Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 February 1892 — Page 6

She remocratirScntinel .. • - r V Jm RENSSELAER, INDIANA. ’ ~ v ~* * X W. McETON,. - Pdimshhe,

FAMINES IN RUSSIA.

CALAMITIES THAT SEEM TO BE PERIODICAL. The Awful Desolation Attending tho French Invasion or 1818 —Cities and Towns Burned by the Cossacks The Famine and Prestige Which Followed the War. •‘The Great Hunger.” Russian famines are periodical like the snows, or rather perennial like the Siberian plague. To be scientifically accurate, one should distinguish the two different varieties of it, the provincial and the national, the former termed golodovka, or the little hunger, and tho latter golod, or the great hunger. Not a year has elapsed during this century in which extreme distress in

A COMMON SIGHT.

some province or provinces of the empire has not assumed the dimensions of a famine, while scarcely a decade has passed away in which the local misfortune has not ripened into the national calamity. The present century, which has yet eight years to run, has already had its full share of visitations which some optimists regard as automatic checks on over-population; in 1801,1608, 1811, 1812, 1833, 1840, 1860, and 1831. These are the national golods. The provincial famines frequently equal

NAPOLEON'S HEADQUARTERS AT BORODINO.

them in severity if not in extent, says a writer in the Fortnightly Itoview, and so complete and child-like is the peo- I pie’s trust in Providence and the Czar, who, it is hoped, will utilize in good time the abundance of the harvest In the neighboring provinces to relieve their needs, that the crops are allowed to lie rotting in some places until tho peasants in others are beyond the reach of hunger and of human help, and many of them lie down by the roadside, in ditches, in the yards of deserted houses and give up the ghost without a murmur against their Little Father, the Czar. In 1887-1888, when the abundance of the harvest in Russia seemed to partake of the nature of the miraculous, the distress in certain districts was to the full as intense and disastrous as at present. In the government of Smolensk the peasants lived during the year on bread mado partly of rye and partly of the husks Of rye, often eaten with the wormeaten bark of the oak or the pine, which

A WATER CARRIER IN SMOLENSK.

etllls without satisfying the cravings of hunger. The evil is undeniably chronic; the symptoms are always the same, and the descriptions of them published ten or fifty years ago might be served up afresh to-day or n&st year as faithful photographs of the life in death of millions of Russian Christians. The Czars have been aware of it for centuries, and have ■done all that they could be expected to it. The district now from Odessa on the sk Sea through Little the rich black loam sd for its marvellous through the country olga, across the Urals, d wider till it reaches *r words, it covers a ) miles long and from broad, which supports

fortunate inhabitants of that stricken country the-historic days in the early part of this century, when a famine, the worst of all, prevailed for three years. Then, as now, according to the GlobeDemocrat, the central districts of the empire were devastated, and to the terrors of famine and pestilence were added the horrors of war in its most savage form. The occasion of this former visitation was the invasion of Russia by Napoleon and the French, an invasion which, in destructiveness of human life, has few parallels in ancient or modern times. Ab to the justice of the war waged by Napoleon against the mighty power of the North there always has been and always will be a difference of opinion, for certainly there was provocation enough on both sides. Napoleon thought that the power of Russia should be curbed; ho preferred to wage the war in person, so between tho years 1810 and 1812 he made preparations for the most stupendous military operation he had ever undertaken. The first fright over, b.usy preparations -were made throughout the giant empire to meet the coming French. Serfs by thousands were drafted, handcuffed, sent to points of instruction to be trained and drilled, and as rapidly as possible were hurried to the front. Along the western frontier, then described by the River Niemen, an army of 300,000 was gathered. Every effort was made to inspire,the Russian troops with confidence, but when the massive columns of Napoleon began to move from Kocnigsberg the hearts of the Russian generals failed; Kotusoff had been beaten by Napoleon at Austerlitz, and

