Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 March 1892 — Page 6

TO CORRESPONDENTS.

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SAVING HUMAN LIFE.

A NOBLE BRANCH OF THE PUBLIC SERVICE. *he Romance of Calling, Whoso Reality la One ot lntenso Interest—A History of the Luo-Saving Service of All Nations— Hew Life-Boats Are Constructed. Manning the Life-Boat. The romance of the lifeboat has furnished many a writer with an interesting theme. The wild storm, Iho play of irresistible forces, the ship tossed like a toy on the surface of the waves, the heartrending scones attending, the wreck, the gallant struggle of the heroio llfeboatmen with the apparently resistless power of the ooenn, and the gallant reseue, have furnished a thousand scenes to the artist, a thousand tale 3 to the poet and dramatist. Like the fireman, the llfeboatman is an interesting character. While light houses are as old as shipping, lifeboats are a modern invention. In 1789, during a heavy storm, a ship went ashore at Tynemouth. The wreck | was close to land, and by the lights on | the shore the people of the town could i see the wretched men swept one by one : from the rigging and drawn down into : the vortex of the waters. Among the lookers-on were the members of a elub, who, from the windows of their assembly room, beheld the fate of the crew. The eight inspired an inquiry whether •omething might not be done to avert such catastrophes, and the inquiry was answered by a proposal to start a subacription fund as a premium to the inventor of a boat which could live in a

heavy sea and, therefore, might be used In saving the lives of wrecked sailors. This was the origin of the lifeboat system, which has in England reached its highest perfection. The vast commerce of Great Britain, by which every year thosands of ships are drawn to her coasts hi all kinds of weather, the dangerous character of many of the harbors aud entrances to bays and rivers, have given

A MODEL LIFE STATION.

the English an interest in lifeboats and life-saving apparatus such as is felt to the same degree by no other nation. One Henry Greathead deserves the honor of being the inventor of the first lifeboat. A number of models were j entered in the competition proposed by the Tynemouth Club, but Greathead’s 1 boat was deemed most nearly to comply , with the conditions required, and was therefore accepted. The first lifeboat was very broad iir .proportion to its length, its sides, both within and without, were lined with cork, and so small was its specific gravity that even when filled with water it still continued to preserve its efficiency. In the first two seasons after the adoption of the new craft, 300 lives were saved at Tynemouth alone by its employment, during volunteers going out to the wrecks in any weather and bringing off the crew from the most exposed situations. Honors were showered upon the inventor. He received medals and certificates lrom half the benevolent societies of Europe. The matter was taken up by Lloyd’s Association, money was voted and subscriptions were raised to place lifeboats at the most dangerous points along the coast. Many boats were built and put in operation, most of them after the pattern of Greathead’s model, ■which remained tho favorite, until the middle of the century. Several failures, however, of the boat to right itself in a heavy sea, thus sometimes causing tho loss of all on board as well as of those they intended to save, caused proposals to be issued for lifeboats of an improved construction. Thqpremiums were large and thepo were over 100 entries. Tho inventors were paid for their models, and practical boat builders were set to

GEACE DARLING'S MONUMENT.

wwfc teeombiuo all the good features of tk* settle* lato one model boat Wt as thus perfected and apMM tajuw. id practically faultless. Mm * %sci ooesttwctioa, cork, and

very light wood entering to a great extent la to its composition. Above the bottom there la a,false keel of cork and wood, sufficiently strong to enable the boat to return In safety even if the keel should be broken on a rock or

wreck. At both ends and on the sides are air-chambers of such size that the halves of lifeboats broken completely in two have been known to support the crew until assistance arrived. The boat is of broad beam, being 8 feet wide by only 30 in length, its peculiarity of construction rendering a capsize very rare; it is two or three feet higher at Ihe ends than in the middle, and to enable it to right itself long bars of iron beneath the keol serve ns ballast. In a heavy sea the boat may capsize, though such an event is extremely improbable, but it instantly lights itself. It is impossible to sink a model lifeboat, for, even if full of water, so great is its buoyany that it will bear up the weight of all the peoplo that can be crowded into it. One of the cleverest contrivances about the model n lifeboat is the apparatus by which, if its sides are to much as six

