Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 April 1892 — Page 6

RENSSELAER, INDIANA. J. W. MoEWEN, - - - Puiushep,

HAND-SHADOW MAKING

THE WAY TO BRIGHTEN A DULL EVENING. Fan Older than Uncle Sam, Always New to Some and Welcome to AH—The Tricks Illustrated as They Never Uave Been Before. An Amu*Ui|C Pastime •Hand shadows” may be shown on a Wall or on an ordinary piece of sheeting, but a better plan is lor the operator to stand behind a screen. For this purpose an ordinary folding Tin on horse, about five or six feet high, will answer well. These are generally in three sections, which fold <n canvas hinges. Strain a piece of calle > a;out one and one-half (yards square across the upper part of the middle sect.on. Drape the rest of the linen horse, and your screen is ready for use. A candle should be placed a few feet behind the center of the calieo, and all other lights should be removed or turned down. The hands, when at wor< between the calico arid the candle, will throw shadows on the former, and th, se will be seen by the spectators on the o'her side; while the' operator behind the screen will be out of sight. If the calico is wetted the’ shadows will be more distinct. In some shadows, hats and other accessories are used. These may be cut out of cardboard or stiff brown paper.

THE BUTTFRFLY.

Show at side of screen. Move the hands to express the fluttering of the wings. ■

THE HORSE.

No movement is necessary with this figure.

THE DONKET.

Open and close the mouth, and move the ears.

THE DOC.

The eyeball is shown by slightly raising the left little finger, which may be moved. The eye nifty also be opened and shut, and the right thumb may be brought sharply backward and forward to the hand, which will give a snapping effect. A little practice will so< n enable the dog to show his teeth.

OLD MAN’S HEAD.

By lowering the third and fourth finlers of the'right hand, and shaking both hands slightly and quickly, a good effect of laughing is given. Then close the mouth and suddenly put forward the third finger of the right hand, returning it quickly, and repeating the Operation several times. This will give a funny effect of protruding the tongue.

SMOKER NO. 1.

SEEN ON THE BOWERY.

A little practice is needed to adjust the fingers properly to give rotundity to the nose. The right thumb, which may be moved, terms the eyeball.

THE GOAT.

Keep the hands well down. The first and second fingers of the right hand may be held back with the thumb. Keep the right .little linger in front of the

THE FOX

Th« eye ia formed with the right

thumb, which may be moved about, and the mouth may be opened and dosed.

BUNNY.

Keep the four legs moving. Be care•ful to keep the lower part of the arms behind the draped portion of the screen.

ELEPHANT.

Raise the thumb of the right hand well, to keep the mouth high up and give additional length to the trunk. The eye should be very small. The trunk may be waved backward and forward and curled up.to the mouth. The fingers forming the trunk should pick up the carrot (formed of cardboard)• and place it in the mouth.

BONAPARTE.

THE SWAN.

This is very effective if carefully practiced. The rushes can be cut out of stiff cardboard or thin tin, which is held by small catches ’(also of tin or cardboard i placed on each side of the screen, as shown in the sketch. Kneel down, showing the top of the head only above the calico? Place the hands as shown. The swan should dip its head, bring it back, and lift it up as if drinking. It may also peck at the rushes and appear to adjust the feathers on its neck, after which bring down the hand to the head 'and lift the hair, which will have the effect of f, athers. Keep the tail moving at intervals.

THE PARROT.

The mouth may be made to move. Roll the eye by moving the left thumb.

THE ANGLER AND THE ALLIGATOR.

A small set of rushes, etc., may be made for this. The punt (a piece of cardboard as shown in the sketch) is 1 pressed lightly with the left arm against the screen, and is moved with the help of the right hand nearly to the center of the screen. The angler pulls up his line empty and looks at it. Next a few. articles <of cardboard) may be brought up in turn, placed on the hook by the other hand. An old saucepan is shown in the sketch, and other oojects may be cut out, such as a broken umbrella, a hat, a bonnet, a boot, etc. Finally the alligator may appear on the hook, and, after dragging the punt about a little, may pull the angler down, seize him by the nose, and disappear with him. the punt sinking at the same time. ’The fishing rod, for which a penholder will serve, is held to the third finger by a ring. t

Like an Old Roman.