remembered the lesson. The French were allowed to cross the Niemen without a blow, and June 24, at Kovno, less than 100 miles from the Baltic, the grand army passed into Russian territory. Napoleon soon perceived what kind of warfare would be waged against him. The Russian armies of the frontier, altogether numbering nearly 400,000 men were in full retreat, leaving desolation behind them. As they retired, in addition to burning the bridges and destroying the roads, they drove before them the peasants and their cattle; they burned the houses, they leveled the fences, they destroyed the inclosures, they set on fire the growing crops. Carrying provisions was a novel experience for the French. In all their expeditions up to this time they had lived j on the country, making requisitions for what they-aeeded, and paying for it or ; not as circumstances dictated. Aware I of the thinly settled districts through which- they must travel during the in- . vasion of Russia, immense stores had | betii collected nt Koenigsberg, but bad management was conspicuous in forwarding them for the use of the troops. When the army crossed the Niemen not

a fourth of the baggage wagons had ar- j rived, and before the middle of July, or i in less than two weeks, though not a i battle, not even a skirmish, had been 1 fought, hundreds of men and over 10,- ! 000 horses had perished from starvation and exposure, and 25,000 patientswere in the field hospitals. This was but tho beginning. The Russians were afraid to meet Napoleon in the field. Kotusoff’s experience at Austerlitz had made him careful; so on the principle that no army could exist in tho midst of ruins, they destroyed right and loft everything that could sustain life. The whole of Lithuania was depopulated and its people driven into exile. A tract of country 200 miles wide and 350 miles in extent from east to west was bared of inhabitants and of means of supporting life. The Cossacks, swarming everywhere, depopulated and ruined the provinces of Wilna, Vitebsk, Mensk, Smolensk, and Moscow. Nor did the savage system cease with driving off the population of the country districts and destroying houses, barns, and crops. The towns were no more spared than the rural- districts. Between the Niemen and Moscow the flourishing towns of Wilna, Sventziani, Utchatch, Rumen, Vitebsk, Smolensk, Valentina, Jarkovo, Jemlevo, Tertaki, Besovka, with over a hundred villages,were ruthlessly depopulated and set on fire.

Only twice did the Russians venture to oppose Napoleon between the Niemen and the capital. Urged by the remonstrances of the inhabitants of Smolensk, a city deemed by the Russians almost as holy as Moscow, the Russian commander made a stand almost before its gates, and was defeated with terrible slaughter. Then again, at the command of his imperial master, who forbade him to give up Moscow without striking a blow in its defense, Kotusoff made a stand on the Moskwa at the little village of Borodino, where was fought one of the greatest battles of history. Terrible was the loss on both sides. The French admitted a loss of 40,000 in killed and wounded, the latter dying, almost to a man, from neglect, while the most authentic accounts make the Russian loss nearly 60,000,amdin addition to this terrible slaughter they were driven in headlong rout from the field. Kotusoff intended to fight another battle, but the French coming upon him before he could rally, drove him back, and with furled colors and silent drums he marched through the capital, the rear-guard following, and driving out the population of over 300,000. This evacuation of the capital has been represented as spontaneous, but in view of the wellknown methods pursued by the Russians at other points during the campaign, it seems altogether improbable that a great city would be abandoned by its entire population with such precipitation that large quantities of the most valuable property were left without thp slightest apparent effort at preservation. As the commander of the rear guard prepared to evacuate the city, he released all the prisoners in the various jails and houses of detention, and, bringing them before him, promised them freedoms. And large rewards If they would set the city on fire during the French occupation. The day after the Russian evacuation the French moved in; Napoleon passed through the Holy Gate into the Kremlin, took up Us quartan in Alexander's

palace, looking out across the square upon the curious Oriental Cathedral of St. Basil, and offered to his great enemy conditions of peace. 'To his letter no reply was deigned, and tho next day the work of destruction planned by Alexander and Kotusoff was begun by the depraved wretches who were left for that

PEASANT SHELTERS IN LITHUANIA.

