Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 12, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 April 1892 — Page 6

@t)eJ)cmocrattt§entiiicl RENSSELAER, INDIANA. 3. W. McEWEN, - Publisher

ON A FAST MAIL TRAIN.

DATA GLEANED IN AN EXCITING NIGHT RIDE. Kansas City Reached from St- Louis In Saven and One-Half Hours—Twelve Tons of Mall Handled -How tho Men Work and liow They Aro Paid. An Cnrlvall d System. A flight with the fast mail f’-om St. Louis to Kansas City was taki n by a reporter for the Globe-Democrat toe other morning. Tho fast mail line from St. Louis to Kansas City is one of iho most Important lines in ihe service, and the reporter had an excellent opportunity of witnessing the enorn ou> work attendant upon the delivery of tee tons of mail that go over this line each light. The clerks who go out with ihe last mail to Kansas City go to their train at 8:30 p. m., sovt n liouvs t efore the fast mail starts. On reach ng the train their work commences, li ends at 1< :to the next morning. No e:g'.it-htur day for the postal clerk. When the start was made at 0 o’clock the crew was almost buii <1 beneath iho avalanche of sacks and pcui-ees that had been loaded into tho car. The ears were very long, each te rg about sixtv feot. Each car was so c.owded wi h racks and cases that Icrely room for the clerks renamed, loch car was abundantly lighted- from overh -a 1 lamps and heated by a wa'«r heater in "ho first car. Except wash-rooms the a _ s had no conveniences. No chairs we.o there, and the clerks would not hove found time to use them if they ha I 1 eon there. The boys all tarry blankets and quilts with them, and should they happen to finish their work before ihe run is completed, they threw their blankets over a pile of mail tags and dose off un-' til Kansas City is reached- This luxury, however, is Seldom offered them on the west-bound trip. The work is all done in the two front cars, the rear car being leaded with through mail. Most of the ra-’ks ond pouches in this car ha 1 been “worked up" by States on Eastern routes and, as they were for the far W< st, they were not to be opened until nearer their des-

DISTRIBUINCN OF LETTERS.

tinations. The second car is devoted to , the distribution of letters and Missouri papers. The rear half of the car is fitted with eases for the distribution of letters. These cases look very much j like postofilce boxes, and contain about 2,000 pigeon-holes. Each pigeon-hole represents a town or a postal route. The method employed in assorting the 1 letters may te pasily explained. In j Missouri there are lit counties. At the | office of Superintendent Lindsay is a “scheme” of the States in his division. The scheme for the State of Missouri shows whero the mail for each county should be sent, with all exceptions noted. The clerks on the fast mail that morning were supposed to know the schemes of Missouri, with 114 counties; Kansas, with 106 counties; Colorado, 54 counties; Arkansas, 74 counties; Nebraska, 00 counties, besides having a' knowledge of what are known as “massing schemes’ of several other States. On the eastbound trip the clerks must know, in addition to Missouri, the schemes for the States of Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, and must have a general knowledge of several adjoining States. As the schemes do not give all the towns in the counties of the various States, postal clerks are required to commit to memory the names of the towns and the counties they are in. The enormity of this task can be conceived when it is known that there are about 5,500 postofflees in Missouri, 1,800 in Kansas, 700 in Colorado, 1,350 in Nobraska, and from 2,500 to 3,000 each in Illinois, Indiana and other adjoining States. When the letters are tied up a facing slip is put on each package. On the slip is put the destination of the package and tiio name of the clerk who assorted It, together with the name of his run and the date. Papers are thrown according to the same schemes as the letters, and similar facing slips are used. The cases are j larger, one clerk having a row of boxes j C or 6 fdet above his distributing table, | and from 30 to 40 fe- tin lencrth. Great ; dexterity is acquired by the paper clerks in throwing into these boxes. Papers j are cistrlbuted with wonderful rapidity, and a mistake is seldom made. It is said that a St. Louis paper clerk attended a party recently and played at “bean-bag,” winning three prizes before the other players learned that his business had made him an expert in mors difficult