THE ONLY ONE SAVED. [From a Picture in the Royal Academy.]

inches above the sea, it will discharge any water that the waves may cast into it. On each side there arc six relieving cubes, having openings in the bottom of the boat and at the sides. The valves open outward, and, no matter which way the boat rocks, if it moves at all from side to side, the water surely finds its way out, and the grea:or the depth of water in the boat tho more vapidly will it run out. With a boat that cannot sink, will not stay capsized, and that empties itself of water perfection has been attained, and tho loss of life among the crew of a lifeboat is an exceedingly rare occurrence. The lifeboats of various countries are sometimes maintained by tho Government, but more frequently by private associations, and the most influential, best known and most efficient of these is the Eoyal National Lifeboat Institution of Great Britain. This association was first incorporated in 1824, although for several years before it had an informal existence. From humble beginnings it has risen to a condition of the highest efficiency. Supported entirely by voluntary contributions, it has demonstrated its own usefulness to such an ixtentthatit oan, by a simple request, get all the money it needs. It gets plenty, too, for in a recent year it expended over £40,000 in establishing stations, in purchasing boats, in rewards and wages to seamen. It keeps a fleet of over three hundred lifeboats on,the shores of Great Britain, and has reguj larly enlisted crews composed usually of seamen resident in the immediate 1 neighborhood of the station. Only the coxswains of the boats are kept on pay,

and their salaries are small, amounting to only £8 a year, about S4O, but their duties are light, and both they and the crew receive extra pay when their services are required during a storm. The seamen are paid only for actual service, and the recompense oven then is far from large considering the extra hazardous nature of the employment. But, as an old English sailor remarked, the pleasure of saving life is more than the pay, and the institution rarely has any trouble in manning its boats. The lifeboat is kept in a house near the water, and is always placed upon a truck or wagon of four wheels, by which it is easily run down Into the water. This is necessary, for the boat itself without the crew, or oars weighs a little over two tons. At many important stations horses are kept, in order when the emergency arises to draw the boat to a distance and bring it as close as possible to the wreck before launching. But the lifeboat is not the only requisite on a dangerous coast. At every life station a considerable amount of apparatus is provided for the purpose of rendering assistance in special eases. A supply of cork jackets is always in readiness, not only for the crew, but also to take along, that persons may alqo in ease at accident to th« ‘bo»t, A light mortar, with balls and Une attached, is prepared, in order that should the shipwrecked vessel be inapproachable by

sea, a line may be oast and thus a chance of escape be given to the crew. Rockets are sometimes used for the same purpose, and it frequently happens that when a vessels is wrecked in a Situation where even the lifeboat can-

STARTING OUT TO THE WRECK.

not go—as, for instance, under a cliff—the use of the mortar or rocket enables the shipwrecked crew to communicate with the land, and by drawing aboard a heavier line, to transfer themselves ono at a time to the shore. For the purpose of bringing tho crew to land several appliances have been used which have proved very valuable. A small cage is sometimes employed of a size sufficient to contain one person at a time, and thus many rescues have been made. The breeches buoy is another device which has often proved successful. It is made of stout canvas in the shape of a pair of pantaloons cut off at tho knees. Clad In this unique garment, and with a belt securely strapped to the reps, many a sailor has been drawn from a sinking vessel to the land. Stirring scenes are witnessed at a lifeboat station when a wreck occurs. It is easily anticipated, for during a storm a careful watch is kept. At some lull in the tempest the lookout on the shore, straining his eyes in the darkness, sees a distressed ship in the offing and perhaps notices a rocket or hears the dull boom of a minute gun, which indicates the peril of the crew. Hurrying to the station he fires a cannon or rings a bell to summon the crew. There is a general rush. From every direction come tho seamen, buckling on their cork jackets as they run; with a yeo heave, ho! tho boat is drawn from the house, oarsmen place themselves in position, a hundred willing hands back the truck into the waves, the boat floats, the coxswain gives the order, and through tho darkness they make their way to the sinking vessel. Scenes lik; this are far moro frequent than most people suppose. Lloyd’s reports show that wrecks are, oven in tho most favorable seasons, frightfully common on the British Isles. As long ago as the year 1800 it was estimated that there was for every day "in the year one wreck somewhere on the British coast. But with the increase of shipping tho number has become far moro numerous. In 1853 there were 832, in 1854 there were 987, and in no year since then has the number fallen below 1,000, nor in any year since that date has the loss of life by shipwreck on the British coast been less thun 500. The terrible storms of 1859, 1801, 1874, 1875 and 1870 were extremely productive of wrecks, and in the last-named year 4,104 vessels were wrecked on the British Islands. Tho greatest loss of life,

