Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 May 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINOB AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and JoUeleU that Art Supposed te Have Been Recently Bom—Btjliigs and Doings that. At* Odd, Carious and Laughable. A Good Investment. “It has cost xou a good deal to put your son through college?” “Yes.” “Do you think It is likely to pay you?” “Well, I expect so. He has already received one offer from a professional base-hall club.”—New York Press. Only One Cause Likely. Mrs.' Greatman (wife of a Congressman) —“What is the matter with my husband, Doctor?” Doctor—“ Brain strain.” Mrs. Greatman—“Dear me! He must have been drinking again and trying not to show it.”—New York' Weekly. Reversing Things. People in Japan are called by the family name first, the individual, or what we should call the Christian name, next, and then the honorific—thus: “Smith Peter Mr. ” An Urgent Case. Poor Patient—“l sent for you, doctor, beoause 1 know you are a noted physician, but I feel it my duty to inform you that I haven’t over $25 to my name.” Dr. Biggfee—“Very well, then, we must cure you up as quickly as possible.”—New York Weekly. Going to Visit Them. “Where are you going, my pretty raatd?” “I’m going to Dwight, kind sir,” she said. “You surely don’t drink, my pretty maid?” “Butl’ve driven my lovers all to It,” she sail’.—New York Herald. No Give Away. “Old Goldbug is to marry the beautiful daughter of Harduppe, I believe?” “Yes; the wedding takes place tomorrow. I have been invited.” “Does her fath&f give her away?” “Give her away! No. He’s selling her.”—New York Press. The Foreign Idea. Promising Musician—Am I really an artist, my good, kind master? Instructor—Not yet, my dear child, but you will do quite well for a season in America—and your funds are getting low. An Ancient Lady. Mrs. Henpeck (at 2 a. m.) —“While the lamp holds out to burn the vilest sinner may return.” Henpeck (of the D. G. Ry., just home from the lodge)—“All ri’, my dear. I’ll shend ’n get a pigshead—a hogshead of oil.”—General Manager.

A Lucky Woman. Mrs. Brainie—“After ten years of married life my husband still says I’m an angel.” Friend— he mean it?” Mrs. Brainie—“Of course not; but I think I’m mighty lucky to have a husband who pretends to mean it* ” New York Weekly. Next-Door Goitsip. Mrs. Simpkins—l see our new neighbor has bought a handsome um-brella-stand for her hall. Mr. Simpkins—And now she makes her husband come into the house through the kitchen and leave his umbrella in the sink.—Judge. A Lam. Excuse. Ensign Lehmann, while promenading in the Berlin Zoological Gardens in civil attire, sees his Colonel approaching in the distance, and hastily conceals himself behind a tree to escape observation. Colonel (next morning in the bar-rack-yard)—Ensign Lehmann, how came I to see you in plain clothes the other day in the zoological garden? Lehmann—Because the tree was not thick enough, Colonel.—Familien Wochenblatt. Her Ignorance. Mrs. Cumso—l’m glad it’s a tin wedding we are invited to next week and not a silver wedding. Silver presents are so frightfully expensive. Cumso—My dear, you are evidently unacquainted with the fact that we are expected to take a present made of American tin.—lndianapolis Journal. On for th© Afternoon. He had a half-holiday and about 1 o’clock p. m. he came to a friend’s office and sat down. “Well,” inquired the man at the desk, “what have you got on for the afternoon?” “Nothing,” he replied, with a listless air; “that is, nothing except my clothes. ” —Detroit Free Press. An Advantage of Age. “I’d like to be grown up,” sighed Bobby, “for then I’d be helped first to pie and get through in time to have a second piece.”—Harper’s Young People. It Was Enough. “Only one word, Gladys!” he pleaded. “One little word!” The young woman looked at the slender-shanked youth on his knees before her, and she opened her beautiful lips and softly said: “Rats!” An Abused Wife. Married Daughter—“On, dear, such a time as I do have with that husband of mine! I don’t have a minute’s peace when he’s in the house. He is always calling me to help do something or other.” Mother—“ What does he want now?” Daughter—“He wants me to tramp way upstairs just to thread a needle for him, so he can mend biscothes.” —New York Weekly.