THE CATCHER.

fchrowian than that required in playing the jrwna.of “bean-bag.” The facing slips, in addition to furnishing the addresses of paekazes, are uaedfor the purpose of “ th: eking" erion against the clerks. If any mistakes are found in a passage, th > fact is noted on the back of tie slip, nrbioh is returned to the division office, and there filed sgainat the offender. In this way an mart account of a clerk's arn.rs is kept, and the greater tfee number' the greater

the discredit. It is therefore a great deal of an object for a clerk to exercise much care in his work, for when nis mistakes are too Irequent he is liable to be

AN O. D-TIME MAIL lOK.

reduced in the ranks, if not discharged altogether. On ihe fast paper clpiks exerciso great care in the distribution of

daily papers, upcause of a line imposed on each error. If the paper clerk throws a bundle of dailies wrong, the fact is, of couise, reported on lfis check by the clerk receiving the wrongly thrown package. The clerk making the wrong throw is then charged at the publisher’s- price witli tlie papers delayed by being wrongly thrown. During tho past month the paper clerks on the fast mail were so accurate that not a cent was Culected from them. For the preceding month forty ci nts was collected. This illustrates better than anything else the proficiency that has b, on acquired in the postal service. In distributing letters errors are bound to occur, although the number is very small, considering tho large quantities of letters handled by ihe clerks. Letters frequently stick together, causing errors to be made. The similarity of the names of towns also causes many errors in the distribution of both letters and papers. With poor light, tired eyes, and much work before him, a postal clerk can hardly be blamed for throwing a badly addressed letter for Holti n, Kan., to Horton, Kan., or a paper for Leona, Kan., to Lenora, Kan. To avoid mistakes of this kind, every letter should have tho county on it as part of the address, unless the town to which the letter is going is a large one. Appointments to clerkships in the postal service are made through the Civil Service Commission. To test fitness for the service applicants for appointments aro examined by local Civil Service Hoards appointed by tho commission. The ©xaminatiqus are held twice a year in each State, and the applicants are examined in the following subjects: Orthography, copying, penmanship, arithmetic, letter writing, tho geography of the United States, and especially of tho State or railway mail division in which the applicant resides, and in the railway systems of the State

or division. Applicants must re not less than IS nor more than 33 years of age. Any clerk r t moved , for intoxication can not bo reinstated. New appointees are given a probationary term of six months, with pay at the rate of SSOO per annum, except in cases where the run is a small one and the average miles run per day are less than eighty; then the pay is at the rate of $lO per mile. For example, if a branch lino is seventy-twovuiles long and trains meet at an intermediate point, so that two clerks are needed to man the line, the pay of each would be $720 perannum. tv ben the probationary term expires, if a satisfactory record and proper progress are made, a permanent appointment is made and the pay increased to the S9OU-per-annum rate, and later on to SI,UCO, if plaeod in the class running an average of 100 miles or over per day. On the heavy lines each postal car contains several clerks who get from S9OO to $1,300, the man gettizzg the highest pay being the clerk in charge. The men advanoe from class to class in numt rieal order, the promotions being based uptn their records as shown by the facing slips already spoken of. A good postal clerk must have the physical ability to 6tand the fatiguo of from twelve to sixtec n hours a day of continuous work, and also have the menial ability to ieni-n, retain, and have at con maud without hesitation the location of from 5,000 io 15,000 postoflices. He who hesitates is “stuck." I; does not follow, however, that because a man has a good brain that he will make a good postal clerk. A man endowed with phenomenal power to memorize may have physical and mental defects which reduce his adaptability for this servico to the minimum. He may be unaccustomed to manual labor, effeminate, of sedentary nabits, impractical, wanting in stamina, may have cultivated his mind at the expense of his body, and, therefore, be unable to endure the hai'dshipp incident to a business requiring continual physical and mental labor and strong muscular exertion. But no matter how well equipped a man may be for this service in every other respect, ha cannot hope to obtain the maximum of usefulness unless he is gifted with an excellent memory and cultivates it persistently. Every clerk gets a “lay-off,” not for rest but for study and examination. On the St. Louis and Kansas City fast mail the crews made tvro round trips In succession, taking four days of almost continuous work and then lie off

