Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 April 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Joke'et* that Are Supposed t« Have Been. Recently Porn- Saying* and Doing* that Are Odd. Curious and Laogliable. Hl* Idea of It. Miss Tomax—Do you think it possible for a man to love two women? Van Cure—Not if either of them should catch him at it. That’* the Ulrl We Want Mrs. Bumpus—l don’t think you will do. because you are not as tall a girl as I want. Katie—Phwat difference does that make, mum. so long as I do me work? Mrs. Bumpus—Well, you see, I want a girl tall enough to light the gas without standing on a chair. A Mistake Somewhere. Sophie—l hear Mr. Geizenfluke drinks to excess. Mr. Janes —No; I guess there must be some mistake. He told me he drank XXX’S. He Wasn’t Snowed Under. Eastern Man—l heard you were snowed under for about six weeks last winter; was that so? . Western Man—No: snowed over. Easy to Prescribe For. Druggist—“ What did that man want?” Clerk—“He wanted something f r the g ip.” . ’ Druggist—“ What did you give him?” Clerk —“Don’t know; didn’t look! Everything is good for the grin.”— Puck. ' Man’s Ueusoninff.

She—“ You men are so changeable! Before we were married you didn’t go to the club every night.” He— “l couldn’t, my dear, when I had to call on you every night. I’m not away from home any more now than I was then. ” Her Stationary Ago. Her Father—“ But, my boy, surely you are too young to marry Aurelia. How old are you?” Her Suitor—“ Eighteen, sir.” Her Father —“And she is 24—t00 great a disparity. Why not wait half a dozen years? Then you’ll be 24, and she’ll probably be just about the same age as you.”—Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly. Her Way of Putting It. “There was a cake-walk at the Auditorium last night,” observed Amy to her friend Mildred. “Yes,” replied the high-school girl, “I believe there was a biscuit pedestrian contest or something of that nature.”—Chronicle-Telegraph. A Queer Place. Mr. Sharp (the tragedian)—“Denver is a queer place to play in.” Mr. Flat (the comedian) — “How so?” Mr. Sharp—“l was doing Richard there last week and when I came to the lines: ‘Who has seen the sun to-day?’ everybody in the audience got up and shouted: ‘We are all subscribers! ’ ” —Exchange. Not Many Like Him. ' He is a man original, For it lias been his way To keep his tongue from wagging when He’s got nothing to’ say. —Detroit 'lrlbune. She Still Lecture*. Mr. Tile—Your wife used to lecture before she was married; hasshe given it up now? Mr. Milds—Well-er-yes, that is in public. . Mistaken Identity. A Texas man is the owner of a very fine imported Kentucky jack, and stockmen are continually calling to see it. One day he happened to be upstairs when a friend called to see the animal. His little son called: “Father, come down, a gentleman wants to see you.” “What did you say, my son?” shouted the father. “I said come down—a gentleman wants to see our big donkey.”— Texas Siftings. ■ Blowing His Way. Young Man (who eats onions) — Which way is the wind blowing thia morning, Cholly. Cholly—My way, I guess. Preparation. Facetious Caller (who finds his friend exercising with the dumbbells) —“What’s the matter? Getting ready to write another spring poem?” Literary Aspirant—“No; I’m getting ready to sell one.”—Washington Star. Not a Booties* Wooing. Charlie—Edith Grigson is a nice girl, but her father is a regular old pirate. Chappie—A pirate? How do you make that out? I know from experience that he is a free-booter. — Exchange.