Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 48, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 December 1891 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Carious, and Langhabl* Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artist* at Our Own Day. Warranted Safe. Mr. Goodman—l want to buy a nice toy pistol for my little hoy. Something handsome but not dangerous, you know. Mr. Binks—Hare's the exact thing you’re after, sir. A French duelling pistol—very pretty, and perfectly harmless.—Grip. The Figure Fiend. Mrs. Colemigger—l’m surprised that your husband earns so little if he works as hard as you say. What does he do? Mrs. Pentweazel—The last thing he did was to figure out how many times a clock ticked in the course of a year.—Epoch. He’d Made a Discovery. Thinkhardt—lsn’t it curious? His Wife—What? Thinkhardt—That although a watch is misplaced or even lost, it is still handy.—Jewelers’ Weekly. A Splrit-ed Discussion. “What was the subject of your debate this evening?” “Whisky. ” “Was it well discussed?” “Yes; most of the members were full of the subject.”—Kate Field’s Washington.

“Drop a worm in the slot, and hear me sing. ’’—Life. •i* > ■ !; It Was Late. I had asked the colored porter at the depot if the train from Savannah was on time, and he replied in the affirmative, writes M. Quad in the New York World, when another colored man came up and inquired: « ‘lDid yo’ want to know sunthin’, sah?” “I was asking him if the train was on time.” “And what did he say, sah?” “He said it was. ” “Hu! Dat’s all he knows ’bout it! Dat pusson, sah, ar’ employed to sweep out de depat an’ All up de water-cans. ” “And you?” “While I, sah, ar’ employed to put de checks on de baggage an’ put de baggage on de kyars! Yo’ wanted to know if de train was on time, sah. No sah, it haiu’t, sah. De train is exactly two seconds late, sah!”

Dangerous Revelations. Belle—Don’t you think a gentleman should always wear a dress suit when he makes a call on a young lady? Nell (doubtfully)—Well, I don’t know. If he wears _ a full dress suit his shirt bosom when he gets home gives him dead away.—Somerviile Journal. Doubly Defined. Tommy—What is a “running account?” Pa says it’s an account merchants have to keep of customers that are in the habit of running away from paying their bills. Uncle—That’s one definition of it. Tommy—ls there another? Uncle—Yes. A running account Is, in some instances, an account that gets tired out running after a while, and then it becomes a standing obligation.—Boston Courier. Useful il Not Ornamental. Stayer—l—l hope I’m not keeping you from anything, Miss Pert? Miss Pert —Oh, dear, no! I like to have you sit there, where you are. “M—may I presume to ” “Why, certainly! Yes, you hide that spot on the wall paper, that has been an eyesore to me, beautifully.—Boston News. A Cat Colloquy. Mouser—See, here, Maltic, you are playing a little too rough! You yanked out a good bit of my coat that time. Maltie—Excuse me; I only intended it for a joke. Mouser—Yes, hut it was rather fur-fetched.—Yonkers Gazette. Making It Realistic. Qnester —I wonder where Shakspeare got the idea reflected in the sentence, “When graveyards yawn?” Based altogether on superstition, I imagine? Jester—Perhaps, although I can believe such a thing possible to be brought about. “How? ” “By having Dominie Prolicks visit any of them and preach a funeral sermon. ” —Boston Courier.