Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 August 1891 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN.! [ARTICLE]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.!

HUMOROUS SAYINGS ANO DO- 1 INGS HERE AND THERE. gokea and Joke'et* that Ara Supposed to Have Boon Recently Born- Sayings and Doings that Are Odd, Curious and Laughable. The Reason of It Queater —I wonder why it is that a man is heavier when he is in liquor than when he is sober ? Jester— That is easily explained.' It’s because he’s “half shot * Acquitting iTovidence. Quester —You know Shrimper, don’t you? That chap that’s made himself so conspicuous in town affairs of late. Jester—Oh, yes. Very well, indeed,' Quester —He claims to be a selfmade man. I Jester—Good! I’m glad to be able, on his owq testimony, to relieve Providence of the odium of having made such a mistake. . Rot II Faut Emersonia Dorchester Olivinia Holmes is not the recherche girl I thought she was. Rbssellina Waldo—What has occurred? Emersonia Dorchester—l noticed today she was wearing her winter spectacles.—Jewelers’ Circular. Sueh a Trifle. Wooden—Mamie, if you will not marry ma, I shall certainly lose my mindMamie—Well, I don’t believe' it would be noticed. Ha Remembered. Wife—Do you re member, Henry, what the sermon was about this morning? HuflLand-r-I should say so.,i It was about forty minutes too long. • i r ' ■>_ . Hardly a bpH. Mrs. Pry—Does bathing suit you, Miss Dazzler? J Miss Dazzler—l think so, but ma ways there’s hardly ebough of it to call it cftsuit. ' ■ •• An Economical Parky. Gabe Snodgrass recently applied to the Reverend Baxter,’ of the Austin Blue Light Tabernacle, for some pecuniarv assistance. “1 jess can’t do hit,* replied Parson Baxter; “I h’as to s’port my pore old mudder.* “But your pore ole mudder says yer don’t ,do nuffln for her.* i “Well, den, es I don’t do nuffln for my pore old mudder, what’s de use on an outsider like you trying to make me shell out?"— Texas Sitings. / “You Write Illegibly, Str.” 1 A Yale student recently handed in a paper to his professor and was surprised to have lt returned with a note Scrawled on the margin. He studied it diligently, but was unable to cipher the note, and so he brought his paper back to the professor. “I can’t quite make out what this is, if you please," said the student “That, or," said the professor “why, that says: l ’I cannot read your handwriting.* “You write illegibly, sir.*— Springfield Republican.

Didn't Meet Them. Mrs. Hayseed—“ Did ye see any o' them sharpers in the city ?” Mr. Hayseed—“ Not a one, Miranda, not a one. But I met some old friends I never expected to see again. Do ye remember old Mr. Bigcrop ? Well, I met a son of his. Thought both those boys was dead an’ lyin’ out there in the cemetery; but this one said he was ‘snatched by grave robbers, and just as they was sellm’ his body to a medical college he came to. Good enough fer a book, Miranda, good enough fer a book, and I told him he ought to write it, and he said he would, and he’d dedicate the book to me as his father’s old friend. There’s one <jueer thing, Miranda. This man’s hair is black, while the Bigcrop boys had red hair, but he said it turned black from fright. He’s way up in society, Miranda, and introduced me to young men named Vanderbilt, and Astor, and Gould, and Drexel, and ever so many mure. I tell you, Mirandy, these young fellers spend 1 Some bills fer cigars and things came in while we was talking, hundreds o’ dollars worth, an’they whipped out the cash like, a breeze.' One of ’em happened to run short, and so I lent him all I had, but he said he’d send it by express to-morrow. I tell you what, Mirauda, a smart man like me is just as safe in the city as in the country.” A Special Revival. Mr. Friendly—Parson Limberlip, you are complaining of dull times at your church; don’t you think a revival would help things? Parson L. —Ve’y much, Jedgel Hit’d rimerdy de case in a jiffy, pervided, sab, hit’s de right sorter revivum. De kin* dai chu’ch wants am a revivum er de ekschecker, an’ how she gwine to git it while de signin’ lights er de sinergogue am wastin’ deir supstance at de waterin’ places ? Tell yo’ what it are, genterman, es de keeps on in dis scan’lous way, hit won’ be nowaterin’place deyll lan* up wid in de nex worl’, ! deed it won’.