Democratic Sentinel, Volume 15, Number 25, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 July 1891 — HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

HUMOR.

Banctaff to tho Station. Y esterday forenoon a hand-organ man stopped the wheels on which music was mounted in South street, near the Pavonia Ferry, and started off with the lively air of “The Girl I Left Behind Me.” He hadn’t ground out over half a dozen bars when a small man with a new straw hat on his head and his dungaree trousers stuffed into his bootlegs, stepped out from the crowd, flung his hat down and began to shuffle. “Here, you quit that!” called a policeman, as the crowd began to laugh. “No law agin dancing in the State of New York, and I know it,” replied the man. “First two couple forward and back! Forward again and salute! Next two couple forward and back! Forward again and !” “You must stop!” interrupted the officer. “All balance to partners! Partners swing! Swing with the girl behind you! Hi! Whoop! Hoe ’er down, boys!” “Stop, I say!” called the officer. Two head couple lead up to the right! Ladies change! Half-jyome-nade! Balance all to partners, and swing with the gal behind vou! Hi! Hi! Let ’er flicker!” "I shall have to arrost you!” said the officer, a 3 he seized the man by the arm. “Arrest and be hanged! Side couples lead up! Ladies change! Halfpromenade ! Balance to corners, and swing with the gal ” “Come along!” said the officer, as he pulled him away. , “Am I arrested ?” “You are!”

“For flopping my hoofs around to that glorious old tune ?” “Yes.” “ Well, all right—shoot away; but I’ll bust the law if it takes me a week and costs me $37.” And the crowd cheered him and declared the officer had no soul.— New York World. Th- y Art Different. “They are an awfully patient people in this town,” he was saving to au acquaintance in a Park Bc/w car. “In what respect?” queried the other. “Why, I’ve been on these horse-cars fifty times when a team got in the way and bothered ’em half to death. I expected to see the driver heave a brickbat, but he always took it as easy as grease.” “Yes; I’ve seen the same thing.” “Do you suppose we’d stand that in our town? Not much! Why, I was on the ’bus going over to the depot the other day when we met Hank Johnston leadin’ his red cow to the river. “ ‘Git off the face of the globe!’ hollered Bill Haynes, the driver. “ I won’t!’ says Hank. “With that, Bill put the horses and wagon light at him. The cow was mocßed into Joe Turner’s hedge fence, with her neck broke, and Hank got so mixed up with the off fore-wheel that lie had to have four doctors to piece him together.”— M. Quad. They Put the B ISefore the A. We live in a cultured age. And learning is largely the rage, Yet nine out of ten Meet an obstacle when They tackle the little word “gauge.” A New Milton. “Where are those parodies I h anded you the other day ?” he inquired of the editor. “There,” responded the editor pointing to the waste-basket. “Ah,” he smiled, “I didn’t know before that I was the author of ‘Parodies Lost,’ ” and the editor embraced him to his throbbing bosom with a wild, hysteric laugh,- -Washington /Star. How Ho Wanted Hi* Steak. WQ The waiter came back to the table for the third time. “Will you have vour steak plain, sir?” he asked. “That’s what I said ten minutes ago. ” “Yes, sir. Have it w r ell done?” “That’s what I told you.” “Yes, sir. All right, sir. Have it extra thick?” “That was my order.” “All right, sir.” Then as the waiter started to go the customer straightened up and called him back. “You forgot one thing,” he said. “Yes, sir.” “I’ll also have it served.” “What, sir?” “O, that’s all right, I know the ?laee. You have good meats here. ou have them rare, medium, and well done; you have them tender; you have them plain and with trimmings; but it’s only about once in three hours that yon have them served, aDd I’m particular to have mine that way. Now go ahead.” He got his order in three minutes.

An Important Meeting. Mr, De Cash—Very sorry, my dear; but I cannot accompany you to-day. I must attend a meeting of the Board of Directors of the Happy-Go-Lucky National Bank. Mrs. De Cash—What have you to do with that institution ? “I am one of the Board of Directn ors. “You never attended a meeting of the board before, and I don’t see why you should break up my programme for that to-day.* “But, my dear, this meeting is important. It is to find out how our cashier managed to steal $500,000 without our knowing it.* —New York Weekly. A Child of Fortune. “You remember little Dickey who ran away from the field at Bull Bun ?” “Yes, very well.* “I understood yesterday that he came into about$10,0()0 a year"” “Well, you know fortune favors the brave.” —Rochester Post-Express. Still Hjg Own. “I proposed to Marie last night,” said Maw-son. “Well, were you self-possessed?" asked Davidson. “Yes,* replied Mason, sadly, “I am atilL* —New York Herald.