purpose. The best quarters of the city were destroyed, and, as the- fall was rapidly approaching, the question as to the disposal of the French army during the winter season at onco became prominent. Several plans were proposed; one, to fortify Moscow, gather all the

provisions possible, and remain there during the winter. The second was to retreat direct to Germany as quickly as possible; the third, to go south to the fertile province of Kalouga, and there winter in the midst of plenty. The third was adopted. The army set forth with a strength of less than onehalf of that with which it had entered Russia, and starting to the south, found the Russians had anticipated the movement, and that Kotusoff was there with all his forces. At Malo Jaroslavitz a terrible battle was fought; the Russians were defeated, but as they still showed a formidable front, Napoleon determined to retreat along the line of his advance and make the best of his way back to the Niemen. Then begun the most disastrous movement of'a body of troops ever seen in modem times, and yet distinguished at almost every turn by a brilliancy of generalship that has few equals. After leaving Smolensk, Ney was cut off from the main body, and his division was supposed to be lost, but by incredible offorts and a superhuman display of bravery he rescued his co mmand and rejoined Napoleon on the Beresina. A winter of unusual severity had set in, and in a few days the grand army became a mass of starving humanity. Horses died by thousands of starvation and cold; men perished like flies. Most were from the south of Europe; all were in their summer uniforms, and were utterly unprepared for the cold of an arctic winter. There were no overcoats; the baggage wagons were all left behind; no stores could be saved; there were no provisions, no medicines; the well could not help the sick; the wounded were left to die. As the cold grew more severe deaths by wholesale occurred; as the famine grew worse bits of horseflesh became luxuries; handfuls of burned corn snatched from the ruined stores were dainties. On the arrival of the army on the Beresina, about half way back on the road to Germany, all hope seemed to be taken away. Napoleon had less than 26,000 effective troops and over 70,000 stragglers, sutlers, camp followers, foreigners in Russia who preferred to follow the French army, runaway serfs, soldiers who had lost their arms, women, children, wounded and crippled. He had no artillery, no cavalry. The opposite side of the river was held by the Russians, numbering.over 140,000 men, with an abundance of artillery and many thousands of Cossack cavalry. At his rear hovered a cloud of savage horsemen, while a division of the Russian army was in close pursuit. Never did the genius of Napoleon appear to better advantage. He made preparations for tho worst. Ail the useless baggage wagons were destroyed; the eagles of all the regiments were collected and burned; he cast into the flames all his own private papers and memoranda. The officers who had been able to save their horses ho organized into a band called the "Sacred Squadron.” Colonels, majors and generals acted as private captains, and marshals of France acted as non-commissioned officers and cap- ! tains. Napoleon took every means to | deceive the enemy; bodies of troops { were dispatched down the river as | though he Intended to force a passage at a ford some distance lower down. While Kotusoff was thus deceived, the engineers were set to work at night to build a bridge. Incredible wore the dis-

flcutles under which they labored. There were no proper tools, there was no lumber, even nails were lacking; the river was full of floating ice, which impeded the efforts of the workers. Of the 107 engineers who, through that long, and terrible night, labored from waist deep to neck deep in water, only five survived; but by daylight the bridgo was done. The effective troops passed over, took possession of tha heightson the opposite side., and the host of stragglers began to follow. But the deceived Russians now returned, and established their artillery where it was beyond the reach of the French, and began firing on the bridge. The most awful destruction ensued. • The advancing Cossacks, crowding on the swarms of unarmed fugitives, out them down without mercy; the artillery played upon them as they crossed the bridge, and, as the regular forces of Russians advanced, orders were given to act the bridge on fire. It was done while some thousands of the French fugitives were still on the further side

of the river. In wild despair, some attempted to escape by swimming, others by rushing through the flames. In the spring 36,000 dead bodies were drawn from the Beresina and burned on Its banks. The Russians never ventured another attack, but hovered round the shattered remnants of the Grand Army, cutting oft stragglers, and from a safe distance playing on the retreating columns with their artillery, to which no reply could be made. The cold became extreme. The winter was one of the severest known in Russia. The thermometer sunk to 27 degrees below zero. The retreat became a rout. All organization was lost. Hunger made all equal, and all perished alike. In the morning a ring of corpses round the embers of an extinguished fire indicated the bivouac of the preceding evening. Packs of wolves, flocks of crows, vultures and other birds of prey followed the line of march to feed on the bodies of the dead. Numerous instances of cannibalism occurred, the miserable survivors eating the flesh of their departed comrades. Exclusive of those left at various points to maintain a Hue of communication, the number of men in the French army which actually marched into tho heart of Russia was estimated at 500,000. Of these, 100,000 were killed' in battle

