Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 31, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 21 August 1891 — OUR BUDGET OF FUN. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

OUR BUDGET OF FUN.

HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DOi INGS HERE AND THERE. I « Jokes and Joke’ets that Are Supposed uj Hare Been Recently Horn—Sayings and] Doings that Are Odd, Curio ns and] Laughable. Too Emphatic. , . “Good morning, Parson Limberlip! How did your congregation like the: minister who preached for you yester-j 'day ?" ! “Dey tell me, sah, dat he war charge’! | ter de muzzle wid gospel fao’s an’ dat; he war flush wid de parts er speech, 'but dat his intellecturum faculties iwuz sorter handicap’ by dat wooden! laig he merniperlated his gestur’s wid.! Yer see, de noddin’ ’gredien’s of my! fol’ hain’t ’onstomed ter bein’ rousted 1 outer deir Sabbeday dreams eb’y now an’ den’ wid a racket dat sonn’ like a, mernagerie let loose iner lumber yard, an’ if he war gwine ter be chronic wid' dat flock, an’.spresserfy his fervorum. wid dat wooden un’erstan’in’ dey’d sist on his w'arin oner deze yere boxin’ 1 gloves or a poultice on de hickory ’jint, ’deed dey would.” - . ... i The Shad Sea-on. Waiter—l expect you to pay in ad- 1 vance. | Gnest—What do you mean, sir? Waiter—No offense, sir, whatever; but the last gentleman who ate shad here got a bone in his throat and died without paying, and the boss took it out of my wages. At the Smiths .nian.

MoCanly-—Oh, gay, Dan; hadn’t yez better oheok yer face? Yer mout break somethin’ wid it. ! - i A Fine Send OIK Gotnix—-Well, I’ve jnst asked old Cashbox! if I could marry his daughter. Wooden—What did he say ? Gotnix—Oft, he promised me a fine send off. Wooden—A house on Commonwealth avenue and a place in his office, I suppose? Gotnix —Well, no; he said if I ever oame to see him again he’d throw me down the elevator shaft. Preposterous. Gay—-I feel like a Hew man to-day j Bnget—Do you? Glad to hear it., Perhaps you can see your way clear toi pay that little biU ? Gay—Fm a new man, I told you., You can’t expect me to assume the liabilities' of the old concern.— Boston Transcript. She Wasn't Surprised. “Yonr husband is not looking well, to-night, Mrs. Bhymer.” “He isn’t, and I’m not surprised at it.” “No? Has he been overworking himself?” “It isn’t that so much; it’s his originality. Why, that man is struck by] so many original ideas that his mind must be one mass of bruises. Looking. Ahead. “Young man,” said the stem father, “do you realize that my daughter is in the habit of wearing dresses that cost all the way from SSU to SIOO ?” “I do,” replied the young man firmly, “and sir,” he continued, an exultant ring in his voice, “it was only the other night that we took an account of stock and found that she had enough of them to last three years ahead.”— Cloak Review. Always Beady. “Did the plumber come down to inspect the pipes this morning ?* "Yes.” “What did he say?” “He said there was nothing the matter, but he could very soon remedy that.”— New York Sun. The Font of Knowledge. Mr. De Science—The officers of the Smithsonian Institution are having thej chatter of monkeys phonographed, in, the hope that their language may be understood, and ifc may be possible toi converse with them. Mrs. De Science—lsn’t that grand? l I hope they’ll ask the monkeys the very first thing whether we are descended from them or not.— New York Weekly. So Much tho Cotter for Her. A gentleman and hie wife, the latter with a 6-months-old infant in her arms, were about to enter the Austin Opera House to see the performance one night, when the doorkeeper suddenly said: “Beg pardon, madam, but you can’t' take infants inside 1” “Very well,” said the lady, “so much the better for me You just take care; of the little fellow till the play is over i -and, by the way, there’s a milk-bot-tle in case he should cry.”— Texas Siftings.

Or the 11,000,000 square miles oi Africa only 2,500.000 remain in tbs hands of the native rulers. _ .. I- —— ■■ .Midi#

A head of Julius Caesar.— Life.