Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 July 1891 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

HUMOR.

'Tw*» His Hl*. It happened at Springfield. Scene barber shop. Victim (to barber) —Is this your establishment ? “No, only half of it is mine." "So you have a partner?” “The man at the next chair owns the other half." “Why doa’t you own his share?” “That’s my business.” “Well, if you own one-half and the other half's your business, why don’t you own the shop?” —Boston Commercial Bulletin. S trletty Pure. Customer—This ground coffee, you say, is perfectly pure ?” Salesman —Perfectly, ma’am. Customer —Then how does it happen that yon sell it cheaper than the unground coffee? Salesman—Er—ma’am—er Coat-Shedding Time. Little Dot —Mamma, please give me a whole lot of moth paper. Mamma—What for? Little Dot —To pack my Kitty away. Her fur is all cornin’ off. —Street d> Smith’s Good News. A Cool Suggestion.

Checkley Spatis—Dear me! I weally don’t know what to do this summer to occupy my mind! Sally De Witt—Why don’t you take a trip to the Antartio Ocean ? There’s absolutely nothing going on there.— Fuck. •

It Wou d Seem So. “My salary has been raised,” said he, “and I think I am in a position now where I oah safely ask you to name the day.” “It would look that way to any one who could see us,” said the blushing maiden seated on his knee.—lndianapolis Journal. The Old Man Was a Little Off. “John, pass the cream,” said a man to his son at the breakfast table in a West Side boarding house. “There is none,” mildly suggested the youth. “What!” roared the parental parent. “There ain’t a droi>.” “Young man, hand over that milk pitcher or I’ll knock the whole top of your head off!” exclaimed the irate paternal parent. , “Easy now, old man; you’ve giyen me too many lessons in lying to try and palm off West Side milk i for cream. Don’t forget yourself, pa, and remember, if you can, just where we’re boarding.” —Kentuvkj Journal. Charilo l*lu\ed the Gaine. “Charlie isn’t at home just now.” said young Mrs. Tocker to a neighbor who had dropped in to spend the evening. “He said he was goiDg dowA to the club for a little freezo-out. I don’t know exactly what that is, but, I’m glad if he can find any cooling bqverage during this awful weather.”— Washington Post.

Ted’* I’rayer.

A neighbor’s family received news the other day of the arrival of a new cousin to be added to the group of two little cousins in a distant town. At night, when little Ted came to say his prayers, feeling like throwing the mantle of his blessing over all bis connections, he prayed something as follows: “Oh, Dod, pens bress Dot. and Bessie, and—and—de odder kid.”—Waterbury American.. KntaiCaUilug Heading. Farmer,—That was a stavin’ paper you got out last week. County editor—lam glad to hear that you were pleased with it. Farmer—Them stories you had in about them fellers bein’ cured of longstandtn’ diseases were the entertaiuingist bits of news Fve read for a long time. —The Humorint. True Economy. De Jinks—Where d’ye get that suit? Finchy—At Waste’s. De Jinks—Then you paid two prices for it, my boy. Finchy—Oh, no, I didn’t. De Jinks—Well, you paid more than it was worth. Finchy—Nixy! Fact is, I haven’t paid for it at all.— Munaey’s Weekly.

It Wasn’t Pok-r. One of the powers—You are accused of poker-playing, Hastings—Yes. You see, my friend and I sat down for a quiet little game O. P. (growing interested)—Yes. Hastings—And he opened a pot for $1 * O. P. (growing more interested)— Ye 3. Hastings—Well, I went in and drew five cards. O. P. (more and more interested) — Yes. Hastings—l caught a pair of deuces; he bet $5, and I called. O. P.—On a pair of deuces? Hastings—Yes. O. P.—The accusation is withdrawn; that wasn’t poker.— Harvard Lampoon. Adding I mult to Injury, While conversing with Miss Esmeralda Longcoffin, an old maid of Houston, Texas, she asked a young man in a bantering tone: “How old do you really think I am ?" “About thirty,” he replied. ‘‘ You are joking,” said Miss Longcoffin, indignantly. “Well,” said tne wret6h. looking at her more critically, “you can’t be much older than thirty‘five or forty." —lexas Hi/ling i.