Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 35, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 September 1891 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESSMany Odd, Curious, and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Emlnont Word Artists ol Our Own Day. Its Etymology. “I wonder how Chautauqua got its name?” observed Mrs. Snaggs. “It comes very naturally from the character of the place,” replied Snaggs. “How is that?” “Well, there’s social conversation there, and lectures, and a lake.” “Still I don’t see the connection.” “Don’t you? It’s a combination of chat and talk and aqua.”— Pittsburg Telegraph. Not Much of a Trick. A Philadelphia surgeon says that by three strokes of the lancet he could paralyze the nerves acted on to make a man get mad, and thereafter any one could pull his nose, cuff his ears and spit on his boots, and he would simply smile a soft, bland smile. Pshaw! Any butcher could, with one stroke of, a lancet, so paralyze a man that all the abuse in the world would not even cause him to >pen an eye. Black Sheep Dwell In Every Fold. She Oh, yes. I quite believe there’s a simpleton in every family. Don’t you? He —Well—er—my opinion’s rather oiased. You see I’m the only membet of our family.— Boston Budget. Keeping an Eye on the Till. Assistant —I’m told that our funny paragraphs about Vassar are hurting the institution. Editor —In that case we had better look out, or the chewing gum manuwill withdraw their ads.— — The Choice*! Morsel. Mrs. Pert—We had an elegant supper at the sewing society. (Mr. Pert—What did you relish most?” '“Oh, wo dissected a watermelon.” '“ls that all? I thought probably fqu had dissected at least a halfiozen of the neighbors!” “You’re just too hateful I”—Harrisburg Telegram. Profitable Athletics.

Old Houlihan—“And it’s an athletic club yure afther wantin’ to join, is it?”Young Houlihan—“Yls, sor; for company and exercise.” Old Houlihan—“Company and exsreise, indade? Jlst take one of me jhpare hods on yure shoulder to-mor-row marnin’, an’ Oi’ll bring yez to a lob where yez’ll find plinty av both!” —Judge. • Wanted. Young men who will court for business only. Old men who know when their courting days are over. Young women who can understand that a ten-a-week beau can’t supply ten-a-day luxuries. Old women who will mind their awn business. Dudes to understand their utter uselessness. Bores to forget our address.— Lima Times.

An Amended Amende-Honorable. Due de Montmorenci Monsieur Barton, what you has said of me in ze club has cast a slur upon ze illustrious name I bear. Will Monsieur apologize? Mr. Barton (nonchalantly) Oh, certainly. In speaking as I did nothing was further from my intention than to cast a slur upon an honored name Due de Montmorenci —Your hand, Monsieur. . Mr. Barton (shaking hands) —I considered that as an alias, you know.— Puck. Width Necessary. Laura—How do you like my new dress? Jennie—The sleeves are absurdly full. “That’s done in self-defense.” “What do you mean?” “That dreadful, absurd Tommy Knoodle calls every other evening, and I must have somewhere to laugh in.” Pittsburg Bulletin. Politics Explained. She—Charley, I don’t quite understand this political talk. He (drawing closer) —Well, when I put my arm around your waist that’s protection. I steal a kiss and you recover it, that’s free trade. “And if I let you keep it and take one from you, that’s reciprocity?”