The ideal type of senatorial dignity and calm, so long imputed to the old senators of Rome, is thoroughly embodied in .Senator Faulkner, of West Virginia. He 'Lever lounges about the Senate with his hands plunged deep into trousers pockets, as iKjgnorant of unappreciative of the dignity of hia surroundings, but preserves an exceedingly impressive gravity of demeanor. He never rises to his feet as if violently propelled by a hidden spring, but does so easily and with perfect tranquillity. His voice is distinct and never used as a means of hurling abuse at the head of a fellow senator. Every movement is accomplished with majestic grace, and never are his arms set going in the heat of debate or controversy like the fans of a windmill, as sometimes occurs with more excitable people. His features are purely classical, and even the fashion of his hair is strictly in accord with the Roman type.—Kate Field’s Washington.

Donna Isidora Cousino, in Chili, is supposed to be the richest woman in the world. Her monthly income is SBO,OOO. She is a stately widow of thirty-five years, and a famous horsewoman. These international crises in which the United Stales is involved every three months are chiefly cry.

AN ELECTRIFIED FENCE.

I L'he Very D!«trcs»liur Predicament of Some Youthful Marauder*. A gentleman who lives almost under the shadow of old Harvard's walls, at Cambridge, has for several years employed his leisure in “dabbling in electricity,” as he expresses it. In his home all the doors, drawers, and windows open and shut by this mysterious force. Mrs. C——-, the gentleman’s wife, declares that she hesitates to touch anything—even to lift a hair-brush —in his private room, for fear it may be somehow connected with a hidden wire. One of his inventions is unique, and has been the means of affording him and- his I friends no little amusement. In hie back yard are several flue old pear-trees, which have sometimes led certain boys in the neighborhood to overlook the distinction between ffeum et tuum. Running along the rear of the fruit garden is a board fence, a hundred feet long, perhaps, over which the roguish lads were wont to climb when they wanted pears, and which, likewise, too frequently formed the stage for concertjiving cats. On the top of this fence Mr C tacked strips of zinc, which were connected with the electric wires leading to the house. By pressing a button a more or less strong charge of electricity could be sent through the zinc, odd sections of which were united to the earth by means of wires. Unsuspecting cats world run along the fence, and the moment their forefeet touched the noa-insulated zinc an astonished feline rose from one to three feet into the air. sometimes to turn a complete somersalt, and then to descend with all four feet outstretched as if tolly. If the unlucky cat in falling chanced to hit the zinc again the performance was apt to be repeated with variations. The instant puss touched solid earth she would utter one shrill meow of terror and dart away. One afternoon during the past fall Mr. C was sitting in his room when, chancing to look from the window, he spied a boy in the act of climbing the fence, his hands resting on the zinc. Mr. C—— immediately recognized him as one of the purloiners of his pears. He put his finger on the electric button, and the next moment a startled boy jumped' backwards and tried to let go his hold on the fence.

But electricity had set itsgripupon his hands, and he was as powerless to get away as he would be to throw down Bunker Hill Monument with a puff of his breath. He kicked, he pulled backwards, he struggled this way and that, and finally, in despair, he shouted lustily fbr help.

Mr. C watched the lad for a time, and then, thinking he had punished him sufficiently, removed his finger from the button and released him from electrical durance. The boy, meantime, had caught a glimpse of Mr. C *s smiling face at the window, and connected him with his own peculiar sensations. He gave vent to his feelings, therefore, in an angry threat that he and the boys would “tear the old fence down,” and ran off. A few minutes later half a dozen ragged-looking urchins, led by the electrified boy of a few minutes before, were seen approaching the fence, as if with a determination to tear it down. Mr. C ’s finger sought the electric button. One of the ragamuffins put his hands on the fence, and that instant uttered a shriek of pain and terror. Electricity had caught him! His comrades stopped- just Ung enough to see that the boy was held fast, and took to their heels and deserted in a body. Mr. C gave the frightened lad a few words of advice and'then suffered him to depart. Not a pear was disturbed after that, nor has he since known of a boy’s attempting to climb that electrical fence.