LATEST IMPROVEMENTS IN APPARATUS.

however, does not always accompany the greatest number of wrecks. In 1876, for Instance, the year just mentioned, the loss of life was but 776, while in the winter of 1879-80. though the

THE MODERN LIFE BOAT.

wrecks numbered but 2,971, the loss of life was 2,155. Some idea of the usefulness of the National Institution may be gained from the fact thap #tf®fy year since Its eslab-

lishment it has saved more than 1,000 lives, and in 1867 the number of persons rescued-tey the company’s boats was 5,845. Up to the present time it is said to have saved ®ver 50,000 men, women and

READY FOR BUSINESS.

children from a watery grave. Even, however, with all these rescues, enough lives are still lost at sea to make a fearful list of casualties. Many heroic exploits are credited to tho crews of lifeboats, but the history of shipwreck contains no tale of more daring deed than that of Grace Darling. Her father was a lighthouse keeper at Bamborough, and on Sept. 7. 1838, the Forfarshire, a eoastlng steamer, was wrockod among the Farne Islands, directly opposite the castle. Grace, then 22 years old, persuaded hor father to venture out in her light lifeboat. Accompanied only by the daring girl, he went, and with her assistance brought away ilftoen survivors clinging to the wreck. The act made her famous throughout the world, but she did not live loug to enjoy her reputation for heroism, for four years later she died, Oct. 20, 1842. Sho is buried at Bamborough, and to her grave, as to a shrine, pilgrimages are still mado by hero worshipers. Tho great castle of Bamborough, which looked down upon her exploit, onco a famous fortress, is now a charitablo institution, but moro people remember it from its association with the name of Grace Darling than from all the royal and knightly recollections which cling about its chambers and courts. Large donations have been made to the charitable institutions established wilhin the circuit of its walls; it has an income of £9,000, and in tho chambers where once kings were entertained, medical advice is given and medicines are dispensed to the poor, orphans and sailors are educated; its funds support the lifeboats of tho station below, and during every storm men in the pay of tho Bamborough endowment patrol nine miles of the worst coast in Ihe world. ® The United States devotes more attention to lights and light houses than to lifeboats. Last year there were 1,152 light-house keepers in half as many houses, and drawing salaries of S6UO 1o SI,OOO each. The discipline of tho light-house brigade is strict in the extreme, and a light house is probably the only portion of United Slat, s territory where prohibition is strictly enforced. The light-housekeeper must not become intoxicated, he must not let his light go out, he must, under no circumstances, desert his station. These are three offenses which can be neither extenuated or par oned. The keepers lead solitary but not unpleasant lives; they are provided with reading n.alter by the Government, and in exposed situations, their rations and fuel are furnished. In the sea light houses—that is to say, those established on shoals at somo distance from the land—they are sometimes cutoff from all communication for weeks at a time. But they arc (Seldom in danger, and rarely have any of that thrilling excitement incident to the life of the sailor who volunteers in tho crew of a lifeboat. Tho character of our coast is in most parts quite different from that of Great Britain. Commerce to this country follows beaten tracks, and although lifeboats are sometimes necessary, and American sailors are quite as daring in their efforts to save life as are tho seamen of any other nation, they are fortunately not so frequently called into this dangerous though benevolent servioe.