A VICTIM OF THE FAMINE.

or wounded and perished in the field or in hospital, 100,000 were taken prisoners and died in the Siberian mines, while nearly 150,000 more died of famine or of exposure and cold during the terrible retreat. Never was ruin more complete. Immense as were the losses of the French, those of the Russians were far greater. The mortality in battle vastly exceeded that of the French, and the deaths from hunger weie innumerable. During the advance of the French, the Cossacks, as already stated, burned the cities and towns, and devastated the country, in order that the invaders might tell the story. During the retreat the French burned everything behind them to prevent pursuit. Over 300 cities and villages were thus totally destroyed in the late summer, fall and early winter, and it was computed that 2,000,000 peo-

THE HOLY GATE OF THE KREMLIN.

pie, inhabitants of Russia, were rendored homeless and destitute. Half a dozen of the finest provinces in the empire were ruined, and their inhabitants driven out to starve. Of the 300,000 population of Moscow, over one-third died of privation, and the same proportion was true of other places. It was computed that from battle, famine, cold and exposure during that awful winter no less than 1,000,000 perished. But the winter of 1812-13 did not close the terrible scene. The resources of Napoleon were not exhausted. He hurried home to raise another army and renew the war. To oppose him a merciless conscription was ordered in Russia to obtain troops. The heads of families were taken away, only sons did not escape, and during the following season no crops were sown in the devastated country. The famine continued. There were no relief committees in those days; there were no railroads, no contributions from the benevolent of Europe, for Europe was still busy with the war. Masses of dead bodies on the Beresina, before Smolensk, on the Moskwa near Borodino, and along the line of retreat,

ON THE BANKS OF THE BERESINA.

brought pestilence in its worst form. Thousands of Russian peasantry died; just how many there are no means of knowing, but it is computed that in the years 1812, 1813 and 1814, in consequence of the French invasion and its resulting woes, over 1,500,000 Russians perished. Such a calamity has ho parallel In Europe or Western Asia since the days of Tamerlane and Genghis Khan, and the fact that the Russians look from their present misfortune back to the “starving years” of the French invasion sufficiently indicates the nature and extent.of the present terrible misfortune. * S*

There is no machinery In the Sierra Leone Islands except the sewing-ma-chine. The colony Is 103 years old, and contains 50,000 people without a sawmill or any other kind of a mill to do any kind of woodwork.

Primitive People.

BURYING A CHINAMAN.