BEYOND PARDON.

Tl.h Man from Kansas Could Give Anna I nias Cards and Spade*. One of the most versatile of extemporaneous liars is W A. S. Ferguson, of Topeka, Kan. He writes the Chicago Tribune as follows: I read with considerable interest the article in the Tribune—“ Queer things we see. They appear just the same even when one has a gun along?’' Of course, no one will doubt for a moment the truth of the experiences therein related. I commend your effort to preserve authentic records and desire to aid you. One September day, while hunting' prairie chickens near the head waters of Green River, north of Atkinson, Henry County, 111., I concluded to take a look at the river itself, thinking that possibly I might get a few young mallards. I was sneaking through the grass near the water’s edge, with my dog at my heels, when a chicken ro«e from the grass nearly behind me, and as I turned my head to see if I could get a shot a flock of mallards rose from the water directly before me, but I neither saw nor heard them. I held my gun at my side, pointing toward the river. My dog saw the ducks, and she also saw that I did not see them, and, rising on her hind legs, she touched the triggers with one of her front feet, discharging both barrels of the gun. and seven of the ducks dropped dead, several crippled ones falling further on, three of which my dog afterward brought in. Not half a mile from where the above occurred, the same day, I sat •down in the grass, while my companion went up the river for a shot at a large flock which had dropped in some little distance up. I was tired and warm and the sun soon put.me to sleep. When I awoke I found eleven more dead ducks by my side which my dog had evidently taken inducing my nap. as each had teeth marks on its neck. This is the more remarkable, as I had always instilled into the mind of my dog not to bite birds. At another time 1 was rowing a boat up Rock River, near Cleveland, 111., on my way to an island for some teal shooting. 1 had the same dog with me. The river was rather rough. A green-wing teal was coming up tgje river like a bullet. I saw it, dropped my oars, grabbed my gun, fired, and winged the bird, which , dropped into the river and began to

swim away. My dog went overboard for the duck, and after a chase] just as she was about within reach of the bird, Mr. Teal d<>ve and the dog went after him. I‘retty soon the dog came up with something in her mouth and swam for the boat. As she came near I saw that she did not have the duck, but in place of a duck she had brought me a nice bladt bass of about a pound weight. Site always got something. 1 might add here that my dog is not for sale.

Sudden Proinotion.

In the latter half of the sixteenth century the little province of Transylvania was in a state of revolution and consequent disorder. Finally there came a time when there was no ruler, and the Turkish Sultan sent word to All Pasha, then at Maros Vasarhely, that, come what might, a Prince of Transylvania must be elected. Ali Pasha was in a quandary. He stood at his window, as the story runs, meditating upon his sovereign’s commands, not knowing what to do, and yet afraid to do nothing, when he saw a tall, strong man crossing the market-place. At that time, and especially in that country, a strong arm was the best patent of nobility. At home Ali Pasha had seen the lowest slaves lifted to places of power. He sent a messenger into the market-place with orders to bring the tall, strong man into his presence. The. order was obeyed, and as the stranger entered he was- greeted with the words, “You must Les Prince of Transylvania!” “I!” exclaimed the astonished prince-elect. “I—l know nothing about government! I can’t read or write! lam a butcher!” “No matter for that,” said Ali Pasha; “a man may be an excellent regent though he cannot read.” But the butcher was not ambitious and still resisted. “If you want a man as Prince of Transylvania,” he said, “I can tell you of one who has no equal. If you will, let us go and find him. I will lead you.” With five hundred Turkish horsemen Ali Pasha and the butcher rode to Malmkrog and surrounded the castle of Michael Apart!, whom they hailed at once as prince, carried to Maros Vasarhely, and proclaimed as regent This was in 16(51, and the prince thus chosen remained in power until his death, in 1690.

Kings.