HE WAS "MIGHTY LONELY."

Sow a Young; Vermonler Found Things in Now York, A young man fresh from the country came to New York about a 'month ago to seek Iris fortune. He had just SIOO in cash left when he found a boarding place and had his modest trunk carried up to his hall bedroom. Being frugal, he deposited $95 of this in a savings bank down town. This bank does a large business among poor people, and its clerks are not any too,polite, probably because they are Ibadgered all day long by ignorant depositors who are afraid the cashier isgoing to run away if they don't come alround every day or two to make sure that tYeir money is there yet. The young man soon disci vered that New Y'ork is an expensive city to live in. Five dollars would have lasted a long time for ordinary expenses in his native village, but in New York it melted gway in his pocket like a snowball. It reminded him of the Scotchman who had visited the capital of England to see tho sights, and who on his return, in endeavoring to describe to his friends the great cost of living there, said: “I had na been in Lunnon five hours when bang went saxpence!” The young Vermonter, not having secured a situation, soon found it necessary to draw from his little fund in the bank. He got into position in ; the long line of depositors, and when his turn came asked for sl2 in small bills. It was handed out to him, and as there were so many people waiting behind him, he did not stop to count the money till he got away from the teller's window. He quickly saw that the man had made a mistake. Going up to the window again, he ; spoke over the beads of the others and told the clerk he had made an error in counting out the bills. The teller was angry. Flushing and glaring, he shouted: “Can’t you read? See that sign—‘Customers must count their money before leaving the window, otherwise mistakes will not be rectified. ”’ A little indignant at the teller’s manner, the young man began again: “But the mistake—” “I make no mistakes,” blurted out the angry teller, interrupting the other. “Get out of the way; you’re delaying business.” “But you gave me $1 too much!” .yelled the Vermonter, now thoroughly I augry. “Oh, ah!” gulped the teller. “In [that case, of course—Thank you!” i and he grabbed the returned bill. All eyes were fastened on the young man at once. As he was going out a garrulous old woman who spread an aroma of gin all about her. said to him: “Y r oung man ain’t you mighty lonely in New York.”—New York Tribune.

"Tes’m, It’S Me."

“Seems to me I smell rags burning,” observed one of the ladies in the waiting room of the.railway passenger station. “Yes’m,” cheerfully spoke up Rusty Rufus, who had come in ahead of the train and taken up a position on the other side of the hot stove. “It’s me.”—Chicago Tribune.

He Took the Hint.

The jury brought in a verdict of “not guilty.” His Honor said, admonishingly, to the prisoner: “After this you ought to keep away from baa company.” “Yes, your Honor; you’ll not see me here again in a hurry.”—Texas Siftings.

ELOCUTION IN THE PARK.

A Zealous Theological Student F»Us Into the Hands of the Police. The life of a park policeman is so destitute of incident that It was natural that one of them should start in surprise, one morning recently in Central Park, when he heard a series of unearthly sounds come from a secluded thicket in a little-frequented section of the great pleasure grounds. The sounds were of a kind which, if heard in a house at night, would have at once stamped it as haunted. The voice, or voices, were now raised in anger, now dropped in love. At one time the accents told of an overmastering hatred, at another they seemed to speak of victory and joy; sarcasm was now the keynote, then bitter invective or gentle pleading. The policeman warily approached the fastnesses whence the noises came, fully convinced that he had a dangerous duty to perform. He felt of his revolver to make sure that it was all right, and stole forward until he saw whence the voice came.

