Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 June 1892 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Ctuiona, and Lang tut bl. Phase, of Homan Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Gay. Retribution. I came, I saw, I pressed her hand; I begeed her for a kiss. She blushed, looked d >wn, I stole the priz* It was a dream of blUs. I’ve wakeifed from my dream since then; That kiss has cost me dear, I’m paying alimony now For It twelve times a year. —Judge. A Hard Worker. Magistrate—l must commit yon, for you have no means of support? Prisoner—But I work /or a living, your Honor. “Ha, ha! What do you work at?” “I work everybody I can, your Honor. ” —Detroit Free Press. , Reason Enough. Gazzam—Why in the world do you want Jaysmith nominated? He owes you SIOO. Maddox—That’s it exactly. When he’s a candidate he won’t dare refuse to pay it.—Exchange. The Gear Girls. Sue—“ Would you believe that I have no fewer than five young men on my hands at the present time?” Blanche (glancing at Sue’s hands) —“Yes, dear, I can readily believe it. There is ample room for them. ”—Detroit Free Press. Reprehensible Carelessness.

Manager—Mr. Cues, in your performance last night, after saying “Ha! I am foiled again!” you forgot to draw in your breath with a low, hissing sound. Don’t let it occur again, sir. The traditions of the stage must not be violated in this theaterl He Laughed Once Only. “I suppose you haven’t forgotten that it is leap year, ” he said as he took a seat beside her. “and so I must be careful not to lead the conversation in a dangerous direction,” and he laughed. “I had quite forgotten it, ” she said, with a yawn. “What’s the,use of remembering it when you never meet a man who is worth proposing to?” This time he didn’t laugh.—New York Press. The Limit Reached. Johnny—“ Where are you going??* Tommy—“ Home. Don’t you hear maw a callin’ me?” “That’s nothin’. She called you two or three times before.” “Yes; but she’s oub at the peach tree now, cuttin’ off a ultimatum.”— Indianapolis Journal. There’, a Difference. Benevplent Gent—“ Why, don’t you go to your father for money? He’s well-to-do, isn’t he?” Youth (dead broke)-4-“WsH, as far as I am concerned, he is well to don’t, at least so he says.”—Exchange. More Like It. Snaggs—lt is claimed now that Deeming is a moral idiot. Shingiss—He’s an immortal idiot, more like.—Exchange. No Player. First Gam holier—“Paderewski cams over on the ship with me.” Second Gambolier—“So? They say he plays superbly.” First Gambolier—“All rot. I don’t believe he. knows , one card from another. ” —Judge. The Country Will Be Bankrupted. Snooper—“ Over a thousand bills have been presented to Congress. ” Mrs. Snooper—“ Gracious! How can they ever be paid with no money in the treasury?”—Exchange. A Common, Every-Day Man. A common, every-day man Is he; He doesn’t shine In society, But he’s none the worse for it, maybe; For after tbe supper’s over at night. He doesn’t to club or to lodge take flight. But sits with his wife in the parlor bright. And fondles or rocks tbe baby. —New York Press. * A Society- P. M. G. “I notice,” remarked Mrs. Dinks, “that Postmaster General Wanamaker has issued an order that in the names of postoffices ending in burgh, the final h shall be dropped.” “Dropping his h’s, eh?” queried her husband. “I suppose since he has gone into society ho wants people to think he is English.”—Detroit Free Press. Slip of the Tongue. Harper—What do you think? I heard old Fuddle, of the baggageroom, say this morning that he would not drink a drop if he got a chance. Sharper—lt was evidently a slip. He meant to say that he would not jflrop a drink. —General Manager.