Rings, which are the most antique of all ornaments, were used in abundance by the ancients. We are t/fld how three rings were worn on the little finger, and sometimes the fingers were so covered as to appear like gold throughout their length, while gems of much beauty were added. Sometimes these latter were used uncut, while the fashion at times prevailed of not wearing gems, and nobles loaded themselves with gold rings only. These rings were sometimes of enormous size. It is related of Julius Caasar that while he harrangued his troops the immense ring on his finger could be seen at a distance which his voice could not reach. So formidable were some of these rings that if of iron they served as weapons of assault, and Aristotle discus-es the question whether an injury inflicted by the blow of such a ring was contemplated as a misdemeanor by the law prohibiting assault. Rings were also made which were supposed to possess the power of arresting evil influences, fascination and malevolent agencies. These peculiar influences were regarded as emanations from the eyes in a large degree, and the sudden presentation of these strange rings, with their strange devices, arrested the attention and gaze of the evil-minded, and diverted their minds with amusement, so that the “turbulent humours” were allayed and the “rabid temper” soothed. At Rome the patricians wore golden rings, which distinguished them from the slaves, plebeians and common soldiers, who were, however, permitted to wear rings of iron. When, at a later date, golden rings were permitted to the slaves and people, the nobles discarded the use of their golden rings, which were no longer an emblem of rank. A peculiar use of rings is instanced where in a certain city a rivalry for the entertainment of visitors arose among its citizens This .generous emulation became so fierce 'as to lead to open brawls and struggles. To avert these, iron rings were placed about a column in the center of the town, and those reaching this i hospitable community took up a ring /and sought his home at the house of i the family whose ring he had picked I up.

Volcanic Islands Sinking.

Letters received from the British ship Eg ria, which has been engaged for u considerable time on sounding operations in the South Pacific, state that she has just completed a survey of the Union group of islands, and a line of soundings has been carried from those islands to Fiji, and thence to Tonga, tor the purpose of cable laying, should a eabie at any time be deemed necessary. On the first of October the Egtria left Tonga for the Falcon Island, one of the Tonga group, which was thrown up five years ago by a volcanic eruption, and w.as then stated to be five miles wide; but to the surprise of the scientific officers on board, they .found it to be only about halt its original size. The place proved to be composed entirely of volcanic cinders, with small, hot, sulphuric springs here and there, and in some few places the ground was so hot as to render walking exceedingly uncomfortable and in places actually dangerous. Lieutenant Maresceaux and a party of men were employed in putting up mark flags for surveying purposes, and had placed a mark on the highest point of land on the island, about two hundred and fitty feet from the level of the sea, and about twenty yards from the extremity of the cliff. Soon after this work ha 1 been completed those on board saw a large mass of ground fall away into the sea, and this was followed by a white vapor which rose from the water. In less than three days from the hoisting of th s mark the flagstaff erected by Lieutenant Maresceaux and his party had completely disappeared with the whole of the intervening ground between it and the sea. Many pieces of the cinders which cover this volcanic head have been taken on board the Egeria, and although very much resembling coke, when placed i* the fire they run off in a liquid rorm. It is thought that should there be no further upheaval tnls island will be entirely submerged in a few years.

NAMING A NEWSPAPER.