In a little opening in the forest stood a tall young man, in a long, blaek frock coat. His black hair was long and tossed in disorder. The man had taken off his hat and .overcoat and had thrown them on the ground. He was all alone, but was declaiming away, gesturing with his long arms as if addressing a large multitude. The policeman could at first make neither head nor tail out of the spectacle, but when he heard what the lanky young man was saying, he became convinced that he was an escaped lunatic. This was what the orator repeated over and over again: “O, thou, that rollest above, round as the shield of my fathers! Whence are thy O Sun, thine everlasting light?” The man ran through the whole gamut of human passions and moods with the sentence, varying his expression each time to correspond with hate, longing, hope, love, envy, pathos, or the other feeling which he wished to represent. The size of the speaker, the vehemence which he put into his words, and above all, the*energy with which he swung his long arms in emphasizing his question, gave the policeman such a wholesome idea of his physical prowess that he quietly withdrew for assistance. With two brother policemen he came back to capture the supposed lunatic. The young man had put on jris hat and overcoat and was leaving the secluded spot, when the policemen came up to him and made him a prisoner. To their great surprise he submitted calmly, and asked what he had done. When they told him their suspicions* he did not know whether to be angry, mortified or amused. He soon explained to them that he was a student at the Union Theological Seminary, and had been advised by his instructor in elocution to go over j the lines of Ossian, out of doors, putting in them the various emphasis and intonations. He knew of no better place to practice in than Central Park, so he had gone there. The ridiculousness of the whole thing finally struck all four of them, and they burst out laughing. The prisoner was released, but hereafter when he goes to Central Park to practice elocution, he will take an audience of one with him.—Hew York Tribune.

JOHN THOMAS NORTH.

The Well-Known Owner of Peru’s Richest Nitrate Beds. Col. John Thomas North, tfye many times millionaire, commonly known as “'Are Nitrate King,” has lately had attention called to him again as being

JOHN THOMAS NORTH.

father, a mechanic, apprenticed him at the age of 15, to a firm of engineers. In 1866, being then married, he emigrated to South America and found employment as railway engineer in Chili. Thence he went to Peru, where the nitrate beds had already begun to attract attention. His judicious purchases before the “boom” made him the largest owner of nitrate land in that territory, and his splendid business methods soon gave him the virtual monopoly of the buai ness of gathering and shipping nitrates from Peru. Since his obtaining complete and certain control of these rich South American properties, Col. North has lived' in England, where his money, and his sporting-bred friendship with the Prince of Wales have given him a certain kind of social vogue.

A Point in Euchre.

“I met two nice gentlemen on the car yesterday,” said Miss Esmeralda Longcoffln, to Dudley Canesucker. “What did they say?” “They didn’t say anything. There was one on my right and one on my left. When I got up to get off the car they bowed.” “They bowed, did they? Well, they are rascals.” “How do you know? You didn’t see them.” “I know that right and left bowers are knaves.” —Arkansaw Traveler. Ms. R. L. Garner, the distinguished scientist who has learned monkey talk and can do monkey business, so to speak, with anything from a chimpanzee to a capuchin, says that the monkeys employ very feW words and husband them in such a manner as to make the most of them. This would seem to indicate that Mr. Darwin is right; that man is indeed descended from the monkey and that the descent is an all-fired lopg and steep one. No matter what you are, try to be above the average. If you are a cook, learn to cook better than the average. If you are a wood sawyer, saw more wood than any other man. So many men and women are content with doing as well as the average that vou will help yourself and the world a great deal if you make it your ambition to do a little better.

A Typical Caravan Town In the Great Sahara of Africa. The great Sahara Desert of Africa, embracing an areaof 3,293,000 square miles, plays an important part In the intercourse of mankind. Since the far distant day when its mighty rivers dried up and the once productive region became a desert, the Sahara has become only a thoroughfare between commercial points on the Mediterranean and the reed thatched huts amid the dense forests of Negroland. On its broad surface are scattered numerous tow ns and stations, resting places for the weary caravans that tread its shifting sands. One of the most Important of these towns is Arawan, situated in longitude 4 degrees west and a little south of 20

