Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 October 1891 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curious, and Uanghablo Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent AVord Artists oi . Our Own Day. A Strong Case. Judge, in Boston court—On what grounds do you apply for this divorce? Mr. Beacon Hill—On the ground, your honor, of extreme cruelty and neglect. Judge—Has the defendant anything to say? Mrs. Beacon Hill (nee Harlem)— Your Honor, the only point of difference that ever arose 1 . t ween us was this: Hfe wanted beans for breakfast seven times a week, and I thought six times was enough. Judge—And you refused to let him have them the seventh? Mrs. Beacon Hill—Yes, your Honor. Judge—The Court grants the divorce, and cannot refrain from expressing its surprise that the application was not made before.—Boston, Courier. Force of Habit. “It is astonishing how a habit becomes fixed on a man,” remarked an electric-car conductor. “Now what have you caught?” “The driver, this morning, started out to the car with his stool and whip. He was informed that the stool was barred by the rules. He turned around and said: ‘Well, lam going to have the whip anyhow.’ The boys laughed at the idea of a driver undertaking to use a whip on lightning.”—Columbus Dispatch. Anxious to Know. “Now, you never smell the odor of liquor on my breath,” said the young clergyman, expostulating with Staggers for his bibulous propensities. “No; what do you do for it?” asked Staggers, with deep interest.—Epoch. One of the Two. In the woods: Dolan (holding hand to nose) —Murther! Murther! But phat’s ailin’ the cloimate! Is itmortifoyin’, Oi wonther? Woodman—Why, you greenhorn, don’t you know a skunk when you smell one? Dolan—Muslia, but it’s a skoonk, is it, that’s makin’ the atmyshpere so conslipickyous? Well, now, it’s mes’lf as do be sayin’ it, that aither me nose Is igzageratin’ the sittywation or the gintleman sadly neglicts his brith. The Universal Help. Employer—“ Jerry, you ought to know better than to put that box on that shelf, where no one can reach it.” Jerry—“Do you wish to get it down?" Employer—“ Yes. ” Jerry (who is slightly impertinent) —“Advertise.”—Jeweler’s Circular. A Great Shine. Br’er Johnsing—“My boy, Abe Linkum done take a great shine to yo’ girl, Mathy.” Br’er Sami’s—“Whatfo’ you say dat? How yo’ know?” Br’er Johnsing—“He done take her a box of French blacking, yah, yah, yah, niggar.”—Lake Shore News. The Secret Was Safe. • “Why did you talk French to Ethel last night?” “Because I had something to impart to her that I wished no one else to know.” “But there was a French lady sitting close behind you.” “Yes, but I have since discovered that she didn’t understand a word we said.”—Cape Cod Item. They Always Do. Bjinks—Have you heard of Bj ones’ great loss? Bjenks—No; what was it? Bjinks—Why, he lost a game of croquet yesterday and then he lost his temper.—Somerville Journal.

A Case of Dire Necessity. Mrs. Kingley—l see your church is going to send away your minister for three months. Isn’t that a long time? Mrs. Bingo—Yes. But we need the rest.—Life. A Hard World. “This is a pretty hard world.” “It is. I wonder who first used that phrase?” “Vulcan, probably, when he dropped on it and broke his leg, after being hustled out of heaven.”—Cape Cod Item. Wantod It Himself. Miss Summit (at the seaside)-—Mr. Travers, I do hope you will be at the hop to-night. We are short of gentlemen. Travers—But you forget that I came unprepared. I have no dress suit. Miss Summit—Why not telegraph to your room mate? Travers (sadly)—That would be useless. He is going to a dance himself. —Clothier and Furnisher. , Tli© Secret of Tenderness. At the hotel hop: Ella (of Pittsburg)—Have you ever been in our city, Mr. Henderson? Harry Henderson, Esq. (fond of tho good things of life) —I*have. I can recall this by*the fact that I had there the best and tenderest steak I ever ate. Ella (proudly)—Yes, wc know how to live in Pittsburg. Harry H.—Decidedly; and how to act. The waiter at the Hotel accounted for the steak by saying that the house enjoyed the use of the steam hammer in the big iron mill in the next block.—Pittsburg Bulletin. Ethel—Wbv are you always kicking because I have other aimirors ? George— t h, if yon want to make a syndicate of yourself, I don’t object