Democratic Sentinel, Volume 16, Number 1, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 January 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINQS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. and Joke'et. that Are Supposed to Hove Been Recently Born- Sayings and Doing. that Aro Odd, Curious and Laughable. Justifiable. Car (who drinks to spite his wife) —“Shay, stranger, don’t you think a (hie) person’s sometimes jus’fled in keepin’ ’self tossicated?” Stranger—“ Certainly, if he is compelled to be in your company.”—Texas Siftings. Larse Steaks. Hungry Guest—How is this? I ordered steak and a poached egg. I see the egg, but not the steak. , Table Attendant—Dat’s all right, sah. De steak am under de egg. Texas Siftings. Patience No Longer a Virtue. Old Subscriber:—l called to pay you that $6 I owe you. Editor (loftily)—There was ~no hurry. You needn’t deprive yourself. Old Subscriber—ln that case I’ll defer it, as I really do need the money badly. Editor (rising)—John, lock the door, and if he makes a break for the window knock him down with the mallet. Now shell out that s 6. Atlanta Constitution. A Natural Sequence* “Uncle John,” said Emily, “do you know that a baby was fed on elephant’s milk and gained twenty pounds a week?” “Nonsense!” exclaimed Uncle John, and then asked: “Whose baby was it?” “It was the elephant’s baby,” replied Emily.—Mew Moon. * " V J*** TTTFU Hi A v* At the Balls. She—Do ypu often visitySutuncle? He—Mo; only in cases of extreme necessity. vA Paradox. Tom-r-This is a dull book. Jack—But you must admit that it contains a good many pointed allusions. ■- Because. She—Why do you call your cat Tom? He (confusedly)—3B— because it’s that kind of a cat. A Prize Winner, An illiterate farmer who wished to enter some animals at an agricultural exhibition, wrote as follows to the secretary: “Enter me also for a jackass.” And he took the prize—Mar tional Weekly. A Thoughtful Girl. Mr. Callthere—l love you, Mamie; will you be Miss Carefulle—Won’t you please speak a little louder, Tom? The phonograph is at the other end of the room. An Unappreciative Wretch. “You’ll be lonely, dear, I’m afraid while I'm away,” said the wife, who was going on a visit to her mother. “Oh, no,” he said, cheerfully. “You’ll have nobody to talk to you, ” she said. “Oh, yes,” he answered; “there’s our parrot. ” And she went away so mad that she forgot to ask if her hat was on straight.—Mew York Press. The Pity of It. First Swell—There goes Miller, the richest man in town. What a pity the old fellow has no daughter. Don’t you think so? Second Swell—l don’t know. Why? First Swell—Because she would make such a good wife fo r me.—Texas Siftings. A Fine Theory. Tom—Honesty is the best policy. Jack—Why don’t you put that theory into practice? His 'Wife's Relations. Friend—ls you have so much trouble with your wife’s relations, why do you live with tyiem? Hatework ’Cause my relations won’t have us.—Mew York Weekly. Too Slow. Monsieur Calino was ordered by his physician to take a drive of an hour each day, aqd having no horse of his own he called a cabman for the purpose. One day he signaled a cabman and got in for his daily drive. The horse started up at a painfully slow gait. “Hold on!” said Calino to the driver. “I must get another cab. it would take me all day to ride an hour with such a plug as that!”—Youth’s Companion. No Wonder! “Can you tell me where I can go to hear some good singing?” an eagerlooking guest asked of the hotel fclerk. “I haven’t heard any in ten fears. ” * “You haven’t!” Exclaimed the cletk. « Where’ve you been? Traveling in Africa?” “Mo; I’ve been on the road with a comic opera troupe.”—Mew York Sun. He Knew the Thumb-Marks. Professor of Palmistry—“ Yes, sir, I claim that I can, tell a man’s profession simply by examining the palm of his right hand.” Skeptic (an exchange editor) — “Well, here is my hand, what is my profession?” Professor (after one hasty glance)— “You’re a tailor sir.”—Exchange.