a—a mash-up on th’ railroad.—[Good News. HAMPERED BY FASHION. Conductor—Come, now, get aboard. Lady (frantically)—How can I? The car behind is on my trail.—[Cloak Review. A SENSIBLE GIRL. He (timidly)—Now that we are engaged, l presume I may—may —kisa you as much as I please, mayn’t 1? She (encouragingly)—-Yes, indeed. Make the most of your time, dear. There’s no telling how long an engagement will last nowadays, you know.— [New York Weekly. MARBkED LIFE WAS NOT HAPPY. “Why do you always employ women, as type-writers?” asked Mrs. Curtain Lecture. “So that I can have someone to dictate to,” replied the unhappy man.— [New York Press. SCALING DOWN. Little Boy—Mamma, may I go fishing? Mamma—No, my son, I’m afraid you’ll get drowned; but you may go around to the grocery and buy me a mackerel —[Good News. AN IMPROVEMENT. Husbind—How do you like your new girl? Wife—Well, she works me a little harder than the last one, but she is more respectful. —[New York Weekly. TIME’S CHANGES. Maddox —Jay Gould was once & messenger boy. Gazzem—-Is that so? Well, there’snothing slow about him now.—[Detroit Free Press. YE MODERN POET. Winks—l can toll a poet the moment I see him. Minks—How? Winks —He never looks like one. ONE TOO MANY. First Boy—Which does th’ whippin’ ia your family, y’r father er y'r mother? Second Boy —Both. First Boy—Huh! I don’t think that's fair. ALIKE. . “I know a belle who is a regular circus.” “Because she has three rings, I suppose —all engagements ring*.”

Tall Lighthouses.

Some lighthouses are tall towers while others look like gigantic spiders squatting on the water. Others still, like that of Point Reyes, Cal., are set upon tall cliffs, being only big enough to contain the lantern and other apparatus, yet are built complete at the foundry and transported in sections to the place where they are to be put up. Whereas on the Atlantic coast it is difficult to make a lighthouse high, enough, on the precipitous shore of the Pacific the trouble is to get such structures low enough, so that they may not be shrouded by the fogs of tho upper atmospheric level. The tallest lighthouse tower is 189 feet from its basa .to the center of the lantern, at Capo Hatteras. Highest übove the sea level is the one at Point Loma, at the entranco of San Diego Bay, Cal., 462 feet abovo the ocean.

Going Back.

Assistant—Don't you think work is deteriorating? Editor (putting a bundle in an envelope)—lt is certainly going back.—[Cincinnati Commercial Gazette. The attentions of electricians is drawn, to a singular incident which occurred in. Berlin. An electrical workman in testing his cells to ses if the current wasflowing was in the habit of putting the two ends of the wires in his mouth. He gradually absorbed so muoh of the soluble salts of copper from the wires as tocause his death. The galvanometer is now substituted in the Berlin workshop for the rough and ready test formerly employed, the danger of which was not* before realized. A small tuft of white roses are frequently used in plaoe of the regulation' orange blossoms.