Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 December 1891 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Joke’ets that Are Snpposed to Hare Been ltecently Born- Sayings and Doing. that Are Odd. Carious and Laughable. Accounted For. Dear Jess, it seems quite strange to me (Does it seem strange to you?) When we together used to be. We both were twenty-two. But now we meet (can it be true)— _ I think it o’er and o’er!) , I've passed my forty-first and you Ate only thir:y-four. I do not know, I do not care How fortune favors you; look as young as when you were My dear at twenty-two. But this I’d like to know, dear Jess, (lOr so it now appears), IVhv you in ago than me are less By more thaa seven years? The matron drooped her deep-lashed eyes. And, as she held him fast, She answered, twixt her long-drawn sighs; “*ou know men live so fast!” Baby’s Aliment. Wife (sleepily)—What is the matter with baby? Husband (on the walk)—l think he is suffering from an attack of yellow fever. The Term at Last Defined. Willie—Pa, what’s a" rhinestone? Father—A glass instrument used to skin suckers.—Jewelers’ Weekly. Quite Another Cause. Sympathetic Passenger—That’s a queer mark on your right thumb, porter. I guess the blacking brush handle catised it. The Porter (patronizingly) No, sah. Dat’s not made by the handle ob de* brpsh. It .am, caused *by de friction ob de nW slfears 1 got fer clippin’ fifty coupons* Laws,: Mlstah! yer looks* ’zif.syewae goinfe ter diaint. Hab a glass obiee watfeah.—Pittsburg Bulletin.

It Turned Her Head. “Why did Lofo wife look back?” asked the piqtty Stmday-school teacher. “I suppose a Woman passed her with a new bofifoet on, ” replied Johnny Cumso.—Epoch. A Literal Tr&th. * * ’ Sageman—How is it you filled to meet popular expectation? ' * The whole town looked pn you as affianced to Miss Tickle. Sapsum—Yes, that’s so, but you see I subsequently discovered that she was suffering from heart-failure. fYoiiddn’tsay!” "j.; "But Ido say! Her heart fafleS to flE® any room for me within its sacred inclosure, and of course that knocked our engagement endwise”.— Boston Courier. V. • < iH In thie ScSnery. He was ait one of the mountain resorts during the summer, noted for its; beautiful scenery, and late one night when it was dark!- as pitch his wife found him out on a bluff in front of the hotel with a bottle. “Great Governor, George,” she exclaimed, “what are you doing out here this time of night?” “Drinking in the beautiful scenery, my-dear,” he replied a little thickly. “But it is pitch dark and you can’t drink it in,” she persisted. “My dear,” he said, turning toward her unsteadily, with the bottle in his hand, “I didn’t say I was drinking it in; I said I was drinking in it. Yod must think I’m drunk, troit Free Press. Signal Service. McFingle—l understand that Gamby has received an appointment to the signal service. McFangle Gamby! Why, he doesn’t know anything. What sort of a position does he hold? McFingle—He flags trains at a crossing!—Boston News. Thought They Were Mops. Mrs. Instyle—And how did you like those lovely chrysanthemums I sent you? Aunt Oldstyle—Chrys—were them those flowers? -Why, bless you, I took ’em for mops, and thought they were pretty poor ones at that!—Boston News. Not Altogether a Success. “There is only one thing I regret about my last failure,” said a Chicago business man, confidentially to a friend. “What’s that?” asked the friend, inquisitively. “The thirty-three cents on the dollar that I was obliged to pay.”—Somerville Journal. Making a Market. Stranger—Say, Sambo, I’ll give you five dollars if you’ll go through this village to-night and carry off all the roosters. Sambo (Indignantly) I ain’t no chicken thief. “I don’t want?- you to steal them. Just remove them for a few days. Then you can bring them back.” “What good’ll dat do you?” “I am peddling alarm clocks.”— Street & Smith’s Good News.