Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 52, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 January 1892 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Jolre’ets that Aro Supposed to Have Been Recently Born- Say Inert and Doings that Are Odd. Curioua and 1-anghable. The Trouble with Dress Keform. Mr. Savelittle—Well, my dear, did you go to that dress reform lecture, as I suggested? Mrs. Savelittle—Yes, and it was very interesting. “What do you think of the idea?” “The reform dress is certainly sensible, convenient and decidedly becoming, but ” “Well, what’s the ‘but?’ ” “I can’t see, my love, how such a simple garment can be made to cost enough to be respectable.”—New York Weekly. For Private Circulation. Landlady—l am afraid those towels are too small. Clerk—They are our regular size for boarders, madam. Landlady—l know. But I want them for myself. —Cloak .Review. Talking: Horao. Tommy—Pa, some ladies told ma to-day that you were ,the better horse of the two. What did they mean by that? Pa—They meant, Tommy, that I was so gentle that even a lady could manage me.—Epoch. Suited to Each Other. “When lovers exchange love letters it is evident that they are suited to each other.” “Howisdhafc?” , ; “BecAhse they-coraespond with each other. ”—€ape Cod Item. A Corinrtiian X'avorite. Muffers—You seehi to bfe decidedly popular with the Corinthian yachtsmen—always being invited o\t for a sail. PuffcrsA-Jf-c-s. I’ weigh three hundred pound and kndw enough to keep on the windward side of the boat.—Street & Smith's Good News.

A Hitch ill Tra me. v “Is it true, ” said the reporler, rushing breathlessly into the railroad superintendent’s office, “that 'there was a tie-up on the road last night?” “Yes,” responded the.official,- H there was. Our Agent at Buzzard’s Fork married his type-writer. ” —St. Joseph News. Not Conversant with the Novelty. Customer—l want a clock to run thirty days. Jeweler (politely)—l’m sorry to disappoint you, sir, but we conduct an exclusively cash business, —Jeweler’s Weekly. She Succeeded. Asker—l’ve often wondered how Mrs. Etna would make out in her married life. She’s been married about three years now, hasn’t she? Tasker—About that, yes. “Well, I’ve heard her say, in days gone by, that if she ever had a husband she’d make him stand around.” “She’s succeeded. She’s made him stand around the tavern barroom in preference to enduring the daily anathemas she breeds for the home atmosphere.”—Yonkers Gazette.

“Free trade and protection.”Puck. The Burglar-Alarm. Customer—ls this the latest style of burglar-alarm? Clerk—Yes, sir. “What is the principle of it? " “It rings a hell when the burglar raises the window, and by means of an indicator tells in what part of the house an entrance is being attempted.” “And am I supposed to get out of bed and grapple hand-to-hand in the darkness with the burglar, or burglars?” “Yes, unless you get your wife to do it instead?” “Humph, I guess we’ll make the old style burglar-alarm, the dog, last a little longer. ” —Yankee Blade. Aias» Too True? Penelope—lt Is altogether too fatiguing to walk up Broadway. Perdita—Why? Penelope—There are so manystares on it.—Smith, Gray & Co.’s Monthly. Murder in His Heart. Hackett (savagely)—l want to get some ribbon for my wife’s dog. Clerk—Yes, sir. How will this do? Hackett—Do you think this will bear his weight?—Cloak Review.

A Simile. Mr. Eatall —My dear madam, there is, as usual, -a—er lack- sufficiency on your table. «>-■ * : The Landlady (with afepCrfty)—l do say, Mr. Eatall, that of all things I ever boarded, you, are the worst, with one exception. “And may I know of this one exception?" “Yes. I once boarded a moving train, and I’ve never been well since.” Pittsburgh Bulletin.