Description of the Ceremony as Conducted in the Flowery Kingdom. We are in the Chinese quarter of San Francisco. Here is a house where a death has occurred. A Chinese friend procures admittance for us, so that we may see of Chinese funeral customs. As soon as the breath has left the body professional mourners are called in, who deck it with all the finery possible. If it is that has died ’her cheeks are heavily rouged, and if the deceased in life was not the owner of sufficient jewelry to decorate the remains with, friends and relatives are called upon to furnish the desired amount. If the weather is favorable the body is laid out on a table placed in a street or alley adjoining the late residence of the deceased, but covered from sight with a large white cloth. N»xt to the table holding the deceased is another table covered with meat, candies, preserved cocoanut, and ginger, together with a liberal supply of Chinese wine and brandy. Among the funeral meats will always be found a pig or a hog rcasted whole, the size of the porcine offering being graded according to the age of the deceased. As soon as the body and feast are laid out in state the serious work of the professional mourners commences. The number of mourners varies according to the social standing of the deceased in life—from six to ten being the average for an adult. The mourners are dressed from head to foot in white, the face and head being hid from sight by a sort of hood, so that one cannot tell whether the mourners are male or female. The first move is to gather round the bier and chant a mournful dirge, not forgetting to extol the many virtues of the departed. During this time they are constantly moving around in a circle to prevent any evil spirit from creeping in and so getting possession of the body. As soon as the dirge is over the musicians commence beating the gongs, cymbals, and tom-toms, the mourners at the same time giving vent to groans, speeches, and howls, varying the proceedings by beating themselves and others with clenched fists, pulling their hair and knocking their heads against the adjoining building. They keep this up until they work themselves into a perfect, state of frenzy, and together with the musicians make such an uproar that one would think that pandemonium had broken loose. The object of beating the gongs, etc., is to frighten the devils away. In the meantime, every two or three minutes, handfuls of small pieces of paper are thrown in the air, over the body of the deceased, so that if by any chance some of the devils should get by the musicians and mourners they would be frightened by the pieces of paper, as they are supposed to represent so many good spirits. Then joss-sticks, punk and incense are kept burning. The mourning and racket last for at least twenty-four hours. The morning of the funeral the body is taken from the bier, and after being stripped of the ornaments and other finery is placed in a coffin. A piece of money is placed in the hands of the deceased, a written prayer or charm is put in the mouth, and a bottle of wine or brandy, together with a liberal allowance of food, is also inclosed in the coffin. Then an express wagon is obtained, and the food and liquor arc placed in the wagon, and two or more men are continually throwing joss papers in the air until their burying ground is reached. Second in the line of the procession is a wagon filled with the hired mourners, then the relatives and friends follow, the deceased bringing up the rear, with the exception of two men who are detailed to follow behind and scatter joss papers. When the grave* is reached the real agony begins. The mourners redouble their efforts and the musicians beat their gongs, etc., with all the power possible. The coffin is lowered into the grave, another piece of money is placed upon the top of the coffin, and the grave filled up. The money is for the purpose of paying the god of waters for rowing the deceased across the dark waters. It is supposed that the god of waters will be satisfied by merely seeing the money in the hands of the deceased. The money on top of the coffin is for the benefit of the evil spirits. After the grave is filled, the eatables, sweetmeats, and liquor are placed over it, as the mere sight of the food will appease the hunger of the gods. The food does does not remain at the grave very long. The morning after, any one is allowed to take it away, as the spirits are supposed to have satisfied their hunger during the night.— Hearth and Hall.

He Had Noticed It.

'Jerrold, all his life long, bitterly protested against the fashion of translating and adapting, which excluded the work of native writers and gave a reputation to men for work which they had not originated. Talking once with Mr. Blanche (a noted adapter of plays) on this question, Blanche insisted that some of his characters were original. “Don’t you remember,” he said, “my baroness in ‘Ask No Questions’?” “Yes, indeed. I don’t think I ever saw a piece of yours without being struck by your barrenness,” was the reply.

Arkansas Curiosities.

Arkansas has two natural curiosities which will be exhibited at the World’s Fair, and which will be of interest to lumbermen. One is an oak tree ten inches in diameter, pierced through and through by a small cedar three inches in diameter. The other is a sample of Arkansas grape vine found in Lincoln County. It is eighteen inches in diameter at the butt and fifty yards long.—Little Rock Gazette.

California’s Big Orange Crop.

The orange crop of California has become so large that it cannot be marketed at paying prices. Thousands of acres of the land of California are now bearing young lemon trees. The olive and fig crops of the State are now profitable. Experiments in the raising of Ceylon tea in Southern California will soon be triad.

THE ROSS UNICYCLE.