four days. 'While off they put In the time resting and studying. New postoffices are continually being established and old ones are being established every day. Tho railroads are constantly changing tho schedules of their trains, and every change involves a change on the postal clerk’s “scheme,” which he must work and commit to memory. The postal clerk must keep whole volumes in his head, and knows that forgetfulness is charged up against him every time. He cannot plead, as other brain-workers sometimes do, that his brain didn’t work right. He must remember, and remember instantly, with a precision that is required in no other business. 1 Then there is the matter of honesty. Temptation is on every side. Letters containing coin go through his hands

DEPARTURE OF THE FAST MAIL.

j every day. His sense of touch becomes ; so delicate that he can detect money In ! a letter every time. Magazines that he I would like to read are before him, but not for him. A thousand other snares aro in his way. His pay is small. Should he become dishonest a few j “breaks” will land him in the Penitentiary. To the credit of the 6,00(1 postal clerks on duty for Uncle Sam, lot it be said that that worthy is seldom obliged to put his legal finger on ono of them. , Danger is also always in front, of the ’ postal clerk. His car follows the en- | gine. In a smash-up the postal car is I the first to be wrecked. Thirteen postal ! clerks have been killed this year and | many others injured. Postal cars arc ; so crowded that, in case of accidents, ! the clerks cannot escape. Everything considered, the lifo of the clerk is not an enjoyable one. But the train has been rushing on and has now reached Us first stopping place, Pacific. A pouch of letters and three or four bags of paper were put off and several sacks of mail taken on. Tho stop consumed four or five minutes of ' time. Then tho train rushed on again. ! Mail was delivered at tho stations of Washington- and Hermann, but none taken on. The next stop was made at Chamois, about 100 miles out of St. Louis. Here a large basket of hot lunch was handed into the letter car, and the clerks from the other cars came in to assist in disposing of it. As the boys crowded around ihe basket tho clerk In charge noticed that one of the boys was not present. “Whore’s Jim?” he asked. “Sick." was the reply. Thg reporter was also suffering with sea-sickness and was unable to do justice to the lunch. “Sea” sickness is of frequent occurrence among postal clerks. 'Hiding on the fast mail is not riding in a sleeper or on a chair car by any means. The mail cars i being next to the engine aro con-

IN THE PAPER CAR.

stantly swayed from side to side, and as tho clerks are on their feet they receive the.full effects of ia.-h bump aud jolt'. Sacks of papers were thrown off at Dauphine, Osage City and Jefferson City, no mail being taken on at either station. At Jefferson City the sacks of mail have to be thrown off with great care. The track makes a sharp curve at the depot, and, as the train rushes along, tho pouches will be drawn under the Wheels unless thrown off at exactly the right spot. It looked as if tho bags of mail were thrown from the car before the station wa3 reached, and struck the

ground after the station had been passed. This was hot the fact, however. } The sacks strike exactly in the center of the 'depot platform cn a spot that has been worn almost through by having mail thrown upon it. So expert have the clerks become in striking this spot, j that tut cm bag of'mail has been drawn ; undef the wheels during the past year. The next stop was at Sedalia. Here another engine was coupled on, and a breathing spell taken by the train crew. | TUe postal clerks did not rost at So* ;

EMPTYING THE PAPER CASE.

