Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 May 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINOS AND DOINQS HERE AND THERE. Joke# and Jokeleta that Are Supposed to Have Been Recently Bom- Sayings add , Dolngi that Are Odd. Curious and Laughable. He Sorely Didn’t Know. Yan Cure—Some young men, when they call on a young lady, don’t know when to go home. Stella—Yes, it seems so. I used to have a young man call on me once, and he would go home every evening at 9 o’clock. ■ The Three Grace!. “There go two of the three things that I most admire in this-world,” said a Kentuckian, pointing to a lady on horseback, “a line-looking woman and a good horse.” “And what is the third thing, Colonel, which you most admire?” The Colonel crooked his finger significantly, and his friend said he didn’t care if he did.—Texas Siftings. Could Not Account, fop Ite She—You seem rather blue this evening, Jack. He—Yes, I have had a headache all day, and I don’t know how I came to'have it. She—What were you doing last night, eh, sir? He—l don’t know what I was doing after about 10 o’clock.—General Manager. Fame Found in the Jaws of Death. Family Physician—Well, I must congratulate you. Patient (quite excitedly)—l -will recover? Family Physician—Not exactly; t*ut—well, after a consultation we find that your disease is entirely novel, and, if the autopsy should demonstrate that fact, we have decided to name it after you. Remembered How Useful the Hair-Pin Is* “When two words are made into one —that is, into a compound word—you join them together with a hyphen,” said the teacher. “That boy who was whispering may tell me what I was saying.” 1 “You said you must join two words together with a hair-pin,” answered the boy.—Harper’s Young People. 1 Doubtful. Fweddy—Cholly,l’m feeling wocky. I think I’ll soak my head. Cholly—lt won’t fetch anything, deah boy, unless the hat goes with it. A Fortunate Man. “Blithers is so deaf he can’t hear himself talk," said Binks. “He’s in luck,”said Banks.—Brooklyn Life. , Improbable. Peddler—Madame, I have some very fine mottoes for the house. Woman (at depot restaurant) —What have you got? Peddler—Here’s a beautiful one: “If You Don’t See What You Want, Ask for It.” How’s that for the din ing-room? Woman—lt’s no good for me, young man. This is a railroad boardinghouse.—General Manager. An Ignorant Woman.

Aunt FurbyLow (reading)—“Here’s where two men went down in one of the city sewers and were killed by sewer gas. What do they want gas in a sewer fer, I wonder?” Uncle Si Low (in deep disgust)— “To see by, of course. Do you think sewers have winders in them?”

Sharp Sayings. It is a lamentable fact that Pride often wears patent-leather boots and begs its tobacco.—Columbus Post. It is an easy matter for a man to tell who his friends are in politics, but not who they are going to be.— Washington Star. “Has your father—er—considered our—my proposal?” “He has. He considered it a piece of impudence.”— Indianapolis Journal. She —Will you take a part in our theatricals? He—Aw—weally—l—should so like to. What shall I take? She —Tickets.—Judge. Mrs. Enpec —You cannot say I did the courting; you were crazy to marry me. Enpec I must have been—a gibbering lunatic.—New York Herald. Briggs— “ Are you going back to the Bangup Hotel this year?” Griggs —"Not much. 1 came away from that hotel last year and forgot to tip the head waiter. ’’—Life. Mrs. Ghttmpps (looking Over new house) —“What in the world is this vast attic for?” Mr. Grumpps—“lt is to hold the things that you buy and can’t use. ” —New York Weekly. “And you want a pension?” “That’s what!” “How long were you in the war?” “Well, sir, I wur married ’long in ’69, an’ peace ain’t been declared yit; so you kin jes’ calkilate fer yerself!”—Atlanta Constitution. Staggers (coming in at 2 a. m.) — “Look out o’ this window, m’ dear, and see the glorious aurora borealish.” Mrs. Staggers (wflked out of a sound sleep)—“Window? 'That’s a mirror you are looking into, and the aurora you see is your own highly decorated nose.” —Brooklyn Life.