Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 May 1892 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY PU>4nY MEN OF THE PRESS. Ku; Odd, Curious. and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day. A Shocking Mistake. Mrs. D’Avnoo—“Oh, the awfulest thing has happened! Clara, who never could deign to look at anyone in trade, has just discovered that the man she has married is a dry goods clerk. ” Mrs. D’Fashipn—“Horrors! I should think she might have found him out by his talk. ” Mrs. D’Avnoo—“That’s Just how the poor girl was deceived. He never seemed to know anything about anything and she supposed, of course, he was a millionaire’s son. ” —New York "Weekly. No Wonder Ho Wm Happy. Stranger (addressing native) — What’s the matter with that old gray-headed man? Is he drunk? Native—-Oh, no; he was never drunk in his life. “Well, why does ho kick up his heels that way?” “He’s happy. ” “Lottery prize?” “Oh, no. His grandfather wrote an article for a magazine and it has j ust been published. ” —Texas Siftings. Ample Justification. Guest (at Oklahoma hotel) —Wasn’t there some shooting at the other end of the table a minute ago? Waiter (replacing his smoking revel ver) —Yes. Dude from the East. Wanted 0 napkiD. Say, if you’re done with that knife arid fork why in thunder don’t you pass ’em on to the next man? He Knew Her Qualifications. Mrs. Chinner—“ Poor Mrs. Cherub has lost her husband.” Mr. Chinner—“ Yes.” Mrs. Chinner.—“ She’ll have to earn her own living now.” Mr. Chinner—“l suppose so.” Mrs. Chinner—“ What should Ido if I were left so?” Mr. Chinner—“l suppose—er—you might—er—become a lecturer.”—* New York Press. Pa Was Equal to the Emergency. Son—“ Say, pa!” Father—“ Well!” “Is a vessel a boat?” “Yes.”

“Say, pa!” “What Is it?” “What kind of a boat is a bloodvessel?” “It is a life-boat. Now run away to bed.”—New York Ledger. She Tried Them. Mrs. Young Husband—“ Dear, you will have to give me $lO extra this week. ” Mr. Young Husband—“ Why, Clara! Did I not give you the necessary amount, $18? That is $3 a day.” Mrs. Young Husband—“ Yes, but I have been trying some of those recipes published in the papers for keep* lng a family on $6 per week. ”—Exchange. ■' i"; ’ Let Him Try. A man may face a lion Or twist a tiger’s tail. May wrestle with a grizzly. Nor know what ’tis to quail; May face the darkest horrors And at their grimness laugh. But I’ll bet three hundred dollars 1 hat he cannot feed a calf. —New York Herald. ■■ ■ • ■ - ' - ‘ ' j Theatrical Note. Bald-headed gentleman In the parquet to young lady in dress-circle during an affectionate passage in the play: “I respect your emotion, ma’am; you are shedding tears on iny head.” —Texas Siftings. Lone Star Reverie. Fanny—Pa, was Gen. Grant killed in the Alamo? Parent—No, my child; what makes you ask such a question? Fanny—Nothing, except I read so much about what a long time it takes to build his monument. Siftings.

An Important Query. Mrs. Pewrent—“l saw Mrs. Freechurch to-day. She’s a strict Episcopalian, you know, and of course sho is wearing sackcloth now. ” Mrs. Giddibody (with deep interest) —“Indeed' v How has she got .it trimmed?”—Puck. A Daring Spirit. Ethel—l wonder whom Mr. Dashing will marry? May—A dynamite bomb, I guess. Ethel—What do you mean? May—He is so brave he courts nothing but danger. Household Monthly. Business Is Business. “Ye must begin and cut down our oxpenses, Jakey.” “Yat for, ladder? Pizness is good." “Yah, Jakey. and ye must make it a lee tie petter!”—Puck. Information. “Papa, the paper says ‘the marriage took place at high noon.’ What is high noon?” “High noon, my son, is—um—is noon among the —er —among the higher classes. ” Cold Comfort. Mr. Slim purse—To—to tell the truth, I am a—a little afraid to—to ask your father for your hand? Miss Chargit—Oh, you needn’t worry. He' says lam ruinously extravagant.—New York Weekly. Just Hls JLuck. Miss Flyppe (quoting cosmetic advertisement)—‘Wouldn’t you like to be as beautiful^,Dresden china? Harold Flyppe—What’s the use? I I’d go broke just the same.