Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 April 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE.AND THERE. Joke* and Joks'eta that Are Supposed te Have Keen Recently Horn- Sayings aad Doings that Are Odd. Curious aad Laughable. Some Objects Ahead. “I saw Col. Bill Mcßride t’day," said one Dakota settler to another. “I guess hie is goin’ tu be a can’date for the leg’slater next fall ag’ln.” “Did he shake hands with you?” “Oh, he always does that—competition is so brisk now’days that they hav’to know a fellar the year round.” “How’d you tell, then?” “He lemme beat ’bout $lO tradin’ bossci. Bill ain’t a man ’ud hurt his reputation that way ’less he’d some object ahead.”—Texas Siftings. * No Sunshine In His. Mr. Murray Hill—“ Mr. Jones’ affairs don’t seem to improve any. He is continually under a cloud.” Mr. Manhattan Beach—“ Yes, the last time I saw him it was raining pitchforks.’’—Texas Siftings. A SeriouH Fault. “What a little delicious vase. It is very old. isn’t it?” “No, madam, it was made recently. ” “Ah, what a pity; it is so beautiful.”—Texas Siftings. IVashlny-Dajr.

“Ephum!” “Yethum!” “Come a-humpin’ yore an’ git yo* barf. Yo’ mammy ain’t got no time ter fool. ” Slio Wan Not the Right One. “Never fear, my dear,” remarked a wife to her impecunious husband; “never fear, I still love you. ” “I know that.” he replied, “butthat doesn’t help matters much.” “I’ll trust you always,” she exclaimed. “Yes, my dear,” he replied, and a sigh came from liis heart, “that is all very fine, but unfortunately you are not the grocer.”—Bloomington Eye. A Considerate Man. Ilostetter McGinnis—You are the manager of the road? Manager—Yes, sir; what can I do for you? “I see you are cutting rates to California,” “Y T es, sir.” “Well, I called to see if I could get a pass. I didn’t like to ask for one when the rates were up—don’t like to be hard on you, you know —but new that they’re way down, of course ’taint asking too much.”—-Texas Siftings. Time to Ron. Pretty Girl Teacher—“ What! Do you intend to withdraw from the Sunday-school?” Wah Lee—“Y’essee. Me flaidee stay here. ” Pretty Girl Teacher “Afraid? What are you afraid of?” Wah Lee “Thiseo leap-year.”— Charles W. Foster, In New York Weekly. In Front of tho Morton House. First Star—“ When I played in San Francisco the people took the horses out of my carriage, and ” Second Star —“Humph! That’s nothing; when 1 appeared on the stage in Chicago tho people kissed all the leather off the carriage.”—Texas Siftings. Getting to the .Point. “Young man,” said the father to the spendthrift, “I am afraid you are getting to the point where you will stop at nothing.” “Yes, father,” was the shameless reply, “when a man gets to nothing he usually has to stop.”—Washington Star. A Clansioal Anecdote. “Fine words butter no parsnips," was the terse remark of the late Sophocles when tne Athens Daily Heleneblat gave the first performance of “Pbiloctetus” a two-column sendoff. “What I want to collar,” said the great poet, “is not gush, but gatemoney. ” —Puck. Skeptical*

Ebenezer Coonrick—“YVell, I’ll b« gosh-durued es I b’lleve that bildin’s a huuderd feet high.”