A Kovel Machine Decently Patented by an Illinois Inventor. The Bearings Weekly gives a description and illustration of a novel unicycle which was patented by its

THE BOSS UNICYCLE.

inventor, a resident of Ipava, 111. From the rim of the large single wheel short diverging spokes extend to inner parallel rims some distance apart, bent arms attached to the latter rims extending to a hub on each side of the wheel, the hub consisting of a sleeve provided with ball bearings through which the axle extends. Mounted in ball bearings on each of the sleeves is an arm extending above and below, the upper end of the arms having handles by which the machine is guided, while their lower ends support a framework having a cross bar to which is secured the seat perch, the frame also affording bearings for an axle, on which are pivoted the pedal levers. Loosely mounted in a hollow circular case at each side of the machine, on the inner end of the axle and sleeve, is a ratchet mechanism for driving the wheel, one of the figures showing a sectional view of the ratchet attachment. A strap held in a grove on the face of the ratchet casing extends downward on each side to one of the pedal levers, to which it is secured, and as the pedals are operated the ratchet wheel and sleeve are turned to move the main wheel. To the outep ends of the axles are attached rods long enough to extend to the ground, when the axles are turned into position to bring their points down, and at a convenient point in front of the rider is a curved brake bar, connected with the squared inner ends of the axles, so that by raising the brake bar the axle is turned to throw the points of the rods down into the ground, as shown in dotted lines in the sectional plan view and in full lines in the figure perspective.

Discoveries Made by Photography.

Photography applied to astronomical purposes is continually achieving unlooked-for triumphs. One of the latest is the discovery of previously unknown objects on the moon. The photographs of the moon made with the great Lick telescope on Mount Hamilton, in California, are the finest in the world, and last summer the ruins of a huge crater, some fifty miles in diameter, were discovered by means of one of these photographs. The ruins lie near the celebrated crater mountain called Copernicus. With telescopes alone these rocky ruins had escaped attention}' but on the exquisitely clear negative of the photograph they were discernible. There sterns to be something in the quality of the light reflected from this spot in the moon which enables its features to print their image more sharply on the photographic plate than they appear to the eye even when aided by a powerful telescope. Apparently the ruined crater in question has bad its walls broken down and nearly buried by vast outflows of lava which have burst from the interior of the moon in its neighborhood. Copernicus, although itself immensely old and long since extinct, is evidently far younger than its ruined neighbor. More recently Prof. Weinek, of Prague, in examining the photographic negative of the moon made by the Lick telescope, has discovered upon them the remains of another great crater wall at some distance southeast of the well-known crater named Triesnecker. Prof. Weinek finds that the negatives are so perfect that they must be strongly magnified in order that all the minute details which they contain shall be rendered visible. No one can yet fix a limit to the power of photography to reveal what would otherwise be hidden from human eyes in the depths of space.

Made Her Happy.

Meissner tells a pathetic anecdote of Heine which places him in the kindliest light: One day, when his end was very near, Meissner entered and found him dictating a letter to be sent to his mother. “What!” cried Meissner, “does the old lady who dwells by the Dammthor still live?” “Truly; though old and sick and feeble, still beats the warm mother heart for me.” “And do you often write to her?” “Regularly, every month.” “Ah,” cried Meissner, “how unhappy she must be to hear of your sorrow and sickness. ” “Oh, as to that,” returned Heine, “my mother believes me as well and sound as when I saw her last. She is aged and reads no papers, and the few old friends she sees are in like conditicn. I write to her often as cheerfully as possible and tell her of my life, and how happy I am. If she notices that only the signature is mine, the explanation is that I have pains in the' eyes which will soon pass off. And thus she is happy. For the rest, that a son should be so ill and wretched as I am, no mother would believe. ”

America in England.

American visitors in England are often surprised to find unfamiliar names of Englishmen current there as the inventors of what they had always been accustomed to regard as the creation of American brains. It is not Cyrus Field’s name that is spoken there in connection with Atlantic cables, nor Howe’s with the sewing machine. In fact, few things are ever seen labeled “American” in London shops, no matter what their origin may have been, that are not of the cheapest and often the .most inferior description.—Philadelphia Ledger.

