Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 September 1891 — HUMOR OF THE WEEK. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR OF THE WEEK.

STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Many Odd, Curiom, and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Portrayed by Eminent Word Artists of Oar Own Day. Na itical “We’ve done pretty well this season,” said the captain of the stonehooker, Saucy Susan, to his crew, as the gallant vessel breasted the stormy ripples of the bay. “Not so bad,” said the crew, as he proceeded to belay the larboard binnacle. “Now reef the foretop halliards—and let go the main taffraul.” “Ay, ay, sir,” responded the crew, with alacrity. “We’ve made pretty well outen the old Saucy Susan, hev me and you, an* she’s a tidy craft yit, an good fer a few years longer,” remarked the captain. “That reminds me,” said the crew, pausing in his work to borrow a fresh chew of tobacco from the captain. “Why is you an’ me like silversmiths of the goddess Diana, which you might have read on ?” “Damflno.” “Cause, yer see, by this craft we has our livin’. ” “Huh!” said the captain, “guess you better quit sailin’ an’ go inter the nigger minstrel business. You’re gettin’ altogether too smart.” And then they proceeded to splice the main brace.— Grip. Got There. Editor—“ That young Mr. Colgrad we took on as a reporter is going to make a hustler.” - - Assistant—“ Has he distinguished himself already ?” Editor—“l sent him out to get interviews with some Indians; he couldn’t find any, but he brought in a mighty interesting talk with a feather-duster man.” — Lake Shore News. Her Price. Husband—“ When the tailor, comes for that suit of mine to-be mended, I want you to let him have it.” Wife—“ But I should think you would let me mend them. ' It is so much cheaper.” it isn’t. The last time you mended my clothes it cost me £SO for a new dress for you.”— Clothier and Furnisher.

Patriotic Expatriation. Briton—ls you are such a rampant American. I should think you would remain where Americans are most appreciated. American —I do —in London and Farm.— Kate Field's Washington. Cota'seientibhs.' '

Mrs. Nuclos—Why do you always appear in your worst gown when going out with me, Bridget ? Bridget—Sure, I’m always afraid the people moight mistake me fer th* mistress if I wore me foine driss— Puck. An Urgent Case. Small boy—Mother’s sick this mornin’, an’ she sent this note. Doctor (readingnote)—“Please come at once, Doctor, as I have a bad spell of disspepshier.” Well, yes, I should say she had—a very bad spell. John, bring the buggy round right away.— Grip A Al ean Trick. “What’s the row over at the museum ?” “A fake dentist sold the fire-eater a set of celluloid teeth. ” — Puck. Why lie Needel It. “Why do you ask for time on this little account?” asked a Pittsburg merchant of Shivvers. “I thought if you gave me enough time I wou;d be able to pay it,” replied Shivvers, “for time is money. ”—Pittsburg Telegraph. Didn't Seem to Please Anyb dy. Brown—Lord Roebuck, allow me to introduce to you Mr. Robinson, one of New York’s best-known imitators of the British nobility. Robinson—Mr. Brown, you shall tnswer to me for this! Lord Roebuck—And after that I should like to call Mr. Brown out myself.—Kate Fields Washington. A Trade Secret. > ■ “Uncle Rastus,” said the Judge, severely, “how did you get those chickens?” “Judge,” cried the prisoner, “yo* wouldn’t have me gib up mali trade secret, would yo’, Jedge.”— Truth. Howard Colemak, a farmer’s boy, of Little Britain, Lancaster County, Pa., caught in a steel muskrat trap recently, it is reported, a fine fish of the bass species which on measurement was found tp IsZl3» inches long and one pound six ounces in weight. The creek had risen during the night and the water flowed over the trap. Numerous-desertions from the army are alarming the Italian government. The causes are arrears in pay and poor food. According to the latest accounts from Russia work on the proposed Siberian railroad is to begin this year.