Some Unique Titles Borne by “Sheets” 1» the East and West. There is the class of aerial disturbance, including such journals as the Cyclone, Breeze, Zephyr, Blizzard and Hot Blast. Closely related to this class is one which includes Wave, Breaker, Surf, ' Ocean Wave, Tide, Spray from the, Sound, Seaboard, Current Wave,: Header, Rudder, Helm, Coast News, Coast Mail and Canoe. * The Reporter who starts out to mold Public Opinion, and is very Wide Awake and a Hustler or a Rustler after News, often degenerates Into a mere Ink Fiend or Ink Hustler. Anna, 111., appropriately has a pa-, per called Talk. To keep it company, elsewhere is found Chaff and. Chat. In the divisions of Time we have a Century, an Age, an Epoch, a Cycle,' a Day, a Year, an Hour, a Month and a Week. Likewise we have Dawn,; Noontide and Daylight. Not far offare to be found the Watch, the Clock, the Horologer, the Timekeeper and a Dial. The above suggests Light, a Lighthouse, a Beacon, a Flambeau, a Torch, a Lamp,- a Headlight and; •Blazes. Ax, Broadax. Tomahawk and Hatchet follow each other naturally, and after the latter Chips may be placed. Mephisto, Lucifer and other Mephistophelean characters of a Plutonian Nature may also be’found. When it comes to real eccentricity of nomenclature, however, let me commend you to the Jefferson (Texas) Jimplecute, the Sedalia (Mo.) Bazoo; the Wayback Astonisher, the Solid; Muldoon, of Ouray, Col., the Moral, and Scientitlc Companionfin Arizona), the Rip Saw. the Deaf Mute Critic, the Wahoo (Neb.) Wasp, the Ram’s Horn, the Poor Soul’s Advocate, the Haw Patch (Ind.) Gospel Exhortation and Reproof, the Spirit of Jefferson, a Firm Foundation, the Orphan's Friend, the Unteriifled Democrat (Linn, Mo.), the Headblock, Thirteerr Towns, Thielensien, the Bedrock Democrat, the Herald-Disseminator, the Screw Driver, the Appeal-Ava-lanche, Ball, Shepherd’s Voice, the. Big Stone (Va.) Post, the Cosmocrat, Manna, tire Chronotype, Car, the Times-Reflex and Hop Reporter, Conglomerate Short Line, Snook’s Journal, Deaf Mute Pelican, Sand Me, Why?, the Growler, the Diamond Telescope, Nutmegs. There is an approach to humor in the Tombstone (A. T.) Epitaph, the Thomas (County) Cat, of Colby, Iowa; the Jamaica (Vt.) Ginger, and Hain and Eggs (pork and poultry), of Topeka, but the pun never gets any closer to the surface than in these instances, and even then it hardly can be said to exist in paying quantities. —Printers’ Ink.

Saved a Town with Laughter.

It was in 1808, after a battle, and the streets of Madrid were tilled with angry crowds bent on detroying everything and everybody. Suddenly an unknown man, tall and dark anq strong, appeared at the city hall. “Give me a band of musicians,” he’ said, “and before nightfall I shall control all Madrid.” He must have been a man of rare personality to have been able to persuade the authorities at all in that dark hour to give him anything of the kind, but he did. Going out with the musicians, he wandered through the town. While they played he sang—folksongs or some national air. When these bored the people he mounted old boxes and told funny stories, and by and by the people forgot to be angry, followed their new leader wherever he went, laughing over his stories and songs. By nightfall peace reigned in the city and the mob broke up and went home to bed The man’s name was Felipe Ducazel, and he was only 22 years old when he did this clever thing. We hear a good deal about heroic things in saving countries by long and terrible rides at night, or by the sacrifice of one’s self by dying in somebody’s stead, but few of us remember before of any one who saved a town by laughter.

Mammoth Libraries.

The largest library in the world is that at Paris, which contains upward of 2,000,000 printed books and 100,000 manuscripts. Between the imperial library at St. Petersburg and the British museum there is not much d.fference. In the British museum there are about 1,500,000 volumes. The royal library of Munich has now something over 900,000, but this includes many pamphlets; the royal library at Berlin contains 800,000 volumes; the library at Copenhagen 510,000; the library at Dresden, 500,000; the university library at Gottingen, Germany, 600,000. The royal library at Vienna has 400,000 volumes and the university library in the same city 370,000 volumes. At Buda-Pesth the university library has 300,000 books; the corresponding library at Cracow nearly the same number, and at Prague 205,000.

The Grip in 1563.

According to the following extract, published in the London Truth, from an old historical work, not only was Edinburgh afflicted with the influenza in 1553, but the Queen of Scots herself had the disease: “In November Edinburgh was visited with a ‘new dysease’ called the ‘newe acquaintance,’ which passed through the whole courte,’ nether sparing lorde, layde nor damoysell. Yt ys a paine in their heades that have yt, and a soreness in their stomacks with a greate coughe. The Queene keapte her bedde vi. dayes. Then was no appearance of clangee. nor manie that die of the dysease, except some olde folks.”

To Improve Honey.

Honey could be immensely improved by the -planting of flowers known to yield a line-flavored nectar. Every knows the difference in the quality of the comb contents in the' different parts of the s ,j me country and in different regions The Narbonne honey derives its fine flavor by being harvested chiefly from labiate plants, such as rosemary, etc.; and though it appears that the Maltese honey does not, as often stated, owe its fine aroma to orange blossoms, the latter undeniably perfume the Greek honey.

