Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 September 1891 — Page 4 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

The Presbyterian census shows 806,J 96 members of the church. Yet one heretic can make more noise than the Entire congregation. The steamer Teutonic broke the transatlantic record again. That record is now getting broken about as frequently as the pledge. Mr, Melbourne’s rain machine is so utterly a failure that people down in Ohio are said to have ceased laying money by for a rainy day. The new microbe that has been discovered on greenbacks and nationalbank notes is far from being the only parasite that lives on the public money. A town in New York- State has disbanded its police force as being superfluous and idle. Was there no politics there to furnish the coppers with employment ? If the hungry people over the water will learn more about corn, the hog, and Boston beans, they can pad in many vacant spots where the wheat and rye fail to fill. Lightning struck a church down South, and knocked down fifteen good people, while the wicked fellows out in the shed playing cards were not touched. It happened so. Missouri comes to the front with an •enormous, mop of hickorynuts this year, and there is no reason why the editors of Missouri newspapers should not fatten up considerably before next .spring. The statement seems incredible that Japan has 2,000 newspapers. A quarter of a century ago they hardly knew what a paper was. They are the brightest people of their complexion to be found anywhere.

They say that out in South Dakota men who are familiar with the local customs always stop in at the court clerk’s office on their way to dinner to see if their wives have procured a divorce since breakfast.

Mrs. Stagg’s biggest-on-record tarpon has been mounted and will be exhibited at the World’s Fair. Do the tarpon fishermen propose thus to permit a woman to carry off the honors in eight of the nations of the earth? 'The heading of an item in a recent Boston paper is “Ben Butler Alive and Kicking.” Of course, the latter part of the heading was entirely unnecessary. Ben will always be picking until Death gets him by the collar. The porter of the Grand Pacific Hotel in Chicago has retired with a fortune of SIOO,OOO, accumulated from tips given to him by guests of the house. The men who contributed it are still struggling to keep the wolf from the door. 1 Now that most of the nations of the 'earth are sending out expeditions in search of the north pole, it may not be wholly impertinent to inquire what they are going to do with it when they find it. Doubtless it would come handy in knocking down persimmons, but wouldn’t it be cheaper to shake the tree? Another decrease of fifty cents a pound in the price of aluminum is announced, and another step is • taken toward the aluminium age when our boats which do not navigate the air go with the speed of railroad trains •on the water, and when moth and rust ’will not corrupt so promptly as in the past. There have been a half dozen attempts, within a couple of decades, to 'expatriate the negroes to Africa, and somebody is reviving the old chestnut. The theory is well enough, but practically the scheme will not work. The negro does not want to go, and nobody would put up the pile to send him if he did.

A number of doctors at New York have been baffied in an effort to find a nail swallowed by an infant, and have •cut the little one up considerably in their search. In a’l cases of this kind a woman doctor should be employed. Such a one would at once give the child a hammer to swallow and thus •drive out the foreign substance. Some of our political economists ask ■*Do we want Cuba?” Certainly'we do. Of course wb would rather 'have Hayti, for they have more revolutions to the minute there, but Cuba ♦has enough to make a very enjoyable •merry-go-round for such of us as don’t -wish to go too fast, a:d we’d better ttake it and get it in good order before the World’s Fair opens. The pugilists who did not fight at •St. Paul recently have begun writing (letters to each other, and the Governor •of Minnesota is now harassed by doubt as to whether he would not have contributed more to the cause of humanity H>y letting the fight go on. The gladiators in that event might have nearly mui dered each other, but as it is they ■will quite murder the English language. Imagination goes a long way in reniexing people’s ailments. A lady in Detroit has for the last six months reg•nlated the air of her room by a glass transom. When the room was too -dose, she opened the transom to admit