Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 February 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jok.'.U that Arc Supposed to H»t« Boon Recently Bom- 8»yln*» stud Dolifi that Are Odd. Curious and Laughable. Breach-of-From! se Case. Lawyer—You claim that you were insane when you proposed to her? Defendant—Yes, sir. “Can you prove it?” “Yes, sir.” “How?” “By producing the plaintiff in court and letting the jury look at her.”— Light. ft . ' A Fact. Jeweler—This clock will go twelve months without winding. Oldboy—Well, how long would it go if it were wound?—New York Herald. A Play that Failed. Fledgely—l see that bow-knots in jewelry are very fashionable. Gwendolin—Beau-knots have always been fashionable. And she thought she heard the dull thud of the setting sun as the young man showed no signs of intelligence. —The Jewelers’ Circular. Plush Ermine. Prisoner—ls your Honor pleases, the officer who arrested me is unworthy of belief. He actually offered to carry a bribe from me to your Honor, bdt I refused Justice O’Eourke—Foine that mon S2O. Prisoner (amazed) —What for? J ustice O’Eourke—For contimpt o’ court, sorr.—Life. PantH for a Generation. Mrs. Whalen—Hov yez enny short pants fer byes? Mr. Silverstcin—l liafe not. I hafe long bants for mens. Buy a bair for your husban’, vash ’em vonce und dey vill fit der chile. I hafe sold bants dot hafe vent drue a whole cheneration like dot. De longer you vash ’em de smaller dey gits.—Judge. She Was Wining. Husband—My dear, we’ll have to economize. Wife—Well, 1 et’s smoke less. —Puck. Balked. -•••

Rutjiington (who has been scooped by the races, jilted by his best girl, and left out of his uncle’s will, all in one day)—“There is at least one soft resting-place for me—the river!” Officer Kerrigan—“Oi wouldn’t go in on thot 6ide o’ th’ dock, young feller. It’s jam full o’ Haverstraw brick-scows. ’’ —Judge. Found His Level. Old Friend —Well, old boy, how have you been getting along? Did you succeed as a novelist? Mr. Soarhigh—No; the publishers said my imagination was too lively—plots lacked probability, you know—so I had to give it up; but I’m doing first-rate. “What at?” “Writing railway advertisements." —New York Weekly. What He Get. She—l’ve just made myself a present of a new bonnet, and I’ve got something for you, too. He—Good! What was It? She—The bill.—Harper’s Bazar. Dangerous Revelations. Belle—Don’t you think a gentle man should always wear a dress suit when he makes a call on a young lady? Nell (doubtfully)—Well, I don’t know, If he wears a full-dress suit his shirt bosom when he gets home gives him dead away.—Somerville Journal. Too Precious to Be Jeopardized. Fireman—Now, then, one at a time —hurry up, if you all want to get out alive! Mr. Benthayre—Save the cook first —we may never be able to get another one.—Puck. A Hypothetical Case. He—Do you know what I’d do if. I were you? She—No; what? He—l’d marry me.—Puck. A Wonderful Memory. Bulflnch —Miss Smilax has simply a wonderful memory. Wooden —Why, what proof has she given of It? Bulflnch —Why, I met her at a supper last night and she not only reminded me about our being engaged last summer, but gave me a number of the details. —Boston Courier. Innocent Repartee. “Do horses go faster with shoes or without them?” asked the wife, looking up from the pages of “Black Beauty.” “With them, I should say,” answered her husband. “What makes you think so?” “Well, I’ve noticed that a hen alwas goes faster after you shoo it. ” New York Press. One Of the Mysteries. “I don’t see why they call this a situation, ” said the horse-car driver, “with mo a-standin’ all day long.”—> Epoch. '