LET THEM BAG AT THE KNEES.

It I» Natural and Necessary, Besides Being a Badge of Usefulness and Piety. The intention of Providence is nowhere made more clear than in the

bating the tendency of which it is a result, the man of true and honest pride in his manhood will be satisfied, yea, gratified, to see nature take its course. His contentment will be second only to that with which he notes the whitening of his hair, which, going on while his vigor of mind and body remains as it should be in his prime, becomes the most honorable decoration that it is possible for man to wear. The bagging of his trousers at the knees proclaims that man is animate;

the chintz coverings on the fluted legs-of' village pianos show no intermediate bag-, ging. It is a mark of humanity as distinguished from the lower orders of animals; the stork, one of the most conspicuous of creatures in the matter of legs, shows no bagging at the knees. The only brute that displays this ten-

dency in a noticeable degree is the elephant, and it is Significant that, ne, of the brute trtati.n. is the creature that comes next to man re intelligence, kindliness and the other qualities that go to make man su-

entity by himself. Without his “man” he is practically non-existent, and in his man we find the characteristic and ever-present evidence of superiority—his trousers bag at the knees, unless the dude makes this impossible by putting him in a livery that does not include trousers. That the bagging of one's trousers nt the

knees is an evidence of piety’ is so plain that there is no occasion for saying more on this point. There is no plane of existence inferior t< that of useful manhood in which bagging at the knees is an unfailing characteristic of its occupants. There is but one creature that is man’s equal, whose trousers do not bag at the knees; and—well, we would rather, honor bright, that the lessons ■ intended to be set forth

in these observations should all go to the deuce than that she should cease to be the exception. But the exception in this matter, as in most others, only goes to give

force to the rule. It is natural and necessary that the trousers of man should bag at the knees. It is unnatural and unnecessary to oppose this tendcncy;and the ninety and nine who look down and see their kneepans outlined and magnified midway ot their trousers’ legs should feel pride and not humiliation in.the

presence of one whose trousers’ legs conform to the equation of a-straight line.

La Grippe Was Ub' qnitous.

It is one thing to have .the grip in town or anywhere on the mainland within reach of a doctor, and another thing to be stricken with the disease on a remote isle of the sea. On a Thursday morning recently the inhabitants of Grand Manan, a large, well-populated island off the Maine coast.jjpbserved a single fire—the sick signal—burning on the Three Isles, six miles seaward, but as a gale was blowing and the sea running high nobody could land there. On Sunday evening a physician, accompanied by three sturdy oarsmen in a dory, reached the isles in a blinding snowstorm. Fifteen of the sixteen inhabitants were sick abed, leaving one man barely able to crawl to the headland and keep the signal burning. It was three days before the weather moderated sufficiently to allow the relief party to return home, and in that time the sick were relieved.

They Have Yet Much to Learn.

It is said that at the reception given by Mrs. Potter Palmer to the 110 Congressmen, even Western etiquette was shocked at the performance of some of its guests. These 110 representatives each brought his wife and children, and the wife of the “honorable member from Texas” came in a linen duster and put her child to sleep in the library at 10 o’clock. Another offspring of this same Texan family amused herself by skating on the mosaic floor of the drawing room!

If you talk about your neighbors the people say you are a gossip. If you talk about yourself they say you are an egotist. Therefore the man who set the example of talking about the weather was a benefactor to his race.