degrees north latitude. It owes its importance to its splendid water supply, an essential requisite for a settlement in, a region where the atmosphere is constantly dry, the heat in summer almost unbearable, and where, whether In summer or winter, the sands, that move over the land like waves on the sea, penetrate the houses, fill the air and make life a torture. Notwithstanding the inexhaustible watei supply which is derived from wells sunk deep in the earth’s bowels, not a blade of grass nor an evidence of vegetable growth is seen around Arawan. The large rectangular houses are scattered irregularly over the sandy plain; there are no streets, as the sands are constantly shifting, now forming hills, now depressions, and unless when caravans visit the place there is little indication that these queer-looking houses are not the relics of a race that has melted from the earth. Inside the rectangular wall, built of clay, are the dwelling rooms. These have only the light and air that reach them from over the wall; even the door that enters to them is kept constantly closed to guard against the blowing sands and the swarms of flies that hover around every settlement in the desert. The supplies of Arawan are brought from Timbuctoo, 120 miles distant. The inhabitants raise only a few hens ami some Soudanese sheep that grow hail instead of wool. In this wrstched manner has life been sustained in Arawan since its establishment ovei 200 years ago and in the same way may life be sustained when anothei 200 years shall have passed away.

Traits Observed Ainon; Sicilians lu Tlieli Native band. The last British Consular report from Sicily remarks that there are dark shades in the Sicilian charactei which contrast with the simplicity by which one might imagine the people to be wholly possessed. They can bo deceitful, reticent, malicious and vindictive; petty thefts and robberies are not uncommon; it is said also that in gratitude they are sometimes wholly deficient. It is significant that to be “scaltro” (cunningly clever) is with them a meritorious quality, and that advantageous lying is regarded with favor even in children. Owing to the spirit of “mafia” and “omerta,” which pervades all Sicily, they combine to hide each other’s misdeeds, and in the case of robbery, and even assassination, it is generally impossible to get evidence against the wrong-doers, even from the victims themselves. There, is a secret understanding among all that no one shall assist the legal authorities in their efforts to bring criminals to justice, and the Sicilian, as a rule lelies on himself and on his friends for obtaining retribution for private wrongs, and every one who transgresses this unwritten law has to fear the vendetta of his neighbors. One of the most disagreeable traits in their character is excessive cruelty to animals of which travellers in Sicily frequently have seen revolting instances. When remonstrated with on account of this they simply shrug their shoulders and say: “What matters? They are not baptized.” They cannot comprehend that any creature has any claim to consideration outside pale of the church. Frightful raws in horses and donkeys go unnoticed, and are fed on by flies; deep holes are plugged with tow. and lame animals are made to work with heavy loads as though nothing was the matter with them. As for relieving a horse or donkey of a heavy burden going up hill, such a thing never enters their heads. To see a country cart crammed with people behind a horse which can scarcely stagger under its heavy load, and to observe that no one ever endeavors to relieve the poor animal in the most difficult passages, is a common occurrence. Live poultry is carried to the market slung from pack saddles, or by pedestrians from the hand, by the legs. The birds keep their heads up as long as strength endures, till at last they can do so no longer, and die a painful death by a rush of blood to the head. Children are, it is said, taught cruelty to animals from infancy, for one of the commonest sights in town and country is to see children playing with newly caught robin redbreasts and goldfinches, which they hold tied by the leg with a string, and pull back when the poor bird attempts to fly. Another defect in the character and habits of the Sicilian peasant is lack of cleanliness. But in spite of all these the general demeanor and habits of the Sicilian are so pleasing that one feels inclined to regard his deficiencies with much leniency.— London Times. A mAn may be too drunk to climb a ladder and yet easily get up stares, when he ogles a pretty girl.

the man owning those English interests in Chili of which we have lately heard so much. Fifty years ago he was one of the poorest of the poor boys in Leeds, England. His

LIFE IN THE DESERT.

A HOUSE IN ARAWAN.

CRUELTY AND SECRECY.

