Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 March 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. to kes sad Joke’ets that Art Supposed to Have Been Recently Born- Sayings and Doings that Art Odd. Curious mad Laughable. Hard Luck. First Chappie—“l proposed to Miss Somerset last night. ” Second Chappie—“JDeah me! And did the deah girl accept you?” First Chappie—“Yaas; btat I bwoke the crease in my twousere, and I feel so badly about it. "—Philadelphia Record. « - Reducing His Weight. "I don’t believe you are quite as heavy as you were,” said the barber to Cumso, during the process of shaving. “No, that was really a big slice you took out of my chin just then,” replied Cumso.—Exchange. Opposed to Any Movements Labor Agitator—“Mv friend, are you not in favor of the eight-hour movement?” Abe Lazy (the tramp)—“Movement! Who ever heerd of me bein’ in favor of any kind of a movement?’’—Time. A Man of His Word. Debtor—l can’t pay you anything this month. Collector—That’s what you told me last month. Debtor—Well, I kept my word, didn’t I?”—Texas Siftings.

A Great Space. Marie—l really believe that Mr. Silliry is out of his mind. Jane—Well, all I have to say is that if ha is he has an exceedingly extensive territory to wander arouhd in. Retribution Upon the Raker. Jones—A queer thing happened in New York the other day. A horse stole three pie from a baker’s wagon and ate them. Smith—l would like to have seen the baker. He must have been astonished. “Astonished! He was furious. He was desperate.” “Why, what about? The loss of the pies?” “No, of the horse. It was his own horse that ate the pies. It was the only one he had.”—Texas Siftings. Rasping.

Customer—Cor key! Barber—Yes, sir. Customer—ls you don’t stop combing that slide of mine I’m going to go somewhere else.—Judge. The Fundamental Principle. “Have you learned anything about the law?” asked the proud father of his son. “Yes, sir; I have grasped the fundamental principle of successful practice.” “What is it?” “Make it fee simple in the deed and fee complex in the. bill. ”—Washington Star..’ An embarrassing Question. A little New York boy of 4 years was much astonished when he awoke one morning last week to find a little sister in his mother’s arms. “Where did it come from?” he asked, with his •eyes wide open. “From God,” was the reply. “Who brought it?” was the next very natural question. “An angel.” He thought for a moment, and then exclaimed: “Oh, mamma! Why didn’t you catch the angel, too?”—ArkansawTraveler. A Judicious Choice. Mae—Well, I had four proposals last night. Maud—lndeed! Who were they? Mae—Well, there were Jack and Tom and Ned and that frightful Mr. Pigsfoot. Maud—Which did you accept? Mae —Mr. Pigsfoot. Maud—What in the world did you take him for? Mae —Well, you see, he is In the glue business and I thought he would be the most likely to stick.—Boston Courier. He Was Consclentions. Editor—You say you wish this poem to appear in my paper anonymously? Would-Be Contributor Yes; I don’t want any name to it. “Then I can’t publish it.” “Why not?” “Because I am conscientious about this matter. I don’t want an unjust suspicion to fall upon some innocent person.”—Texas Siftings. How to Tell. , He—You can always tell when a woman has fold all she knows about a piece of neighborhood gossip. She—How? He—She concludes with: “I should be glad to tell you all about it, but my lips are sealed.”—New York Herald.