Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 November 1891 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMO»? O,JS SAYINGS AND DOinc3 AND THERE. \ jrotre. »nd Jok.’eD that Ar » Bnppo»«<| to Mir. Bean Recentl/ porn- Soy In*, end Doing, that Are Ou£ Cm-ioug and Laughable, .. \ Left Town. Messenger Boy (in Chicago)—ls 1 thin 11/. Calumet’s house? Well, the tailor sent me around with this coat to have him try it on. Servant—Mr. Calumet is not in the city. “When will he be back?” “I don’t know. He’s gone up on the roof.”—Clothier and Furnisher. It Had a Twofold Result. Invalid—The corner druggist said if I got my medicine from him there would be a double result. Friend—l guess he spoke the truth, for after buying it you would make an exit from his store, and after taking it you would make an exit from the earth.—Pharmaceutical Era. Eminently Practical. Ethel (impetuously)—You are like an iceberg! Why can’t you be loverlike, and indulge in billing and cooing? Edward (a } T oung theatrical manager) —It is not in my line. I have a man engaged to do the billing in every town, and my advanced agents do the cooing.—Pittsburg Bulletin. A Drawback. “Did the editor of the United Magazine accept your poem?” “Yes. I signed Whittier’s name to it, and it went like a hot cake. There was one disappointment in it, though. I believe Whittier got paid for it. 1 know I didn’t.”—New York Sun. A SaturaJ Inference. Willie—Do you like milk, Mr. Staylate?' • 1 *> Staylate—Not particularly, my little man; why do you ask? Willie —Sister says you never leave until the cows come home.—Exchange. Dreadful Possibilities. Fair visitor—Dearest friend, what is the matter? Mfs. Knewliwed (sobbing)—This mum—mum—morning I made some lul—lovely cake. “Well?” “And dear John ate a great lot, and gave a little piece Jo the kitten before he went to his train.” “Well?” “And the kick—kick —kitten has just died, and the telephone has been ringing like mad!”—Pittsburg Bulletin, Two «f • Kind. lie- Do you wish, madam, to driveme frantic, to render me absolutely beside myself? She—Why not? The sight of you beside yourself would be a rather curious study, so suggestive of—of— He—Well, of what, madam? She—Of a pair of donkeys.—Pittsburg Bulletih. A Boston Comparison. “Ain’t they like each other?” said the fond mother, as she admiringly com'.emplated her twins. “Yes,” said the Boston lady; “they are as like each other as two beans. —Cape Cod Item. Herod Thwarted. FirsUjanitor—Poor McGinnis! He swore, you know, when he took charge of his flats there’d never be any children in them. Second ditto—Goodi for him, too. You don’t mean to say, though, that he’s departed from this rule and' let anyin? First janitor—No, but there were twins born on the fourth floor yesterday. All Evidence of Taste. A St. Antoine street mother came sniffing into the house the other morning where her youthful son was enjoying himself in his own way. “Johnnie,” she called, “are you smoking a cigarette?” “No’m,” he answered from behind the curtains as he threw something out of the window. “Yes, you are, too; I smell it.” “No’m, I ajn’t,” he insisted. “It was only a cigar stump I found in the gutter. ” “Oh,” she said, apparently much relieved, “I beg your pardon; but don’t you ever let me catch you smoking a cigarette. Do you hear me?” “Yes’m,” and Johnnie went out and restored the stump to its previous position. -/Detroit Free Press.

Mrs. Dewson—Pelham, our pastor lias composed a little poem on patience. Shall I fix you up, a little in. bed? Mr. Dewson —Is he going to read it? 1 Mrs. Dewson —Yes, dear. Mr. Dewson—Just pull; the comforter over my head, will you? I think I fed a draft. —Judge.