Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 September 1891 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOINGS HERE AND THERE. JTekes Md Joks'ets that Ara Snpposed to Hava Ba.n Recently Bom- Sayings and Doings that Ara Odd, Curious and Laughable. A Severe Test. Neighbor—How do you like your aew. neighbors? Little Girl—Mamma says they is awful nice people, real polite, an' Christian. "Has she called?” "No, but we’ve sent in to borrow a lozen diff’rent things, an’ they didn’t mce say they was just out.” He Was the Wrong Maa. Patient—What kept you away so ,ong, Dpetor? I’ve wailed for you for ive hours. Country Doctor—Why, the fact is my -wife was busy curing hams and needed my assistance. Patient —She ought to have called ither help if she wanted ’em cured, and £ll tell her so.— Pharmaceutical Era.

Looking Citi ward The Western magistrate —You are aharged, sir, with killing six of our oldest and most respected citizens. What have you to say ? Prisoner—They were all of ’em rich aid penny-grabbers wot was leavin’ the best buildin’ sites in town lie idle,waitis’ fer a higher price. “Well?" “Well, your Honor, I belong to the village improvement society.” rt DWtanee Jby )Te Jium. Cousin Phil—What made you tell me Mrs. Jenkins lived twenty minutes from Fenno’s ceruer? You led me a 'ong walk for nothing. You’d have been more correct to have Said three. Ethel—ls that So?'1 am sorry. But, you see, I walked the distance only once, and then is’company with young Dr. Tomkins, who balked medicine all the way.— Pharmaceutical Era. Hli Weakness. “Who made you?” asked the Sunday schoolteacher 6t a youth from Pell “I don’t know,” was the reply. “Well, God made you,” said the teacher. “That so ?” replied the boy. “I b’lieve I’ve heard that before, but I’m dike me old man—never was no good at rememberin’ names.”—Drake’s Magazine. 4 ' tTwo L’oys. Little Daughter—Ofi, mamma, didn’t you say Dick musn’t go with that neighbor’s boy ?/. Mamma—indeed I did. “Well, he’s with him behind the barn smoking cigarettes.” “Horrors! Is that dirtyJaced boy teaching Dick to smoke cigarettes ?* “No’m. o Dink’s teachin’ him.” Vastly Different. Mrs. Hicks’ Mother—John, what kind of treatment do ySh call it for you to yell “Sicker; Tige,” .when your poor mother-indaw falls into the .water and is in danger of drowning? - Hicks (after reflection)—l didn’t yell “Sicker, Tige;” I yelled “Succor, Tige.” • 2"' ~ |

Extweemly Clevah. j First Chappie—Oh, my deah boy ; he I he! he I I have jou now. Why was Balaam an astronomer? He! he! Second Chappie— Give it up, muh deah boy. First Chappie—Why, because he found—hei hbPhei—an ass to roid, don’t' yuh' know; he! he! he I—Smith, Gray & Co.'s Monthly. The Beason Why. “Your letters do not seem so bright and interesting as they used to be,” she wrote, reproachfully, to her young man, and the young man mused softly to himself: “That’s strange; they used to be perfectly satisfactory to the other girl.”— Somerville Journal. Ths Bags Bxplained. Hardnut—Liston to this, pard. Here’s a fashion note says “there is e rage for souvenir spoons.” Lightfinger—That’s official, by Jove I and the rage sets in just after we’ve been an’tapped the silver pantry, eh, old boy?— Yonkers Gazette. To Ba Won Together. Mrs. Bangle—l notice by the newspapersthat bhnd-painted shirt fronts are coming in for men. Bangle—Wouldn’t they go well with custard pie decorated picnic trousers ? —Chronicle Telegraph. A Model Husband. Puffley—l pride myself that I am a model husband. Grayneck—ln what respect ? Puffley—Well, I know that nothing gives my wife so much pleasure as to do things for me, so I let her do everything for me. Drew the Line. Miss Smilax—-I like to waltz with you, Mr. Wooden; but why don’t you ever reverse? Wooden Well, I have reverses enough in my business without bringing them into my pfe&ures. A Traction Car. Quidnunc—What’s the matter with this car? This is the third time it’s got off the track. . Smartly—Why," this is one of those track-shun Cars. > They Will Not Touch Castor Oil. No sort of bird,- beast, or creeping thing will touch a castor-oil plant. It seems to be a rank poison to all the animal world Even a goat will starve before biting off a leaf, and a horse will sniff atdt and turn up his upper lip as though it had the most detestable odor.oti the face .of the earth. .Army worms aad the locusts will pass it by, though they may pther green thing in. right, and there is no surer way to drivemoles away from a lawn thari to plaht' a few castor beans hare and there. Even the tobacco worm will refuse to be fed on its leaves. There, is hardly another instance in natural history of a plant being so universally detested by the animal world.— Globe-Democrat.