Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 December 1891 — ■MOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

■MOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curloua, and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artiste ot Our Own Day. These Clever Impromptus. Bul finch—That was a wonderfully clever speech that your husband just made; and he tells me it was entirely impromptu. Mrs. Wooden—Oh, yes; quite so. Bulflnch—lt is marvelous that he could do so when he looks so tired. Mrs. Wooden—Well, I should think he might look tired; he sat up all night thinking what he’d say. The Way with Women. Mrs. Greyneck—Oh, I’m so tired! I’ve been shopping all day long. Mr. Grey neck—l suppose you spent the ten I gave you this morning. Mrs. Greyneck—Every penny of it. Mr. Greyneck—What did you get? Mrs. Greyneck—Oh, I didn’t get a thing, it all went for car fares. i Rather Cruel. 1 Miss Freshly—Anything new up in the country to-day, Farmer Green? Farmer Green—Wai, yes’m. They be a sayin’ that the hog cholera’s cornin’ ’long our way. •Miss F.—My! I don’t wonder you look worried. Knew His Own CaUber. Sappy—l say, Chappy; I’ve wather got the ideah that I nevah could be an actah, dontcher know. Chappy—What’s the weason, deah boy? Sappy—Why, old fellah, dontcher see, there’s a wtil£‘ I’Ve wead someweah that weads, “think twice befoah yomahet.” That would whin me; it’s moah than a fellah can do now to think wunth, and. I should justexpiah jf I -had "to think twice, ba Jove!

This is a dog. Has the poor dog the mumps? Oh, no; he has not the mumps. He only tackled a man with a wooden leg; that’s all. Knowledge Is Wealthy £ Druggist—“ You might have charged man two dollars fpr filling that prescription. Why did you put pnee at twenty-flVe cents?" understands D®tfo.*v Tba-Grwwlng in California.:. ’ Experiments in growing the tea plant are being tried in Southern •California. Making It Realistic. Quester —I wonder where Shakspeare got the idea reflected in the sentence, “When graveyards yawn." Based altogether on superstition, I imagine? ‘ Jester —Perhaps, although I can believe such a thing possible to be brought about? Quester —How? Jester—By having Dominie Prolicks visit any one of them and preach a funeral sermon. After a Day’s Shopping. Mr. Stinter (examining some accounts on desk) —I think I prefer the courting to the wedded day’s. Then there was alternate billing and cooing; now it seems to be about all “billing.” Doubly Defined. Tommy—What is a “running account?” Pa says it’s an account merchants have to keep of customers that are in the habit of running away from paying their bills. Uncle—That’s one definition of it. Tommy—ls there another? Uncle—Yes. A running account is, in some instances, an account that gets tired out running after a while, and then it becomes a standing obligation. Accounted For. Gotleft —You say our party is in bad odor with the public. How do yotr account for it? Sageman Easily enough. Yon have a chronic habit of handling dead issues. An Experienced Burglar. Young Burglar—“ These spoons ain’t silver. They are the cheapest kind o’ imitation.” Old,Burglar—“That’s lucky.” “Lucky?” “Yep, Take’em along.” “What f er?” “The leddy of the house will be afeared to set the detectives arter us, lest they should find them spoons an’ describe ’em in th’ papers. "-—Street & Smith’s Good News. —I The Pessimist’. View. An optimist is not an .optician, though both look at the world a great deal through glasses.—The Jewelers’ Circular. ' '*** k ■ ’ w;,,: : . r j J£, yj Z When Merchants Have No Money. Mr. Valfse—iWill you allow me to sell Busteed & Co.? Principal—They failed recently. Mr. Valise —But they settled at 100 percent. . Principal—Then they can’t have any money. You haa better avoid them.—-The Jewelers’ Circular.