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Carlon*. and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Day. Trust Should Be Mutual. “Boss,” said an aged colored manto a former employer of his, a Jefferson avenue merchant, Saturday, “I wish you’d lend me fo’ dollars. We hain’t got no coal nor nuffln’ to eat.” “Why should I lend you $4?” was the reply; “how do I know you will ever pay it?” “I’ll pay it suah, boss, jest as suah as yer bawn, when I gets it.” “But bow do I know you’ll ever get it, Sam?” said the merchant; “I don't believe I ought to trust you.” “Hadn’t ought to trUs me, boss.” said the old negro, reproachfully, “why, boss, if I had a thousand’ dollars I’d trus you wid every cent of it.” The argument was irresistible and brought the -“fo’ dollars.”—Detroit Free Press.

decree that the outer bifurcated garment of the male human animal shall, after a suitable period of utility, bag at the points of genuflexion, says the New York Sun. This feature of man’s attire is in many ways a mark of superiority; and, Instead of com-

A Narrow Escape. “Don’t be afraid, to eat some of this angel food, Mr. Smith. I made it with my own hands.” “Miss Daisy, I don’t think there’s a man living worthy to eat angel food—especially when it is made by one so angelic as yourself. Please pass the bread;” and the perfidious wretch got away and lived to eat another day.— Detroit Eree Press. The Wrong Shop. Young Woman—l would like to hire a young society man to lead the german to-morrow evening. Real Estate Agent (astonished)— Hire a society man? Young Woman—Yes. I have heard that young society men are hired by the night for social events, and I want one to-morrow night for my german. Real Estate Agent—But why de you come here, madam? We don’t re nt you ng men Young Woman—Why, I saw the sign “Flats for Rent” in your window. —Exchange. A Reason Advanced. Wooden—ls Howler married? Bulfinch—Why, I don’t know, I am sure. Yes, now I think-of it, he must be. • Wooden—What makes you think so? Bui fl rich—Why, he’s around with the fellows so much more than he used to be.—Buffalo Courier. Our Elastic Language. First Customer—l wish to select a vase. Floor - Walker Yes, madam. James, show the lady to the crockery department. Second Customer—l wish to select a vawz. Floor - Walker Yes, madam. George, show the lady to the brica - brae department. New York Weekly. A Lucrative Treatment. Eminent Specialist—Yes, madam, your husband is suffering from temporary aberration, due to overwork. The form of his mania is quite common. Wife—Yes; he insists that he is a millionaire. Eminent Specialist—And wants to pay me SSOO for my advice. We’ll have to humor him, you know.— Harper's Bazar.

porior among ere? a ted things. Man's baggy appearance about > the, knees is also a badge of usefulness; the dude and other creatures that are placed on earth to fill chinks in the economy <■.' creation do not bag at the knees. But the dude is an incomplete

Only Keep Quiet. “Jennie,” said a young lady, turning away from the mirror and addressing a companion, “what would jjou do if you had a mustache on your lip?” “If I liked him I would keep quiet,” was the-demure reply.—lrish Times. Parts for a Whole Constellation. “Now, let’s see,” said the playwright, “you want a play with one star part and ” “One star part? Sixteen, my dear sir. I forgot t > tell you—this play is for amateurs,” returned the manager.—Brooklyn Life. A Practical View. Son—Here’s a horseshoe I found in the street —good one, too. Papa—Well, throw it away. “Isn’t it lucky to find a horseshoe?" “Not unless you own a horse.”— Good News. Business. “Were any of old man Blickerson’g friends or relatives present when he died?” “Nb; no one but two undertakers." Appeal-Avalanche. An Inferior Commodity. Mrs. Muggs—My darter went to all them revival meetings last week, and —she got a husband; reg’lar case of love at first sight. They’re to be married ne.x’ month. Did your darter get one, too? Mrs. Puggs (sadly) Naw; she didn’t get nuthin’ but religion.—Good News. Anxious Times. Mother—What makes you so nervous, Charley, dear? Charley—l’ve had two proposals of marriage and I really don’t know whether to accept, Clara with her brains or Ethel wjtji her money. —Judge. * “Haughty Cull are.” Tom—Hullo! Invitations are out for a swell dance, in Horticultural Hall on the 18th. Wonder why they left me out? Jack —Probably on account of their haughty culture'—Harvard Lampoon.

M. Carxot of France and Mme. Victoria of England arq exchanging the politest kind of compliments. It need qot be understood from these amiable manifestations, however, that if the czar and M. Carnot were to go gunnjag together this pretty entente conilale would not snap like a worn-out suspender. The Rev. Joseph Cook says that Sunday papers are published to make money. There is a suspicion that the Rev. Joe attacks them for the same purpose.