Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 February 1892 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

BTORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Manj Odd, Carious, and Lanffhable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists Our Own Day. She Meant Business. “I have heard,* said the Chicago schoolmistress addressing her class of girls, “that some of you are In the habit of using slang. Is it so?” Some blushed, some looked Indignant, but none ventured to reply. “If any of you have acquired such a habit,” pursued the schoolmistress, with a severe look, “all I’ve got to say is you’ve got" to shake it.”—New York Press. Fishing for Compliments. Aged Maiden—Tell me candidly the name of the most beautiful lady at the ball last night. Gus de Smith—Please excuse me, as I am really no judge in such matters. Aged Maiden—Oh, I understand you, you flatterer, you. I caught you looking at me three or four times.— Texas Siftings. » iA Foul Proceeding.

Old Gourmet (who has been trying in vain for half an hour to cut his way into a roast fowl)—Waiter! W aiter—Y usser! Old Gourmet—Bring dynamite!—■ London Judy. A Request from the Rock. Murderer (to judge)—ls this my lawyer? His Honor—Yes. “Is he going to defend me?” “Yes.” “If he should die could I have another?” “Yee.” “Can I see him alone for a few minutes?”—Comic. Some Doubt About It. Cholly—You seem all broken up, old chap. Chappie—Yaas. Cholly—What is the mattfah? Chappie—l don’t know, lam suah, but my man says he thinks I am in love.—New York Life. On the Face of It. “I am wedded to art,” said Parley. “Well,” said Criticus, gazing Parley’s picture, “I’d get a divorce if I were you. She has deserted you. “ —Brooklyn Life. The Boston 4-Year-Old# “Papa,” said little 4-year-old Tommy, “I wish you would tell me what ith a proverb?” His Pa —“Well, my child, here Is one that applies to you just now: ‘Speech is silver; silence is golden.”* “There you go,” exclaimed Tommy, in disgust, “bringin’ up that everlastin’ quethion of bimetalithm.”—Boston Post. « Templs Fuglt. “Johnny, how many hours are there in a day?” asked Col. Yerger of his son Johnny, who is attending lectures at the University of Texas. “Twenty-five hours,” was the reply. “What has become of the other one?” “I don’t know, but I heard the teacher say the days were one hour longer than they used to be. ” —Texas Siftings. _____ The Only Way to Get It. Editor—l have just been elected coroner of the county. Printer—Bully for that. We’ll make some money now. Editor—Yes. Go out and shoot somebody and I’ll pay you your salary. —Atlanta Constitution. The Plano Lamp Shade. “You were speaking of getting a piano lamp. Have you got it yet?” s “No; papa couldn’t afford to buy the shade.”—New York Press. Unapproachable. Messenger—“A reporter desires to interview the Herr Baron.” Ambassador—“ Did you not tell him that I am hoarse?” Messenger—“ Yes, sir; but he says that he desires to ask questions only, whereupon the Herr Baron need only nod or shake his head. ” Ambassador—“ Well, tell him then that I have a stiff neck. ” —-Fliegende Blatter. A Law-Abiding Officer. Emigration officer—“ You say you are coming to this country to marry Miss Millyunheiress?” Foreign Nobleman —“I am.” “Are you already engaged to marry ' her?” . “I am.* “Then you are under contract and the law forbidding the importation of contract laborers will prevent your landing. Go back to Europe, sir. The manhood nobility of America will not stand cheap foreign cempetition.”—Buffalo Express. A Lasting Odor. In Constantinople the Mohammedan Mosque of Sofia is pervaded always by a strong smell of musk. In order to supply this perfume, which was freely mixed with the mortar and cement which bound together the stones, thousands and thousands of the musk anteHipe were slaughtered. Thus, while one stone Is left upon another of this ancient and interesting building, the odor of musk must remain to refresh or annoy its visitors, according as the sense is affected. Kentucky Corn. A Kentucky paper tells of seven ears of corn, each weighing a pound, that grew od one stalk.