dalia, however, but busied themselv* in putting off about one-tuird of th« sacks that were In the storage car. Tin sa -ke contained mail for Texas, parts ol Missouri and Kansas and other States, They woro put off at Sedalia to catch tho South-bound Missouri. Kansas and Texas train, which leaves that city at 9:15 a. m., about two hours after the Khrrival of tho fast mail. Several large sacks of newspaper mail were put off at this point for Texas. Several pouches of letter mail for Mexico were also dropped at Sedalia. After leaving Sodaily the train did not aguin stop until i( reached Pleasant Hill. At this citation largo quantities of mail for Southwest Missouri were put off. This stop occupied but throe minutos, aud then the train rushed, not stopping again until Kansas City was reached. At each station after leaving Jofferson City mail was taken on by moans of the catcher. Tho bag to be taken on is suspended on a crane at the side'of the track. As the train approaches the station (he engineer whistles and the clerk spring 3 to the dool- of the car. With ono him 1 ho grabs the device for catching the pouch from tho crane, while in the other hand he holds the pouch to be dropped at the ptat'on. Before you know what has happened the exchango of mail has beenjmudo. Long practice is required befor* the catcher can be properly worked] Pouches aro frequently missed when the clerk is not io blame. If the cai should sway the least bit in passing t|e crane, tho catcher fails to do its vork and tho poucL .s

missed. And now tho tiyin is reaching Kansas City. Seven stops have been made. Three were for w iter, three were on account of junctio is, and one at Sedalia to change engines md connect with the Missouri, Kansas and Texas. As the train nears Kunsas City the clerks work all tho harder. Tee -pigeon-holes are emptied, and ea :h package of letters tied up u'nd throv a to its proper sack. In the paper ca - the clerks have been working with m jlit and main. Their run had been v ry heavy, and it had pushed them to g t through. They had handled several one oi paper!, periodicals and cireula s, and were now engaged in tieing u] the 200 sacks that the “pudding” had bien sorted into. And now the boys a j cleaning up. They have been on dut; about fourteen hours, and have been v irking as hard as they could for about line hours. At 10:35 Kansas City was eached, and the men hastily left the car. The old clothes had been discai ed and the dust of travel obliterate*. Dinner was eaten,

THE STORAGE CAR.

and at 1 o’clock each iriui went to bed in order to rest up i little for tho return i trip. At 6 o’clock the mm were obliged to get up, go to tielr cars aud commence getting ready for the trip back to : >St. Louis. The bulk of the mail was j not so heavy is on the night before, j but it was' of mflieiont proportion to ! make things derided ly interesting until j after Sedalia had been passed. Then j part of the crov spread out their blank- | ets and obtains! what rest they e< uld ; on their rude hols of mail. The return trip occupied th.-ee more hours the ■> the trip to Kansas City. The mail o-tys return to St. Louis with tho last passen- ! ger train, leaving Kansas City at 8:25 p. in., and arriving at St. Louis at 6:55 a. m. On the return trips the clerks were not so ‘busy, and the reporter had more opportunity to talk with them in regard to their work. The chief clerk showed the reporter a bundle of “nixes,” or letters improperly addrossed. Most of these letters were from various parts of Europe, and much valuable time had been lost by tho clerks in trying to malic out the addresses. Other “nixes” were the results of carelessness on ths part of the writers. AVhcq St. Louis was reached, at 6:55, the clerks were about worn out, and each one took the quickest route lor his home, where he could eat breakfast and go tc bed, to sleep until ,8 in tho evening, before going to tho depot to do tho same thing over again. The Baitway Mail Service is peculiarly cn institution of the United States. The first idea of the distribution of mail on board trains while they were in transit originated with a pos(office clerk at St. Joseph in 1862, which was then a distributing postofilce for the West. Mail was 'made up there for different towns and sent out in boxes. In 1864 the suggestion of the St. Joseph man had been worked out to such an extent that railway postal service was established between Chicago, 111., and Clinton, lowa. Improvements wore made, a system established. A germ in 1864, it has become a giant. It challenges the admiration of business men, the model postal service of the world.

Napoleons of Finance.

