Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 April 1892 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Carlon*. and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day. Trust Should Be Mutual. “Boss,” said an aged colored manto a former employer of his, a Jefferson avenue merchant, Saturday, “I wish you’d lend me fo’ dollars. We hain’t got no coal nor nuffln’ to eat.” “Why should I lend you $4?” was the reply; “how do I know you will ever pay it?” “I’ll pay it suah, boss, jest as suah as yer bawn, when I gets it.” “But bow do I know you’ll ever get it, Sam?” said the merchant; “I don't believe I ought to trust you.” “Hadn’t ought to trUs me, boss.” said the old negro, reproachfully, “why, boss, if I had a thousand’ dollars I’d trus you wid every cent of it.” The argument was irresistible and brought the -“fo’ dollars.”—Detroit Free Press.

A Narrow Escape. “Don’t be afraid, to eat some of this angel food, Mr. Smith. I made it with my own hands.” “Miss Daisy, I don’t think there’s a man living worthy to eat angel food—especially when it is made by one so angelic as yourself. Please pass the bread;” and the perfidious wretch got away and lived to eat another day.— Detroit Eree Press. The Wrong Shop. Young Woman—l would like to hire a young society man to lead the german to-morrow evening. Real Estate Agent (astonished)— Hire a society man? Young Woman—Yes. I have heard that young society men are hired by the night for social events, and I want one to-morrow night for my german. Real Estate Agent—But why de you come here, madam? We don’t re nt you ng men Young Woman—Why, I saw the sign “Flats for Rent” in your window. —Exchange. A Reason Advanced. Wooden—ls Howler married? Bulfinch—Why, I don’t know, I am sure. Yes, now I think-of it, he must be. • Wooden—What makes you think so? Bui fl rich—Why, he’s around with the fellows so much more than he used to be.—Buffalo Courier. Our Elastic Language. First Customer—l wish to select a vase. Floor - Walker Yes, madam. James, show the lady to the crockery department. Second Customer—l wish to select a vawz. Floor - Walker Yes, madam. George, show the lady to the brica - brae department. New York Weekly. A Lucrative Treatment. Eminent Specialist—Yes, madam, your husband is suffering from temporary aberration, due to overwork. The form of his mania is quite common. Wife—Yes; he insists that he is a millionaire. Eminent Specialist—And wants to pay me SSOO for my advice. We’ll have to humor him, you know.— Harper's Bazar.

Only Keep Quiet. “Jennie,” said a young lady, turning away from the mirror and addressing a companion, “what would jjou do if you had a mustache on your lip?” “If I liked him I would keep quiet,” was the-demure reply.—lrish Times. Parts for a Whole Constellation. “Now, let’s see,” said the playwright, “you want a play with one star part and ” “One star part? Sixteen, my dear sir. I forgot t > tell you—this play is for amateurs,” returned the manager.—Brooklyn Life. A Practical View. Son—Here’s a horseshoe I found in the street —good one, too. Papa—Well, throw it away. “Isn’t it lucky to find a horseshoe?" “Not unless you own a horse.”— Good News. Business. “Were any of old man Blickerson’g friends or relatives present when he died?” “Nb; no one but two undertakers." Appeal-Avalanche. An Inferior Commodity. Mrs. Muggs—My darter went to all them revival meetings last week, and —she got a husband; reg’lar case of love at first sight. They’re to be married ne.x’ month. Did your darter get one, too? Mrs. Puggs (sadly) Naw; she didn’t get nuthin’ but religion.—Good News. Anxious Times. Mother—What makes you so nervous, Charley, dear? Charley—l’ve had two proposals of marriage and I really don’t know whether to accept, Clara with her brains or Ethel wjtji her money. —Judge. * “Haughty Cull are.” Tom—Hullo! Invitations are out for a swell dance, in Horticultural Hall on the 18th. Wonder why they left me out? Jack —Probably on account of their haughty culture'—Harvard Lampoon.

M. Carxot of France and Mme. Victoria of England arq exchanging the politest kind of compliments. It need qot be understood from these amiable manifestations, however, that if the czar and M. Carnot were to go gunnjag together this pretty entente conilale would not snap like a worn-out suspender. The Rev. Joseph Cook says that Sunday papers are published to make money. There is a suspicion that the Rev. Joe attacks them for the same purpose.