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Joke* and Jok.'.U that Arc Supposed to H»t« Boon Recently Bom- 8»yln*» stud Dolifi that Are Odd. Curious and Laughable. Breach-of-From! se Case. Lawyer—You claim that you were insane when you proposed to her? Defendant—Yes, sir. “Can you prove it?” “Yes, sir.” “How?” “By producing the plaintiff in court and letting the jury look at her.”— Light. ft . ' A Fact. Jeweler—This clock will go twelve months without winding. Oldboy—Well, how long would it go if it were wound?—New York Herald. A Play that Failed. Fledgely—l see that bow-knots in jewelry are very fashionable. Gwendolin—Beau-knots have always been fashionable. And she thought she heard the dull thud of the setting sun as the young man showed no signs of intelligence. —The Jewelers’ Circular. Plush Ermine. Prisoner—ls your Honor pleases, the officer who arrested me is unworthy of belief. He actually offered to carry a bribe from me to your Honor, bdt I refused Justice O’Eourke—Foine that mon S2O. Prisoner (amazed) —What for? J ustice O’Eourke—For contimpt o’ court, sorr.—Life. PantH for a Generation. Mrs. Whalen—Hov yez enny short pants fer byes? Mr. Silverstcin—l liafe not. I hafe long bants for mens. Buy a bair for your husban’, vash ’em vonce und dey vill fit der chile. I hafe sold bants dot hafe vent drue a whole cheneration like dot. De longer you vash ’em de smaller dey gits.—Judge. She Was Wining. Husband—My dear, we’ll have to economize. Wife—Well, 1 et’s smoke less. —Puck. Balked. -•••

Rutjiington (who has been scooped by the races, jilted by his best girl, and left out of his uncle’s will, all in one day)—“There is at least one soft resting-place for me—the river!” Officer Kerrigan—“Oi wouldn’t go in on thot 6ide o’ th’ dock, young feller. It’s jam full o’ Haverstraw brick-scows. ’’ —Judge. Found His Level. Old Friend —Well, old boy, how have you been getting along? Did you succeed as a novelist? Mr. Soarhigh—No; the publishers said my imagination was too lively—plots lacked probability, you know—so I had to give it up; but I’m doing first-rate. “What at?” “Writing railway advertisements." —New York Weekly. What He Get. She—l’ve just made myself a present of a new bonnet, and I’ve got something for you, too. He—Good! What was It? She—The bill.—Harper’s Bazar. Dangerous Revelations. Belle—Don’t you think a gentle man should always wear a dress suit when he makes a call on a young lady? Nell (doubtfully)—Well, I don’t know, If he wears a full-dress suit his shirt bosom when he gets home gives him dead away.—Somerville Journal. Too Precious to Be Jeopardized. Fireman—Now, then, one at a time —hurry up, if you all want to get out alive! Mr. Benthayre—Save the cook first —we may never be able to get another one.—Puck. A Hypothetical Case. He—Do you know what I’d do if. I were you? She—No; what? He—l’d marry me.—Puck. A Wonderful Memory. Bulflnch —Miss Smilax has simply a wonderful memory. Wooden —Why, what proof has she given of It? Bulflnch —Why, I met her at a supper last night and she not only reminded me about our being engaged last summer, but gave me a number of the details. —Boston Courier. Innocent Repartee. “Do horses go faster with shoes or without them?” asked the wife, looking up from the pages of “Black Beauty.” “With them, I should say,” answered her husband. “What makes you think so?” “Well, I’ve noticed that a hen alwas goes faster after you shoo it. ” New York Press. One Of the Mysteries. “I don’t see why they call this a situation, ” said the horse-car driver, “with mo a-standin’ all day long.”—> Epoch. '

She was Frugal.

A considerate, generous cobbler In Delaware gave his wife a certain sum of money each week for her personal use. He never inquired what she did with it, but after thirty-nine years of wedded Mfe the wife died, and in the drawer of an antique table the hushand found a bag containing gold, also a roll of greenbacks, amounting in all to SIO,OOO. And now all the cobblers in Boston will try the experiment. A duct of oatmeal and brown bread promotes the growth of hair.