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Lsa(haUs Phases o t Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists el Our Own Day. Prom the German. A. —You are a regular spendthrift Here I find you drinking champagne out of a beer glass. B. —You call me a spendthrift and yet you want me to spend money buying wine glasses when I can worry along wit.i an ordinary beer glass.— Texas Siftings. Time and Money. “Time Is money, my dear,” he said, hustling around in a great hurry. “Come off,” she replied tartly, “I’ve got plenty of time to buy a bonnet but I don’t get the bonnet, just the same. ” —Exohange. Doing Her Share. A poor woman applied to the lady in charge of a charitable association; “Have you a husband?” inquired the lady. “Yes’in,” answered the woman,! “but he’s poorly and can’t make a living.” “How many children have you?” , > “Thirteen, mum.” “Thirteen!” replied the lady, with surprise. “Yes’m, thirteen.” “You must have had some twins.” “No’rn,” the woman replied, innocently, “there ain’t no twins. I 1 though I was doing my share with, one at a time.”—Texas Siftings. A Judicious Choice. Mae—Well, I had four proposals last night. ;; Maud—lndeed' Who were they?’ Mae—Well, there were Jack and Tqm and Ned and that lrightful Mr. Pigsfoot. Maud —Which did you accept? Mae —Mr. Pigsfoot: , ~ Maud—What in the world did you take him for? Mae —Well, you see, he is In the glue business and I thought he would be the most likely to stick.—Boston Courier.

•••■ i f ■ A Haunted House. Featheretone —Do you believe la ghosts? Travers —Well, for years I have been living in a haunted house. Featherstone —You don’t tell me? Who is it haunted by? Travers—By my tailor. —Clothier and Furnisher. He Was Conscientious. Editor—You say, you wish this pottn to appear in’ my paper anonymously? Would-Be Contributor— Yes; 1 don’t want any name to it. “Then I can’t publish it.” “Why not?” “Because I am conscientious about this matter. 1 don’t want an unjust suspicion to. fall upon some innocent person.”—Texas Siftings. Sanitary Item. Mamma (to daughter) —Now, Eugenie, tjiis is a new life to both of us. If your poor, lamented father were alive we wouldn’t be reduced to the necessity of keeping a boardinghouse. Eugenia—Well, mamma, doesn’t seem to be any other course left to us. Mamma —I know it, Eugenia. You must be very circumspect, and, while polite to all, you must, in your late lamented nautical father’s words, “repel boarders.” Eugenia—Don’t you think, mamma, we ought to leave that to the hash?—Exchange. > It Wat Funny. “Well, this is funny.” “What is?” “This word in this item. Just look here.” The compositors laid down their sticks and crowded around the funny man to look at the word. The word was “funny.” But the compositors didn’t think it was funny, so they returned to their cases.—Cape Cod Item. Her Speech. Americans, we arc often told, have a natural turn for speech-making. A birthday gift by the father and the three daughters of the family to the mother was thus naively announced to that lady by the youngest, a girl 10: “Dear mamma, this is presented to you by your three children and your one husband.’’-,-New York Tribune. t Not the Right Sort. Visitor—How do you like your new minister? Mrs. Muggs—He won’t last very long. His wife is too worldly minded. “Really?” “Yes. It’s perfectly scandalous. All her dresses fit her.”—New York Weekly. Changed the Su^tot. He (gently)—Are you not afraid some one may marry you for your money? She (sweetly)—Oh, dear, no. Such an idea never entered my head. He (tenderly)—Ah, in your sweet innocence you do not know how coldly, cruelly mercenary some men are. She (quietly)—Perhaps not. He (with suppressed emotion) —I I would not for the world have such a terrible fate happen to you. The man who wins you should love you for yourself alone. , She—He’ll have ta. It’s my cousin Jennie who has the money, not I. You’ve got us mixfed- II haven’t a cent. •• He—Er —very pleasant Weather we’re having,—New York Weekly. i Mrs. Potter Palmer “wants a newspaper published at the fair man aged, edited, written, set up, and (printed by women. If Mrs. Palgner (were familiar with the personnel of a office she would recognize (that this would necessitate a girl “devil”—surely a thing not" to be thought of in connection with womlm’s sphere. A clergyman named Orchard has been robbing his benefactor in Canada. This is turning the tables with a vengeance.