Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 June 1892 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. - . « Many Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists ot Our Own bay. Has Its Advantage*. Young Housekeeper—“lt’s such a trial to have a servant who can’t understand a thing I say to her.” Old Housekeeper—“ Yes; bift think how unpleasant it would be if you could understand the things sbe says to you. ” His Fearful Load. Spiritual Adviser—“ You say you have a dreadful load on ydur conscience—my poor friend, I trust* you have not committed crime.” Sick Man—“ Not exactly, but for years I have been writing the ‘Hints on Home Decoration’ for the household department of the Sunday papers. ” —Puck. His Service to Morals. Comstock—“The French moralists have done much for the morals of-the young men and women of AmeMca.” Parkhurst—“ln heaven’s name, what?” Comstock—“Written their books in French. ” . Sarcastic Travelers. Big—“Yer ought ter be an hactor, perfesser. ” Little—“ Why, old pard?” Big—“ ’Cause you’d make a fortune in playin’ a lean an’ hungry Cassius.” Little—“Ef dat’s de case you’d get ha’s rich bein’ a leadin’ heavy man.” His Reason. Yan Arndt—l like a woman I can look up to. Smiler—ls that why you always sit in the front row at the theater?

Son (liking out the window at passing Papa, when those veterans went into battle, did the bands lead as they do in the parades? , Father (who has no soul for music) —No; but I wish they had. —Ex. Incredible. Spacer—A wonderful thing happened to me last night. Liner—What was it? Spacer—l accidentally, upset my ink-bottle, and all the ink spilled on a sheet of blotting-paper and so did no damage. Not a Neural Loss. Barber—l see your hair is falling out, sir. Mr. Fly—No, it isn't! Barber —Getting very thin on top, sir. Mr. Fly—That’s all right; my wife and I fall out. the hair doesn't!— Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly. What’s He Good For, Anyhow? Brobson—Oh, well, the dude is harmless and innocent, as a rule. Craik—Yes; but he’s not nearly so useful as a rule. —Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly. Reckless. “Did you read about the sudden death of the train boy?” “No; how did it happen?” “He was found with one of his own cigars in his mouth.”—General Manager. A Wooden Joke. , Perdita—They say the baron t a Pole. Penelope—He’s worse than thst. He’s a stick.—General Manager. Dangerous Proximity.

O’Rourke—This is them burds av prey as swoops down th’ mountains an’ carries off people, as yez read about. Mrs. O’Roqrke (in an agony of fright)—Kim away, thin, Dinnis. Suppose wan av thim should break loose.—Puck, And She Wouldn’t Stand It. Spinks “Good no’s pretty typewriter has left him. What was the matter?” Binks —“Shd caught him kissing his wife.”—Juflge. Dressed for the Occasion. First Suburban Hello, Smith! You are got up regardless. Going to a wedding? Second Suburban —No. I’m going in town to trjj to engage a cook and I want to create a good impression. —General Meager. Wasn’t the |)nly One that Did Not. Singleton—jl am suffering dreadfully; cutting my wisdom teeth, you know. Doubleup-jDon’t say! I didn’t cut mine till aft( r I was married.—General Manage: 1 No : .aughlng Matter. “Love laurhs at locksmiths,” sha said to him, mcouragingly. “Yes, daring, I know,” he replied, sadly, “but lot at No. 11 boots.”— Detroit Free)Press. Htartl In Winter. Kind lady—You must have a very hard time iq winter. . Tramp (between mouthfuls] —Yes, indeed, muns. Sometimes! I dansent ask fur a jite fur days, and I ’most starves, mum. “What dojyou fear at such times?” “I’d be axid to shovel snow, mum.” —Exchange.!