One day Rev. Mark Guy Pearse, in a tramp through Cornwall, came to a little village in which a tea meeting was going on. Mr. Pearse entered the little chapel and joined in the tea. He was in the most unclerical of costumes, which was an act ol sense on his part, but during the process of tea one or two of the “leaders” managed to recognize him. Whereupon one of them approached him and said, in anxious whisper: “Be you Rev. Mark Guy Pearse?" “Yes, I be,” he answered. ‘Tthought as how you was. Now, do you 6ee, we want to raise a little money, and a thought have struck us. Now, dc ’ee just come out quiet like and saj nothing to nobody, and then we will put ’ee in the vestry, and we will go into the chapel and say: ‘ Rev. Mark Guy Pearse, author of “Daniel Quorm, ” is in the vestry, and can be seed at threepence each, the proceeds to go for the good of the cause.’”— New York Tribune.”

Measurements.

, All early measurement were of a rude and simple kind, and in out modern standards we have abundant evidence of the fact, as well as in some ancient ones. The “cubit,” foi instance, was the measure of a man’s hand and arm from the tip of his middle finger to his elbow. The fathom was the height of a tall man; the palm, a measure of about threo inches, was the width of his hand; and the “span.” about eight inches, was what he’cculd stretch his hand over.

YOUNG MEN IN POLITICS

EXPERIENCED STATESMEN CIVE ADVICE. Should the Yonth of the Land Seek to Serve Their Country In an Official Way?— Acquire a Competence Before Entering the Eight for l’ame. They All S»y «Don’t.’’

■ X WASHINGTON let tor: The V V appearance of tho young man in. politics is one of the »’ novelties of the last " few political seax sons, and it has been 3 accompanied by an inclination to crodit 2 him with being a Scj factor not to be omit(Bfejted in any calculaSjj’ffions for the future. g? Many young mon "wjir - are growing up with erstho determination to j[l Jadopt politics as a ![ ■• career. Public men are asked daily:

What advice would you give a young man who proposed to choose politics lor a profession? On one of his trips to Washington sin 'e the famous suits were settled in his favor, Senator Matt Quay said: “I give any young man with such intentions Punch's advice to a couple about to get married: ‘Don’t.’ ” There would be no mistaking the Senator’s don’t for do. “But if he persisted in deciding that a political career was the only one that would satisfy him I should advise him to get a libetal education, one outside universities, knd, above ail. to study human nature, the only book that can thwart any man’s plans.” Representative Cogswell, of Massachusetts, says: “Any young man might just as well tie a millstono about his neck and jump overboard as to adopt politics for a ‘career, if he chooses It for office only, but if it is for its own sake alone, then politics,” and the Congressman waxes enthusiastic, “is as great and glorious a science as mathematics. ” Senator Proctor of Vermont would ex-

ercise his New Enland caution and would want to know what sort of a fellow ho was, but as to advising any young man to adopt politics for a business, with cold-blooded calculation, the Senator says: “In our republican government political life should be an aoci-i dent, not a career.' But experience is a n indispensable

qualification to success in politics. ” Senator TDawos, one of the original patriarchs of Massachusetts, says: “Every man should know something of politics, but not for office seeking. No young man, unless in possession of an assured income, can afford to lay everything else aside to devote his life to politics. And even then he should acquire a profession for his own development. ”

Senator Stewart, out of his long experience, says: “I’d tell any young man to get a profession, to wait till he was 40 and find what he is worth in ability and in pocket-book. In the meantime secure a general education by close study of the newspapers in their criticisms and reports of public events. Also to study elementary law, for everything in that line would be of use. The best thing any man could do is to keep out of politics altogether. And especially a young man.” Representative McMillin says: “No young man can afford to go into politics for what he expects to get out of it. A public man who accepts office should be thoroughly equipped for other professions. It gives him freedom and independence of action, for he realizes that if his course is not satisfactory to his constituents and he is not returned year after year when he leaves Congress he has something to fall back upon. A young man can never be thoroughly independent in his course unless he has the knowledge to back him up. Politics should be the dessert and not the menu of a young man’s life.” Senator Gallinger says: “If he is bright I should say yes by all means,

for there are a great many prizes to be drawn in political life, but he must not depend entirely on politics. If he does he is likely to fail. For a young man to adopt a political career is a misfortune, if he is "unsuccessful, and it is well known how very few men ever attain any •position near the goal they set for themselves

SENATOR GALLINGER.

