Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 November 1891 — THE SKELETON IN THE CLOSET. [ARTICLE]

THE SKELETON IN THE CLOSET.

The protectionists heve been catching it a year past for the monstrosities of their gre t Exclusion Bill. They feel the censure is just, and apologize by saying that they did not shut out everything. Just look at the articles we left on the free list, they say. A glance in this direction shows that the claim is good and perhaps we have been too severe on our pootection friends who are actuat -d by a patriotic desire to make us all rich by curtailing reckless trading with foreign countries. Among the articles they left on the free list are those valuable commodities known to the trade as bladders, acorns, salted guts, skeletons, sDakes’ eggs and sausage skin.-. It must be a mighty hard-hearted free-trader who c in read this without feeling a pang of gratitude that they are allowed to come in without tax.— Every man must have a skeleton in his closet, in fact no family can get along without it,and therefore with commendable foresight Mr. McKinley provided for a cheap foreign supply when the domestic article runs out. But if we are grate* ful for the dry bones, what must must be the sertiment of tba. ks in the bosom of every sausage lover when he finds that the skin which encases this toothsome tid—bid is left free as air. The old ladies|who “put up sausage” for win ter use by molding it in skins and hanging them in gay festoons over the rafters, will never cease io pray for the wise statesmen who threw no obstructions in the way of getting them cheap. Some may be disposed to sneer at the item of acorns, holding that the woods are

full of them, I m it must be remembered that every season is not a good mast year and the acorn crop mav go back on us. Then it w-11 be mighty 1 andy to have access to English oaks and Canadian chestnuts to eke out our scanty supply. While roasting these as a relief from roasting tariffites, the mind may contemplate, in its fullness the jength and breadth of that massive statesmanship that did not cruelly wrest from us the nutritious nut. Then there comes bladders potent reminders of our youth when we used to pop ’em before Christmas. All thanks for bladders emblems of Republican statesman ship, gentle hints of spell-binding oratory when the partisan stumpsucker is loading himself with sweet wind to be used at secondi hand in stuffing the voter. Blad- * de 8 we must have , though|they , come high, but under benign legislation they come low, costing little more than the quills used to blow them up. All hail, the e - fore, to bladder statesmen and bladder statesmanship, may they flourish and grow larger until they burst spontaneously like the frog in ttm fabl when his atmospheric contents exceeded the strength of his integument. This country, teeming as it does with the production of almost everything, is lamentably deficient in one thing. We are short on snake, eggs It is true i-hat some varieties of our reptiles lay eggs but they are very hard to find and they don’t make very satisfactory omelette. Most of our snakes are viviparous, producing their species without the Intermediate agency of eggs . So they can’t be re’ied on to supply ** hungry demand. Just when the snageteggs are most wanted the markets are apt to be bare of that Jtimaiatifig oemwodity. Thus it

comes to pass that we have to go abroad for our reptiles and their product. Great would be the hardship were any barriers thrown in the way, or a cruel tax be placed between us and the desired repti . lian deposit. When the soul was panting for the solace of snakeeggs, it would have ,o go hungry. When the children cried for sna eeggs they couldn’t get them. The good house-wife would have no snake-eggs foi soup seasoning Hero’s where the good McKiulev steps in and saves us. Other things may be made scarce by revenue exigencies but may his tongue be tied ard nib gall-blads der “busted” if he ever allows his beloved country to suffer for snake-eggs.—LaFayette Journal. The consciousness of having a remedy at hand for croup, pneumonia, sore throat t and sudden colds, is very consoling to a parent. With a t ottle of Ayer’s Cherry Pectoral in the house, one feels, in such cases, a sense of security nothing else can give.