Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 36, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 September 1891 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. Jokes and Joke'ets that Are Supposed to Bare Been Recently Born- Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable. Tlie Ingenuousness of Tonth. “Maud,” he asked, as the carriage entered the shadowy lane, “Maud, are you sure you—you never had any man’s arm about your waist, as mine is?” “No, George, I never did,” she murmured; “I never, never did! Why?” “Oh, nothing,” he replied, “only I wondered whether it was instinct or experience that made you take the reins from my hand just as soon as we reached this secluded spot!”— Boston News. Hie Even Tenor of Her Way. Organist—Miss Jones, allow me to introduce our new tenor, Mr. Highsee. Miss Jones —Delighted to meet you. Miss I.’s father (later) —What kept you so long at church to-night? Miss J.—l was so interested in a *' new him, which our organist was trying, that I never noticed the time passing.—Brooklyn Eagle. A Test of .Love. Madge—l'd give a good deal to know whether Will Wishlets is In love with me or not. Millicent—l’ll tell you how you can find out. “How?” “The next evening you expect him to call wear your' newsbirt and -ask him to tie your spur-in-hand for you; if he makes a perfect knot at the first attempt you can make up your mihd he has nothing more than a brotherly Interest in you.”—Brooklyn E^gle.

f They ;Cpuljl See Enraged Customer (rushing wildly into the drug store) —Say, this scalp lotion has taken all the hair out of my head. I’ve a great mind to sue you for damages. Druggist (coolly)—You couldn’t collect damages, my dear sir, for I have witnesses to prove that I simply told you the lotion would preserve your scalp, and any jury could see plainly that youV scalp is all there.— Pharm'abefitical Era. 1 *-9 * ft ? y. When Lot# Grew Cold. Singleton—l’m sorry to hear that you have trouble with your wife. What’s thq matter?^ Beneiictr—lt’s her cutting- way of talking. She says the most cutting, ironical things to me on every occasion." Never misses a chance to 6pring«Bomething sarcastic. It’s dr^aflfu!/1 tell- yob'. 1 ' “Wsk you beforeCyou wore married to leafn of the tra*s” -• . .jib :.- F “O, T Jo did, biit_ I"'took it for wit then.”-£Boston News. Excitement Out West. Editor Dugout City (Kan.) Boom-er—-Hello! What’s the matter? Assistant (wildly)—Our railroad reporter at Chicago telegraphs that an Eastern man boarded the westbound train there with a ticket for Dugout City, and he heard the man say something about buying a lot. Editor (excitedly)—Stop the press and get out an extra! We’ll have the town wild. Another big beat on the sickly sheet over the way.—Street & Smith’s Good News. Off the Banks of Newfoundland.

Captain—Aren’t you on deck rather early this morning, Sir William? Sir William—l fabncied, don’t you know, that as we skirted along the coast I might get a glahnce at Niag’ra.—Puck.

Enlightenment. Tommy (to new arrival) —Are you Mr. Boose? The Guest—No, my boy. That’s not my name. Why? Tommy—’Cause, when sister looked out the window and saw you coming, she said, “O! the Boose!”—Pittsburg Bulletin. Got Discouraged. Rural Host—That’s a real purty pictur’. Painted it yerself, didn’t ye? Artist—Yes. Host—Been paintin’ pictur’s all y’r life? * • Artist—Well, n-o. Tie fact is, that when a young man I first handled a brush as a sign painter. Host—Wall, it’s too bad you got discouraged so soon. Judgin’ by that pictur’ you’d made a fust-class sign painter if y’d only kep* at it.—Street & Smith’s Good News.