when starting out. It is a rough road to travel, since, as the lame man said on a slippery morning, there are a good many ups and downs. Every man who enters politics as a profession should have something else to depend on, some profession or trade which he can fall back upon when politics no longer smiles upon him.” Representative Belden of New York, who is credited with having millions sufficient for half a dozen substantial fortunes, says: “I’d tell any young man who asked my advice to go and do anything else undei the sun, but never go • into politics while ho is young, particularly if he wants to make any money. ” O’Neill, of Philadelphia, who now ranks as the grandfather of the House, says: “I shouldn’t advise any young man to give up his- life to politics. I state this as the result .of my own experience. He had much better devote himself to business until he has acquired a solid position and can have no thought for his sustenance. With mature years his value to any party will bo increased. I don’t think that really there are many more young men now in polities in proportion to the great number of public men than there have been at any previous time. But I always tell a young man the best advice I can give him is to let politics for office alone.” The veteran Sonator Morrill of Vermont, who was well along in years be-

fore he entered public life, and who, up to the time he came to the Senate, had been guiltless of any con- 4 neotion with politics, J nor even held a vil- 1 lage office of any sort, 'A says: “If he is going# into politics for office,® he had better go horned and hoe potatoes for i $lO a morith. If he persists, I should want

to know all about his senator siorhill. I capabilities before deciding, and I : should advise him never to engage in ] a political life until he had a compe- • tency.” Holman, who poses as the father of : the House and phaneellor of the Ex- 1 chequer, says: “I should first ask any young man who wanted my advice about adopting a political oareer what he had in his pocketbook. If there wasn’t much I should tell him to fill it before 1 going Into politics for office. And any- j way he had bettor keep out till hc-is old enough to bring a ripe experience to the J

SENATOR PROCTOR.

Aid of The Government. All old politicians you will find agree that there is nothing in politics for a young man. And the best thing that can happen to him is to keep of it altogether. ” On just what grounds Senator Stanford would give h:s advjce he does not state, but he is frequently called on by young men who want his counsel at out devoting their lives to polities, and if they all get this advice they get mighty small encouragement to dedicate their energies to the exigencies of government. This man of many millions says: “Of course, I couldn’t give any advice to such a young man until I knew all about him. But I’d probably tell him, then, that he’d better bo able to earn his broad and butter in some other way so he can get married before he goes into politics.” Sonator Felton, the California man of money, from the standpoint of a wealthy

man, says: “It is my opinion that, men should have a knowledge of the politics of I the edUntry. At tho same time they should pursue some trade or profession, until they have secured a cer- , tain income, t.nd that 1 experience that tho business of governing the people demands. There may be txcep-

SENATOR FELTON.

tional cases where a young man can follow politics with etfedit io himself and with benefit to the country, but they ar * rare. And men of maturity are most desired in public life." Congressman Stephenson of Michigan is called one of the richest men in tho House, ranking anywhere from $5,000,000 to $7,000,0(10, owing to file veracity of the man who furnishes the description. Stephenson says: “If I had a young friend who was crying to go into politics for a living as he would adopt any other profession, I’d tell him to stay at home and saw wood. I’ve seen a good many ;oung fellows who started to make politUs a business, and I never saw one of tiem who in the end didn’t turn out a pretty bad wreck. ” Representatve Bynum, of Indiana, says: “I say don’t. Most all young men. or many of them, feel as I did. I thought that if I could only come to Congress I'd ho -the happ'eit man in Indiana, and I wai too, when I found myself really hem,[but” —and tho full stop is more expressive than a dictionary—“l •recovered prety soon, and I couldn’t advise any young man to get too deep into politics b«foie he has something to live on.” Senator Dulois, of Idaho, the youngest Senator, siys: “I should advise ail

young men to be* come politicims to the extent of vorking at primaries aid having a thorougt knowledge of natioml governmental uffiirs. As to whether an.' young man should be advised to fillow a political earner, it wouldn’t make any difference if he were advised not to. If hi

