Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 47, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 December 1891 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. #®k»» and Joke’ets that Are Supposed to H »». Been Recently Born- Saying:* and Doings that Are Odd, Curious end Laughable. Running No Risks. Customer—Be sure and have that overcoat ready this week, as I want to wear it to the football match. Tailor—Are you going to be in the game? Customer—Oh, yes. Tailor (stiffly)—Then, sir, our terms are invariably cash in advance.— Clothier and Furnisher. An Unnatural Han. Spenlow—There’s something uncanny about Bilkins. . Jorkins—What is it? Spenlow—He walked by a newly painted fence with me yesterday, and didn’t put out his hand to see if the paint was dry.—Boston News. Tho Experiment Worked. Proprietor of the Museum—Where’s the strong man? Glass Eater—He sat down on a box with some gunpowder under it, and had the powder touched off to show how he could hold it down when it exploded. “Well, when he comes in, tell* him I want to see him.” “All right, I will if he lands near here!”—Boston News. Not a Friend of the “Force.”

Policeman—Would voii kindly" subscribe one dollar to help bury a brother officer? r

Kind-hearted Citizen—Why, certainly! (hands ten-dollar bill.) Here! bury ten of them.—Puck. Finis. She—Really, now, aren’t you a married man? He—No. Why? “Oh, you have such a settled look.* “Yes, I’ve beeen refused by thirteen girls.”—Epoch.

Georg© AU Right. Anxious mother.— My dear, I’m afraid George is getting into bad company. He is out very late nearly every night. Observing Father Oh, he’s all right. He goes to see some girl or other. Shouldn’t wonder if he’d announce an engagement soon. “He hasn’t said a word about any young lady.” “No; but he’s keeping company with one all the same. His right wrist is full of pin scratches.”—Street & Smith’s Good News. Nature’s Hose Cart. Insurance Magnate—l think you had better cancel some of our big risks at Tinderville. Policy Clerk—What is the trouble? Insurance Magnate—A blank just came in with the question “What protection have you from fire?” answered: “It rains sometimes.”— Puck. A Matter ot Location. Stufler (at the end of the Simpkins’ ball) —Do you know, I can’t find my overcoat anywhere. Simpkins—Have you looked in the refreshment-room? “Why, no. How could it be in there?” “You haven’t been anywhere else during the evening, have you?”— Clothier and Furnisher. Tlie Inquisitiveness of Youth. Eddie (seven years old)—-Mither Martin, doesn’t it hurt a watch to get it wet? His Sister’s Beau—Of cawse, me deaw fellah! Why do ye awsk? Eddie—Cauthe papa thaid you thoaked yours.—Jewelers’ Weekly. Remedy Worse than the Disease. Sam Johnsing felt very much aggrieved because an Austin Justice of the Peace fined him five dollars for disturbing the peace. “Mr. Johnsing,” said the Justice, “you can take an appeifi; you have a legal remedy.” “I knows all about dem remedies, sah; dey am werry much like dem udder remedies you gets at de drug store. De more ob ’em yer takes, de sicker yer gits. ”