did have the political spirit he would be a politician anyhojv. I have been a politician ever siucq I was a boy. All through Yale I was deep in politics and knew no other life aid couldn’t be kept out of it. Wo want xoung men in politics, but for nationallpurposes it is absolutely essential that iliey should have a settled income." \ Chicago’s Indicted Boodlers. Ir justice is donoi there may be a quorum left, but it is doubtful. —Minneapolis Tribune. Boodling is not an uncommon thing, but the puntehnient of the boodlers is somewhat ram.—Detroit Tribune. CoHRUPTick in our cities has assumed immense piocbrtions, and it is high time that a reform Was wrought.—Elgin News. Thus between tho boodle bag and the sandbag the cat is being slowly let out of tho bag retarding that city. —Philadelphia Times Indictments are easily obtained where the evidence is forthcoming. Conviction arid punishment are not quite so easy.—StJPaul Dispatcft. If Chicagi) must have her boodling Aldermen, it is an excellent plan to got them indictei, tried, and out of the way before exhibition time.—Boston #Globe. Several Chicago Aldermen have been indicted “for feloniously conspiring to commit bribery;” Pshaw! is that a crime in Chicago?—Rochester Post-Ex-press. It really looks as if the Chicago people are going to take an interest in their municipal affairs; so long surrendered to the rumsellers and bunco steerers. — Minneapolis Times. It may bo necessary to transfer the scat of Chicago government to Joliet, a suburb in which many a Chicago politician has sojourned in times past —gone by.—St. Paul Globe. The case is certainly a dark-looking one for the indicted aldermen. More indictments are to follow. The chances are that when the matter terminates a quorum of the present Council will be at Joliet working for the dear public, and getting only their board for their valuable services.—Milwaukee News. Chicago seems to be just on the eve of a great public wash of municipal dirty linen, similar to that which attended the Broadway railroad exposure in this city. Its blood is up and it seems likely that the m n who have long held in the city hall a carnival of crime will soon begin to wish they had behaved themselves.—New York Tribune. . The evidence of the big boodle payments to Chicago aldermen will make some mouths water in our city hall. Yet, there as here, the greater part of the boodle always sticks to the lingers of the outside bosses who arrange the “strike combine” and distribute the “provisions.” Sometimes those outside get all “the stuff” by simply agreeing to disorganize and hold off their boodlers. —St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

His Term About Out.

Ferdinand Ward will be released from Sing Sing on April 30. Perhaps Wall stieet’s deferred .boom is. waiting for that date'.—New York Tfelegram. Ferdinand Ward comes out of the penitentiary next month. The “Grant boys” will not celebrate the event with a banquet.—St. Louis Post-Dispatch. What the ex-Napoleon of finance will set about doing for a living when he is free is a question of interest. During his confinement he has .become an expert and artistic Job printer, but he will hardly devote himself to that calling.— Savannah News. Ferdinand Ward, the original young Napoleon of finauce, will leave Sing Sing prison on the 30th of April, and has ordered an elaborate wardrobe prior to his reappearance. But no matter how much of a “swell” he may be as to clothes, he can never be rehabilitated in public esteem. —Troy Times. Many people have imagined that on his restoration to liberty he would be in possession of vast amounts of money which have been saved from the wreckage and the creditors, and have been put away to make Mr. Ward comfortable, but this the deposed Napoleon denies, and claims that he will leave his prison a poor if not an honest man, and will have to dig around to make a living in that world of which he was once a gilt-edged ornament.—Philadelphia Tunes.

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Han; Odd. Curloun. and Lan^isMt Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed b; Eminent Word Artists of Our Own Da;. The First Prlxo. Mr. J. Crowwell Sprinter, the noted athlete, was loafing away the morning in Tom DeWitt’s bachelor apartments, when he noticed a handsome silver mug that stood on the table. “Hello! Where did you get this?” he asked. “That is a first prize and commemorates the only event in which I won a cup;” answered Tom. “You? Where?” ejaculated Mr. Sprinter in astonishment. “Oh! I see the date—June 7, 1861.” “Yes; that was my birthday.” “No wonder you won it,” said Mr. Sprinter disgustedly; “there was no competition!”

No Advantage. A man whose head was perfectly bald sat down in a Griswold street barber-shop with a grin on his face, and as he was being lathered said: “I suppose you have observed that I am hald-lieaded?” “Yes, sir; I have observed it, sab,” replied the barber. “Rather got the advantage of you, eh?” “How, sah?” “Why, you cannot well ask me if I want my hair cut.” “No, sah, I can’t, sah; but I wishes to call your ’tenshun to my h’ar renewer—so cents a bottle—a pint in a bottle—make your h’ar grow in fo’ weeks, sah!”—Detroit Free Press. t> The Moro the Merrier, Marie—So you are engaged to Charlie Chester? Claire (carelessly)—Yes. Marie—lsn’t he the fourth Charlie to whom you are engaged? Claire (listlessly)—l believe so. - Marie—Go6d gracious, Claire, how do you tell them apart? Claire (sweetly)—l don’t-—Detroit Free Press.

It Can’t Be Kept. Dukane —“You have a fine new watch, I see.” Gaswell—“Yes; isn’t it a beauty? It cost $150.” “Does it keep time?” “Keep time? No; time flies as fast as before I bought it.”—Pittsburg Chronicle.

SENATOR DUBOIS.

Mrs. Riley—Phwat is that bichloride av goold Oi hear so much about, Mrs. Foley? Mrs. Foley—Oi’m not poshitive, Mrs. Riley, but Oi t’ink it’s a new koind av dhrink th’ foor hundred do he afther takin’.—Judge. The Mystery Solved. Mr. Wayback—Be yew the waiter? Waiter—Yes, sah. Mr. Wayback—Dew yew know, I’ve been a-wonderin’ all along why they called these places chop-houses. -1 know now. Will yew please bring me an ax? I want tew cut this steak.” —J udge. What It Wa*. Tailor—“ Your bill is overdue, sir.” i Slowpay—“Overdon’t, you mean. Come around next week.”—Exchange. Changed the Ordor. | Mr. S is a very absent-minded man. Mrs. S asked him the other day if he would call in at a furniture store when he was down-town and send up two copper-colored portieres. I He said he would, and straightway went and forgot it until just a few moments before it was time for him to return. Then he remembered j zomething about his wife’s order, but nothing definite. At last he rushed into an intelligence office and left this on the slate: “Mrs. S wants two copper-col-ored porters; send them up at once S- . ” —Detroit Free Press. A Great Scheme. “That is a fine dog you have there,” : said a gentleman to Lum Cogburn yesterday. j “Yes, ” replied Dum, with a chuckle, . “that dog is a dandy. I have been living off that dog fur over two years now. He makes me a good living. ” | “What! You don’t mean to say ' that the dog keeps you, instead of you keeping the dog, do you?” j “Well, it’s pretty much that way,” said Lum. “I’ll tell you how it is. That is a dernation fine-looking dog and I have no trouble in selling him for $5 most any day. I sell the dog, get the money, and about the next | day the dog comes home. Then I sell him again. By disposing of the or three times a week I succeed in making a right comfortable : living. But you must excuse me—there's a man across the street there now who looks as though he might buy a dog.”—Punxsutawney Spirit. The English of It. Mr. Rhoads—“When I was traveling down South among the crack- ! ers ” Miss Athenia Hubbs (of Boston) — ! “Y T ou mean among the biscuits, do I you not, Mr. Rhoades?”—Puck.

A mixed fuel consisting of coal and petroleum mingled together has been tried for firing the boilers oL.an Italian man-of-war, with the result that her normal speed of fifteen knots was increased to seventeen kn its. It will thus beeq teen that this new method of firing may prove very useful in war-time, whi n a ship may have to run away from a superior force. The increased heat is said to affect the boiler plates injuriously, but this mis-, hap could of course be foreseen and guarded against. The Kaiser is getting in a mood toInsist upon peace, even if he has to fight for it

Coal Oil.